10 Years ago today I ran my first marathon. And my first marathon was part of my first Dopey Challenge. 10 Years. The world has changed. I have changed. And yet it also seems like yesterday. I had a much longer blogpost in draft. I was trying to make sense of the last 10 years plus of running and what I have learned. But I couldn’t quite get the words right. I am not sure I am quite clear on what it is I wanted to say. Or maybe it’s my flu-fogged brain. I started drafting the post just after I posted the last one about feeling good – then I got flu so I haven’t run all week. So maybe what I started drafting doesn’t feel quite right now.
So I will just share these two pictures. Our Dopey Challenge Finisher picture and the Marathon medal. Reflections of what is now really 11 years of running properly – sometimes more not running than running – might still come. But as I sit on the sofa today feeling frustrated that I got flu just as I was settling into quite a nice exercise routine, let’s just let this be a reminder that sometimes it is fun to do the impossible.
Good luck to all the Dopeys starting the marathon tomorrow. One foot in front of the other!
So it was 17 miles day today. Well actually 17 mile day was yesterday but yesterday things felt all wonky and weird for both of us so we went for a walk instead and moved 17 mile day to today. The plan was to get the train to Leeds and run back to Crossflatts. It started off with me at some point having turned off the alarm so we didn’t wake up in time for the train we were going to get out to Leeds. That nearly de-railed us but we eventually decided to just go for a later train which is fine on a Saturday as the car park as Crossflatts doesn’t fill up.
We got into Leeds and set off along the canal towards home. It was a gorgeous morning and the first couple of miles felt absolutely fine. My new running vest fits well and I easily sipped both water and fuel as we made our way through the first 5km and towards 4 miles. I was slightly disappointed with my pace but it was all fine and there were loads of herons which always make me smile. Throughout mile 5 my right calf tightened a bit and my right foot got pins and needles which took another mile-ish to sort itself out. Then my right hip flexor started niggling. All of this before we had even hit 6 miles. And of course that thought went through my head and bang – brain malfunction.
I managed another mile of run/walk but just after 7 miles I lost the mental battle. I am pretty sure that I was probably physically ok but I just couldn’t get there. It is so hard to explain and looking back just feels silly. I went from thinking all was fine and the run was actually pretty positive to allowing a tiny twinge to derail me completely – and I am cross and disappointed at myself for that. Immediately the importer syndrome kicked in. I had only got to 7 miles, there was no way I would be able to do Dopey – I wasn’t even worthy of trying. That spiralled into thoughts about just not being good enough, being too fat and too old to be out there running and that I was just foolish for even trying. For my stupid uncooperative brain, I had the evidence that I should just pack up and go home and bin all my running shoes right there.
We kept walking. Not that we had a choice in that anyway as there was nowhere to come off the canal to get a train. We just walked. I tried to walk relatively fast but I couldn’t get within Disney Pace. We shared a banana and just kept walking and walking and walking… Eventually I started to feel slightly more positive. I was still walking and while hips and feet weren’t exactly happy, there was also no real pain or anything signifying injury. I kept an eye on how long each mile was taking and did the maths – I was still within overall Disney Pace so the goal became to finish half marathon distance within that pace. According to Strava I did and according to Garmin I just missed it.
We had agreed to stop in Saltaire and have food and try and turn the day into a positive one. We got pizza and it was great and then we got the train back to Crossflatts. I have stopped spiralling and have got my brain back into a more positive space. We have agreed that as things stand we will give the first 3 runs of the Dopey Challenge a good go and then we’ll decide on strategy for the marathon. It may be that Kath just goes for it to get Dopey, it may be that we do it together and she tries to help me get round. We don’t have to decide right now and there is still a month of training left to go. Stretching and strength could make all the difference. I do still feel like a running imposter. I still feel like everyone we saw out there was judging me (they weren’t) and that I shouldn’t be taking up space in the running world. But I am back believing that those feelings are nonsense. I know I have as much right to be a runner as everyone else and I will eventually get back to believing it, too.
So 13.5 miles instead of 17, lots of nonsense in my brain but overall a good day and we go again tomorrow.
We are entering what I call the pixie dust pre- Dopey Challenge phase. I have been scrolling through Dopey running groups and rolling my eyes at the ‘I can’t currently run/walk a mile, I still have time, right?’ or ‘My current pace is 24 minutes per mile over 5km, can anyone help me get faster so I can maintain the 16 minute mile required for the marathon’ type comments. You can’t tackle to Dopey Challenge on pixie dust. As Allie Bailey says on her website ‘Whoever invented “Believe – Achieve” was lying. You need to believe, do a fuck tonne of work on yourself, then achieve‘. So as I was scrolling rolling my eyes I realised that I am also in pixie dust territory. I have neither been consistent nor have I got anywhere near the distances I should be running now to get ready for Dopey. It’s time to recommit to doing the fuck tonne of work.
