Duck, Deer, Dipper and Dummies (ok, Bunnies)

April 19, 2026 Jess Guth1 Comment

Longest run/walk of the year today. Don’t get too excited, it was only 3.61 miles. I dropped Kath off on my way to Bolton Abbey so she could do a longer loop. I then headed for the Cavendish Pavilion car park, went to the loo and then set off. As I came out of the toilets I saw a load of people going the way I was initially planning on going so I changed my mind and set off on a backwards aqueduct loop. I made it over the bridge and just a little way along the path when I saw a guy with a scope pointing at something somewhere in or along the river Wharfe. I said good morning and then when I had basically gone past him he suddenly said: ‘Would you like to see a dipper chick?’ And oh my goodness yes, of course I wanted to see a dipper chick. The scope was trained right on it and the guys phone was attached to the view finder so I could see really easily on the screen (except I had to stand on my tip toes because that guy was tall and the phone screen high!). So now I have seen a dipper chick. A grey/brown bundle of chirpy fluff. I didn’t linger long. I didn’t want to intrude on his time with them. I thanked him for sharing and went on my way. So when I was sat in bed this morning not really wanting to get up… yeah, had I listened to that voice in my head, I would not have seen a dipper chick – possibly ever. Thank you 7.30am Jess for that kick up the butt and thank to random Bolton Abbey guy for sharing.

The running itself was hideous today. It was even harder than it has been and I had to walk basically anything that wasn’t flat or downhill. But it didn’t matter. Today wasn’t about getting from A to B as fast as possible. It wasn’t even really about running. It was just about being outside and remembering some of my why. The smell of the wild garlic drifted in and out. I think it was there all the way round but it came through really strongly in places and then faded into the background in others. The same is true for the hints of gentle blue from the bluebells. I saw chaffinches and blue, great and coal tits, a tree creeper and I heard rather than saw the little psychopaths of the bird world, wrens. I group of female pheasants ran across the path right in front of me. I assumed mum and 3 chicks because one was bigger and the other 3 were a chunk smaller but close to fully grown but that seems early for chicks to be that big? I saw happy dogs and friendly humans and as huffy and puffy as it might have been, it was still glorious. I stopped on the aqueduct to soak up the vitamin D and breathe a minute. Then I continued. Not long after that, as I was crawling up hill, I saw Kath bouncing towards me. We said a quick hello and continued on our respective loops. I was feeling it now. Just over 2 miles, hay fever hitting hard, knee being a bit bitchy… so of course negative thoughts about pace, and this isn’t really running, is it and it’s pointless started creeping in. Just as I had decided that 2 miles ish might be my limit and I would just not bother with trying to run more, a deer stepped out onto the path, looked at me, crossed and disappeared. It took me a little while to realise I had stopped moving and was holding my breath. I walked up to where it had crossed but I couldn’t see it. I told a couple walking in the opposite direction what I had seen and we exchanged pleasantries before moving on. Then I saw the deer again. Just ahead of me – back on the other side of the path. I followed slowly and eventually came along side it. I stood and watched for a minute and then carried on my way. I’d forgotten I was giving up on running and happily jogged down the hill.

Bolton Abbey’s Easter Trail was still on so I ran/walked my way from Bunny to Bunny for the last mile. My favourite one if probably witch bunny, closely followed by the mountain rescue bunny. I loved being out today. I am not a big fan of how hard it feels but overall, I do think I am still a fan of getting my butt out there.

Oh and yeah, the virtual challenge. Well today I was very happy to just be running where I am. As far as the challenge goes, I am still in Camaguey so I will pick up those particular memories next time.

