Category: Other Exercise

FFS

Jess GuthLeave a comment

That’s really all I have to say. I felt good about week 2 of the plan. I felt good about having bought the next virtual challenge (Berlin Wall) and was ready to start. I had done run one. It was all looking, well, good. And then on Thursday when I was going to do run 2 in the afternoon, I whacked my right shin and top of my foot on the edge of a raised bed trying to water some just planted mange tout. Yes gardening is dangerous. It really hurt. It sort of derailed my afternoon in the way small things that are not really a big deal at all sometimes can. I didn’t run. I told myself it didn’t matter because I could still get my two runs in easily by running Friday and Sunday. Friday came and we set off to Bolton Abbey. The beauty of a week off is that we can run in places that are often busy at the weekends during the week and avoid crowds. I set off with a 5 minute walk. Everything felt ok, no niggles. I then went into my run/walk intervals. Everything still felt ok. I wasn’t really settling into my breathing so it felt a little more laboured than it really needed to be but nothing at all to cause concern. At about 0.7 miles I felt my left calf go a little tight. It was right at the end of a running interval and it disappeared through the walk break so I didn’t think anything of it. I started the next run interval, ran for about 15 seconds and then swore loudly as my left calf screamed at me. I hopped dramatically on my right leg for a couple of hops, swore some more and then tentatively put my left foot down. I shifted my weight onto it, that seemed fine. But walking – nope. I hobbled back to the car, stopping along the way to take pictures and try not to be too grumpy. So much for running consistently and so much for my virtual Berlin Wall Challenge.

I iced and heated the calf muscle and felt sorry for myself for the rest of Friday. Saturday I worked an Applicant Visit Day and after setting up the classroom and courtroom was in quite a lot of pain in spite of painkillers. In the afternoon, we watched football and then sorted some photos and by the time I went to bed it perhaps didn’t feel quite so sore. I woke up this morning and there was no pain as I sat up and did a little body scan. I got up. I could feel some tightness but no pain. I can walk normally without pain. There is tightness and if I step backwards or at a funny angle there is a bit of pain but nothing like yesterday. I am obviously not going to risk running just yet but I did just sit on the bike and pedal for a minute and there is no pain through that motion – so I will get on the bike this afternoon and just do some sort of flat loop.

I need to think about my challenge though. I wanted to do this all running but I don’t think that will happen now. I could extend the time but I wanted to drop into the virtual Spine Race Sprint after the Berlin Wall so need to finish this month. I think maybe what I will do is upload today’s cycle manually and see how things go next week. If the challenges are about consistency and getting out then this is also sort of working – my default position with an injury is often to just to nothing, this is making me think about what I CAN do instead if I can’t run . So maybe counting a short ride is ok.

Anyway, the Challenge. I have set off from the starting point on the Conqueror App map which seems to be a random spot on the Waltersdorfer Chaussee on the wall route in-between two points of interest noted on the website Mauerspuren (German only – for an English interactive map see here). From there I have made my way 2.43km along the route onto the absolutely awe inspiring (not) A113 which has the most spectacular views (not). If you want to learn more about the Wall, the website of the Berlin Wall Foundation isn’t a bad place to start.

It’s now a nap and a cat cuddle later and I have been on the bike. Just 5km, just to check that there is no pain while riding and that it doesn’t make it worse. It was fine, nothing hurts and it was a positive 12 minutes or so to get the blood pumping a little. I have uploaded it to the challenge. That’s the good news, the bad news is that I am still on the A113 (virtually obviously) – the third picture above is where I am now. I have gone past the first piece of the wall which sits outside the Museum Treptow. Not that you would know that from the challenge because it doesn’t have these things marked on it and it doesn’t come up in the narrative. So below is the screenshot from the Mauerspuren website linked above. I have now received my first challenge ‘postcard’ which just gives a pretty basic history.

So let’s see what tomorrow brings and go from there.

