There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?! 2.5 mile run done this morning. WTF? Wasn’t so hard? Wasn’t so hard?!? Wasn’t so fucking hard? My black puppy is mocking me. It was hideously hard. It was only 2.5 miles and I completed it with run/walk intervals and slowly. Here’s how it went (in my head):

1. Setting off from home, turn left downhill, feels pretty good. Yep, we can do this, this is fine
2. First walk break, secretly quite please we’re at the first walk break
3. Bit more downhill, turn right, have-to-go-up-hill-now-can’t-really-breathe
4. Walk break, love walk breaks
5. bit more up the hill – come-on-just-a-bit-more
6. downhill section, breathe, breathe, breathe
7. walk, yay, walk
8. run past the sheep, wave at the sheep but focus, keep focused, shit can’t breathe
9. when’s the walk break?
10. Not yet
11. Surely now? Yes now
12. Breathe, oh shit I’m going to have to run uphill in a minute, walk fast, can’t, no seriously walk faster or you’ll have to run all the hill, fuck, walk
13. Hill, don’t like this hill but after this it’s steep downhill. I hate downhill. I might fall, run faster to get to the top so you can walk down.
14. Come on you Dopey
15. Nearly at the top, nearly at the top – nearly-at-the-top. Yay walk break
16. It’s called walk break, not collapse in a heap break – keep moving
17. Oh ok I have to run down, ok, steady, slowly, yay I’m down
18. Plod plod plod plod – don’t mind this. Wish I could breathe though
19. Walk break – come on walk faster to get down the nasty steep bit
20. Time to start running but I’m going to walk the steep bit
21. Ok I’m down, flat to home now. You’re Dopey, you can do this
22. Left turn onto the canal, find a rhythm (fuck off), no really, it will help (oh shut up)
23. Found a rhythm, picked up the pace, this is hard but ok
24. I wonder if there are any kingfishers about? Or a heron? I’d like to see a heron
25. Oh walk break, ok
26. And another 2 minute run, it’s two minutes, I can do two minutes. Is it over yet? It must be! Hello lungs, please stop burning
27. Yay walk
28. Hm, I might be able to run to the end from here. I can see the point at which i’ll be able to see the bridge and if I can see the bridge I can run to it. Maybe
29. Run. Ok, I feel pretty good. Count, that’ll pass the time…counting to 105… what comes after 105? I’m lost, where was I? start again! ok 91… That’s not starting again, silly, ok but I like 91.
30. Look the bridge. Look the bridge. Look the bridge. Look the bridge!
31. Why isn’t the bridge getting closer (because you’re not running fast enough!)
32. I’m at the bridge. Lungs, legs, everything, please stop screaming at me.

So the puppy may sit an mock but it’s got to do so from outside because this moomin butt is moving and even though it was sort of hideous and most certainly horrible, I loved it