I have a plan

May 4, 2026 Jess GuthLeave a comment

Sort of – and only for running, not to change the world sadly. So yesterday I wrote about my inability to make decisions when it comes to running. I can’t even decide on a training plan. Brains can be funny things, can’t they. A plan would definitely help me get out and tick things off the list because having a plan means fewer decisions need to be made at the point of running or while running, that’s good. However, deciding on a plan is still a decision that needs making. And I just somehow didn’t want to engage with making that decision. So Kath made it for me. She came up with a plan that is based on time on feet and not distance. It’s essentially a half marathon plan and it is very gentle. It has no set miles in at all. It is all about time. I was skeptical. How do I tick off the miles when there are no miles on the plan. How do I know I can run far enough? But I had been procrastinating about not running for a while already and I needed something to kick me out the door so why not try. It didn’t solve the problem about where to run but Kath gave me a suggestion for that, too. I didn’t like the suggestions so said I would go a different way – there you go, sometimes I just need to be told what to do so I can decide to not do that and do something else instead.

So the plan for week one is to walk 5 minutes, then do 12 minutes of run/walk intervals and walk for 10 minutes. The original plan had the intervals at 30 seconds walk and 90 seconds walk 6 times but that seemed too easy. Instead I did 12 x 30/30. It was fine. I also walked for slightly longer at the end just to get home. The run was fine. Not as easy as I would like to pretend but absolutely doable. My brain liked this plan. It was more like the bike where I don’t have to make decisions. Of course I still had to decide to start running again at the relevant beep but because I knew I was doing 12 runs, it was just about ticking them off. The goal was not the distance, the goal was to tick off 12 thirty second runs. When I have a distance goal, it is much easier for my brain to justify inserting an additional walk because as long as I cover the distance, that’s fine. Distance based plans seem to make it easier for my brain to give in and not do hard much more easily than wen I have x number of runs to complete. So yeah, this might work for a bit – at least until my brain comes up with some way to cheat this system.

I have now also moved along the Challenge a little. I have left Cienfuegos and have arrived at the edge of Santa Clara. I remember Santa Clara better than most of the other places we visited apart from maybe Havana. And I think this must be because of how I felt, the conversations we had and a sense of being able to touch history. We stopped at the scene where an armoured train was derailed marking a significant victory for the rebels. I don’t really have any good photos of the scene other than the bulldozer that was used in the derailment.

Later we headed for the Che Guevara Mausoleum which is an odd place. It’s so full of concrete and the statue of Che is slightly ridiculous in size. The weight of history rests heavy there. I don’t remember what items we saw in the museum, I remember the feeling coming out of the mausoleum, I remember the sense of almost touchable history – after all Che’s remains were only moved there in 1997 and I think the most recent internments took place in 2000. It’s an evocative place. I remember it was one of the few places our tour guide didn’t joke around and be silly. It was the only place I ever heard or saw him get sharp with some of our fellow travellers who seemed incapable of being quiet for a few minutes to pay their respects or at least let others do so. There is something about the place which commands, not respect exactly, but emotion. I remember feeling a little heavy as I got back on the bus but also grateful to have been able to see this place, bow my head and give a nod to the eternal flame. I am almost certainly getting days muddled so this may be a false memory but actually looking at the photos I think I am right, that evening, a few of us stayed up much later than the others and sat talking, perhaps a little more openly and earnestly that we had previously about all sorts of things. I don’t think it was just the bottle of Santiago Rum we shared, I think it was also something about that little group of people who, after the rest of the pretty annoying group had gone to bed, felt a shared sense of history and wanted to understand, learn and sit with it all for a bit. It wasn’t the sort of day you just ended by simply going to bed. I look back at the day now and I struggle to know what to think. Cuban politics is complicated and I don’t know nearly enough to write about this. In the meantime the US continues to threaten Cuba, the blockades continue and people suffer. And for what exactly? I am grateful I had that day in Santa Clara where I could stretch out my hand and touch history. It’s a day that reminds me to sit with the heaviness, to sit with discomfort and contradictions, to accept that life and with it politics is complicated and contested and to pause to think about what is worth fighting for and what I am prepared to be complicit in.

Challenge paused while I get my shit together

May 3, 2026 Jess Guth1 Comment

…come on we all know that I am not actually ever going to get my shit together! I massively jumped ahead in my virtual challenge by including a couple of Zwift rides. I made a good start with running and then a good start with the Dynamic Runner April 2 week challenge before getting derailed again. Our friend came to stay for the weekend. Well from Friday morning to Sunday morning. We’d all taken Friday off work so went for a lovely long walk at Bolton Abbey. On Saturday I had to work (Open Day) and then it was somehow Wednesday before I did anything exercise-y again and that was only a little walk. And then it was today. Yesterday I was so tired I basically got up late, did a few bits in the garden with Kath, had lunch, fell asleep for most of the afternoon, had tea, watched some tv, went to bed.

