Bitchy Calf Muscles and the Virtual Berlin Wall Challenge

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I had to rethink my Berlin Wall Challenge. Hmph. Silly calf muscle. I think it is probably getting better now but it was pretty painful for a good few days. I tried to go for a walk a couple of times but going up even the slights slope hurt. Cycling was pain free but I didn’t want to cycle, I wanted to run. But anyway, I want to complete the challenge this month because I have other plans for June!

I have counted walking and biking – not that this has got me all that far – I still have about 30km to go over the next week. But anyway, where am I? Well I think last time I had just gone past the piece of the Wall outside the Museum Treptow. I called it the first piece I passed but actually I missed a whole stretch that runs along side the lovely A113. You can see where exactly and also some good pictures on the Mauerspuren website here. Eventually the challenge route left the A113 and I must have magically jumped from the motorway across to a footpath along a canal the name of which I looked up and have forgotten again. Then, not long after that I turned right along another bit of canal. About halfway along the stretch I did along that canal, I will have passed the monument to the last victim of the Wall Chris Gueffroy. He was shot dead on the 5th February 1989 trying to cross into West Berlin. Just think about that for a second. 1989.

A little after that I will have crossed the canal and headed left. Mauerspuren tells me there are more bits of Wall to be seen and as I make my way through this residential (I think) area, there are also concrete posts to which barbed wire will have been attached. If I ventured off the main route a little I would be able to see another bit of Wall that is outside the townhall in Treptow. A little further along you can see a series of stone slabs marking the border as well as the street lighting that would have illuminated the border zone. After more bits of Wall I will have turned left and then right to find myself on Harzer Strasse, which is where I currently am with this view.

From the challenge itself you wouldn’t know about the bits of wall or other left overs from the physical border. You wouldn’t know about the monument along the canal. In fact, so far I have had one ‘postcard’ which tells me Berlin is a thriving City of 3.8 million people and gives a very superficial account of Germany being divided into East and West after World War 2. In fact you’d get a sense of the Wall and the Death strip that was nomansland as something vaguely Hollywood. The postcard talks of daring escapes. I’m not keen on the positioning and writing in this. It feels glamourised and the point sort of missed.

I also unlocked a ‘Local Spot’ which tells me that Kreuzberg has transformed itself from a cheap (read undesirable) neighbourhood in the shadow of the Berlin Wall into one of the trendiest places in Berlin. That might be true and I really don’t know enough about the different Berlin districts. It seems to miss the point of Kreuzberg as somewhere that has always had a reputation for difference, migration, art, punk and while some of the arty reputation appears to remain I wonder how gentrified it has become. Maybe one to look at when we next go to Berlin. I read somewhere (may have been Wikipedia when I was first looking for more information) that it now has the youngest population of any of the districts. I do know that the Jewish Museum is on Kreuzberg and that it is an area with a relatively high concentration of Stolpersteine – 10cm square cobble stones topped with brass plates which commemorate victims of the Nazi regime and are placed outside the last residence or workplace of the person the memorial is for.

Obviously I am going to finish the challenge but I am wondering whether real place challenges are for me. I am irritated by the lack of any real historical markers or detail on this route. And just as I found the jumps between locations discombobulating on the Cuba challenge, I am not quite sure why we are only doing 48km for this one. It suited me for the time period I wanted (even though things have now changed because of the calf niggle) but the Berlin Wall was 155km. I suppose not everyone wants to do that distance but it seems to me that it wouldn’t be too hard to highlight a section of about the length of the challenge I am doing and be explicit about the fact that it is a section and have some rationale as to why that section has been chosen. I don’t know – might just be me and my grumpy old woman ways and maybe it just really doesn’t matter, it’s just a running/walking challenge – but I am concerned about a whole load of people now thinking the Wall was 48km long and generally having a skewed view of Berlin history (newsflash, 48km wouldn’t make a big area if you had to wall all the way round it and if you just have a line, people can go round it!).

