I am struggling for a title because the usual ‘starting again’, ‘back to basics’… don’t quite fit. I had a therapy session this morning which was well timed because I have been struggling this week. Talking it through was so helpful and it all makes so much more sense now- I was/am completely over peopled. After a busy week that included a day on main campus, presentation to the Executive, 3 days of conferencing, running a team day, marshalling at a half marathon and then the great north run, my system is in shock. That tracks!
We talked about movement and running and whether I was in a need/have to or want space. I had already planned start a 5km running programme and do the first run today so as I was driving round to the car park at Bolton Abbey and getting sorted I was interviewing myself in my head:
So, Jess, do you enjoy running the moment?
No not really.
Really? Why is that?
It just feels hard and like I am not making any progress at all
But you still want to run? Tell us a bit more about that
Yes. I know the joy it can bring. The joy of being outside, of being in nature, feeling it, the joy of being able to move.
When you look back at your happiest running what comes to mind?
Well, running or run walking a loop at Bolton Abbey of whatever distance and having coffee and breakfast afterwards.
And then I laughed at myself. Running is only partly about the running itself. It’s also about the being able to run or walk and then have coffee, to not be in pain or so knackered that the only option is to go straight home. It’s about ticking runs off and the sense of achievement that comes with consistency. It’s about saying yes to long walks or uphill adventures without worrying about whether I can do it.
But mostly it’s about the joy of being able to feel the rain on my face, smell the rain on the car park tarmac, hear it rustling as it bounces its way through the trees. Running is a way for me to find joy in the everyday that I don’t get from anything else. I’d lost sight of that.
So I set off on my first run of the programme. Running 30 seconds, walking 2 minutes eight times. I deliberately turned my face into the rain and bounced into puddles. I laughed at myself as I sucked the autumn air into my lungs and wrapped myself in the solitude of the empty paths.
The run almost finished too soon. I ordered coffee and a bacon sarnie to relive a happy running tradition and to offer my system a gentle and calm restart.
I love running in so many weird and wonderful ways.
We are tucked up in our Bed and Breakfast in Carlisle after a good day getting wet through walking in the rain. Our adventure started yesterday with a train journey from Keighley to Carlisle. This includes the Settle to Carlisle line which is a stunning route. From Carlisle we got a taxi out to our B&B – basically the route we’d be walking back today.
I’ll review the accommodation separately on Trip Advisor but Bowness House Farm, now Hunters Leisure complex or something like that was fine. Not luxury and with interesting decor (diamanté encrusted toilet roll holder anyone?) and average food but fine. After a little stretch of legs on the beach we ate and then settled in.
This morning the earliest we could have breakfast was 8am so that’s what we did. Then we left our bags ready to be picked up and transported on to the next B&B and off we went. We’d spoken to a guy at breakfast who had just finished the walk the other way had described our Day 1 as boring. it was anything but!
After the obligatory start selfie and stamp in our Hadrian’s Wall passports we made our way out of the village and along the road for a bit. The Solway Firth is quite spectacular really and we paused every now and again to listen to curlews and oyster catchers. We soon picked up the off road path for a bit before making our way past a Holiday park and along a lane. A little stretch along and we stopped to put our rain jackets on. And we didn’t take them off again all day.
A brief nod to Drumburgh Castle and we were on the Burgh Marshes. That’s a roughly 3 mile stretch which we walked part on the road and part up on the grassy mound. We could still hear and see curlews and lapwings. Once we crossed the cattle grid at the end of the marshes, we were heading into Burgh-by-Sands. Our taxi driver had told us that the Pub there was pretty much the only thing open for refreshments along the route and that it opened at 12. It was only 11.30 so no coffee and pee stop. It was raining quite heavily and as we continued on I got completely drenched by a car driving through a puddle. I lost my sense of humour for a few minutes and am marched on with soggy knickers.
We had been leapfrogging a woman walking on her own and she stopped at a portaloo by the village green and we decided to do the same. Feeling more comfortable we continued on with a brief stop to look at St Michael’s church. After that we walked along a few fields navigating the cows and sheep. We arrived in Beaumont with St Mary’s church sitting sort of above us on the hill and a welcome look bench round a tree inviting us to pause for a bite to eat. In addition there was a coffee trailer.
We had our packed lunch and coffee, briefly chatted to two women also walking the wall and then set off again. More fields, more cows and lots more kissing gates as we made our way alongside the river Eden into Carlisle. We walked all the way round the Sands Centre to find the entrance so we could stamp our passports. We saw the two women there again after having leapfrogged each other a couple of times. We realised we didn’t actually have to go all the way round and used a back exit to get us back on the path.
