Author: Jess Guth

Dr Jess Guth is a Legal Academic. She blogs at jessguth.com She also doesn't really run - reallynotarunner.com

Setting Foundations?

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Setting Foundations? Is that the right way to look at what I am doing at the minute? I completed the final run of week 2 of the Couch to 5km programme I am doing. A day late really but it’s a bank holiday so counts as weekend. I did mean to run yesterday but my period was really heavy and I felt crap. Maybe I should have just gone and got it done but I didn’t. I also ran Saturday so maybe it’s ok and a rest day in-between is better anyway.

Saturday I ran to the vet to pick up tablets for our Einstein. We needed to make sure we’d have plenty for when we are away later this week and Kath’s mum is looking after our cats. Running there seemed like a good reason to run and somehow I need a reason other than just running at the moment. Or at least that makes it easier. I can’t say I hugely enjoyed the running but it was fairly uneventful and the distance was about right so it made sense. I found the last running interval really quite hard and I am not sure why. Maybe just because I felt heavy and sluggish anyway.

Today we didn’t get up for our 7am yoga class. When my alarm went off Kath was still asleep. That’s rare. I dozed a while to see if she would wake up and she sort of did but we agreed that actually a slow morning with time spent together over coffee in bed was more important today than yoga at the gym. After breakfast we both pottered a little and Kath’s mum popped in and then it was time to get sorted for out Mind class at the gym. I decided to run down to get that final run of week 2 done and so that I can change the intervals on my watch for week 3 and don’t have to worry about it for the rest of this week. I didn’t bother with the warm up walk and went straight into a 90 second run. Almost all of the running was downhill which I know I need to change but today I used it to just stretch the legs a little more than I have been and go a little faster. Over the distance it doesn’t make much of a difference but I was about a minute a mile faster overall. Again the run was pretty uneventful and again I found the last interval hard.

The Mind class was a bit random. The instructor who taught this one and then one last Thursday is not ideally suited to it. She’s more of a high intensity fitness instructor I think. She’s quite chaotic and overly energiser bunny for this. When she first took the class last week I really thought it was going to be awful but I ended up really enjoying it. Today was the shorter version of the class and it felt a little less calming than it is supposed to but it gave me a useful stretch. Importantly, it also gave me a reason to run because I needed to get there.

I’ve been building my little Lego Disney Castle step by step to represent my progress and the foundations are now done – I don’t think the same can be said for my running foundations. There is work to be done here still but one step at a time!

So, uneventful running really. That’s a good thing. Week 3 looks ok. Running 90 seconds, walking 90 seconds, then running 3 minutes and walking 3 minutes, repeat.

How is it Saturday again already?

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I don’t really understand time. How is it that when I was a kid I could explore whole worlds in a day, summers lasted lifetimes and double maths on a Saturday (yes Saturday!) morning could drag on for what seemed like weeks. Now, some meetings feel like those double maths lessons but mostly the weeks just fly by. It was February a minute ago and I’m sure Kath’s little big run and that core class I wrote about were really just yesterday… Obviously they weren’t but the week has once again just disappeared.

So after Monday’s core class I did absolutely naff all exercise wise until Thursday. Tuesday was busy at work and I had a work thing in the evening. I had intended to get up and run before heading into work but that actually requires waking up and getting out of bed and I just couldn’t bring myself round enough to make that happen. Same thing on Wednesday. At least on Tuesday I did walk a fair bit but on Wednesday I think I barely broke 4000 steps. Thursday I also didn’t do much but went to a Mind class at the gym. The class was actually nice and stretched out some areas that needed it but it was full of chatty women and I was not feeling sociable. Friday we went to yoga first thing and I do love that yoga class. It’s calm and structured and clear. After that we had therapy at Bolton Abbey and while Kath was in her session I went for a little run. It was the first time with the next set of intervals on the Couch to 5km plan and the first time in ages I had a real inner dialogue. It went something like this.

  • I’m supposed to walk for 5 minutes but I’ve set the intervals already and set the watch, the intervals don’t fit into 5 minutes
  • Then walk for 3.5, that fits
  • Ok
  • 90 seconds running is 30 seconds longer than 60 seconds running
  • yes, yes it is. I can’t breathe
  • My legs are heavy
  • Can’t breathe
  • Eek – dog
  • Fuck still 50 seconds to go, I’ve been running forever
  • Can’t do it, still 40 seconds to do
  • Get a grip
  • Can’t, too hard. Might need to stop… ooh beeps

That first interval was ridiculous. I was unsettled, breathing was awful and my legs were uncooperative. I really thought I might need to give it up I felt so terrible. I walked the 2 minutes and when the beeps came for the 90 second run, I set off tentatively. I felt ok though. Running on grass definitely felt harder than the road running I have been doing but it also felt nice. I also died on every little slope and there was a fair amount if huffing and puffing. I ran some completely random circles across the grass to not get tangled up with dog walkers and overall I wouldn’t say I particularly enjoyed it even if it was a lovely day in a lovely place.

