New Benchmark needed

Running isn’t really happening in the way I wanted it to but this weekend was an 11 mile weekend. After what has been a slightly frustrating time that sort of comes as a relief. I have, so far this year, managed just one 5k run that felt good and where I didn’t struggle. Everything else has been shorter and incredibly slow and not exactly comfortable. There was one outing in Birmingham which was fun but not really a run as I mostly walked. As I was out on my run yesterday I thought about what I might blog, if I might blog and what the focus should be. I was thinking lots about my relationship with running at the moment. It’s complicated but maybe a little less complicated after this weekend, maybe.

Remember when 13 minute miles where forever pace? Remember when ‘only’ and ‘5km’ belonged in the same sentence? I have never been fast, ever. But before February 2020 working towards 5k in under 30 minutes wasn’t laughably impossible, running without walking for an hour or more wasn’t some pipe dream and a half marathon wasn’t actually a huge deal. My lungs worked, they got air in. My legs worked well and were strong and my feet held up well. I miss that. I remember at the time I still wanted to be stronger and fitter and faster but I was also happy with what I could do and I was itching to build on it. Instead I am building from what feels like nothing and it is going so so so slowly.

I set off yesterday thinking that I really needed to get in 6 miles if I am going to have any chance of attempting the half marathon on 1st May. I also set off knowing that I probably couldn’t do that. I have dropped my intervals to 30 seconds running and 30 seconds walking (from 1 minute running) and it is still ridiculously hard. The first mile was basically downhill and I still felt pretty much ready to quit. I had no idea of pace but recently I have got really down when seeing how slow I have been going and then I have just given up, so yesterday I deliberately didn’t look at my watch and changed the display so it wouldn’t show pace. As I plodded onto the canal towpath and into my second mile I tried to focus on now.

But now is quite hard. I am not running as consistently as I want to. I should be patient with myself. The world is still in a pandemic, Kath and I are getting used to living in 2 homes and not always the same one at the same time and I have been settling into a new job. Maybe it’s not that surprising that there has been little headspace or energy for running. Now, plodding along at what turned out to be about at 14 and a half minute miles, the whole running thing didn’t really feel doable or that there was much point. But the sun was shining, the birds were singing and in the scheme of things I was actually doing ok. 30 seconds/30 seconds just felt fairly methodical, harder than I thought it should, but ok. I tried really hard not to think about how far I had to go and thought that maybe if I made it to 2.5 miles I could turn and go back the same way and that would take me to 5 miles. But that would be a lot of going uphill. I just kept going and eventually the 3 mile beep came. Not that long after that I saw Kath coming the other way.

She asked if she could join me so we plodded what we call the farm loop together. It worked out well because we were on the loop before I’d remembered that I had thought about turning round at the bridge before. We saw lambs and listened to the birds and before I knew it really I was 4 and then 5 miles in. And then it got tough. My hips were getting sore and my feet were niggling a little bit. But by then we were heading for home and I had vague recollections of that last mile sort of feeling and the ‘only a mile’ sort of sense. So I made it to the finish line bridge we agreed on. 6.65 miles. Then my feet were in absolute agony walking home. As I lay on our living room floor trying to stretch I thought ‘well here we go, running is really not happening’ but as I stretched everything eased, the pain went away and didn’t come back and this morning I actually felt pretty good.

This morning we went to Bolton Abbey to have a little trot out. Same intervals, same slow but hard feel, same gorgeous sun, birdsong and cold air. It was a glorious 3.5 miles and even though it is so frustrating to be 2 minutes a mile slower trying really hard than I was pre February 2020 running easy, I am running. I can still be outside, I can enjoy the sun on my face. I just need to try and re-calibrate. Pre 2020 is no longer a useful benchmark, I need new ones. For today being within ‘Disney Pace’ was useful. That’s 16 minute miles and both weekend runs were early within that. That will have to do as a win, along with being out, seeing lambs and hearing curlews.

West Yorkshire December Outings

Odin hiding

It’s a Sunday in December. It feels cold. It has been grey all day and I am not sure it ever really got light. There’s been wet stuff falling from the sky or just hanging in the air and even our youngest two cats don’t want to go outside. It’s the sort of weather that would usually make me pull the duvet over my head and hide, reach for more mince pies and just alternate mugs of coffee, tea, hot chocolate and hot water until it is time for a hot bath a hot water bottle and bed. In short, it’s a West Yorkshire December Sunday.