On Wednesday I had a random day off and it was Kath’s non working day so we set off to Bolton Abbey to run the 7 mile loop from the top car park to Barden Bridge and back. 7 hilly miles was always going to be tough so it was actually really nice to have nothing at all really to report from that run. It was uneventful and I loved it. I completely died on the last hilly bit and walked from there which was most of the last mile. We had some food at the Tea on the Green cafe and a nice afternoon. The next run was then meant to be Friday but after waking up early I then fell asleep again and somehow the day was all out of sync and I never really got going with anything.
Saturday I was at an Open Day at work and when I got back I was dehydrated and tired. But I really wanted to try and get out and try and build some consistency. The only thing I had eaten since breakfast was a doughnut that were available for us at the open day. It was yummy but it isn’t exactly prime running fuel. I had however grabbed some for Kath and her mum so I thought I could drop off a doughnut on a run. But running with a doughnut in hand wasn’t really an option so I thought I would try my running pack for an actual run. I had only ever used it for walking really which is what I bought it for. I packed the doughnut in the bag alongside the rain jacket I knew I didn’t need just to see what it was like with something in it. So I went on my 2 mile doughnut delivery run which was kind of fun and the pack worked well.
Then today was long run day. And I had a wobble about whether Dopey was really doable. So we mapped it out and then I got my sorry arse out for 10 miles. I ran the first 2 and bit miles really happy and positive. Then I watched a stupid little dog bark at ducks and as I approached it ran towards me barking. The owners were what I presume was a couple and the bloke turned to look back but made no attempt at calling the dog. I just raid ‘really? Not really on is it’ and he stepped in my path so I had to stop. He had a really creepy smirk on his face and didn’t say anything. I was seriously ready to push him in the canal. I had my bodyweight all set but there were people within sight and his wife/ girlfriend was there and then he stepped out of my way so I just kept going. The next half mile or so I was a bit freaked out by the whole thing because he was just weird. Then I settled into a happy run again. At 4 miles I could see another bloke walking a dog that was bouncy and running ahead and I just couldn’t face the idea of going past and potentially getting caught up in another bloke with dog incident. So I turned round.
Inevitably I came across the weird couple again and this time there weren’t any people within sight. I felt myself tense as I approached and the bloke said something along the lines of ‘the fat bitch again’. It wasn’t meant for me to hear and when I actually got close enough the couple made the dog sit between them at the edge of the canal. I said a pointed ‘thank you’ as I went past and decided that he’d really called me a fat witch and that I could therefore curse him. I spent another half mile or so wishing him fun things like really itchy flea bites in places he can’t reach. I’m nice like that. Then I settled in again and started to think about making the distance given that I had turned round a mile early. I decided to just keep going along the canal for an additional mile, turn round and then head up the hill as planned. I did briefly consider not doing the full ten but I really wanted the double figures. It felt like getting into double figures today was the test for whether Dopey is on or not. So I got my earphones out of my pocket, plugged them into my phone and hoped that some music would carry me through. It helped.
As I headed along and hit 8 miles and the turnaround point, I was in quite a busy stretch with lots of people walking. I decided to keep going on and do a loop instead of staying on the flat of the canal for an out and back because I didn’t want to get tangled in all of the people I had just passed going one way. I continued my run/walk until about 8.5 miles and then walked up the hill into Morton and then picked up the run/walk again for the last mile, although I had to add some walks on the uphill bits. Nothing hurt majorly but my right hip flexor is the weak point. All in all it was a good run and I am really happy to have got into double figures and for the Dopey dream to be alive. I did my stretches outside while Storm Cat watched and everything seems fine. In fact I feel pretty good about things. I have a plan and I feel like I have re-committed. Hopefully some pixie dust will help me get out and keep doing the work and if I do that, Dopey is on.
Well I had Covid again and it wasn’t nice. It sparked the 100 Days of Wonder blog series on my other blog so that’s something fun and light to come out of it but running wise – meh.
Honestly I am quite scared to run. What if my lungs just really don’t work? What if getting ready for Dopey is now completely impossible? Well being too scared to run isn’t going to help with that is it! We went for a walk at Bolton Abbey once we’d both tested negative and that was ok but we were soo tired afterwards and maybe we went too soon because we both felt crap again for a few days after.
Then I put off trying to go out for a few days. Then I went to a work thing in Worcester and somehow the idea of a little tourist run was easier to wrap my head around than just a run. I woke up early anyway so it’s not like I had to drag myself out of bed. I stood outside the hotel for ages waiting for my watch to pick up the GPS signal but it didn’t so in the end I just set Strava to track. I ran down the road towards the Cathedral. It was still dark so it wasn’t your usual tourist sightseeing run. I ran in intervals but skipped the odd one here and there but also stopped to take pictures.