However, it was a nice opportunity to test out some trail shoes I have had for a while but hardly worn because mostly I have been running on road or canal towpath. They were good – in fact they felt better on the grass than they did when I wore them last weekend where I was on hard compacted paths. Anyway, I was supposed to run for 90 seconds and walk for 2 minutes five times. In the end I did that 7 times because that took me back to the car in a loop. I struggled with it but it’s done and it was just one of those runs that just needed to be over. It was also another example of how weird time is. That first and last 90 second runs went on for months! The 2 minute walks were over in a flash mostly but the one after the 3rd run was so long I checked my watch to make sure I hadn’t missed the beeps.

I am back to road running today because I am going to combine running with running some errands (so literally running errands?). I’ll let you know how it goes.

Core Class Take 2

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Today I went back to THAT class. I didn’t want to. But I did. We were both tired. Work was busy today and we were both awake really early because there was a very vocal blue tit with a lot to say for itself right outside our window at about 4am. So we nearly talked ourselves and each other out of going to the class. But neither of us wanted a non attendance strike at the gym for not cancelling more than 4 hours before so we put our big girl pants on (in my case literally) and headed for the gym. So the class is supposedly a 20 minute core class. It was again shorter than that. This time we had 4 rounds of 3 minutes. 50 seconds work and 10 seconds rest. 2 rounds of sit ups, leg raises and plank and 2 rounds of leg raises, elbow to knee or bicycle crunches or whatever you want to call it followed by a hollow hold/boat pose.

There were no more instructions, no demo, no information about modifications just lots of bravado and pretend flirting with women old enough to be his mum. But this time I was way more prepared. I was going to speak to the instructor beforehand but I was too tired to deal with him. But I knew how to modify and I knew that I was likely going to get some comments aimed at me. Fine (well not really generally but fine by me today). So round one. Sit ups with 5kg plates which I did without weights much to the instructors dismay. I was right in the middle at the back of the room and where he spent most of his time sort of prancing I was right in his eyeline. We locked eyes a few times and he said nothing. Then leg raises. I did not lower my legs all the way to the floor. Then the plank. Obviously I was supposed to be off my knees and his ‘modification’ for us was to suggest that when it got hard to move from elbow up onto hands. I suspect it has never occurred to him that the limiting factor in a plank might be upper body strength and not actually core strength. Round 2, same thing. Round 3 earned me a ‘make sure those legs go all the way back down to the floor’ on the leg raises which I ignored. Round 4 we locked eyes as I was in a modified boat pose with heels on the floor. He said ‘get those heels off the floor’, I rolled my eyes and mouthed a seven letter response.

My core has had a workout. I pushed myself and I can feel this workout much more than last week’s because I actually did proper exercises I could do properly. And for bonus points, my back doesn’t hurt. Will I go back to that class – only when I can’t go to the morning equivalent which is taught by someone else. Will I talk to the instructor, nope. I don’t think there’s any point. When I am in his class I will just keep annoying him by modifying the exercises where I need to and if he calls me out, I’ll call him out.

I am glad I went because I was ready to curl up on the sofa and eat crap and feel a bit sorry for myself. Instead I feel a bit brighter, have a bit more perspective and instead of half heartedly and tiredly trying to do some work, I have made a list of priorities for tomorrow and have let go of the pressure I was feeling to get shit done. So that’s a positive. I am also quite happy with the consistency of doing something the last few days. After my little run at Burnsall on Saturday I had done my 3 runs for week 1 of the Couch to 5k. I wanted to do something on Sunday because I wasn’t sure how much time I am going to have this week. We woke up early so Kath said we could go to the gym before watching the London Marathon on TV. So I jogged down to the gym and for the first time in ages I ran a continuous mile without walk breaks. I was quite pleased with that. I was also quite pleased with the strength session. No drama, no major self doubt, just sort of getting on with it in my little 80s gym playlist bubble.

Then we got home, had a coffee outside and then settled into watching the London Marathon and I was a blubbering wreck within seconds. Anyway, onwards to week 2 running intervals.

Yorkshire Dales running day

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I went for a little run today which felt a bit silly because Kath was on a big run. It was the Due North Burnsall Half. So while Kath was making her way over 13 and a bit miles of up and down some Dales bumps, I plodded along the river for three quarters of a mile. Not quite the same but still a stroke of genius on my part. In my head today was always about Kath’s run and me supporting her. But I also hadn’t run yesterday because I somehow just ran out of steam in the afternoon. I also didn’t run on Wednesday or Thursday because I am utterly useless at getting my arse out the door after work at the moment. So I sort of felt I should really run today and for ages I couldn’t see how I would make that happen. Until yesterday evening when it dawned on my that if my run is 30 minutes and Kath is out on a lumpy bumpy half, I will have loads of time to see her off, go for my little plod, get back, have coffee and cake at one of my favourite cafes and welcome her back at the finish.