Anyway, I have also done other stuff – yesterday I did an absolutely disastrous FTP test on the bike. Functioning Threshold Pace or whatever FTP stands for. As soon as it good a little hard, I got in my head and panicked about my calf and then it all fell apart. I’ll try again next week. Today I went to the gym early and it was all good. I put some weights up even though I haven’t been for a little bit and it felt like a productive session. I halved the weight on calf raises and that was ok and the only thing I couldn’t do was the leg curl because the bar sat right on my bruised shin. I’d forgotten about that bruise until I tried that and swore. I might bike later, I might not. It’s hot. I am only blogging now because it’s something to do indoors to cool down.

Happy Bank Holiday Monday.

FFS

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That’s really all I have to say. I felt good about week 2 of the plan. I felt good about having bought the next virtual challenge (Berlin Wall) and was ready to start. I had done run one. It was all looking, well, good. And then on Thursday when I was going to do run 2 in the afternoon, I whacked my right shin and top of my foot on the edge of a raised bed trying to water some just planted mange tout. Yes gardening is dangerous. It really hurt. It sort of derailed my afternoon in the way small things that are not really a big deal at all sometimes can. I didn’t run. I told myself it didn’t matter because I could still get my two runs in easily by running Friday and Sunday. Friday came and we set off to Bolton Abbey. The beauty of a week off is that we can run in places that are often busy at the weekends during the week and avoid crowds. I set off with a 5 minute walk. Everything felt ok, no niggles. I then went into my run/walk intervals. Everything still felt ok. I wasn’t really settling into my breathing so it felt a little more laboured than it really needed to be but nothing at all to cause concern. At about 0.7 miles I felt my left calf go a little tight. It was right at the end of a running interval and it disappeared through the walk break so I didn’t think anything of it. I started the next run interval, ran for about 15 seconds and then swore loudly as my left calf screamed at me. I hopped dramatically on my right leg for a couple of hops, swore some more and then tentatively put my left foot down. I shifted my weight onto it, that seemed fine. But walking – nope. I hobbled back to the car, stopping along the way to take pictures and try not to be too grumpy. So much for running consistently and so much for my virtual Berlin Wall Challenge.

I iced and heated the calf muscle and felt sorry for myself for the rest of Friday. Saturday I worked an Applicant Visit Day and after setting up the classroom and courtroom was in quite a lot of pain in spite of painkillers. In the afternoon, we watched football and then sorted some photos and by the time I went to bed it perhaps didn’t feel quite so sore. I woke up this morning and there was no pain as I sat up and did a little body scan. I got up. I could feel some tightness but no pain. I can walk normally without pain. There is tightness and if I step backwards or at a funny angle there is a bit of pain but nothing like yesterday. I am obviously not going to risk running just yet but I did just sit on the bike and pedal for a minute and there is no pain through that motion – so I will get on the bike this afternoon and just do some sort of flat loop.

I need to think about my challenge though. I wanted to do this all running but I don’t think that will happen now. I could extend the time but I wanted to drop into the virtual Spine Race Sprint after the Berlin Wall so need to finish this month. I think maybe what I will do is upload today’s cycle manually and see how things go next week. If the challenges are about consistency and getting out then this is also sort of working – my default position with an injury is often to just to nothing, this is making me think about what I CAN do instead if I can’t run . So maybe counting a short ride is ok.

Anyway, the Challenge. I have set off from the starting point on the Conqueror App map which seems to be a random spot on the Waltersdorfer Chaussee on the wall route in-between two points of interest noted on the website Mauerspuren (German only – for an English interactive map see here). From there I have made my way 2.43km along the route onto the absolutely awe inspiring (not) A113 which has the most spectacular views (not). If you want to learn more about the Wall, the website of the Berlin Wall Foundation isn’t a bad place to start.

It’s now a nap and a cat cuddle later and I have been on the bike. Just 5km, just to check that there is no pain while riding and that it doesn’t make it worse. It was fine, nothing hurts and it was a positive 12 minutes or so to get the blood pumping a little. I have uploaded it to the challenge. That’s the good news, the bad news is that I am still on the A113 (virtually obviously) – the third picture above is where I am now. I have gone past the first piece of the wall which sits outside the Museum Treptow. Not that you would know that from the challenge because it doesn’t have these things marked on it and it doesn’t come up in the narrative. So below is the screenshot from the Mauerspuren website linked above. I have now received my first challenge ‘postcard’ which just gives a pretty basic history.

