Tag: 5km

Meh, meh and meh again

Jess Guth1 Comment

Ah well that glorious few seconds at the end of the last run I wrote about was short lived. I’ve been out once sine then and it was fairly miserable. Although I was excited I’d got out at all. Then I got a little busy with stuff and with excuses so did sweet FA for the rest of the week. Yesterday was supposed to be ‘Dopey proof of time day’ but there was absolutely no way I was dragging my arse round the Manchester Half Marathon and Kath is still coming back from injury. So no proof of time for us so we will be starting our Dopey races at the back – hopefully not dead last though. It’s a bit meh to have not started yet another race. But we went to Manchester anyway and had a lovely Saturday, wandering round the city, watching the world go by, drinking mocktails and generally just being. It was lovely. Somehow though on Sunday I was exhausted. I slept for a chunk of the afternoon when we got back and I went to bed really early and slept for about 11 hours. I feel marginally better today. I am not really up for doing hard things though. Every excuse busting trick in the book isn’t really working. I am happy on the sofa and not at all interested in moving off it. Possibly a bit of depression, maybe just end-of-term fatigue. Who knows but it’s meh.

I need to something else. I am going to see if posting my plan for the week here helps me actually do it – I am not promising. You might just get a week of excuses but here goes:

Today I was going to run. I haven’t. I have done an upper body strength session and 5km on the bike (was meant to be 10k but my legs died – meh). I will do my Daily stretches and the foot injury prevention session 1 before bed

Tuesday: I am off work so no excuses! 45 minute run and I would like to re-start the Dynamic Runner strength programme. Daily stretches and Foot session.

Wednesday: Re-try the 10k bike, Daily stretches and foot session and the 2nd strength session

Thursday: Rest (I am away for work) so just daily stretches and foot session. If I want to do something because I am bored in the hotel, there’s a beginner barre that doesn’t need equipment or much room

Friday: Still away so a morning run from hotel – 45 minutes ish. Daily stretches and the last foot session

Saturday: 5 mile run, Strength Session 3 and Daily Stretches

Sunday: Bike, Daily stretches and Session 1 of another injury prevention programme – maybe the ankle strength one (7 days)

The Daily Stretches are always around 15-18 minutes and the foot programme is no more than 10 minutes each time. The strength sessions are 20-30minutes. And yes I know it is not the ideal plan with the strength sessions back to back etc but it’s where they fit in around being away. I’ll keep you posted!

Is it fun to do the impossible?

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Ah yes, running. It’s been crap. I am totally inconsistent, I have zero motivation, my lungs don’t feel right (Covid damage? Just totally unfit?), my back and hips are niggly, everything is tight, hay fever is a bitch and my head is not up for doing hard things at the moment. I want easy, comfort zone, not pushing anything anywhere. I am not currently convinced that it might be kind of fun to do the impossible. I’m really not.

BUT, I also really want to be able to do stuff. I miss my fitness, I miss running just being a thing that I do and not an endless drama and mind games to actually get myself out of the door. I want to do the Dopey Challenge in January, I want to do the Great North Run in September and all the milestones and adventures in-between and I want to do them with joy. I want to have fun. I don’t want it all to just be one big long miserable slog. So I need to get fitter. A lot fitter. Which means I have to go do the things that are impossible and hope that somewhere somehow the fun comes back and I re-discover the joy.

So today’s step 1 or the many many step 1s and re-starts and re-boots and whatever over the last few weeks and months: Get out and run. I had put off going for a run all week. One thing I am good at is excuses. I could give you a perfectly reasonable sounding one for each run I didn’t do. None of them are justifiable really. though. So anyway the plan today was for us each to go to our own thing before breakfast and by the time I properly woke up, Kath was already out on her loop and just about back home. We had a coffee together and Einstein cat came into bed so there’s 2 excuses to not go right there – first that we were going to have breakfast together and I had slept a lot later than Kath and she was already back and so she’d be hungry so I should just make breakfast and go later (going later basically never happens). Kath put that excuse to bed by declaring she was happy having granola and we could just do our own thing. Einstein is Kath’s cat through and through so I rarely get cuddles with him so I really didn’t want to disturb him cuddled right into me curled up under my legs. Again Kath pointed out that I could just go when he moved and it really didn’t matter – nowhere to be today.