Continuing the challenge, run/walk, stupid adverts and Cuba memories

April 18, 2026April 19, 2026 Jess GuthLeave a comment

For the first time this year I have managed to string 3 runs together in a week. Say it quietly so we don’t jinx it! The running itself is outrageously hard but it feels good. For the first time this year I ran in short sleeves and in spite of my hay fever settling in for the spring and summer now, the many shades of green and the blossom were gorgeous. I am very ploddy and I am trying not to be grumpy about it. I ran/walked 2 miles using 30/30 intervals. Then I walked another mile and a bit back home. And in spite of the recent Nike advert I am recording the entire 3.15 mile as a run on my spreadsheet – tolerate away Nike – you do you, I’ll do me. In case you didn’t see it, Nike used the phrase ‘Runners Welcome, Walkers Tolerated’ in their Boston Marathon ad. They have since withdrawn it following backlash. I am not really mad at the advert. I think it is idiotic to alienate a huge set of your potential customers but I don’t actually think that’s what will actually happen here. I am bemused that people are surprised that a company like Nike, or any other sports brand for that matter, would use that sort of advertising. I think calling them out is good, sure, but the internet outrage will have no impact. The only thing that would is if we stopped buying Nike gear and most of us won’t. I am pretty sure the ad did its job, we’re all talking about Nike, the backlash was undoubtedly anticipated, as was the withdrawal and apology. I mean think about this, marketing of sports clothing and shoes seems to me to all be about how that brand will make you fitter, faster, stronger, leaner (or, since the 90s seem to be back, skinnier). It’s about performance. It is not about comfortably being able to move your body in any way that feels right for you. It made me think about how difficult it is in my experience to find comfortable exercise clothes that fit well in my size. I’m a UK size 18ish – large yes but hardly whale size and certainly not unusual. There are a lot of sports brands that do not even make running tights or tops in my size. Others do but my choices are basically black tights or black tights. Anyway, I don’t want to rant. Let’s just say that if your brand doesn’t make anything bigger than a size 16, which comes up small and then call that XXXL, then you’re the problem. I did not fit into those items when I was very much marathon fit. So I get the outrage when sports brand imply that they are really for fit, fast, strong, skinny people but I don’t get the surprise. The whole industry has a problem with gatekeeping exercise and movement. Let’s just ignore that bullshit and get on with our lives. I ‘boycott’ most sports brands, not by choice, but because they don’t make anything in my size. Shoes are different of course but you’re not likely to find me trying on shoes from brands where I don’t fit in the clothes because I’d never go into a store and when I buy online, I stick to what I know.

Anyway, rant over. I am quite enjoying being part of the virtual challenge. I joined the Facebook Group. I am not sure why because we all know by now that most groups will just annoy me. I had a quick scan through and muted it. There seemed to be a lot of nonsense and some spectacularly stunning stupid and too much weight talk for my liking and people doing things that don’t make sense to me like signing up for multiple challenges at the same time and using the same runs/walks for them all. I am trying to be very ‘you do you’ about this and leave people to their thing but no. You cannot run (or walk or whatever) in one place physically and then transmit that to more than one virtual location. That’s cheating surely? But ok, you do you. I just don’t want to know about it. Anyway, here are a couple of screenshots from the App to give you a sense:

The first is the virtual bib you get when you register for the challenge. I like the colours on this one. The second is a shot from the map. The JG is where I am currently. The red marker is where I should be based on the time I set and distance of the challenge and the other markers note points at which I unlock a tree being planted (5 trees are planted for me completing this challenge – Conquerer Virtual Challenge partner with Veritree) or (not visible on this map) or local interests or local spots. At the bottom of that screenshot you can also see the percentage distance and time already covered. If you expand that you get details of those metrics. Below that is the main menu. The last picture is of my rewards page showing what I have ‘unlocked’ so far and how far it is to the next thing.

Those of you who read my last post and have a sense of Cuban geography might have noticed that I have jumped. I was intrigued to see how this would work because obviously 70 miles is not going to take me from Santiago de Cuba to Havana. I am too lazy to Google it but it must be 500 ish miles. So following my last run I was bang in the middle of Santiago on the Cuba map. It could have been on a tree like this – take in January 2011 and no idea what it looks like now.

At some point on today’s adventure I entered the portal and transported myself to the edge of Camaguey. Hm. Ok. That’s not what happened when we were actually in Cuba of course. In 2011we were coming the other way and before Santiago we were deep in the Sierra Maestra and hiked to Comandancia de La Plata. Stunning views and a sense of tangible history is what I remember from that day. I also remember wondering why some of the people on the trip had come to Cuba and on this particular trip as there seemed little or no interest in history and zero background knowledge. It’s not that I knew (or know) lots but I remember being taken aback by the ignorance of some and lack of curiosity in others. I probably had lots of questions but as usual, none would form fully until much later when the chance to ask them had passed. Sometimes that’s just how my brain works, it takes time to process and take it all in.