A run today certainly would have been, erm, let’s say bracing and actually if fitter I might have quite enjoyed a relatively speedy sheep loop followed by a shower and lounging in front of the fire. But I am not fit and speedy isn’t an option at the moment. But just staying in wasn’t an option either because Kath and I are doing the Lakeland Lapland Festive Virtual Ultra. It started on 7pm on the 10th and runs to the 22nd December and in that time we need to cover a total of 234km between us as Team Double Dopey. It works out at 9.75km each every day for 12 days (with the cushion of a 13th day if we need it because of the activity upload window they allow). My plan was always to walk mostly as I really wasn’t sure how I would be doing at this point. The plan was also for Kath to cover most of the distance and me to contribute as much as I can. And that is pretty much how it is working out.

The challenge has been good for getting us out of the house more than we would have otherwise. We started with a walk round the neighbourhood on the 10th, then we had a run each and a joint walk on the 11th and yesterday we both ran and today we walked together. I spent most of yesterday being disappointed with my run and most of today being quite proud of it. I changed the running intervals from 15 seconds to 30 seconds and thought I would run our sheep loop with an added loop we call the farm loop. It goes along the canal but instead of out and back along the canal it loops round some back streets and through a farm yard.

I managed the intervals quite well. I slowed to slower than slow snail’s pace through the muddy bits down the hills and my feet were getting sore because I tense them too much but it was all fine. I stopped at a canal bridge to chat to one of our friends and while there saw Kath coming back from the farm loop. She stopped too, briefly and then I set off again and she came with me to keep me company on the rest of my run. I’d got cold so getting going again took a bit of effort. I didn’t make the farm loop but did a shorter out and back and kept the intervals going until just after 5km. Then I walked the remaining 2km home to make sure I didn’t injure anything that was niggling. I am happy with that – though I wasn’t yesterday – it’s a good run/walk effort and I keep forgetting just how poorly I was and how much better I am doing. Patience…

We finished yesterday on exactly 50km. Today My legs felt tired but mostly my feet were both quite sore. My right calf muscle also felt tight. That and one look at the weather meant I decided I wasn’t going to run today but would get wrapped up for a walk instead. Kath agreed. So we set off in the grey drizzle that, over the course of our nearly 11km, just got worse and worse. We both grumbled a bit about being cold and my feet were a bit tender in sections but it was also really nice to be outside. Towards the end we started talking about having hot chocolate to warm us up when we got in and somehow just that in itself was lovely. The anticipation of hot chocolate and dry socks is something powerful indeed. The last km or so was quite tough. I was tired. Part of me was grumpy about that. I have no business being tired after a 10km walk that wasn’t even marching or striding out but I am trying to be kind. I am still recovering and slowly slowly building fitness. The last bit was also into a headwind that was driving the now quite heavy rain straight into our faces so it wasn’t much fun. But then we were home and quite soon we were warming up from the inside with hot chocolate (80Noir Ultra of course) and our feet were dry and cozy and the daily distance for the Lakeland Lapland ultra were in the bag. And that feels like a good day.

More 8 minutes, more mantras and a revelation

On Monday I told you about my 8 minutes times 3 running. Well it was the same again for the next run – which was today. I didn’t go this morning so actually chances of it happening at all diminished as the day went on. We had to get something looked at on the car and did the food shop and then were hungry and then too full and then we fell asleep… anyway, then we went for a run. I think Kath had a 5 miler and I watched her set off in the rain as I tried to find something to occupy Odin kitten so he wouldn’t follow me.

I went a different route this time. The first 8 minutes were comfortable and I enjoyed the rain on my face and the lack of people. I was staying on the roads round the village and it was lovely and quiet. I don’t remember thinking about much at all. It was just nice to be out and moving. As I finished my first walk break and settled into the 2nd run I remembered something that Kath had said about mantras – apparently using ‘you’ rather than ‘I’ works better. So I tried that; ‘You are strong and you can do this’ – nope my brain did not like that one. The little voice in my head did this:

I tried just ‘You can do this’ and a more confident ‘You are doing this’ and some variations on that theme but now I am referring to myself as another person and quite frankly I am quite loony enough without adding that. So with that little voice in my head still falling over itself laughing, I nearly got run over by some muppet in a corsa who didn’t know what the flashy little orange lights on his car do and somehow thought that’s my fault and had run for 7 minutes. One minute to go. Up hill. But it’s just a minute. And now I know that I can run for 8 minutes, a minute seems doable. And it is.

