Tag: runDisney

Is it fun to do the impossible?

Jess GuthLeave a comment

Ah yes, running. It’s been crap. I am totally inconsistent, I have zero motivation, my lungs don’t feel right (Covid damage? Just totally unfit?), my back and hips are niggly, everything is tight, hay fever is a bitch and my head is not up for doing hard things at the moment. I want easy, comfort zone, not pushing anything anywhere. I am not currently convinced that it might be kind of fun to do the impossible. I’m really not.

BUT, I also really want to be able to do stuff. I miss my fitness, I miss running just being a thing that I do and not an endless drama and mind games to actually get myself out of the door. I want to do the Dopey Challenge in January, I want to do the Great North Run in September and all the milestones and adventures in-between and I want to do them with joy. I want to have fun. I don’t want it all to just be one big long miserable slog. So I need to get fitter. A lot fitter. Which means I have to go do the things that are impossible and hope that somewhere somehow the fun comes back and I re-discover the joy.

So today’s step 1 or the many many step 1s and re-starts and re-boots and whatever over the last few weeks and months: Get out and run. I had put off going for a run all week. One thing I am good at is excuses. I could give you a perfectly reasonable sounding one for each run I didn’t do. None of them are justifiable really. though. So anyway the plan today was for us each to go to our own thing before breakfast and by the time I properly woke up, Kath was already out on her loop and just about back home. We had a coffee together and Einstein cat came into bed so there’s 2 excuses to not go right there – first that we were going to have breakfast together and I had slept a lot later than Kath and she was already back and so she’d be hungry so I should just make breakfast and go later (going later basically never happens). Kath put that excuse to bed by declaring she was happy having granola and we could just do our own thing. Einstein is Kath’s cat through and through so I rarely get cuddles with him so I really didn’t want to disturb him cuddled right into me curled up under my legs. Again Kath pointed out that I could just go when he moved and it really didn’t matter – nowhere to be today.

So, vaguely plausible excuses put to bed, I got out of bed. I’d been thinking about where to go. I really struggle on any sort of up. It’s like the minute my lungs have to actually work they can’t. I get out of breath really quickly and sort of grind to a halt. Obviously therefore I avoid up. That’s not going to help. So I decided that I would start with up this morning and walk towards Keighley Gate. Added bonus here that setting off walking is less scary than setting of running. I couldn’t actually remember whether I am supposed to be on a 3 mile weekend or whether it’s a 5 mile weekend and honestly at this point I don’t care. The plan is gone. I just need to build some sort of consistency somehow. I thought 2 miles up and 2 miles down would be good.

I set off on a good march up the hill. After about 50 metres I was huffing and puffing and after a further 50 metres I thought maybe this was a really bad idea. Lungs were burning and I was huffing and puffing and really wanted to slow down. I slowed a little bit just to breathe but kept walking. I made it to be mile in about 19.5 minutes which actually in my history of walking that stretch really isn’t too bad.I was knackered though. Onwards. At 1.5 miles my back said Hi with a sharp pain across the bottom right. I might have yelped. My hip joined in. At 1.65 miles I thought it was all a bit silly and I should head back down before anything really hurts. I started jogging and it was ok. Pain wasn’t worse really but now I felt hot. I put 30 seconds walk breaks in every minute or 90 seconds. I was making a really conscious effort to make sure the run was positive overall. I was slightly irritated that I was using walk breaks on what is essentially a long downhill but it also felt like the right thing to do.

And then, for just a brief moment the magic returned. As I turned left onto our road, everything felt perfect. There was no pain, no niggle even, my form felt perfect, my glutes properly engaged, my speed picked up but felt almost effortless. For just a short 30 seconds ish at the end of my run everything came together, rhythm, cadence, breathing, form. It felt perfect. It is fun to do the impossible. There is joy in hard after all. Now how do I bottle that? How do I hang on to that when my body and mind are screaming at me that it’s all pointless and I can’t run anyway so why bother trying? I don’t know, but for now I’ll take it.

And, if I told you that Disney pace requirement is 16 minute mile, you will understand from the screen short below why today’s effort had an added bonus level of excitement:

Screenshot of Strava activity showing pace at 15.59

Good enough is bloody brilliant!