Technically the route for today was complete just before the Sands Centre but we decided to add a bit of tomorrow’s route on as we would need to walk to the B&B anyway and continuing on the path was really only marginally further. I jumped straight into the shower to get the worst of the mud off legs (I’d been wearing 3/4 length pants) and we rested a little before going for food in town. We went to Franco’s. Good pasta and pizza and the best espresso I’ve hard in a while!
So that’s what we did. About 17 miles all in. But how did I feel. My shoes aren’t quite right. They are quite hard/stiff and then they got wet. So my feet felt quite tender from quite early on. I’m considering my trail running shoes for tomorrow but they are quite tight so not sure yet. I got in my head every now and again. Early on I had a panic about whether I could do this and there were bits where I was anxious – some stone flag steps, fields full of cows, significant mud… but I’m fine. I’m tired because I’m not fit and my feet are a bit sore but it’s all good and tomorrow looks like it might be drier – which would be lovely!
Stick with me, I’m not quite sure where this blog is going but I felt like I wanted to blog and I felt like I wanted it to be about running rather than work so I just opened the blog site and started typing really.
This time next week it will all be over. I will, if the universe agrees, have finished the London Marathon for the second time in my life and for what I am fairly sure will be the last time. I have learned never to say never when it comes to running but I do think I’m done with marathons, or at least with road marathons. I’ve already explored some of the whys in the context of Dopey so let’s not go over them again now. There is something oddly calming as well as slightly stressful about deciding that this is the last time I will attempt to cover 26.2 miles as quickly as I possibly can. I’ll come back to that.
I realised the other day that everything has been focused on marathon day in a way that has split life into pre and post marathon. Post marathon always seems aaaaaaaaages away which means that things that are happening quite soon after have not been given their due time and attention. I finally remembered to book some leave and I still need to move a couple of meetings and maybe plan for the trip to see our friends the weekend after because who knows what I’ll be capable of or not come the 29th April! It’s also only a month and a week until we fly to Washington DC for a conference and then a bit of leave tagged on and doing a bit of planning for that might not be a bad move! But you know, all of that is post marathon in a way that doesn’t quite seem real. Post marathon is like Narnia, like Hogwarts or like a Galaxy Far Far Away – clearly there but just not quite believable or real. Post marathon exists in another dimension.
But there are some things post marathon that I am thinking about a lot. What will happen to running post marathon? In fairly typical fashion I am wondering about the next challenge. What is my next impossible? At the same time though I am looking forward to not running to a plan, running just because I want to and running as far, fast or high as I want to. Just because. But then what if I don’t want to run? That would be awful wouldn’t it. I mean running is now part of who I am and what I do even if I’m not actually really a runner. Imagine not wanting to run. What then? I keep looking at races and challenges, something to keep me honest. I hope I’ll be ok. I think I will be. We have entered the 5 mile Solstice Saunter at Bolton Abbey in June and the Ilkley Half Marathon in July but I am also trying to tell myself that if I don’t want to run for a bit post marathon that’s actually ok…. Overthinking much?
Anyway, the last marathon. Yes. I feel quite settled in that decision. I don’t have anything left to prove. To be fair once would have been enough. 4 is awesome. I don’t feel the pressure to do 5 for a sort of magic number. 4 can be my magic number. I like the symmetry of 2 London, 2 Dopeys and I like the idea of finishing my marathon ‘career’ with something as iconic as London. It has a long cut off time, a familiar route, awesome support and atmosphere and there’s a great chance of me being able to soak it all up and enjoy it – or at least some of it. Finishing in London works for me and feels right. So mostly I feel calm about it and the notion of this being my last is adding to calm rather than adding stress or pressure.
Every now and again though I get a little panicked – if this is my last marathon then this is my last chance to achieve my marathon goals, my last chance to do well, my last chance to really conquer the distance. Ok well yes but let’s remember that my marathon goal was only ever to drag my arse across the finish line. Let’s remember that I have improved my time with each attempt and that I am fitter than I was 3 years ago for London round 1. And let’s remember that this is my marathon victory lap. Yes I have a time in mind but if it is ‘get the time and be miserable’ or ‘miss the time but enjoy’, I know what I’m choosing and that’s what I need to keep in my mind!
I haven’t run for a week. The little run/walk that was more walk than run was the last outing. My cold shifted to a chesty cough and the wise and beautiful hive mind that is the #Run1000Miles group on Facebook unanimously advised me to not run. They were undoubtedly right. Yesterday we did our last fundraising event and walking backwards and forward to the car carrying cake tins I really struggled to breathe. I have been quite worried that it wouldn’t shift and I’d have to pull out last minute because of it. Today however things are looking much better.