Today I woke up feeling a little better, less dazed and confused. After breakfast I did some yoga and after pottering about a little I did day 5 of the April challenge (hello glutes). There is something about running though. I want to. I mean I want to get back to the running fitness where I can just pop out for a quick 5km and it not really be a thing. To get there I need to get out consistently and I want to but… so I am spending some time doing yoga and doing some strength work to figure out what that ‘but’ is all about. I think there are several things going on.

Running means going out there – like where other people might be. I don’t feel hugely confident at the moment. I feel super unfit (because I am) and I just don’t want to deal with the feeling of being judged. This is all on me. I know very few people are judging, very few people would even notice me or pay me any attention at all. All of the other runners I see out and about either nod, ignore or say something encouraging. And even if people are judging, since when do I care? And when I stop to consider it, I don’t care. So it’s all weird.
I can’t make decisions about running. I am struggling to decide where to run, what route to take. It feels like another decision, another thing to be a responsible adult about. I also can’t decide on a plan so therefore I can’t decide what sort of run I am doing and so I just don’t do anything. I should just pick a plan. I have a strong anti couch to 5km plan reaction at the moment. No idea what that’s about. I could go runDisney plan but that doesn’t tell me what intervals to run. I could just run completely by feel but then I might just walk and not push at all and I still have to decide where. I know, weird and stupid.
I absolutely completely do not want to ‘jiggle’. That sensation at the moment is a hard no. I have that about running and also about HIIT. Anything that involves jiggling, I’m out. I have good sports bras, it’s not that. I look after my boobs quite well and make sure they have all the support they need – but I still just don’t want to jiggle. It’s not painful, it’s not even uncomfortable. It’s just jiggling. And jiggling is currently right up there with rolling around in nettles. So there’s that.
Let’s talk about doing hard. I have been thinking about whether I am actually just in one of those phases where I just can’t or don’t want to do hard things. I think it probably is true that work is currently taking up a lot of emotional capacity for all sorts of reasons and that therefore I want easy outside of that. But I also think it is true that I want brain easy not physical easy. Anything that requires decision making feels impossible. The bike works well here because once I have decided on the programme (generally by picking the one recommended for me), I just get on the bike, do as I am told until the ride is done. No decisions needed. No questions about whether I could take an extra rest or cut the route short because the bike doesn’t give me a choice. I don’t have to think, I just do. Same thing for a yoga session or the dynamic runner workout or one of the Joe Wicks sessions. As long as there is no jiggling, there is no issue. Press play, do. I can’t always do all the exercises but my brain can cope with modifying a side plank or dropping to knees in a push up. What it can’t seem to cope with is deciding whether to turn left or right when I reach the end of our road.

So anyway, over the last week I have made zero progress on the challenge. So virtually I guess I am hanging out in Cienfuegos. That’s funny really because I don’t think we spent much time there at all on our trip. We left Havana on the morning of the 29th December 2010 and we stayed in the hotel on the outskirts of Trinidad that night. We stopped off several times along the way (and I’ll see if my virtual route takes me to some of those stop offs as I am going the other way). Thinking back to the trip, we took a slightly different route with different sights. While on the real trip we did some hiking in the Escambray Mountains, spent New Year’s Eve under the stars and had a dip in the pool under the Salto del Rocio waterfall located within Parque Guanayara; the virtual challenge headed for El Nicho waterfall. I assume because it is closer to the road between Trinidad and Cienfuegos and a more popular tourist spot (according to Google anyway). In a way it is a shame that the way I covered distance in the challenge meant I sort of hopped across from Trinidad to Cienfuegos almost missing the bits in-between. Because those couple of nights in the Escambray Mountains were really spectacular. They were also a bit meh because Kath inadvertently had orange and was poorly for New Year and had to do a good chunk of hiking feeling crap (she’s allergic). But it was stunning to be there and we were lucky to see a meteor shower which lit up the sky with shooting stars. I know sometimes it feels like the magic is struggling to cling on, work can seem pointless, people can be vile and stupid, the world is on fire and there is so much wrong that we feel powerless to fix but thinking back to evenings like those is a reminder that the magic is there. I am going to try and look for it more. I know that night is a long long time ago now but there is the same joy to be found in our sunrises and sunsets, the birds coming to our feeders, the deer we see on our runs and the hedgehogs busying themselves in our garden at night. It was there this morning when little Stormcat interrupted my yoga and came and curled up on me and purred.

So maybe it’s not about getting my shit together. Maybe it is just about noticing the magic, smiling and rolling with it. Just as long as there’s no jiggling, I’m ok with that.