Week 1 of Plan and Cuba Virtual Challenge Done

Jess GuthLeave a comment

It will come as no surprise to those of you who know me that the challenge went right down to the wire. I could of course have changed the finish date on the app – that seems like a thing people do but somehow that didn’t seem right. So I went into the last two days with about 28km still to do. The only answer was to use the bike. On Saturday I had a little virtual pedal round London – nice and flat and about 13ish km. And on Sunday I did another 13ish km on Watopia – another fairly flat route. I actually enjoyed the rides. I didn’t really push, I just sort of pootled around really. I still can’t quite get over how much of a puddle I turn into on the bike even when I don’t feel like I am working that hard. Why? Anyway, I finished the bike with just under 2km left to do. I deliberately finished short on the bike – for two reasons. First, I still had a run to do on the Week 1 Plan. If I had finished the challenge on the bike, I might have decided that doing so was enough and it really didn’t matter if I didn’t do my third run. But I do want to run more consistently so I needed to do my third run. Second, I started the challenge to help with consistency and when I started it I knew I would use the bike a bit but it was mostly about running so somehow finishing on a run was important to me. And it worked, I got out for the run, I enjoyed it and am still feeling a little smug about biking and running yesterday. The run was good – I did got mostly downhill but actually the running segments felt a little less clunky that they have, not quite fluid but certainly better.

Doing big chunks of the challenge at once means there were some big jumps though. I sort of bypassed Viñales almost completely and landed in Havana without fanfare or even gentle introduction. That’s ok though – I still spent time looking back at photos.

Viñales
Viñales
Viñales

Can we talk about pineapples for a second – I had never given much thought to how they grow but if you had asked me, my answer would not have reflected reality. They do not grow from trees. I don’t know why I assumed they would. I also always assumed I wasn’t that keen on pineapple but freshly harvested pineapple – game changer. We went to Viñales towards the end of the trip, sort of on our way back to Havana. It was a hot day. The pineapple stop was welcome for a brief moment in the shade of a hut and the sweetest juiciest pineapple I have ever had. We bought some coffee beans from the farmer, too. Cuba is where I learned to drink my coffee black. Initially the coffee always tasted fairly awful – we were putting milk in it. But quickly we noticed that most Cubans were not so we tried the coffee without milk and it was so much better. I never went back to adding milk after we got home and I also turned into a proper coffee snob. Of course we also saw the traditional methods of growing and drying tobacco and rolling cigars. I do remember at this point being utterly fed up with a couple of people in our group. I remember a very posh woman from Kensington (yes, Kensington, never just London) who still wasn’t quite sure whether or not our tour guide was joking in his response to her question after a stop at a church: ‘What happened to all the nuns’ when he said ‘We killed them all in the revolution’. She’d pissed me off at one of the dinners by complaining that more dishes were needed. There was plenty of food but the family had only recently started the business so there were literally no more dishes – just one big rice bowl that kept being re-filled. All that was required was a tiny tiny smidge of patience. She didn’t seem to understand and went on about the need for education to lift the country out of poverty… I had given up trying to argue but I was irritated that even after nearly 2 weeks in Cuba she still didn’t really get it. I think I was pretty rude to her.

Anyway, It was hot. We stopped briefly to watch a local baseball game. I had always associated baseball with the US and was interested to hear more about it as a popular sport in Cuba. Then it was back on the bus and onwards. So then, Havana. I have photos from the start and end of the trip. I have really happy memories of Havana. I remember it as a city full of life and kindness. I remember warm sun, sea, impressive buildings and nature reclaiming old falling down ones – just one of the many contradictions and juxtaposition the country, but Havana in particular offered. I remember impressive home made wiring and makeshift repairs, I remember people wanting to chat, people proud of their city and wanting to share. I remember feeling welcomed. Kath and I explored a fair bit both before we met the rest of the tour group and then in the free time in the afternoon/evening. I don’t really know what to say about it now. I am sure my memories are the sort of memories you have of an overall really special holiday. They are coloured by the passage of time and mediated through things that have happened since. What remains is a feeling more so than the recall of specific events. And it is that feeling and the sense of the place, the fact that through connections and the wonderful ways of the universe, that trip, Cuba, will always be special, that makes me feel current events so deeply. Since I last wrote, US Congress has warned the Orange One to rule out a takeover but there are no real signs that things are getting better any time soon. And if they are not getting better, then they are getting worse for Cubans.