So let’s see what tomorrow brings and go from there.

Week 1 of Plan and Cuba Virtual Challenge Done

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It will come as no surprise to those of you who know me that the challenge went right down to the wire. I could of course have changed the finish date on the app – that seems like a thing people do but somehow that didn’t seem right. So I went into the last two days with about 28km still to do. The only answer was to use the bike. On Saturday I had a little virtual pedal round London – nice and flat and about 13ish km. And on Sunday I did another 13ish km on Watopia – another fairly flat route. I actually enjoyed the rides. I didn’t really push, I just sort of pootled around really. I still can’t quite get over how much of a puddle I turn into on the bike even when I don’t feel like I am working that hard. Why? Anyway, I finished the bike with just under 2km left to do. I deliberately finished short on the bike – for two reasons. First, I still had a run to do on the Week 1 Plan. If I had finished the challenge on the bike, I might have decided that doing so was enough and it really didn’t matter if I didn’t do my third run. But I do want to run more consistently so I needed to do my third run. Second, I started the challenge to help with consistency and when I started it I knew I would use the bike a bit but it was mostly about running so somehow finishing on a run was important to me. And it worked, I got out for the run, I enjoyed it and am still feeling a little smug about biking and running yesterday. The run was good – I did got mostly downhill but actually the running segments felt a little less clunky that they have, not quite fluid but certainly better.

Doing big chunks of the challenge at once means there were some big jumps though. I sort of bypassed Viñales almost completely and landed in Havana without fanfare or even gentle introduction. That’s ok though – I still spent time looking back at photos.

Viñales
Viñales
Viñales

Can we talk about pineapples for a second – I had never given much thought to how they grow but if you had asked me, my answer would not have reflected reality. They do not grow from trees. I don’t know why I assumed they would. I also always assumed I wasn’t that keen on pineapple but freshly harvested pineapple – game changer. We went to Viñales towards the end of the trip, sort of on our way back to Havana. It was a hot day. The pineapple stop was welcome for a brief moment in the shade of a hut and the sweetest juiciest pineapple I have ever had. We bought some coffee beans from the farmer, too. Cuba is where I learned to drink my coffee black. Initially the coffee always tasted fairly awful – we were putting milk in it. But quickly we noticed that most Cubans were not so we tried the coffee without milk and it was so much better. I never went back to adding milk after we got home and I also turned into a proper coffee snob. Of course we also saw the traditional methods of growing and drying tobacco and rolling cigars. I do remember at this point being utterly fed up with a couple of people in our group. I remember a very posh woman from Kensington (yes, Kensington, never just London) who still wasn’t quite sure whether or not our tour guide was joking in his response to her question after a stop at a church: ‘What happened to all the nuns’ when he said ‘We killed them all in the revolution’. She’d pissed me off at one of the dinners by complaining that more dishes were needed. There was plenty of food but the family had only recently started the business so there were literally no more dishes – just one big rice bowl that kept being re-filled. All that was required was a tiny tiny smidge of patience. She didn’t seem to understand and went on about the need for education to lift the country out of poverty… I had given up trying to argue but I was irritated that even after nearly 2 weeks in Cuba she still didn’t really get it. I think I was pretty rude to her.