Jess Guth1 Comment

Nearing the end of January and I haven’t run as much this month as I wanted to but I have definitely made progress. As of today I have run just under 20 miles – not far off a 3rd of the entirety of last year’s mileage. I have done some yoga almost every day. Sometimes only 10 minutes and often sabotaged (supported?) by Storm Cat but this is huge progress and I have done a few strength and HIIT sessions. I have lots to feel good about really. And I am trying. There’s that niggling voice in my head that keeps reminding me that I am way behind where I should be given the things I have coming up. A voice that keeps telling me that I am insane to think I can do the Yorkshire 3 Peaks in 90 days. A voice that keeps pointing out the obvious fact that I am still close to the heaviest I have ever been. A voice that will not accept that losing about 6 pounds over the course of a month is fine, good and steady progress and instead insists that the weight loss needs to be faster.

Storm Cat helping with Yoga

But while the voice is there, it is less forceful than it sometimes is. Yesterday I eventually managed to get out in the afternoon. I had all sorts of plans when I was still sitting on the sofa. I was going to run the 2 miles down the hill and along the canal a bit before turning round and running 2 miles back including the hill. But as I set off it soon became very clear that my lungs were not playing. I couldn’t get air in, I was puffed after just a couple of 30 second running intervals and the idea of taking a walk break out was ludicrous. It was tempting to just give up and there was a time where I would have done. But not yesterday. I physically shrugged and said to myself that it would be silly to turn back. I’d done the hardest bit and got out the door and being out was good. Plan A might not be on the cards but doing something is better than doing nothing. So I carried on, I stuck to my 30 seconds runnings followed by 30 seconds walking and gritted my teeth. The voice was there but it never got into monologue mode.

Me after the longest 2 miles ever

My back was niggly (lack of core strength) and I sounded more like a steam train than human but somehow I made it to a mile. ‘So’, I thought to myself ‘If I just do that again, I will have run 2 miles, and 2 miles is good’. On I went, suddenly conscious of the people along the canal, conscious of what I looked and sounded like, the assumptions people would make. The voice got louder and at about 1.5 miles I nearly stopped and walked home. I was, rarely for me, running with music so instead of stopping I just turned the volume up and focused on the lyrics to push the voice out of my head and then, suddenly there we were, 2 miles done. Everything seemed to hurt, I felt slightly dizzy and I couldn’t get air into my lungs fast enough. I started walking home and I recovered. I was fine. I did it. Perhaps not plan A but I was out and moving. Good enough.

This morning we went to Bolton Abbey and right up until we set off I was looking forward to it. I like running at Bolton Abbey. I like running through the wooded bits, I like the paths – not really trail so my scaredy-cat brain doesn’t need to worry about mud and slippery and all the silly things it worries about – but not tarmac either. I like listening to the birds, looking out for herons (none today) and the otters which continue to be elusive. I like listening to the musings of the river that sometimes whispers in confidence and sometimes shouts in anger but mostly just tells her own story as she meanders. But Bolton Abbey isn’t flat and I was not at all sure I had it in me today. Plan A was the Barden Bridge loop, Plan B was the Aqueduct loop and Plan C was to run to the Strid and back (actually plan C was to get back in the car and find somewhere for coffee and I wasn’t far off implementing Plan C after having gone for a pee). Kath set off to run the Barden Bridge loop and for a while I could see here ‘Dopey in Training’ shirt make steady progress ahead of me. She looked comfortable (she later said she wasn’t and it took her ages to settle) and that made me smile.

I walked the first 3 minutes to get moving and then I started running 30 second intervals. I was struggling physically from the go. Lungs struggled and my back was sore. I was in real danger of spiralling into negativity and just giving up. But I was wearing my new Dopey in training shirt. Kath bought it for us for my birthday, we designed it together and it came the other day. I couldn’t give up on its debut. I needed to give it a proper inaugural outing! I thought about what doing the short proud could look like today. Well so much of Dopey and certainly the training is actually just getting it done. It isn’t always pretty and more does it have to be. It’s about getting in the right mental place to just grind it out. So doing the shirt proud today meant doing the distance today, no excuses, even if it meant walking lots. I walked up the path by the Strid noting that Plan C was conquered – I was not turning round now. I ran down the hill and managed a few more proper 30/30 intervals along the flat. I was coming up on the aqueduct. The loop would still be 3.5 ish miles, that’s good. I’ve been struggling so doing that would be progress, right? Maybe – but that’s not what I set out to do today. Remember: The distance. Today. No excuses. Dopey. Proud. Nothing was seriously hurting, nothing was getting worse. I was tired, I was huffing and puffing but I was fine.