Havana
Havana Panorama 2
Havana 2
Havana

So anyway, yeah, this was a running blog wasn’t it… So the question is, did the virtual challenge help me at all. Well I think the answer is yes. It made me get out and start, then it made me keep going and do something. It made me get my backside out and finish it. Without the challenge I would undoubtedly have moved less. I am a bit irritated by the big random jumps from place to place – but I guess that makes sense – if you don’t do that, you can’t cover the key spots in 70ish miles. It just feels a bit discombobulating. Maybe for real places, I want real distances. I think it helped that I chose Cuba – it was something I wanted to take time to think about, to look back on, to learn more and the Challenge and this blog alongside it also provided some space to do that and to feel all the stuff that comes with it. Anyway, once the challenge has finished you just click a button to claim your medal, confirm address and that’s it. Mine arrived really quickly and it’s lovely. You can also do challenges without getting the medal at the end. And maybe that is a sensible way forward – although for now I continue to be a medal whore. I want the brain tingles of holding the physical thing.

As soon as I finished that challenge I started thinking about whether I wanted to do another one. I deliberately didn’t do it immediately – it’s easy to rush in and get caught up in the excitement. I wanted to think about why I would do it. What would I hope to achieve. I thought about it and I think it is currently a good way of cajoling my brain along this running journey. I need action. I am not motivated at all but I also know that motivation follows action so it will come as long as I can get my arse out. So the plan is this: Berlin Wall 30 mile challenge starting tomorrow and to be completed by the end of May with running only. No bike in this one (that reminds me, I need to change the automatic upload to the challenge). It’s very doable but given recent form, it’s also a real challenge… and I might even share some Berlin pictures from our trips.

Oh and I did the first run of week 2 today. The run was fine. The dash for the toilet at the end could have gone either way but thankfully my dignity is intact.

Challenge paused while I get my shit together

Jess Guth1 Comment

…come on we all know that I am not actually ever going to get my shit together! I massively jumped ahead in my virtual challenge by including a couple of Zwift rides. I made a good start with running and then a good start with the Dynamic Runner April 2 week challenge before getting derailed again. Our friend came to stay for the weekend. Well from Friday morning to Sunday morning. We’d all taken Friday off work so went for a lovely long walk at Bolton Abbey. On Saturday I had to work (Open Day) and then it was somehow Wednesday before I did anything exercise-y again and that was only a little walk. And then it was today. Yesterday I was so tired I basically got up late, did a few bits in the garden with Kath, had lunch, fell asleep for most of the afternoon, had tea, watched some tv, went to bed.

Today I woke up feeling a little better, less dazed and confused. After breakfast I did some yoga and after pottering about a little I did day 5 of the April challenge (hello glutes). There is something about running though. I want to. I mean I want to get back to the running fitness where I can just pop out for a quick 5km and it not really be a thing. To get there I need to get out consistently and I want to but… so I am spending some time doing yoga and doing some strength work to figure out what that ‘but’ is all about. I think there are several things going on.

  1. Running means going out there – like where other people might be. I don’t feel hugely confident at the moment. I feel super unfit (because I am) and I just don’t want to deal with the feeling of being judged. This is all on me. I know very few people are judging, very few people would even notice me or pay me any attention at all. All of the other runners I see out and about either nod, ignore or say something encouraging. And even if people are judging, since when do I care? And when I stop to consider it, I don’t care. So it’s all weird.
  2. I can’t make decisions about running. I am struggling to decide where to run, what route to take. It feels like another decision, another thing to be a responsible adult about. I also can’t decide on a plan so therefore I can’t decide what sort of run I am doing and so I just don’t do anything. I should just pick a plan. I have a strong anti couch to 5km plan reaction at the moment. No idea what that’s about. I could go runDisney plan but that doesn’t tell me what intervals to run. I could just run completely by feel but then I might just walk and not push at all and I still have to decide where. I know, weird and stupid.
  3. I absolutely completely do not want to ‘jiggle’. That sensation at the moment is a hard no. I have that about running and also about HIIT. Anything that involves jiggling, I’m out. I have good sports bras, it’s not that. I look after my boobs quite well and make sure they have all the support they need – but I still just don’t want to jiggle. It’s not painful, it’s not even uncomfortable. It’s just jiggling. And jiggling is currently right up there with rolling around in nettles. So there’s that.
  4. Let’s talk about doing hard. I have been thinking about whether I am actually just in one of those phases where I just can’t or don’t want to do hard things. I think it probably is true that work is currently taking up a lot of emotional capacity for all sorts of reasons and that therefore I want easy outside of that. But I also think it is true that I want brain easy not physical easy. Anything that requires decision making feels impossible. The bike works well here because once I have decided on the programme (generally by picking the one recommended for me), I just get on the bike, do as I am told until the ride is done. No decisions needed. No questions about whether I could take an extra rest or cut the route short because the bike doesn’t give me a choice. I don’t have to think, I just do. Same thing for a yoga session or the dynamic runner workout or one of the Joe Wicks sessions. As long as there is no jiggling, there is no issue. Press play, do. I can’t always do all the exercises but my brain can cope with modifying a side plank or dropping to knees in a push up. What it can’t seem to cope with is deciding whether to turn left or right when I reach the end of our road.
Cienfuegos