Anyway, It was hot. We stopped briefly to watch a local baseball game. I had always associated baseball with the US and was interested to hear more about it as a popular sport in Cuba. Then it was back on the bus and onwards. So then, Havana. I have photos from the start and end of the trip. I have really happy memories of Havana. I remember it as a city full of life and kindness. I remember warm sun, sea, impressive buildings and nature reclaiming old falling down ones – just one of the many contradictions and juxtaposition the country, but Havana in particular offered. I remember impressive home made wiring and makeshift repairs, I remember people wanting to chat, people proud of their city and wanting to share. I remember feeling welcomed. Kath and I explored a fair bit both before we met the rest of the tour group and then in the free time in the afternoon/evening. I don’t really know what to say about it now. I am sure my memories are the sort of memories you have of an overall really special holiday. They are coloured by the passage of time and mediated through things that have happened since. What remains is a feeling more so than the recall of specific events. And it is that feeling and the sense of the place, the fact that through connections and the wonderful ways of the universe, that trip, Cuba, will always be special, that makes me feel current events so deeply. Since I last wrote, US Congress has warned the Orange One to rule out a takeover but there are no real signs that things are getting better any time soon. And if they are not getting better, then they are getting worse for Cubans.

Havana
Havana Panorama 2
Havana 2
Havana

So anyway, yeah, this was a running blog wasn’t it… So the question is, did the virtual challenge help me at all. Well I think the answer is yes. It made me get out and start, then it made me keep going and do something. It made me get my backside out and finish it. Without the challenge I would undoubtedly have moved less. I am a bit irritated by the big random jumps from place to place – but I guess that makes sense – if you don’t do that, you can’t cover the key spots in 70ish miles. It just feels a bit discombobulating. Maybe for real places, I want real distances. I think it helped that I chose Cuba – it was something I wanted to take time to think about, to look back on, to learn more and the Challenge and this blog alongside it also provided some space to do that and to feel all the stuff that comes with it. Anyway, once the challenge has finished you just click a button to claim your medal, confirm address and that’s it. Mine arrived really quickly and it’s lovely. You can also do challenges without getting the medal at the end. And maybe that is a sensible way forward – although for now I continue to be a medal whore. I want the brain tingles of holding the physical thing.

As soon as I finished that challenge I started thinking about whether I wanted to do another one. I deliberately didn’t do it immediately – it’s easy to rush in and get caught up in the excitement. I wanted to think about why I would do it. What would I hope to achieve. I thought about it and I think it is currently a good way of cajoling my brain along this running journey. I need action. I am not motivated at all but I also know that motivation follows action so it will come as long as I can get my arse out. So the plan is this: Berlin Wall 30 mile challenge starting tomorrow and to be completed by the end of May with running only. No bike in this one (that reminds me, I need to change the automatic upload to the challenge). It’s very doable but given recent form, it’s also a real challenge… and I might even share some Berlin pictures from our trips.

Oh and I did the first run of week 2 today. The run was fine. The dash for the toilet at the end could have gone either way but thankfully my dignity is intact.

I have a plan

Jess GuthLeave a comment
Santa Clara 10

Sort of – and only for running, not to change the world sadly. So yesterday I wrote about my inability to make decisions when it comes to running. I can’t even decide on a training plan. Brains can be funny things, can’t they. A plan would definitely help me get out and tick things off the list because having a plan means fewer decisions need to be made at the point of running or while running, that’s good. However, deciding on a plan is still a decision that needs making. And I just somehow didn’t want to engage with making that decision. So Kath made it for me. She came up with a plan that is based on time on feet and not distance. It’s essentially a half marathon plan and it is very gentle. It has no set miles in at all. It is all about time. I was skeptical. How do I tick off the miles when there are no miles on the plan. How do I know I can run far enough? But I had been procrastinating about not running for a while already and I needed something to kick me out the door so why not try. It didn’t solve the problem about where to run but Kath gave me a suggestion for that, too. I didn’t like the suggestions so said I would go a different way – there you go, sometimes I just need to be told what to do so I can decide to not do that and do something else instead.

So the plan for week one is to walk 5 minutes, then do 12 minutes of run/walk intervals and walk for 10 minutes. The original plan had the intervals at 30 seconds walk and 90 seconds walk 6 times but that seemed too easy. Instead I did 12 x 30/30. It was fine. I also walked for slightly longer at the end just to get home. The run was fine. Not as easy as I would like to pretend but absolutely doable. My brain liked this plan. It was more like the bike where I don’t have to make decisions. Of course I still had to decide to start running again at the relevant beep but because I knew I was doing 12 runs, it was just about ticking them off. The goal was not the distance, the goal was to tick off 12 thirty second runs. When I have a distance goal, it is much easier for my brain to justify inserting an additional walk because as long as I cover the distance, that’s fine. Distance based plans seem to make it easier for my brain to give in and not do hard much more easily than wen I have x number of runs to complete. So yeah, this might work for a bit – at least until my brain comes up with some way to cheat this system.

