Month: November 2024

Long Run Day and a Stupid Brain

Jess Guth1 Comment

So it was 17 miles day today. Well actually 17 mile day was yesterday but yesterday things felt all wonky and weird for both of us so we went for a walk instead and moved 17 mile day to today. The plan was to get the train to Leeds and run back to Crossflatts. It started off with me at some point having turned off the alarm so we didn’t wake up in time for the train we were going to get out to Leeds. That nearly de-railed us but we eventually decided to just go for a later train which is fine on a Saturday as the car park as Crossflatts doesn’t fill up.

We got into Leeds and set off along the canal towards home. It was a gorgeous morning and the first couple of miles felt absolutely fine. My new running vest fits well and I easily sipped both water and fuel as we made our way through the first 5km and towards 4 miles. I was slightly disappointed with my pace but it was all fine and there were loads of herons which always make me smile. Throughout mile 5 my right calf tightened a bit and my right foot got pins and needles which took another mile-ish to sort itself out. Then my right hip flexor started niggling. All of this before we had even hit 6 miles. And of course that thought went through my head and bang – brain malfunction.

I managed another mile of run/walk but just after 7 miles I lost the mental battle. I am pretty sure that I was probably physically ok but I just couldn’t get there. It is so hard to explain and looking back just feels silly. I went from thinking all was fine and the run was actually pretty positive to allowing a tiny twinge to derail me completely – and I am cross and disappointed at myself for that. Immediately the importer syndrome kicked in. I had only got to 7 miles, there was no way I would be able to do Dopey – I wasn’t even worthy of trying. That spiralled into thoughts about just not being good enough, being too fat and too old to be out there running and that I was just foolish for even trying. For my stupid uncooperative brain, I had the evidence that I should just pack up and go home and bin all my running shoes right there.

We kept walking. Not that we had a choice in that anyway as there was nowhere to come off the canal to get a train. We just walked. I tried to walk relatively fast but I couldn’t get within Disney Pace. We shared a banana and just kept walking and walking and walking… Eventually I started to feel slightly more positive. I was still walking and while hips and feet weren’t exactly happy, there was also no real pain or anything signifying injury. I kept an eye on how long each mile was taking and did the maths – I was still within overall Disney Pace so the goal became to finish half marathon distance within that pace. According to Strava I did and according to Garmin I just missed it.

We had agreed to stop in Saltaire and have food and try and turn the day into a positive one. We got pizza and it was great and then we got the train back to Crossflatts. I have stopped spiralling and have got my brain back into a more positive space. We have agreed that as things stand we will give the first 3 runs of the Dopey Challenge a good go and then we’ll decide on strategy for the marathon. It may be that Kath just goes for it to get Dopey, it may be that we do it together and she tries to help me get round. We don’t have to decide right now and there is still a month of training left to go. Stretching and strength could make all the difference. I do still feel like a running imposter. I still feel like everyone we saw out there was judging me (they weren’t) and that I shouldn’t be taking up space in the running world. But I am back believing that those feelings are nonsense. I know I have as much right to be a runner as everyone else and I will eventually get back to believing it, too.

So 13.5 miles instead of 17, lots of nonsense in my brain but overall a good day and we go again tomorrow.

Some runs just need to be over

Jess Guth1 Comment

Today’s run was not fun. None of it. But it’s done. The original plan was to do two 7 mile-ish loops at Bolton Abbey. However, we managed to not pick up Kath’s running vest when we set off so she had no phone and no water and no fuel. So rather than risking anything silly we agreed on one loop and I gave her one of my bottles of Tailwind. We set off and for the first while I could see Kath ahead of me – the distance between us getting further with every walk break I took. I felt pretty good. I dropped down past the Abbey and jogged across the bridge and started walking up the slope. Not a slope I had ever planned to run anyway. When I started running again nothing felt right. And that was the story of the run.

I didn’t settle in at all, not to the rhythm of the run walk, not to the running and not even to the walking. I walked more than I ran. My brain was noisy and random and even though I tried to consciously find joy – there just wasn’t any. I briefly glimpsed some as I hopped through golden crunchy leaves just before mile 5 and then when I saw a heron at 6.5 miles but otherwise it was just meh. My breathing was wrong, something always hurt and every time I won the argument about it not being real and whatever had been hurting went ‘oh ok then, yes I am fine’, something else would pop up and hurt. In fact it was so predictable by about mile 4 that it became funny. At about the same time I was also suddenly really hungry. I had some Tailwind and walked a bit drafting a rant blog about the awfulness of running in my head.

At every opportunity where I could cut the run short by doing a smaller loop, I had a real battle and every time I carried on along the planned route. I couldn’t quite decide whether to tell myself I was an idiot and should just stop or whether to be proud of myself. When I passed the aqueduct, the last point at which a shorter loop was possible, I thought I might settle in. Nope. I kept coming across people. I mean, obviously there were going to be people, and everyone was friendly but I didn’t want people in my space and I was always a bit surprised that I sounded both strong and cheerful as I said ‘Good Morning’. Anyway, with a million imaginary niggles and thoughts bouncing around everywhere I eventually finished with only the last 2 miles actually being within Disney allowed pace. I consigned the run to the ‘done’ category and joined Kath for food and coffee at the Tea on the Green cafe.

The mileage is ramping up but so far my body seems to be coping well. There are no actual niggles following Tuesday’s 9 miles and today’s 7. In fact Tuesday’s 9 miles were so delightfully uneventful I should have dedicated a post to them. I ran/walked the first 7 of them at remarkably consistent pace and then I ran out of daylight and decided the safest thing to do would be to walk the rest of the stretch along the canal until I could see properly again on the roads and when I got back onto roads with street lamps I basically just had the hill to walk up. Today’s run might have been pretty awful but like all runs, it ended and the memory bank of running the loop previously and of getting through previous awful runs was helpful. It didn’t have to be pretty, it just had to be done.