So anyway, over the last week I have made zero progress on the challenge. So virtually I guess I am hanging out in Cienfuegos. That’s funny really because I don’t think we spent much time there at all on our trip. We left Havana on the morning of the 29th December 2010 and we stayed in the hotel on the outskirts of Trinidad that night. We stopped off several times along the way (and I’ll see if my virtual route takes me to some of those stop offs as I am going the other way). Thinking back to the trip, we took a slightly different route with different sights. While on the real trip we did some hiking in the Escambray Mountains, spent New Year’s Eve under the stars and had a dip in the pool under the Salto del Rocio waterfall located within Parque Guanayara; the virtual challenge headed for El Nicho waterfall. I assume because it is closer to the road between Trinidad and Cienfuegos and a more popular tourist spot (according to Google anyway). In a way it is a shame that the way I covered distance in the challenge meant I sort of hopped across from Trinidad to Cienfuegos almost missing the bits in-between. Because those couple of nights in the Escambray Mountains were really spectacular. They were also a bit meh because Kath inadvertently had orange and was poorly for New Year and had to do a good chunk of hiking feeling crap (she’s allergic). But it was stunning to be there and we were lucky to see a meteor shower which lit up the sky with shooting stars. I know sometimes it feels like the magic is struggling to cling on, work can seem pointless, people can be vile and stupid, the world is on fire and there is so much wrong that we feel powerless to fix but thinking back to evenings like those is a reminder that the magic is there. I am going to try and look for it more. I know that night is a long long time ago now but there is the same joy to be found in our sunrises and sunsets, the birds coming to our feeders, the deer we see on our runs and the hedgehogs busying themselves in our garden at night. It was there this morning when little Stormcat interrupted my yoga and came and curled up on me and purred.

So maybe it’s not about getting my shit together. Maybe it is just about noticing the magic, smiling and rolling with it. Just as long as there’s no jiggling, I’m ok with that.

How do you build consistency?

Jess GuthLeave a comment
Blossom in our Garden

Consistency. The mythical thing that will make everything fall into place and become joyful and easy… . Apparently. I spend enough time scrolling on social media to have read several idiotic takes on consistency and on how habit not motivation will build consistency. And I get it. I remember (vaguely) a short period of time where running was just something we did. We didn’t really think about doing it, we just did. It wasn’t a decision to make. But that time was brief and also, it might be fictional. Perhaps it was never like that. Perhaps getting out the door has always been the hardest part of running. My brain is good at making shit up and maybe remembering a time, whether it actually existed or not, where getting out to run was easy, isn’t a bad thing.