So, vaguely plausible excuses put to bed, I got out of bed. I’d been thinking about where to go. I really struggle on any sort of up. It’s like the minute my lungs have to actually work they can’t. I get out of breath really quickly and sort of grind to a halt. Obviously therefore I avoid up. That’s not going to help. So I decided that I would start with up this morning and walk towards Keighley Gate. Added bonus here that setting off walking is less scary than setting of running. I couldn’t actually remember whether I am supposed to be on a 3 mile weekend or whether it’s a 5 mile weekend and honestly at this point I don’t care. The plan is gone. I just need to build some sort of consistency somehow. I thought 2 miles up and 2 miles down would be good.

I set off on a good march up the hill. After about 50 metres I was huffing and puffing and after a further 50 metres I thought maybe this was a really bad idea. Lungs were burning and I was huffing and puffing and really wanted to slow down. I slowed a little bit just to breathe but kept walking. I made it to be mile in about 19.5 minutes which actually in my history of walking that stretch really isn’t too bad.I was knackered though. Onwards. At 1.5 miles my back said Hi with a sharp pain across the bottom right. I might have yelped. My hip joined in. At 1.65 miles I thought it was all a bit silly and I should head back down before anything really hurts. I started jogging and it was ok. Pain wasn’t worse really but now I felt hot. I put 30 seconds walk breaks in every minute or 90 seconds. I was making a really conscious effort to make sure the run was positive overall. I was slightly irritated that I was using walk breaks on what is essentially a long downhill but it also felt like the right thing to do.

And then, for just a brief moment the magic returned. As I turned left onto our road, everything felt perfect. There was no pain, no niggle even, my form felt perfect, my glutes properly engaged, my speed picked up but felt almost effortless. For just a short 30 seconds ish at the end of my run everything came together, rhythm, cadence, breathing, form. It felt perfect. It is fun to do the impossible. There is joy in hard after all. Now how do I bottle that? How do I hang on to that when my body and mind are screaming at me that it’s all pointless and I can’t run anyway so why bother trying? I don’t know, but for now I’ll take it.

And, if I told you that Disney pace requirement is 16 minute mile, you will understand from the screen short below why today’s effort had an added bonus level of excitement:

Screenshot of Strava activity showing pace at 15.59

Cliffe Castle parkrun

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I am not entirely sure I had really thought through what ‘doing Cliffe Castle parkrun’ would mean when I suggested it for New Years Day. It’s our home parkrun. We have actually only run it two or three times before and have volunteered a few times. Anyway, starting the new year with a parkrun seemed like a good thing to do and when deciding which one, we quickly discounted those which would be muddy in places – mainly because my feet are still a bit sensitive and definitely prefer cushioned road shoes over trail shoes at the moment. But I am barely 5km fit. I have had hardly any runs of that distance and my lungs and willpower seem to give out around 2 miles ish at the moment. So I have no idea what made me think that joining a group of people to haul our backsides round a 3.1 mile course with a huge hill in the middle that you have to do 3 times would be a good thing to do this morning.

Anyway, I am assuming you all know what parkrun is. If not – it’s a weekly 5km timed run, usually on a Saturday but with special events on Christmas Day and New Years Day, which is free and you just need one registration for all parkruns round the world. So, Cliffe Castle parkrun. I always say I quite like the course because it is basically all down hill apart from the so-called Cliffe. But I think maybe I just forget how bad the Cliffe actually is. I was expecting more people to turn up today than did and while I was expecting to be really quite slow, I wasn’t expecting to be right at the back. It doesn’t actually matter at all but somehow in the moment it did matter. I didn’t like it. I have come last at parkrun before (I know, I know, you are never last, the tail runner/walker is…) when I did it in Bath and I don’t usually mind the idea or the reality of coming last. But today I did.

We set off at the back of the pack and jogged reasonably happily down the hill, turned left onto the path and eventually found ourselves at the bottom of the bloody big hill known affectionately (or not) as the Cliffe. We walked up it and I had definitely forgotten how steep it was and how long it goes on for. When we eventually doubled back on ourselves and the hill changed from actual hill to slight slope there was no way I was running yet. I didn’t start running again until we were back on broad tarmac paths going downhill. I was tempted to duck out and just go back to the car. But that would have taken a little more planning and as quickly as the thought came, we were past the entrance to the grounds that would have made that possible.