The 2nd walk break finished just as the slope upwards intensifies. I have to start running. I have moments of doubt. I daren’t go back to the mantras because, well, the voice in my head has had quite enough hilarity for one day. So I keep my eyes fixed on a parked car. Slowly, slowly I get closer. And then it drives off. I mean, really. The universe couldn’t have just let me get to the car and pick my next mark? My brain was saying I had to get to the car… the car that was now out of sight. Yeah, thanks. I was unreasonably outraged by the car just driving off. ‘That was my marker’ I screamed silently in my head. I’d been running for about 90 seconds. Outrage can take you another minute or so further. Then I had to cross the road and honestly, I was grateful I had to stop and let some cars do their thing. Once it was clear, I headed off again towards the canal towpath.

My legs had sort of had enough really and my breathing was more steam train than human. So when a woman and her child on a bike didn’t move as I approached and said excuse me twice, I just raised an eyebrow at her ‘Sorry love I didn’t hear you’ as I sidestepped onto the grass. If she didn’t hear me coming she needs to get herself to the doctor to get them ears of hers checked. Anyway, as I was still pondering the weirdness of people I glanced at my watch and realised I had run 5 of the 8 minutes. 3 to go. I wanted to stop really but the woman and child on the bike were behind me and I do have some pride. So I told myself that I just needed to get to where the line of houses starts and then I could walk. That seemed ok-ish. I got there and only had 20 seconds left to run so just kept going until the watch beeped. Done. 2 minutes walk later and my 30 minutes were done.

I have been grumpy about how slow I have been but this lot of 8 minute runs with 2 minute walks was at 13 and a half minutes per mile pace which is much better than the just a smidge over 15 minute miles from Monday. I know it’s not about pace or about going further or faster each run. I know that, but it did cheer me up to see a pace number of under 14. I think it means that this programme is working and that slowly and surely my body is remembering how to run and do it more efficiently and comfortably. It’s a glimmer of hope that maybe soon I might even enjoy a run as I do it rather than only afterwards.

Kath caught me up just a minute or two after I had finished and was walking home. We walked together a few minutes and then she set off the run the last bit. When I got home this was stuck on the door and it made me giggle – although I had no energy for a happy dance just then.

I was already sweaty and in running gear so I thought I would do my Nike App exercises after the run. I had done this particular workout before (though do not get me started on plank saws etc again) and it wasn’t too horrendous. So I grabbed my phone and set the workout to start. However my t-shirt was soaking wet from the rain and really quite uncomfortable. Sod it, I thought, I’ll just take it off. And there I was, doing a workout just in my running tights and sports bra. So that was a bit of a revelation. I have always been a bit skeptical seeing women out running or at the gym or in exercise classes wearing tops that are essentially just a sports bra. Skeptical not because of the way they look but because somehow I couldn’t get my head round being comfortable. Yes I realise this is silly and says way more about me. But anyway, hello superwoman. Exercising in just a sport bra for a top was different. It felt somehow empowering. I don’t think I’ll ever run outside or go to the gym just in a sports bra top because quite honestly I can’t do with the staring or the comments, I have other things to worry about but here, at home in my spare bedroom, hell yes.

8 Minutes and Mantras

Well it stopped being too hot and with that I ran out of excuses really. I still managed to not run for a few days, I kept finding excuses in the morning, reassuring myself that I would get out later. Guess what. Yep. Later never happened. This morning my excuses didn’t really sounds believable, even to me. So I gave myself a talking to. ‘You’re a double Dopey’ I told myself ‘just get your butt out there and run’. I tried to convince myself that running for 8 minutes three times on a West Yorkshire August morning was not going to be anywhere near as hard as 26.2 miles in Florida January heat. ‘It’s also less fun’ niggled that little voice in my head.

Anyway, then Kath said she would come with me and given that none of my excuses had sounded plausible in my head, I wasn’t about the try them out on her. So I got dressed and off we went. It was only 8 minutes running. I mean really, 8 minutes is not a very long time. Except it is. The first 8 minutes actually felt ok. I settled into it quickly and while it started getting hard at about 5-6 minutes as we got to the steepest bit of the uphill I huffed and puffed my way up relatively happily. So far so good. 2 minute walk was enough to recover a bit and I felt ok setting off for run 2. Run 2 mostly sloped very very slightly upwards (after a sharp short down – which on the way back becomes a sharp short up – see below). The annoying slope you really only notice when you are running that way. It doesn’t feel like it slopes downwards the other way.