Anyway, there I was scrolling like we all know we shouldn’t and the claims about how to get your shit together were just getting more and more outrageous. Advice that seemed to boil down do ‘you just need to be disciplined and get up at 4am and exercise and drink your electrolyte infused water and eat the right macros, take the most expensive supplements on the market and here’s some guidance on what to say so you’re not seen as weak at work and then here’s your evening relaxation and skin care routine and and … I am exhausted and bemused just seeing the posts, never mind reading or engaging with any of it. It does however bring me back to a question – how do normal people get their shit together? Like not 4am runs every morning and mapped out to the second daily routines (It is now 19.02, time to relax for precisely 19 minutes) but normal. Normal as in, my job can be a bit random, sometimes the cat pukes on the bed at 3am throwing everything into chaos, or I was so busy that I am both completely dehydrated because I didn’t drink anything and desperate for a pee because I haven’t had time for a toilet stop or I am not going to the gym for love nor money today because – ew people or the world feels wrong and I need to hide under a blanket and cry. That sort of normal. Which reading it back might not in fact be normal. What I mean is, how, in all the chaos that is normal life and without the desire or will power to be really regimented, how do you build consistency? How do you get to habit, to where the brain just assumes you’re going to the gym or for a run so you don’t have to do battle with yourself each time? How do you get motivated enough to get past the need for motivation?

I know, if I could really figure that out and bottle it, I could stop with the academic nonsense and retire ungracefully. I don’t think there is just one answer though. I read a post that suggested you set an alarm with a motivational quote to get you up and out of bed – yeah that will elicit a sleepy string of expletives and not much else while I turn off the alarm, turn over and go straight back to sleep. Another post suggested sleeping in your gear. Yeah – the only time I will sleep in a sports bra is if I am too exhausted after a run to attempt getting out of it. Other suggestions included telling yourself you can come back if you still really don’t want to be out after ten minutes. That also doesn’t work because that is a given for me. If I am miserable I won’t force myself to push through. I am too old for that shit. Hard – sure. Miserable, nope. More suggestions – same time each day for exercise of some description – hello chaotic schedule. That might work if I went really early in the morning but anyone who has met me will know that that will go wrong very very quickly. If I don’t get 8 hours sleep a night for a period of time, armageddon will ensue. I am being negative. Sorry. Of course I will eventually (and into the summer it’s easier) get up early more consistently and run after work more consistently and just the line between doing hard and being miserable will move so I will do more. I know this. I just find all the social media stuff annoying and unhelpful because none of it strikes me as realistic but I also can’t quite shake myself free of the expectations that my ducks should be more in a row and I should be able to be more disciplined. (I know! I’m paying for therapy, I am working on the people pleasing good girl thing)

Anyway, given that I am too old to take the influencers seriously and too intelligent to believe the nonsense around fitness and health and wellbeing and getting your shit together that fills my feeds, I had to come up with something else to try and keep up motivation while re-developing habits. And what does work, always has worked for me, is a challenge, a medal and some sort of game. Ideally all three. The challenges we had set haven’t kept me going. I haven’t been able to work towards them and they haven’t provided the kick up the arse required. So just entering another race or setting a park run target or whatever isn’t going to work – its not immediate enough. So I decided I would try a virtual challenge, something that tracks as you go along rather than something that is just an end goal; something that provides interest over time and an incentive to reach the next thing and something that allows me to go at my pace. And of course I need a medal at the end. A quick google and I landed on the Conqueror Virtual Challenges. I signed up for a challenge (I’ll tell you more about which one and why that one etc next time) to see if it might just work and keep me motivated through the really hard bit of starting again.

Well, it did its first job which was to get me out today when I really just wanted to curl up and stare into space and work out how I managed to work all day without having anything to show for it. I went out only because I wanted to see if the app worked, if my strava would sync to it and what the look and feel of the app and challenge would be. So yeah – gamification works. For me anyway. I did 2 miles again. Run/Walk at 30/30 intervals. This time for the full two miles. I went the same mile out as previously but ran past a guy I know who was out chatting and we had a friendly exchange but I really didn’t want a second interaction on the way back so I turned off and went down hill. So I did run a slightly easier route in terms of slopes but I kept the run/walk going until the 2 mile beep on my watch. Then I walked the .70 of a mile home up the hill. Happy with that. Oh and me not wanting another interaction had nothing to do with the guy, I was a proper no people zone after work today.