So for the purposes of my virtual journey, we have jumped a few 100km but it was a great excuse to defamiliarise myself with a map of Cuba and look through the photos from the trip to try and work out where we were when and what that means for the timeline and route of our trip. I might be wrong of course, I have a very unreliable memory but it doesn’t really matter. It’s nice to have those memories and to let them lead me to questions that might occupy my brain on my next run. Questions about revolutions, questions about change, questions about power, questions about what the world could and should look and feel like for all of us. You know, just the little things.

Cuba – Conqueror Virtual Challenge

April 15, 2026 Jess Guth2 Comments

As promised, here is some more detail about the virtual challenge I chose. There were a few I looked at. The Berlin Wall was tempting but short, there’s a Lord of the Rings one, an Avengers one… but the one that caught my eye was Cuba – a 70 ish mile virtual journey from Santiago to Havana. It caught my eye for several reasons. In 2011 Kath and I went to Cuba and the trip we did was sort of that route in reverse. I thought it would be a nice way to remember that adventure and reflect on how much things have changed and how much they are still the same. I thought having a tangible excuse to spend time with those memories would be nice. It also feels like I want Cuba in my thoughts at the moment. Our god daughter and her brother are half Cuban, one of our best friends is Cuban. I don’t know anywhere near enough about how things currently are in Cuba because there is so little news coverage that really provides any detail but it sounds horrendous. From the news I do see, little help seems to be getting through, blackouts continue as the energy crisis worsens, there are critical food shortages as well as a lack of medicines and basic necessities. Add earthquakes and hurricanes and a government responding badly and US sanctions making everything even more difficult and you have what the UN last week called a worsening humanitarian crisis. And I can do nothing really. What I can do is keep Cuba and the Cuban people in my thoughts. I can look for ways to support humanitarian efforts, I can keep developing legal curricula that focus on the importance of international law so that the next generations do better. I can keep thinking about what I can do. It’s almost nothing, it’s nowhere near enough and I absolutely realise that me doing the challenge is really just self indulgent crap. But for me it is also away to keep my privileged perfect life in perspective, to remember that when I can, I need to do something, however small and insignificant that something is. It has to be better than nothing. It has to.

So the challenge works using an App. In the App you have your profile where you find a list of your challenges (yes there are monsters who do more than one at once). You can add distances manually or you can connect your app of choice – I have connected Strava so I don’t have to remember to upload. You can count any sport where you cover distance and apparently you can also convert things like weight training or yoga – not sure how, not something I am interested in doing. The challenge itself basically opens on a map. In my case it popped me on the map on the edge of Santiago De Cuba and as I clock up my miles here in West Yorkshire, I move along the map in Santiago de Cuba. At certain points I unlock what are called rewards. First I got a postcard. A postcard appears to be a little essay about the place. Some history and local info. I haven’t fact checked it but nothing seemed obviously incorrect when I read it – perhaps just a bit sanitised for tourists. That’s how far I’d got after my first run on Monday.

Next I ‘unlocked’ a Local Spot – Castillo de San Pedro de la Roca. The App gives me a bit of information and some pictures – the pictures were instantly familiar. And here the reflections begin. By the time we got to Santiago De Cuba on our trip, Kath and I were pretty fed up with the stupidity of most of our tour group (why oh why did we think we could do group travel, we hate people) so when we got to the Castle we kept ourselves to ourselves and just people watched. Then we saw the quickest and most spectacular sunset I have ever seen. It makes sense when you know, but it had never occurred to me that sunsets vary in the time it takes for the sun to dip behind to horizon based on where you are in relation to the equator. So I am used to slow lingering sunsets that go on for a while – because, hello northern Europe but not so much in the Caribbean – the sun just sort of drops out of the sky. No long lingering evening watching the sun slowly make its way through the sky – just a sort of constant steady decent down past the horizon. Spectacular. Anyway, it was a lovely evening and after the sunset went for a nice meal and I learned that when there are enough mosquitos just sitting next to Kath isn’t enough to keep me safe, I actually had to use repellent. No seriously, usually when I am with Kath, I don’t get bites at all, she does. Anyway, I wonder what Santiago is like now. I am sure the sunsets are as spectacular as ever, but what will the sun rise to? Does each new day bring hope or just more suffering? And as I was looking at the app, reading the information and viewing the pictures they have, I wondered if I could get fit enough to do something outrageous again, something that people might actually pay money to support or see me do. What if I could work towards something that could help just a tiny little bit. So maybe that’s something I could do. Maybe. Anyway, here are two 2011 photos from my 2026 virtual starting point for this journey.