I have now also moved along the Challenge a little. I have left Cienfuegos and have arrived at the edge of Santa Clara. I remember Santa Clara better than most of the other places we visited apart from maybe Havana. And I think this must be because of how I felt, the conversations we had and a sense of being able to touch history. We stopped at the scene where an armoured train was derailed marking a significant victory for the rebels. I don’t really have any good photos of the scene other than the bulldozer that was used in the derailment.

Santa Clara
Santa Clara
Santa Clara 5

Later we headed for the Che Guevara Mausoleum which is an odd place. It’s so full of concrete and the statue of Che is slightly ridiculous in size. The weight of history rests heavy there. I don’t remember what items we saw in the museum, I remember the feeling coming out of the mausoleum, I remember the sense of almost touchable history – after all Che’s remains were only moved there in 1997 and I think the most recent internments took place in 2000. It’s an evocative place. I remember it was one of the few places our tour guide didn’t joke around and be silly. It was the only place I ever heard or saw him get sharp with some of our fellow travellers who seemed incapable of being quiet for a few minutes to pay their respects or at least let others do so. There is something about the place which commands, not respect exactly, but emotion. I remember feeling a little heavy as I got back on the bus but also grateful to have been able to see this place, bow my head and give a nod to the eternal flame. I am almost certainly getting days muddled so this may be a false memory but actually looking at the photos I think I am right, that evening, a few of us stayed up much later than the others and sat talking, perhaps a little more openly and earnestly that we had previously about all sorts of things. I don’t think it was just the bottle of Santiago Rum we shared, I think it was also something about that little group of people who, after the rest of the pretty annoying group had gone to bed, felt a shared sense of history and wanted to understand, learn and sit with it all for a bit. It wasn’t the sort of day you just ended by simply going to bed. I look back at the day now and I struggle to know what to think. Cuban politics is complicated and I don’t know nearly enough to write about this. In the meantime the US continues to threaten Cuba, the blockades continue and people suffer. And for what exactly? I am grateful I had that day in Santa Clara where I could stretch out my hand and touch history. It’s a day that reminds me to sit with the heaviness, to sit with discomfort and contradictions, to accept that life and with it politics is complicated and contested and to pause to think about what is worth fighting for and what I am prepared to be complicit in.

Challenge paused while I get my shit together

Jess Guth1 Comment

…come on we all know that I am not actually ever going to get my shit together! I massively jumped ahead in my virtual challenge by including a couple of Zwift rides. I made a good start with running and then a good start with the Dynamic Runner April 2 week challenge before getting derailed again. Our friend came to stay for the weekend. Well from Friday morning to Sunday morning. We’d all taken Friday off work so went for a lovely long walk at Bolton Abbey. On Saturday I had to work (Open Day) and then it was somehow Wednesday before I did anything exercise-y again and that was only a little walk. And then it was today. Yesterday I was so tired I basically got up late, did a few bits in the garden with Kath, had lunch, fell asleep for most of the afternoon, had tea, watched some tv, went to bed.

Today I woke up feeling a little better, less dazed and confused. After breakfast I did some yoga and after pottering about a little I did day 5 of the April challenge (hello glutes). There is something about running though. I want to. I mean I want to get back to the running fitness where I can just pop out for a quick 5km and it not really be a thing. To get there I need to get out consistently and I want to but… so I am spending some time doing yoga and doing some strength work to figure out what that ‘but’ is all about. I think there are several things going on.