I carried on. I saw Kath on the other side of the river still looking good. I waved. I smiled and dropped back into running intervals. I’d walked a fair bit but I was doing ok. I hot two miles and in spite of being a chunk slower even than yesterday, it hadn’t felt too bad. I crossed Barden Bridge, I tried to stick to the 30/30 intervals on the flat and once past the aqueduct again I walked the slopes, ran the downhill and did a bit of both on the flat. Nemesis hill doesn’t seem so bad just walking and I ran down the other side. Back on the flat I tried to drop back into 30/30 but my calves were cramping so I jogged/hopped /walked from random landmark to random landmark. Through the last gate, onto the bridge and I could see Kath sitting with a coffee at the Cavendish Pavilion. I jogged to her and was done.

The running itself was pretty awful but it was a great run. I got a little bit better at doing hard. I reminded myself that the little niggly voice is not in control. January has not been perfect but it has been good enough and good enough is bloody brilliant!

Re-Launch

Jess Guth3 Comments
Launch of a Space X rocket in Jan 2023 as seen from Disney World

I have started again again again too many times to still use that phrase as a title. And I have not blogged for 18 months so that doesn’t feel like just starting again from where we left off. So let’s call it a re-launch. Isn’t that what we do when everything has got a bit shit and old and tired and is in need of new beginnings? Perhaps even to become something different, re-invent ourself and set out on new adventures? Well, running has certainly been a bit shit, there’s no denying I’m getting older (good job really!) and tired – well, yes, there has been lots of tired! Do I need new beginnings when it comes to running? Maybe, but there are certainly new beginnings on the horizon in career terms so that’s exciting and a good enough excuse to re-launch the blog, the running, the exercise and everything that makes me really (not) a runner. Let’s just launch ourselves head first into new (but kinda familiar) adventures.

So where are we with this putting one foot in front of the other business? Honestly, we are at zero. At least physically we are at zero. I cannot stress how unfit I am right now. And no this isn’t one of those where I say how crap I am so you tell me I am not or where I set up my immediate success by telling you how awful I am just to then suddenly actually be reasonably competent. No. I. Am. Unfit. Probably as unfit or even worse than when I first started running. Yes, that bad. There are all sorts of reasons for that and many many excuses but this is a re-launch not a moan about who I never really got going again after having Covid the first time and when I sort of did I got Covid a second time or about how busy I was, how I couldn’t be bothered, how I am heavier now than I was when I started running …. you know it all anyway. So for ages doing anything about this just seemed a bit pointless. Every time I tried something else, this 44 year old body of mine would break, disintegrate, refuse to work – so sitting on the sofa just seemed safer.

Zero – too early for a Halloween reference?

But of course things would break because I am impatient and because in my mind I am a much better runner than I actually am. Sitting on the sofa I can do it all, slowly, but all. So I am all or nothing, I don’t do patient and one run at a time and starting again at the beginning. So what’s different now? My re-launch is all about slowing down. I know that sounds idiotic given what I just outlined but stick with it. I am accepting (not very happily) that I am not going to go out and manage a 10 mile run/walk tomorrow, or even 10k or even 5k for that matter. I am also accepting (again not happily) that my ‘forever pace’ where I can plod along without much of a care is not 12.5 minutes a mile without walk breaks. I don’t have a forever pace currently. I have a ‘can walk like this for a good while’ pace but it’s annoyingly far from forever. Running doesn’t feature here. I am accepting (and trying to be happy about it) that I simply am where I am and this is where I start. I can’t start from somewhere I’m not at and I can’t force myself to be there or get there quickly. That’s not how this works.