Einstein receiving instructions from the Dino gang
Odin – not too sure about being watched while having his tea

Anyway, I will tell you more about the challenge and the app as I get into it but for now there is one thing I want to mention because it pissed me off as I was completing the registration on the app. It’s a distance challenge, right. You can count all sorts of exercise to contribute, all good. I like that because it makes it really inclusive. But then the app asked for me height and weight. Annoying in itself. It doesn’t need that to track distance travelled. It’s irrelevant to the thing the app is designed for. And then, as if asking for weight wasn’t bad enough, it asked for ideal weight. So there it is. Just like that we have again made the assumption that exercise and signing up to a challenge must be about weight loss. Had they asked these questions before I signed up for the challenge I wouldn’t have signed up. It annoys the hell out of me. There is no reason for the app to need the information. The challenges are based on distance traveled, that doesn’t change based on how much someone weighs. I am not doing a challenge to lose weight. I am not running to lose weight, I am not going to the gym to lose weight. I am not doing anything to lose weight. I am doing the things I am doing to be fitter and stronger and so I can keep having adventures. My weight bobbing about a bit is a side effect of that, not a driving force. Anyway, I had already bought the challenge, so I completed the app registration, gave them my current weight as both the current and ideal weight which might fry their algorithm a bit at least and got over myself.

Next time I will tell you where in the virtual world I am and why I chose it and any other musings. For now, I have some more marking to do – you know, academic and that time of year!

Time for Big Girl Pants!

Jess Guth1 Comment

And just like that we are in mid April. I mean what the actual fuck are we doing in April? Remember my happy run back in January? The one where I felt good. Yep, can we go back to that please. It really felt like I was getting somewhere again and that fitness was slowly coming back and that running could be really fun again. And then I got flu. I was off work for most of January because I just couldn’t shake it. I feel like I was not only off work, I feel like I may have stepped off the world – I don’t really remember January. I was asleep or reading or watching romance fiction – because that’s normal for me (not). I am not having a go at romance readers here – you do you. It’s just not my thing generally and I am still at a loss to explain why it was then. Anyway, February just felt like a battle to get through a day without falling asleep. I did very little in terms of moving off the sofa/ chair. I went to work when I had to but otherwise I was just a couch potato because anything else was too exhausting. I went for a walk at Bolton Abbey and then needed a 2 week rest.

Towards the end of February I thought that maybe it was time to get moving again. I was scared of running though. I didn’t want to get down the road and not be able to function. So I got on the bike in the garage and actually it wasn’t horrendous. I did two days back to back of cycling for 45 minutes ish taking it easy, not following a programme, just sort of peddling along thinking about nothing much. Then I did another virtual ride a week later. And there we are in March and I can still barely move – clearly running the Kielder 11 mile night run was never going to happen. We still went to Kielder Water even though neither of us could do our races and we had a couple of lovely walks instead of our planned runs – but I was tired. I slept lots, lounged in the hot tub, did some very gentle yoga.

When we got back from Kielder Water, we decided to try the gym again. We’re too old to get away with not strength training so we have been going – not lots but at least once and mostly twice a week for a good weights session. We went really early on a Sunday and I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. Maybe I just hadn’t woken up yet. So the gym has been the most consistent. Yoga is second. On the 23rd March I finally went for a run. Just a mile at run walk of 30/30. It should be easy, right. Well it wasn’t. But I did it and tried hard not to be grumpy about it. But then I was scared again so ended up not doing anything, then going back to HITT once or twice and then today I went for another run. Same thing: A mile run walk and then turn round. This time I kept going a bit after I turned round so in total I ran/walked a mile and a half and walked half a mile. Progress is progress.

I’ve deferred Rasselbock’s Sherwood Big Loop event that we were looking at doing next weekend to their 2 day winter event instead and we have a plan for that – watch this space. The next thing booked is the 23k at the Lakeland Trails in July – I am not thinking about it really. I am not likely to be ready and that’s ok. I can’t rush this. I just need to build some consistency, just get out there one step at a time. Motivation is hard because running is actually just hard at the moment. It isn’t fun and I am struggling to access the memory bank of fun running.

So anyway, that’s where I’ve been in case you’ve missed me. I’ve been hiding and grumpy and frustrated and paralysed by the task ahead. But being grumpy about fitness lost and scared of how hard it’s going to be will not actually make me feel any better and will also absolutely not get me fit again. So it’s time for big girl pants. I am a 47 year old woman, I am generally fuelled by perimenopausal rage (and caffeine) – I can do anything.