After our Sunday lunch with Kath’s Mum we walked a little loop that includes the little wood in which I started my trail running education. It’s the first proper trail (rather tan just towpath or track) I really ran on and I still find it really tricky when it’s wet and muddy. Today though it was stunning with the bluebells out and fragrant and hints of wild garlic in the air (the pictures dotted in this blog are from that walk). We walked round it at a leisurely pace but I could tell that my lungs and chest have cleared. Breathing felt normal and I wasn’t out of breath. We walked along the canal to my Mum’s, dropped off some cake and then went the most direct (and thus steepest) way back home and lungs and chest were fine – still a bit of snot go get rid of though! I feel happier now that I’ll be ok. I’m going to try the short loop at Bolton Abbey tomorrow morning.
So with a week to go I feel quite settled. A little anxious, a little excited, a little just wanting it to be over but generally settled. I was training well for a 5hours 30 (which would take 48 minutes off current PB) finish but didn’t manage to maintain the weekly miles on the plan for the last 6 weeks so not sure really – I still ran and I ran my long runs but not quite to plan and I didn’t really do the speed and strength runs listed in the way they were intended and then I got this cold. So really I have no idea how well trained I am. I just know that I feel fitter than I was last time but perhaps not quite as fit as I was in January for Dopey – but then I am not doing 4 races this time, just the one, the long one but still just the one. I have my A, B, C, D and E goals in my head. I don’t think I am ready to share them. They feel like they’re mine at the minute. D is finish and E is be healthy and all of them are premised on enjoying the experience.
Easter Trail at Bolton Abbey
The coming week is all about rest and hydration. I am rubbish at drinking enough so I find this really hard but going into a marathon properly hydrated makes such a difference. So if you see me or send me messages on social media or email – keep reminding me to drink water! And if you’re looking for me chances are I have gone for yet another pee. Luckily I don’t have much on this coming week and can mostly stay at home and write. I have an annoying London Trip on Thursday but that too should be relatively stress free and easy.
For those of you running in London- you’re awesome; for those of you marshalling, volunteering and coming out to cheer us on – thank you. To all those of you who helped us reach our fundraising target – we appreciate your support and as cliched as it sounds, it really does mean loads to us! Our fundraising page will stay open a while longer for anyone who still wants to help support Mind: https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/KathandJess
No doubt I’ll have more pre-marathon thoughts but in the meantime. Happy Easter to those who celebrate and Happy Sunday for everyone else.
Last weekend we went to a lodge on the edge if Kielder Water. It was our little anniversary get away. It was lush. We planned on a walk somewhere on the way on Friday, and runs on Saturday, Sunday and Monday.
We set off Friday morning and drove north to the National Trust property Wallington. We had some lunch and then walked a little loop through the estate and woodland along the river. Then we had cake. This was a good start to the weekend! We visited the Kielder observatory in the evening but it was ridiculously windy and cloudy so we didn’t see anything much. The talks were interesting though
On Saturday morning we set off on a 7 mile loop around the Bull Crag Peninsula. The running was both harder and better than I imagined it would be. It was surprisingly hilly and it didn’t occur to me until about 4 miles in that one of the reasons the running was tough was because I wasn’t walking the hills. I was just running, looking at the amazing landscape and every now and again stopping for a photo. At the end my legs were tired and I was grateful to walk the last bit and look for red squirrels and very excited when we saw one!
The rest of Saturday was lazy and taken up with reading a whole stack of magazines which I’d left to pile up for ages and ages.
Sunday was long run day and I was anxious about this for some reason. We had decided to run out to Kielder dam and back – a total of about 13 miles. I prepped our tailwind for fuel, made sure watch and phone were charged and off we went. The first part of the route was the same as the day before but soon we were in new territory with Kielder Water on our left coming in and out of view as we zig zagged our way through the woods on the ‘waterside’ path.
I walked a few more of the hills on Sunday. I nearly had a meltdown in mile 2 because I seemed to be really feeling the uphill pull on that section. I got over myself and actually ran almost all of the first 5 miles which took us to the Tower Knowe visitor centre which was closed but did have some toilets that were open. From there it was another mile and a half to the other side of the dam so we jogged across, had a little break as we marvelled at the views and then set off back.
We took more pictures and walk breaks on the way back. By mile 8 though I was wondering if maybe I had bitten off more than I could chew with this pretty undulating 13 miler. For the next 3 miles or so I had a battle in my head to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Then we were nearly there anyway and we walked a bit through a section of wood just before the Waterside Park our lodge was part of, the bit where we’d seen the squirrel.
The rest of Sunday involved more reading, the hot tub and a bottle of prosecco. I felt properly happily tired. We did go for a little walk once it got dark to look at stars. Wow, even with the lights of the cabins, reception and pub/restaurant, we could see so much more than we can ever see at home. I couldn’t work out the camera settings though to get enough exposure to take pictures so gave up and just looked at the night sky for a while.