My attempts to go slow, not overdo it, listen to my body (goodness it whinges)and just ease slowly back into actually moving haven’t been hugely successful so far – did I mention I was impatient? Couch to 5k just annoyed me. Doing 5k ish loops on run/walk was too much for my very bitchy left foot that insists on having tendinitis that won’t go away (well obviously it won’t go away if I keep making it run/walk 5k!). But just maybe this week has seen a tiny little breakthrough. I have started The RunDisney 5km training plan. When I first opened it I sneered at it. I don’t need that. Come on, a training plan for 5km? I’ll go do 5k now, what is this nonsense. But for once I paused for long enough to open the PDF file to take a proper look. I’d just come back from the osteopath having worked on my foot, I felt a bit woozy from the treatment and keenly aware of my foot. Maybe that’s what made me pause. Anyway, Week 1 read: 10 minutes, 13 minutes, 1.5 miles. Three runs, all done at run/walk following the Jeff Galloway method. I let that sink in for a little while.

Red Arrows at South Shields – finish for the Great North Run

Then Kath ran the Great North Run and I was support crew. As much as I enjoyed supporting Kath and was quite happy about not having to run in the heat and/or massive cloudburst seen at this year’s event, it felt like I was on the wrong side of it all. I wanted to be a runner not a spectator. So when we got back I picked the programme up again and had another look. Another set of treatment on the foot followed and it felt like it might entertain the idea of a short run. I was going to go out on Monday. But the thing about not having been out for ages is that I sort of knew it would be pretty awful so all the demons that keep me from going out went into overdrive. I spent Monday knowing it was pointless, worrying about how much it would hurt, planning another week of stretches and treatment on the foot, wondering what I could do to get fitter first, deciding I would lose a chunk of weight first and then come back to running. Well we all know Mondays are vile. Mondays should not be allowed to give their opinions on anything because Mondays give really bad advice!

Tuesday came and I ran out of excuses. 10 minutes. Run/Walk/Run. I used 30 second/30 second run/walk intervals. It was raining and it was glorious. It was also awful. I set off. 30 seconds running barely took me to the end of the road and as I was still wondering if I had always covered so little distance in 30 seconds my walk break was over and I was running again. The next 3 were fine – they were downhill. I had a warning twinge in my foot which made me swear out loud but otherwise, nothing much happened. Then I went uphill. Hahahahahahaha. My lungs just went ‘nope’. After 30 seconds of trying to move uphill it was clear that this running thing is not going to be fun for quite some time! Honestly, I think if I was starting out running for the first time I would have just turned back, walked home and taken up cross stitch. I used to run up that hill – continuously. I could have cried but it was time to run again. This was run 6 so I was turning round after this one (to allow for a slightly longer walk at the end to cool down). I turned half way through because I couldn’t actually go uphill any longer. I huffed and puffed my way to the end. My heart rate went way too high for such a short run. The pace, oh my god the fucking pace. I mean what pace. There was no pace…. And yet when I got back I felt calm, like I was back, like I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing.

Wednesday was a deliberate and planned day off running but I actually had to stop myself from going out again. Thursday and Friday were a mix of excuses and trying to work out whether my foot hurt or not. Saturday I had decided it did not. Run 2. 13 minutes. Same route, same bastard hills. Same huffing and puffing, same awfulness. I also felt very very self-conscious out there running. I didn’t feel like I belonged. I noticed that I was bracing for comments as I ran past the pub (none came). I felt awkward and clumsy and slow. Well, I was slow. But I also hadn’t pushed the pace on the runs at all. I wanted to avoid the warning pain I had last time and running slower did the trick. The run was awful but it was pain free and a pain free, completed run is a win. Yay for pain free 15 minute mile pace. And I am trying to say that without any hint of sarcasm. Trying to.

Storm – 5 months old and a bundle of fluffy fury

Today (Sunday) I woke up early because our latest addition to the family – Storm cat – has learned to pull my hair to get my attention. So by 7ish I’d had coffee and sufficient time to wake up and unconfuse myself (confused is my normal in the morning). Kath suggested coming with me and doing my 1.5 miles together. I was skeptical because I am sooooo slow but there was also something very nice about not having to do it on my own. So off we went. 0.75 miles one way and then back. I’ve got nothing in the tank on even the slightest incline. It feels like wading through treacle with burning lungs. It’s horrible and hard and just no – but do you know what else it is? -Done. It’s done. I have ticked off all 3 runs this week, I have run the intervals wherever they fell on the hills, I have not opted for flat or downhill only routes and I just have to trust that it will come together eventually. I could run the hills once. That means it’s possible. So it’s time to get good at doing ‘hard’ again. Bring on week 2.