I ran/walked lap 2 until we got to the Cliffe. We walked up again and my lungs were next to useless. I huffed and puffed my way to the top and seriously thought about going to the car. Kath was spending her time chatting away and trying to make me laugh but my sense of humour had parked itself at the finish line and if I wanted it back I was going to have to finish. So, more run walk, with a little more walk, for lap 3 and a walk that felt more like a crawl up the Cliffe the third time. I barely had enough breath to say thank you to the marshals at the top. Still huffing and puffing I tried to keep run/walk going, I tried to ignore the fact that the tail walker was the only person behind us and that it was beginning to feel like the marshals were waiting for us (they weren’t, there were a couple of finishers not far in front and some more not far in front of them). I ran up the last hill and got to the finish with lungs burning and struggling to breathe. Still, it’s done. I am sure at some point I will enjoy having done that.

2.5 miles, happy runners and new ‘grumpy old woman’ level unlocked

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Week 5 complete! Yay. Today was such a mental battle. It wasn’t so much the getting out because we had already decided we were going to Bolton Abbey to run. It was such a gorgeous morning so in a way the getting out bit was easy. It was a bit chilly though. According to the car it was 4 degrees (centigrade) when we left the house and 2 when we arrived at Bolton Abbey. But the sun was out and I felt positive. I was creaky – I ran and did the first HIIT workout in forever yesterday so that’s perhaps not surprising. I decided to walk a couple of minutes before easing myself into my 30/30 run/walk intervals. I made my way up the first slope and at the top- ish I set of for the first run. It felt like running through treacle.

I could see Kath ahead and she had chosen the top path and I decided to follow her and get the slopes out of the way early. Making my way up to the top path felt impossible. My legs were heavy, my lungs burning and it felt like I was going backwards. I just made it to the top, turned right and realised that there was no downhill now. The path just sort of undulates upwards for a bit. Just as I was thinking about whether just a nice walk might be the better option today a tall runner came cheerfully striding towards me and beamed a big ‘hello’ at me. Somehow that really cheered me up and gave me enough resolve to keep going a bit. I was pondering the various meanings of ‘undulating’ in running commentary and race descriptions to try and take my mind off things but every step felt so hard. It was like I had to force my brain to force my legs to keep moving and my legs were saying no and my brain was saying no – mutiny all round.

At about half a mile the light caught my eye. I was mid way through a walk, I stopped the watch to just admire it for a bit and take a couple of photos (they don’t really do it justice). I was stopped for less than a minute, I was still puffing but I thought I might as well do a little more and shortly after another runner came flying round the corner with a little brown dog and I got another happy ‘Morning!’. Both of the runners I saw on the top path early on seemed content in their runs and cheery and like they were enjoying themselves. Somehow that helped me focus more on the positives of my run – being out, autumnal clear air, the light, the colours… . I dropped back down onto the main path down by the river to head back towards the car park. I hit a mile and the running sort of settled down and just was.

As I got closer to the car park, it got quite busy and I am clearly getting closer to my life goal of being a grumpy old woman. Groups walking together all seemed to need the entire path, dogs were mostly not under control, dogs on long leads were waddling across the path so I had to hurdle the lead, families were walking taking up all the path and just stared at me when I said ‘excuse me’ from a distance and then ‘excuse me, can I just come through please’ meaning I had to zig zag my way through. I was pissed off by the time I got to the last stretch before the Cavendish Pavilion and went through the same process and got no reaction, no attempt to move dog on lead or 3 small children to one side to leave enough room for me to get past. So I just said ‘Excuse me, please can I come past you’ for the 3rd time and when nothing happened I snapped ‘I am not stopping!’. As I said that one of the children told their mum to move out of the way and shifted creating just enough space. The mum shouted something after me and it is probably just as well I didn’t hear it. To be clear – this is not a single file path – this is a path where you can easily walk 4-5 next to each other so making space for me to come through was really not a big deal and they were coming towards me and I was already tucked away on one side – so no excuse really.