I only did 2 miles today. I gave myself a month to do this challenge and I am now behind pace but that really doesn’t matter. I’ll catch up eventually. I also ‘unlocked’ a Local Interest spot. Again, information and some pictures from the App. I feel a little bit like I am reading a travel guide, and I guess in some ways I am. I am only just over 7km in. The app lets you see at a glance how far you have come (I think you can set it to miles or km, I’m on km at the moment) and how many days you have done/have left. You set the time goal when you set up the challenge – you can change it though. The App also gives you the option to view the area you are in in Street View – but of course this is Cuba. To my delight there is no official Google Street View in Cuba. A little bit of the world that doesn’t exist in Google. That feels perfect to me in this always online world. I was thinking back to 2011 when we took our trip. I had just handed in my PhD, I was enjoying my teaching and my writing, the thought of running hadn’t crossed my mind, in many ways the world was simpler then. But so much is also still the same. I don’t really feel any different – a little more cynical maybe, a little creakier and stiffer and possibly a little more unfuckwithable and less tolerant of bullshit.

Anyway, this is supposed to be a running blog. So today, after work, when the temptation to just fall face first onto the bed and whimper was almost overwhelming, I instead marched a mile uphill and then jogged a mile back down – no run/walk intervals as such unless you take one long mile slog uphill and an ok but slow plod down the hill as a giant walk/run interval. My legs were not a fan of uphill – my calf muscles were proper grumpy with that and then running down everything was a bit bemused that I wasn’t stopping after 30 second. I really wanted to stop and walk – but come on – it’s downhill. So I didn’t stop, because sometimes I can make my brain behave and I can think things like – ‘you can do this, you are good at hard, you’re breathing fine, no that didn’t hurt, oh look rabbit. And all is fine.

So, virtually I am on a random road in Santiago de Cuba and in reality I am trying to function in a world that has gone insane, in a world where I am safe and comfortable and oh so privileged simply because of where I was born and chose to live. The virtual challenge is making me want to run, it’s making me want to unlock the next ‘reward’ and move through Cuba because I want to know where this will take me, what ideas I might have, what rabbit holes (not literally I hope, Kath did that once) I will go down and whether in all of that there is anything I can do that can help make the world a better place.

How do you build consistency?

April 13, 2026 Jess GuthLeave a comment

Consistency. The mythical thing that will make everything fall into place and become joyful and easy… . Apparently. I spend enough time scrolling on social media to have read several idiotic takes on consistency and on how habit not motivation will build consistency. And I get it. I remember (vaguely) a short period of time where running was just something we did. We didn’t really think about doing it, we just did. It wasn’t a decision to make. But that time was brief and also, it might be fictional. Perhaps it was never like that. Perhaps getting out the door has always been the hardest part of running. My brain is good at making shit up and maybe remembering a time, whether it actually existed or not, where getting out to run was easy, isn’t a bad thing.