Thinking, Planning, Panicking…

Jess Guth3 Comments

ZeEF%DznSiO%e%mKWvVt+QRight, well, it seems I didn’t dream signing up for another marathon. Oh well. It’s taking a little time to fully sink in and I am still not entirely sure how I feel about it. I went for a little walk/run up towards the Moor earlier but turned off to run/walk a loop rather than straight up and back down when I saw how many people were walking up/down the road to Keighley Gate. As I was walking I was thinking about the 2021 Walt Disney World Marathon and how on earth to get ready for it.  26.2 miles is just such a bloody long way. Remember what I said after London when I was reflecting on the things I learned out on that course? I said ‘You have to really want it’. After Dopey 2019 I said ‘I am really not a marathon runner’, after London 2016 I said I was done with the distance and after Dopey 2016 I said ‘I have done a marathon! And yes it was awful for the most part…’. After every marathon I have had both a sense of achievement and the sense that I could do better. I have also felt like I didn’t really want to do another one even though I am yet to run one where everything comes together in really good conditions. Dopey 1 was overwhelming, London 1 was ok but with patches of feeling poorly and was too soon after Dopey, that same pattern repeated in 2019 (but you can’t choose when you get a London place!) and Dopey 2019 was close to perfect but marathon day was so hot… London 2019 was just horrible…

I have been thinking about all of this and wondering whether I want another 26.2 enough. I think I do – we’ll see as time goes on I guess. My Dopey 2019 marathon is the fasted I have done at 6.18.49. Part of me really really wants to go under 6 hours and London 2019 suggested that was within reach until I fell. Anyway, while I was thinking about that I was also thinking about my training plan. I was settled on the Disney plan until my silly little brain caught me off guard. As I was thinking about the plan it occurred to me that running two 30-45 minute runs during the week and then a long run at the weekend getting longer every 2 weeks was actually not a huge amount of training. I panicked about whether that’s going to be enough, whether I need more. But then I remembered the London training plan I used last time – it didn’t work for me. It was too hard (mentally I guess) so I ended up skipping runs and going in under trained. If I can stick to the Disney plan, I can run the marathon. I know this. So I tried to put that particular little wobble to bed.

Then came the next one. I have been struggling for motivation. I feel like I was waiting R3NzJfMTTuK8GnIFHbqsnAfor the plan to start and didn’t quite know what to do with myself in the 6 weeks before that. Rather than taking pressure off it seemed to be putting it on. I felt like I needed to be somehow ‘plan ready’ although I have no clue what I think that means. That feeling lost and not knowing where to start was so overwhelming that yesterday I never made it out for my run in spite of having looked forward to it all Friday. So today I had a little re-think. There is no reason why the plan can’t be extended a little. It would solve to things that we’re obviously bothering me. First it would solve the waiting and being plan ready problem. If the plan starts now, the plan starts now. Second, it would allow me to build in some consolidation. I like the plan because it is gentle in one sense. It has a long run and the week after drops to low mileage at the weekend and then increases mileage the next weekend and so on. It’s like one week on and one week off. However, the mileage on the ‘on’ weekends increases pretty relentlessly and arguable in relatively big jumps. Looking at it jumping from 15 to 17 seems like big jump, never mind 17 to 20 miles. I have re-written the plan, starting this coming week and have added some repeats of distances at regular intervals to consolidate and build confidence.