In run 2 my brain started not playing ball. It felt too hard, thoughts of walking a bit crept in. Excuses formed: ‘I can always try again to run it all tomorrow’ and ‘I’m just feeling a bit heavy because of all the food yesterday’ (It was Kath’s Mum’s birthday and we had a lovely roast dinner and birthday cake). Often what happens next is that we progress from that to ‘No point, can’t do it, might as well just walk, crap, can’t do it’. I managed to refocus before the real negative got hold and sent the little voice off into a corner of my brain for a time out. Instead I told myself that I really just had to run for 5 minutes because then I could turn round and head back towards home. And as I knew from run 1, 5 minutes was actually easy. I was huffing and puffing, sweat was dripping and I was barely going snail’s pace but I was going and at about 5 minutes we turned, back up a little tiny hill and then down the slope that doesn’t feel like a slope and run 2 was done.

My lungs were screaming for air as I mourned my lost fitness and cursed myself for having stopped running after the marathons last year and not really every getting going again. But after 2 minutes I had recovered enough as the watch beep told me it was time for my moonin butt to get moving again. Run 2 started with that short sharp uphill. Just a 10 second kind of hill but as I got to the top to another section which pretends to be flat – it’s the flattest on the route but at this point is really slightly upwards sloping, I felt like I had jelly legs. I was sure I couldn’t possibly run another minute even though I had only run less than a minute so far. Nope, I was going to have to admit defeat. I think I whimpered. Kath told me I’d recover now we were on the flat. ‘It’s not flat’ I felt like screaming but I had no spare oxygen for that. She told me I could do it and to remember my mantras.

Ha mantras. Yes I’d forgotten all about them. Mantras are funny things. In a way I am skeptical about them and on a cynical day (so most days) a bit dismissive. Somehow I can’t quite bring myself to accept that talking to myself and repeating affirmations or whatever is an acceptable way of getting through life or through a run. It just seems weird to me to be telling myself how amazing I am. It makes me cringe. So while I thought about how cringeworthy mantras are and all of that went through my head, I hadn’t stopped running. I was, somehow, miraculously still running. I heard Kath say ‘Come on keep going, you’re strong’. And I sort of shrugged and thought ‘well compared to three weeks ago I am, I’ve done all my strength workouts after all’ so my mantra became ‘I am strong and I can do this’. After saying it in my head three or four times, not finishing the run was no longer an option. All I had to do was get up the hill, down the other side and depending on time, up another slope for a bit. I am strong and I can do this. Car to car to gate to lamppost to car to gate to tree to wall to car… I am strong and I can do this. And I did.

Collapsing in a heap at the end of run 3 was tempting. But I kept walking for the 2 minutes as per the programme and by the end of that had recovered a fair bit. We were nearly home – just a couple more minutes of walking. It was slow and it was hard but it also reminded me that while often at the start of running or at the re-start of running things are physically hard, really hard and the sayings about running being mostly mental etc don’t really help or apply, there is absolutely still a place for training your mind to help. Yes I found the run today physically hard but I am now aware of the mental strategies available to me to push to the end of a physically hard run. I tried to just focus on something else during run 2 – I was still thinking about the run on this occasion but it was enough stop the negative spiral and I got through run 3 only because of the mantra. This is a definite advantage a running re-start has over starting for the first time I think. I have experienced runs were it’s all mental and I have tried different mental strategies. Now I just need to remember to use them as I make my way through this programme!

It’s too hot

It’s too hot. I generally think of myself as quite good in heat really but that apparently only applies when I am not at home. West Yorkshire is not supposed to be this hot and humid and I am just permanently grumpy about being too hot. Have I mentioned it’s too hot?

Anyway, running. I went. Kath came with me. My plan said 7 minutes running three times with 2 minute walk breaks. Well even at 7am it was already warm (have I mentioned the heat) but there was still a bit of air. The first 7 minutes were ok, hard on the uphill towards the end but ok. The second 7 minutes were just ridiculous and I didn’t think I’d get beyond 4 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 6 minutes… I would almost certainly have stopped but Kath kept insisting I could do it. I wasn’t entirely sure how I felt about that but I did feel like collapsing in a heap when I heard the beep on my watch.

The 3rd set of 7 minutes was pretty much all downhill so much easier and I recovered a little. It was lovely to run off road again too. I have been doing an out and back road route for the first part of the plan but it was early enough to head for our sheep loop (we should really call it something else, we haven’t had our sheep for quite some time now) including the canal. And the longer running intervals made a loop more worthwhile. We finished run 3 just about a minute or so onto the canal and then enjoyed a relaxing walk home from there. It was nice to do a loop rather than an out and back and it was lovely to see some greenery and ducks! I hadn’t realised it but I have missed the ducks.

Other than that it’s basically just too hot.