Anyway, there I was scrolling like we all know we shouldn’t and the claims about how to get your shit together were just getting more and more outrageous. Advice that seemed to boil down do ‘you just need to be disciplined and get up at 4am and exercise and drink your electrolyte infused water and eat the right macros, take the most expensive supplements on the market and here’s some guidance on what to say so you’re not seen as weak at work and then here’s your evening relaxation and skin care routine and and … I am exhausted and bemused just seeing the posts, never mind reading or engaging with any of it. It does however bring me back to a question – how do normal people get their shit together? Like not 4am runs every morning and mapped out to the second daily routines (It is now 19.02, time to relax for precisely 19 minutes) but normal. Normal as in, my job can be a bit random, sometimes the cat pukes on the bed at 3am throwing everything into chaos, or I was so busy that I am both completely dehydrated because I didn’t drink anything and desperate for a pee because I haven’t had time for a toilet stop or I am not going to the gym for love nor money today because – ew people or the world feels wrong and I need to hide under a blanket and cry. That sort of normal. Which reading it back might not in fact be normal. What I mean is, how, in all the chaos that is normal life and without the desire or will power to be really regimented, how do you build consistency? How do you get to habit, to where the brain just assumes you’re going to the gym or for a run so you don’t have to do battle with yourself each time? How do you get motivated enough to get past the need for motivation?

I know, if I could really figure that out and bottle it, I could stop with the academic nonsense and retire ungracefully. I don’t think there is just one answer though. I read a post that suggested you set an alarm with a motivational quote to get you up and out of bed – yeah that will elicit a sleepy string of expletives and not much else while I turn off the alarm, turn over and go straight back to sleep. Another post suggested sleeping in your gear. Yeah – the only time I will sleep in a sports bra is if I am too exhausted after a run to attempt getting out of it. Other suggestions included telling yourself you can come back if you still really don’t want to be out after ten minutes. That also doesn’t work because that is a given for me. If I am miserable I won’t force myself to push through. I am too old for that shit. Hard – sure. Miserable, nope. More suggestions – same time each day for exercise of some description – hello chaotic schedule. That might work if I went really early in the morning but anyone who has met me will know that that will go wrong very very quickly. If I don’t get 8 hours sleep a night for a period of time, armageddon will ensue. I am being negative. Sorry. Of course I will eventually (and into the summer it’s easier) get up early more consistently and run after work more consistently and just the line between doing hard and being miserable will move so I will do more. I know this. I just find all the social media stuff annoying and unhelpful because none of it strikes me as realistic but I also can’t quite shake myself free of the expectations that my ducks should be more in a row and I should be able to be more disciplined. (I know! I’m paying for therapy, I am working on the people pleasing good girl thing)

Anyway, given that I am too old to take the influencers seriously and too intelligent to believe the nonsense around fitness and health and wellbeing and getting your shit together that fills my feeds, I had to come up with something else to try and keep up motivation while re-developing habits. And what does work, always has worked for me, is a challenge, a medal and some sort of game. Ideally all three. The challenges we had set haven’t kept me going. I haven’t been able to work towards them and they haven’t provided the kick up the arse required. So just entering another race or setting a park run target or whatever isn’t going to work – its not immediate enough. So I decided I would try a virtual challenge, something that tracks as you go along rather than something that is just an end goal; something that provides interest over time and an incentive to reach the next thing and something that allows me to go at my pace. And of course I need a medal at the end. A quick google and I landed on the Conqueror Virtual Challenges. I signed up for a challenge (I’ll tell you more about which one and why that one etc next time) to see if it might just work and keep me motivated through the really hard bit of starting again.

Well, it did its first job which was to get me out today when I really just wanted to curl up and stare into space and work out how I managed to work all day without having anything to show for it. I went out only because I wanted to see if the app worked, if my strava would sync to it and what the look and feel of the app and challenge would be. So yeah – gamification works. For me anyway. I did 2 miles again. Run/Walk at 30/30 intervals. This time for the full two miles. I went the same mile out as previously but ran past a guy I know who was out chatting and we had a friendly exchange but I really didn’t want a second interaction on the way back so I turned off and went down hill. So I did run a slightly easier route in terms of slopes but I kept the run/walk going until the 2 mile beep on my watch. Then I walked the .70 of a mile home up the hill. Happy with that. Oh and me not wanting another interaction had nothing to do with the guy, I was a proper no people zone after work today.