  1. Running means going out there – like where other people might be. I don’t feel hugely confident at the moment. I feel super unfit (because I am) and I just don’t want to deal with the feeling of being judged. This is all on me. I know very few people are judging, very few people would even notice me or pay me any attention at all. All of the other runners I see out and about either nod, ignore or say something encouraging. And even if people are judging, since when do I care? And when I stop to consider it, I don’t care. So it’s all weird.
  2. I can’t make decisions about running. I am struggling to decide where to run, what route to take. It feels like another decision, another thing to be a responsible adult about. I also can’t decide on a plan so therefore I can’t decide what sort of run I am doing and so I just don’t do anything. I should just pick a plan. I have a strong anti couch to 5km plan reaction at the moment. No idea what that’s about. I could go runDisney plan but that doesn’t tell me what intervals to run. I could just run completely by feel but then I might just walk and not push at all and I still have to decide where. I know, weird and stupid.
  3. I absolutely completely do not want to ‘jiggle’. That sensation at the moment is a hard no. I have that about running and also about HIIT. Anything that involves jiggling, I’m out. I have good sports bras, it’s not that. I look after my boobs quite well and make sure they have all the support they need – but I still just don’t want to jiggle. It’s not painful, it’s not even uncomfortable. It’s just jiggling. And jiggling is currently right up there with rolling around in nettles. So there’s that.
  4. Let’s talk about doing hard. I have been thinking about whether I am actually just in one of those phases where I just can’t or don’t want to do hard things. I think it probably is true that work is currently taking up a lot of emotional capacity for all sorts of reasons and that therefore I want easy outside of that. But I also think it is true that I want brain easy not physical easy. Anything that requires decision making feels impossible. The bike works well here because once I have decided on the programme (generally by picking the one recommended for me), I just get on the bike, do as I am told until the ride is done. No decisions needed. No questions about whether I could take an extra rest or cut the route short because the bike doesn’t give me a choice. I don’t have to think, I just do. Same thing for a yoga session or the dynamic runner workout or one of the Joe Wicks sessions. As long as there is no jiggling, there is no issue. Press play, do. I can’t always do all the exercises but my brain can cope with modifying a side plank or dropping to knees in a push up. What it can’t seem to cope with is deciding whether to turn left or right when I reach the end of our road.
Cienfuegos

So anyway, over the last week I have made zero progress on the challenge. So virtually I guess I am hanging out in Cienfuegos. That’s funny really because I don’t think we spent much time there at all on our trip. We left Havana on the morning of the 29th December 2010 and we stayed in the hotel on the outskirts of Trinidad that night. We stopped off several times along the way (and I’ll see if my virtual route takes me to some of those stop offs as I am going the other way). Thinking back to the trip, we took a slightly different route with different sights. While on the real trip we did some hiking in the Escambray Mountains, spent New Year’s Eve under the stars and had a dip in the pool under the Salto del Rocio waterfall located within Parque Guanayara; the virtual challenge headed for El Nicho waterfall. I assume because it is closer to the road between Trinidad and Cienfuegos and a more popular tourist spot (according to Google anyway). In a way it is a shame that the way I covered distance in the challenge meant I sort of hopped across from Trinidad to Cienfuegos almost missing the bits in-between. Because those couple of nights in the Escambray Mountains were really spectacular. They were also a bit meh because Kath inadvertently had orange and was poorly for New Year and had to do a good chunk of hiking feeling crap (she’s allergic). But it was stunning to be there and we were lucky to see a meteor shower which lit up the sky with shooting stars. I know sometimes it feels like the magic is struggling to cling on, work can seem pointless, people can be vile and stupid, the world is on fire and there is so much wrong that we feel powerless to fix but thinking back to evenings like those is a reminder that the magic is there. I am going to try and look for it more. I know that night is a long long time ago now but there is the same joy to be found in our sunrises and sunsets, the birds coming to our feeders, the deer we see on our runs and the hedgehogs busying themselves in our garden at night. It was there this morning when little Stormcat interrupted my yoga and came and curled up on me and purred.

So maybe it’s not about getting my shit together. Maybe it is just about noticing the magic, smiling and rolling with it. Just as long as there’s no jiggling, I’m ok with that.