Monday we were going to have a little sunrise run. I was tired and my legs were heavy. It was also very slippery with frost on the tarmac bits and I was not at all impressed with that. We went the other way along the water this time and after not quite a mile and a half came to a road/tarmac bit which was frosty and we couldn’t really see how long the tarmac stretch was so we called that it, turned round and then stopped about half way back to watch the sunrise.
We had breakfast, got packed and headed towards home. It was a 23 mile weekend and while I was definitely tired I was not broken. I am getting fitter but actually the most important thing about the running over that weekend is that we were just running for fun, doing our thing and that on all of the outings bits of it were effortless, bits of it were really challenging and I loved every minute, even the hard and bloody awful ones.
Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness… so I can’t quite put into words just how excited I am about this. I’m jumping up and down squealing kind of excited and a little choked up and overwhelmed. But let’s go back a bit. In November Trail Running Magazine asked for expressions of interest for becoming an ambassador for the 2019 iteration of their Run1000Miles challenge. I paid no attention. Kath commented on the post saying she nominated me, I still paid no attention because, come on, it’s me. I’m no running ambassador. But there were lots of positive comments and ‘likes’ and encouragement so I thought what the hell and sent the email.
I didn’t expect to get picked. I am not the obvious choice when you think ‘running’ so not an obvious choice for promoting a running challenge or for encouraging others. I’m not your typical running role model or poster girl for physical activity. I thought that maybe I could be a good ambassador precisely because I’m not what you might expect in that role and it seems that some agreed. So let me tell you a bit about the challenge, a bit about me and the challenge and a bit about why being an ambassador for it means the world and confirms everything I love about the challenge and the group.
The challenge is simple. Sign up, join the facebook group, run, track your miles, post about your runs, share pictures, encourage others, be encouraged, see where you get to, done. Some will reach 1000 miles before Easter, others won’t get to 500 in the year. It doesn’t matter, it’s about the journey (sounds nauseatingly cliched, I know but it’s true). It’s about having a great running year however you define ‘great’. It’s about getting outside, enjoying being out, about encouraging and being encouraged, about learning and sharing and most of all about enjoying running.
I first joined Run1000Miles in 2017. Kath had joined and she kept saying how lovely the group was and that I should join. I just thought it wasn’t for me – it’s a 1000 mile challenge by Trail Running Magazine – not for me. 1000 miles was so far beyond my imagination and trails were and often still are scary things that cause me to fall over and/or freak out. But then curiosity got the better of me and I joined and lurked in the Facebook group for a bit and I realised that the group of people were my kind of people. I’d found my running tribe. They welcomed me, slow, ploddy, fat, scared of trails me into the group and they were (and still are!) prepared to share my little successes and wins, help me through my tricky patches when it seemed me and running were going our separate ways and share their experience and knowledge to make me a better runner. With their help and encouragement and, frankly, their belief in me I pushed myself through a tough 7 miler on News Years Eve 2017 to finish the year on exactly 500 miles.
I was excited to sign up for 2018. I really wanted to try and run more miles. I won’t make 1000 but I’m going to get closer than I ever thought possible. 1000 miles was my wildest dreams goal, my ambitious but possibly realistic goal A was 750 miles (I had B and C goals to but they don’t matter now!). I’m less than 5 miles away from achieving the 750 now. I love the group on Facebook. There is a notable absence of arrogant, patronising, rude or all of the above twats. There is a genuine understanding and acceptance that we are all at different levels and that my lightening fast run pace might well be someone else’s slow recovery jog; that a mile can be a huge challenge and covering it a big win; that miles and pace and hours are just numbers. I am in awe of some of the runners in the group – some because they’re fast, some because they can go so far, some because they can go so high (and come back down in one piece), some because they deal with mud like it’s nothing, some because they get up every morning and despite (and sometimes because of) the demons we all have pull their trainers on and run. Most of all though I have valued the the stories, the encouragement, the support and the inspiration and I have loved being able to be a part of that.
Having me as a 2019 ambassador confirms that I was right about the trail running community and particularly the community we have built in the Run1000Miles Facebook group – it really is for all of us. It doesn’t matter where in our running journeys we are. It doesn’t matter how fast or slow we go, how much we walk, where we run, whether we can run far or not, whether we can run vertically up and back down, whether we splash through puddles or slide through mud, get stuck in boggy moors or stumble our way through woodland tree roots. What matters is that we all run and get outside and that is somehow important to us in and that we understand that and that we support each other and celebrate each other’s successes. I don’t have any sort of sporting memories that go anywhere near that so I’m making new ones and maybe as ambassador I can help others re-write their relationship with exercise and running in particular.
Join me – sign up here and then join the Facebook Group and see for yourself – try it, you might just surprise yourself by running a whole lot more than you thought you could.
really (not) a runner 