Einstein receiving instructions from the Dino gang

Anyway, I will tell you more about the challenge and the app as I get into it but for now there is one thing I want to mention because it pissed me off as I was completing the registration on the app. It’s a distance challenge, right. You can count all sorts of exercise to contribute, all good. I like that because it makes it really inclusive. But then the app asked for me height and weight. Annoying in itself. It doesn’t need that to track distance travelled. It’s irrelevant to the thing the app is designed for. And then, as if asking for weight wasn’t bad enough, it asked for ideal weight. So there it is. Just like that we have again made the assumption that exercise and signing up to a challenge must be about weight loss. Had they asked these questions before I signed up for the challenge I wouldn’t have signed up. It annoys the hell out of me. There is no reason for the app to need the information. The challenges are based on distance traveled, that doesn’t change based on how much someone weighs. I am not doing a challenge to lose weight. I am not running to lose weight, I am not going to the gym to lose weight. I am not doing anything to lose weight. I am doing the things I am doing to be fitter and stronger and so I can keep having adventures. My weight bobbing about a bit is a side effect of that, not a driving force. Anyway, I had already bought the challenge, so I completed the app registration, gave them my current weight as both the current and ideal weight which might fry their algorithm a bit at least and got over myself.

Next time I will tell you where in the virtual world I am and why I chose it and any other musings. For now, I have some more marking to do – you know, academic and that time of year!

Time for Big Girl Pants!

April 12, 2026 Jess Guth1 Comment

And just like that we are in mid April. I mean what the actual fuck are we doing in April? Remember my happy run back in January? The one where I felt good. Yep, can we go back to that please. It really felt like I was getting somewhere again and that fitness was slowly coming back and that running could be really fun again. And then I got flu. I was off work for most of January because I just couldn’t shake it. I feel like I was not only off work, I feel like I may have stepped off the world – I don’t really remember January. I was asleep or reading or watching romance fiction – because that’s normal for me (not). I am not having a go at romance readers here – you do you. It’s just not my thing generally and I am still at a loss to explain why it was then. Anyway, February just felt like a battle to get through a day without falling asleep. I did very little in terms of moving off the sofa/ chair. I went to work when I had to but otherwise I was just a couch potato because anything else was too exhausting. I went for a walk at Bolton Abbey and then needed a 2 week rest.

Towards the end of February I thought that maybe it was time to get moving again. I was scared of running though. I didn’t want to get down the road and not be able to function. So I got on the bike in the garage and actually it wasn’t horrendous. I did two days back to back of cycling for 45 minutes ish taking it easy, not following a programme, just sort of peddling along thinking about nothing much. Then I did another virtual ride a week later. And there we are in March and I can still barely move – clearly running the Kielder 11 mile night run was never going to happen. We still went to Kielder Water even though neither of us could do our races and we had a couple of lovely walks instead of our planned runs – but I was tired. I slept lots, lounged in the hot tub, did some very gentle yoga.

When we got back from Kielder Water, we decided to try the gym again. We’re too old to get away with not strength training so we have been going – not lots but at least once and mostly twice a week for a good weights session. We went really early on a Sunday and I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. Maybe I just hadn’t woken up yet. So the gym has been the most consistent. Yoga is second. On the 23rd March I finally went for a run. Just a mile at run walk of 30/30. It should be easy, right. Well it wasn’t. But I did it and tried hard not to be grumpy about it. But then I was scared again so ended up not doing anything, then going back to HITT once or twice and then today I went for another run. Same thing: A mile run walk and then turn round. This time I kept going a bit after I turned round so in total I ran/walked a mile and a half and walked half a mile. Progress is progress.

I’ve deferred Rasselbock’s Sherwood Big Loop event that we were looking at doing next weekend to their 2 day winter event instead and we have a plan for that – watch this space. The next thing booked is the 23k at the Lakeland Trails in July – I am not thinking about it really. I am not likely to be ready and that’s ok. I can’t rush this. I just need to build some consistency, just get out there one step at a time. Motivation is hard because running is actually just hard at the moment. It isn’t fun and I am struggling to access the memory bank of fun running.

So anyway, that’s where I’ve been in case you’ve missed me. I’ve been hiding and grumpy and frustrated and paralysed by the task ahead. But being grumpy about fitness lost and scared of how hard it’s going to be will not actually make me feel any better and will also absolutely not get me fit again. So it’s time for big girl pants. I am a 47 year old woman, I am generally fuelled by perimenopausal rage (and caffeine) – I can do anything.

really (not) a runner

rambling about my running journey