The reason I like a plan is the same reason I like rules – so I can do something different… No, more seriously, the only thing that makes me less likely to run than having a plan is to not have one. If I have a plan I tend to do something even if I am constantly changing the plan, moving things around and making a new plan. If I don’t have a plan I don’t run in any way consistently at all and consistency is going to be key. So while I have mapped out each week until marathon day, I fully expect things to change, for me to decide I don’t need a consolidation week at a particular distance and just crack on, just to find that the next distance seems impossible and needs doing more than once. I feel happier now there is contingency built in for niggles, colds, can’t be bothered days and I didn’t quite make the distance runs. It feels safe. And maybe because of the current situation with Covid-19 or maybe just because I no longer have the luxury of not really knowing what a marathon entails, having a safe feeling training plan is important. Without it I simply won’t go out as much as I need to.

jtHQDqJPRue1IKKqqBGavQSo, week by week rather than in bigger chunks I will share my plan with you and then check back in to see how I am doing with it. Oh and I am bringing back Sunday Weigh-Ins. Expect I will do them on Monday mornings because I don’t want to ruin Sundays! I usually get some stick about talking about weight loss and weighing myself etc so before you feel the need to get in touch, let me be clear, this is not about being thinner or looking any different, it’s simply that I know what running feels like at this weight and at my, let’s call it Dopey weight and the latter is significantly easier. I have more to say on running while fat but that’s another post. For now, here’s the plan for the coming week:

  1. Monday – 30-45 minute run: Run the long way round to the Co-op to get some shopping
  2. Wednesday – 30 -45 minute run: Head up the hill for at least 30 minutes and try some run/walk rather than just walking up, then run down pushing the pace a little
  3. ‘Long’ run Saturday – 3 miles so maybe get up early enough to run the sheep look without fear of people.
  4. Yoga of some kind every day

 

The RunDisney Universe decided – it’s 26.2

Jess Guth6 Comments

It was runDisney registration day today for the Walt Disney World Marathon weekend in January 2021. Remember this, the most awesomest present:

I’ve been changing my mind about which adventure to pick ever since Kath gave me this. Together we ruled out Dopey – too much standing around for the 5k and 10k, too much holiday time taken up with sleeping, queuing or running – but I really didn’t know whether I wanted to run the half, the full or both (Goofy’s Race and a Half Challenge). I kept changing my mind, thinking ‘just’ the half would be lovely, a challenge but nothing that dominates the trip, another 26.2 would be another chance to nail that distance and put London gremlins to bed and doing both would be one of those un-possible things I like to do every now and again. Registering for Goofy would make sense – I wouldn’t have to run both after all and if I didn’t, I would have simply paid for the privilege of choosing not to run (and of course we all know that in the end I would, obviously, have run them both).

So while listening to my staff meeting run past the 3pm finish time set for it, I loaded the website, hit register now as soon as it became available and watched the little dots go round and round in circles (You can’t see them on the photo but they were there).

My staff meeting finished and Kath had also finished and joined the registration queue on the iPad. The iPad got there first, Kath logged in and we completed all the details for the Goofy for us both. We were settled and agreed and all was fine. She hit pay and we got a notification that Goofy’s Race and a Half Challenge had sold out. While that was happening I had got into the registration site on my laptop, we looked to upgrade to Dopey but could see that was already sold out. The half marathon was showing as still available so we input all the details for that and hit ‘pay’…. sold out. We looked at each other. I think we both knew that this meant our 26.2 journey was set to continue and we tried completing the registration forms as quickly as possible. And this time, when we hit ‘pay’, it worked.

So, I am never doing a marathon again, except I am. In January. Of course we are presuming here that it will be safe to travel etc. For now we will just hope that that’s the case and if it isn’t, well then it’s not. Registering was ridiculously stressful and initially it sort of floored me and I sat for a while not knowing whether to be disappointed or excited. We knew that the races often sell out and that individual races often go on the first day but when we registered for the 2019 Dopey, places for both Goofy and Dopey were available for a long time after registration opened so we weren’t quite expecting not to get a Goofy spot. When we didn’t we were a bit taken aback. Eventually disappointment wore off and now the excitement as well as the ridiculousness of having registered for another marathon is setting in.

So now the planning starts properly. I’ve been looking at plans on and off focusing on the half mostly as I was going to leave the final decision about distance until later in the year until I had a few decent length runs in me. So I’ll need to have a bit of a re-think and shift in mindset. I’ll use the runDisney training plan with one or two little modifications I think. I can get my head round that and it feels safe and familiar (and I tried different for London and, well, let’s just say that maybe I don’t like different). I won’t go the full 26 before race day like the plan suggests, I never have, and I’ll add some speed and hill to the mid-week runs. I can do this. I’ve done it before. That doesn’t stop me from being terrified though.