I was glad to clear the gate and continue towards the car park where there was actually space to avoid people. My plan said 2.5 miles but I had told myself that I could stop at 2 as I am still one run behind from week 4. But I figured I might as well get the 2.5 done given that I was out and not completely dead yet. I ran alongside the river on the wet grass and there was something rebellious and fun about running on the grass getting wet feet. My watch was running out of battery and when it leaves the battery warning across the screen so you can’t see any of the stats so I knew it had beeped for 2 miles and I knew I was going really slow. I sort of guessed that if I did another 8 runs after the 2 mile beep I should be round about 2.5 miles if I was guessing my pace about right. Turns out I wasn’t far off at all – Garmin said 2.51 and Strava being Strava stole a bit and makes it bang on 2.5 miles. Week 5 done. Happy.

Thinking about Self-Talk

Jess Guth1 Comment

I read an article the other day – can’t remember where. Might have been Runners’ World but perhaps not – that was basically saying self-talk is a proven tool in our running toolkit and that research now also suggests that talking to yourself in the 2nd rather than 1st person is even more beneficial. I am sure you can find the research (and the article) online, I don’t want to re-hash it here. Reading it just prompted me to think about my self-talk. I hadn’t really thought about it and I also hadn’t been consciously talking to myself while running. And that’s odd. I talk to myself all the time. I am in constant dialogue with myself and most of that dialogue takes please in the 2nd person not the first. I mean, it’s not unusual for me to ask my foot ‘how are you feeling? Do you hurt?’ or tell me brain ‘I know you’re tired, let’s just finish this paragraph’. Sometimes, when I am really trying to outsmart the demons, I’ll even switch to 3rd person to make observations like ‘She could really do with doing some stretches’ or ‘Get her something other than coffee’. It’s a technique to try and get me to look after ‘her’ (which is me) because I am actually good at looking after other people, less so me. It doesn’t always work, the response can be ‘Yes I know…’ or similar followed by absolutely no action at all, but sometimes it works.

So why then can I not remember a single bit of self-talk during these last 5 weeks of running? It’s weird. I have written about the sort of conversations that happen in my head several times over the years on this blog. It’s normal for me and until I read the article the other day and thought about it, I hadn’t realised I wasn’t doing it. The only thing I remember having thought in that self-talk kind of a way is ‘this is harder than it should be’ – and that’s not exactly helpful. Anyway, we’ll never know if there was self-talk and I just don’t remember it or whether there wasn’t any. Doesn’t matter. I went out for my first run of the week yesterday – Thursday. Yes I know, I am never going to get through all my runs if run 1 of the week happens on Thursday – but that’s another story and for now it just is. So as I set off I said ‘You can do this’ to myself and then laughed out loud because actually consciously talking to yourself is a bit ridiculous.

As a I got a few minutes down the road I tried again ‘You can do this’. Hm ok. ‘I can do this’ I followed up just in case and to test if that felt any different. Bizarrely ‘I can do this’ felt more ridiculous still. ‘No I can’t’ my brain had snapped back before I could think. Ok, best stick to ‘you’. I plodded on. Still downhill so not really anything to talk about at all. As the first little incline started I noted ‘You’re dead on hills’. Well how fucking helpful. I can be incredibly dumb sometimes. Self-talk is supposed to be helpful and positive. So I went on ‘but this isn’t a hill, just a slope’. Phew, got away with that one! I chucked in a few ‘You can do this’, ‘you are doing it’ type comments and made it to the top of the hill, sorry slope. I plodded along wondering whether maybe I should just shut up and go back to not saying anything at all.

I dropped onto the canal towpath. ‘I like running in the rain’, I said. ‘Do you?’ was my response. Great, now I am having a conversation with myself – because that’s not at all weird. ‘Yes I do’. ‘You don’t like running though’ oh just shut up.

As I was nearing the 26th minute I remembered that I used to have self-talk mantras. I tried to remember and thought it was something like ‘strong and light and Dopey’. ‘Well, that doesn’t work any more’ I noted followed by ’30 seconds is a really long time today’. Followed by a half hearted ‘be nice, you can do this’. I did indeed do it (30 minutes). Whether it had anything to do with self-talk or not doesn’t really matter. Somehow it was nice to be back in the familiar dialogue that I remember from previous running chapters. If I can just find a useful mantra I can go back to arguing with myself and have those arguments interrupted with positive, cliched mantras that, if nothing else, will at least make me laugh.