So that’s what I did. I’ve done 3 runs of running a minute and walking 90 seconds 8 times now so it is time to try the next set of intervals on the plan. I’ll see how I feel because my knee started niggling again the other day although it was mostly fine today. I probably turned round one run too early as I ended up with a bit of a random loop but had I continued I would have been that really annoying person who comes past you on a path and then almost immediately stops and turns round. So I turned before I got tangled up in a group of hikers. After my run I had coffee and banana and pecan cake at Riverbank Burnsall. If you ever find yourself in this part of the world, pop in. The cake is always excellent and I have had worse views drinking my coffee!

After coffee and cake I went back to the finish area, wandered around a little, read through a paper that I need to revise and resubmit to let it whirl round my brain a bit and watched the first 10km runners come in. After a while I got bored just sitting so walked down to the river and back. There was now a steady stream of half marathon finishers coming through so I stood at the finish and clapped them in. I heard lots of mutterings about ‘bloody hills’ and the run being hard, oh and those ‘bloody hills’. There was some shaking of heads as people crossed the finish line – mostly in disbelief rather than disappointment I think and a few ‘I’m not doing that again’ or ‘I did not like that’ comments. One poor guy who wasn’t local had done all his training on the flat. He seemed a little overwhelmed (as well as knackered). All those initial ‘fuck that was hard’ sentiments seemed to quickly melt away into exhausted but happy chatter all around me. Everyone seemed to agree that it was a brilliant but brutal course.

I spotted Kath coming over the iconic Burnsall bridge – well it is iconic if you’re from round here – you see the bridge, you know its Burnsall. Anyway, I saw her run across the bridge and make her way into the field and down the finishing stretch where I met her with a big hug she didn’t really want. (I should know this. I mean the last thing you want when you are trying to work out whether you are going to puke, fall over or cry and in what order is someone giving you a big squeeze hug – but I was excited to see her and didn’t think). It was a hard fought one for her and I am very proud of her. She’s so good at doing hard things. We picked up her goody bag and her well earned Cornish pasty and sat for a little while. Then I drove us home and have tried to help with recovery by providing food, an ice pack, water, cups of tea and kind words. Somehow I am very tired now. I shouldn’t be. I had a little plod and then spent most of the rest of the day doing very little.

Anyway, I can highly recommend the Due North events and now that there is a 10k option I might have a go myself. Those hills scare me a bit, the runs seem way more impossible than a road marathon but if I can get myself running fit then why not? Why not add another impossible thing to the list of impossibles I would like to do.

London Marathon – Ballot entry But Why

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It’s that time of year again – London Marathon Ballot time. I have entered. Of course I have entered. It’s almost a ritual now and of course I won’t get in because most people don’t get in most years. But what if I did? I’ve been thinking about that because, as I may have mentioned, I really did not like my 2019 London Marathon. I have said several times that, unpopular as that opinion may be, I don’t actually like the London Marathon. And yet… So I have been thinking about that. Because if I really didn’t want to have another go, then why enter the ballot – just makes it even harder for people who actually do want to run it to get a spot. But there is part of me that does want to run it. There is a part of me that wants to go back and put the demons of 2019 to bed. And I don’t mean that I need to be faster than 2019 or anything like that. It’s more that I would like the race to leave me with more positive memories. Because memory of races is funny isn’t it. What I remember from the 2019 London Marathon is not that the first few miles were pretty good or that I got to 11 miles without any issues and feeling pretty solid and that I had my shit together. What I remember is missing Kath, slipping on Lucazade and hurtling to the ground, the pain in my hip and moving forward to the finish just because that was the only thing I could logistically think of to do.

So let’s stop there a second… I had my shit together, I was running well, I stopped for a pee and lost a lot of time and from there on in struggled to get my head right again. I fell, I was in pain and yet, I went on to finish. I look at that now and can’t really quite believe that was me. I can now step back and admire the strength. It didn’t feel like strength at the time but it was. Re-reading the blogs from the 2019 marathon still makes me emotional. I wrote that all the way round I wasn’t sure I wanted it enough and also that I was probably done with marathons. I think that was absolutely true and how I felt at the time but things have shifted. The world has changed and I have changed and I think I’m beginning to see more and more clearly what running far gives me that nothing else quite can. I miss the clarity of thought that comes with it. I miss the feeling of being able to do it. I miss the confidence in what my body can do, what my mind can do, what I can do. I am back where I started when we trained for our first Dopey – I want to do a marathon because I don’t believe I can. I want it because it’s impossible. I want it for me because people like me don’t run marathons.

And London, why London. I could pick any marathon. Well, that 15 mile marker and I have unfinished business, I still haven’t run across Tower Bridge or along the Embankment and I want to. As much as what I wrote in 2019 resonates, I also want to believe in the power and magic of one of the most iconic marathons in the world. If I do get another chance at running it, maybe my first one in 2016 can be my London Overwhelmed, my second one in 2019 can be my London Grumpy and my third could be London Happy. I’m back running now, taking baby steps, building slowly and stretching and doing strength. I could get physically ready over the next 12 months and I am absolutely mental enough to do the impossible.