After the cathedral I went a bit random but was vaguely thinking to head to the river and see just how dark the path would be and make an assessment as to safety at that point. Once I got there, the path was light enough but it seemed deserted. I hesitated for a second but then thought that I was on my own anyway and whether I went down a well lit path along the river or a not well lit narrow street probably made little difference. I saw another runner going the opposite way but that was it. I stopped to say hello to the Kleve Swan (donated by the town Kleve in Germany which is twinned with Worcester) and then made my way back through town and to the hotel. It was only a short 2 miles loop but that was definitely enough for my lungs. It felt positive to be out though.
Today we went to Bolton Abbey again to try a run. My lungs still feel heavy (don’t know how else to describe it really) and I was a bit worried about the slopes. Running on the flat is one thing… We set off, each doing our own thing and Kath soon disappeared out of view. I was struggling mentally. On reflection I was actually physically fine but as I was running my mind raced about worrying about how my lungs felt, how high my heart rate was and was that a niggle in my knee? I struggled to settle down and then I saw a couple walking ahead and for whatever reason I absolutely did not want to have to run past them. Anxiety levels were suddenly sky high. I did another walk and run interval and then I turned round. As soon as I did I settled down a bit. I told myself I could just run/walk back to the car and then stop.
After a little while I started laughing at myself. I turned round because I didn’t want to run past people on a wide footpath. What an idiot. I settled into the running more and forgot to worry about how I felt physically. I then decided that I would do at least 2 miles. That took me just a bit further than the car so I thought I might as well keep going a bit and go to the end of the car park. I ran on the grass and despite the damp creeping into my shoes it felt nice to be on the softer ground. I looped round watching a heron fly off into the distance. when I got close to the car I was still a bit off 3 miles so I kept going a bit, headed over the bridge over the Wharfe and turned back. 3 miles was fine. The lungs are still a bit heavy, it was slow and ploddy and clearly I am having a slightly mad phase but I got out and that’s progress. I waited for Kath to complete her equally positive loop and had a chat with a curious jackdaw.
I did not want to run today. I turned the alarm off at 6am, turned over and dozed for a bit. I felt creaky and didn’t really want to get up. I did still get up before 7am but it was a ‘sip coffee on the patio’ sort of morning. I had vague ideas about running at lunch time after some work calls in the morning but then I got busy and hungry. No excuses this evening. I just didn’t want to. I got as far as wandering into the bathroom to put a bath on before pausing. I want to get round the Great North Run and I want to do Dopey without being completely miserable. The time to put in the work for that is now. Not tomorrow, not next week or month, now. So I got changed. Still didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to go any of the routes from home, I definitely didn’t want to drive anywhere to run. I didn’t want to leave the house and be out for 45 minutes, I didn’t want to get sweaty. I just didn’t want to.
Kath was on the bike so I couldn’t make an excuse and cycle instead. Although the Dopey plan has two 45 minute runs during the week, I decided to sod it and just go a short loop and at least just get out (still didn’t want to). I pulled my shoes on and went outside. At least it wasn’t as hot as it has been. As I set off I suddenly wondered if I could run a mile without walking. I almost never run continuously and have mostly been running 30 seconds run and 30 second walk intervals. I upped the running interval on my 45 minute run on Wednesday but I can’t remember when I last ran continuously for several minutes, never mind a mile. Well, I thought, I could just try and run a mile and then come home. That seemed like a good thing to do. Given my mind was playing tricks and being annoying, giving it something to actually battle would be good training for one things actually get physically hard. So off I went. I ran a mile. There wasn’t really a mental battle. I just ran. A lot of it is downhill. It was all fine. Then there is a slight slope. It’s not much but really but it’s noticeable when you are running and I have struggled with it. It was hard and I was huffing and puffing and briefly thought about sneaking in a walk break but then it was over and I was back on the flat and then downhill. So now we know I can run a mile.
I walked back trying to keep a reasonable pace walking but not marching flat out. I was out a total of 30 minutes – just over 12 of them running. I am happy with that. In fact, I am happy with the week. I did nothing much on Monday. It was mum’s birthday and we went out for food in the evening. Tuesday I re-did my FTP test on the bike. Now that I found ridiculously hard. I am not a cyclist. I can’t get myself into the same mental place on a bike as I can running – I can’t do hard on the bike. I give up much more quickly mentally. Maybe it’s just what I am used to and it will come. I do think the new FTP is a better reflection of reality and the workout I did yesterday suggests the level is now more accurate. So I have done 2 runs and 2 rides this week so far. I have also now done 11 consecutive days of daily stretches with today’s still to come. I am not overly tired and nothing hurts. In fact I probably have slightly more energy and am sleeping better. Exercise, whether run or bike, is also becoming more just what I do rather than something that I have to force myself to do every single time. I know I didn’t want to go today – but I did. Just a couple of weeks ago I would have run that bath and then watched Olympics in bed.
Consistency is everything in running (and it seems in cycling too) so I am very happy with this week. I am having another go at a long run tomorrow and will see how I got with the 45 second running intervals over the longer distance (they were fine on the shorter run on Wednesday).
really (not) a runner 