More Cuba memories

April 20, 2026 Jess GuthLeave a comment

Ok so this may be a running blog but every now and again I also get on our Zwift bike. Mostly when I am too scared to run, its icy or I want to do something that doesn’t feel quite as impossible as running. When I signed up for the virtual challenge and set the time frame I always assumed I would have some bike miles in the mix. Otherwise I’d need much longer to cover the 70 miles. Anyway, this morning I was supposed to get up at 5am and go to the gym. We’d agreed that plan. I’d set the alarm but I didn’t sleep well and was awake at 4.45. Kath was sound asleep, Odin and Storm were curled up alongside her and it felt peaceful and perfect. I snuggled into the back of Kath and dozed until we eventually both woke up around 6.15. Too late for the gym. Ooops. After work I completed Day 1 of the Dynamic Runner April Challenge (more on that next time) and then after tea I got on the bike. So if you are wondering if the challenge is working to get me out – yes it is. I got on the bike because I knew I needed miles for the challenge. So let’s see where we are now. I was in Camaguey before the ride. Now I am in Trinidad. They are actually just over 130 miles apart so we are in virtual challenge portal territory again.

I am trying to untangle my Cuba memories. Things blur and I don’t have much other than the photos to go by. I journaled a little while we were there but not consistently. I remember the art places we visited and the fact that the symbol of the city is the tinajón – or clay pot. We bought a little one as a souvenir. I am not sure I remember all that much else about the place to be honest. The well filed photos from the trip suggest these three photos were from there.

Trinidad I do remember. It was hot on the day we were there. Most of the people on the tour with us stuck together and did the organised stuff. No idea what that was on the afternoon Kath and I went into Trinidad itself. We stayed on the outskirts I think and maybe we all went into town together but we didn’t go back with everyone, or maybe we went off on our own. We wandered the cobbled streets, sat and watched the world go by, got some food in a cafe where we met another couple from our trip. They were horrified we were eating the salad – concerned we might get upset tummies if the salad had been washed with tap water (they didn’t seem concerned about the ice cubes in their drinks though). I liked Trinidad. I am not sure why. Maybe just the feel of the place. Here are a few pics (most of the others have people in so these are what you get).

Today I don’t want to think deep and meaningful. I don’t want to think about what is happening in that part of the world or that I can do nothing to help. I can’t today. My own demons are too close to the surface. Today I just want to remember the feeling of the warm Cuban sun on my skin, the sound of cuban Spanish being spoken all around me, the clip clop of hooves on the cobbles as horse and cart made their way through town, the colours of the roof tiles and the slowness of the pace. Maybe what I remember most about that hot afternoon in Trinidad is the absence of any sort of rush, no need to be anywhere or do anything. A pace so unfamiliar to our modern lives and yet so familiar and necessary at some sort of fundamental level. I remember being present in the moment a lot when we were in Cuba. I remember not really thinking about what had been and what was to come. That was probably helped hugely by the lack of phone access. We had phones and I will have had Facebook back then but our phones didn’t work in Cuba and neither of us was at all bothered about that! It was easier to just be, to not worry about creating perfect social media posts and memories but to actually focus on being there. And I think the difference is that I might not remember all the details of what exactly the buildings are or why I took a particular photo and I might get muddled about what was where but I remember really clearly how it felt. I wonder if I can say the same about more recent trips where it’s social media posts or even these blogs that tell the story. Anyway, that’s a thought for another day and maybe one that isn’t for the running blog.

I wonder where I am going next and how big a leap it will be. I am looking forward to looking through the photos of wherever that turns out to be. Let’s see how my legs feel about some more miles tomorrow

Duck, Deer, Dipper and Dummies (ok, Bunnies)

April 19, 2026 Jess Guth1 Comment

Longest run/walk of the year today. Don’t get too excited, it was only 3.61 miles. I dropped Kath off on my way to Bolton Abbey so she could do a longer loop. I then headed for the Cavendish Pavilion car park, went to the loo and then set off. As I came out of the toilets I saw a load of people going the way I was initially planning on going so I changed my mind and set off on a backwards aqueduct loop. I made it over the bridge and just a little way along the path when I saw a guy with a scope pointing at something somewhere in or along the river Wharfe. I said good morning and then when I had basically gone past him he suddenly said: ‘Would you like to see a dipper chick?’ And oh my goodness yes, of course I wanted to see a dipper chick. The scope was trained right on it and the guys phone was attached to the view finder so I could see really easily on the screen (except I had to stand on my tip toes because that guy was tall and the phone screen high!). So now I have seen a dipper chick. A grey/brown bundle of chirpy fluff. I didn’t linger long. I didn’t want to intrude on his time with them. I thanked him for sharing and went on my way. So when I was sat in bed this morning not really wanting to get up… yeah, had I listened to that voice in my head, I would not have seen a dipper chick – possibly ever. Thank you 7.30am Jess for that kick up the butt and thank to random Bolton Abbey guy for sharing.

The running itself was hideous today. It was even harder than it has been and I had to walk basically anything that wasn’t flat or downhill. But it didn’t matter. Today wasn’t about getting from A to B as fast as possible. It wasn’t even really about running. It was just about being outside and remembering some of my why. The smell of the wild garlic drifted in and out. I think it was there all the way round but it came through really strongly in places and then faded into the background in others. The same is true for the hints of gentle blue from the bluebells. I saw chaffinches and blue, great and coal tits, a tree creeper and I heard rather than saw the little psychopaths of the bird world, wrens. I group of female pheasants ran across the path right in front of me. I assumed mum and 3 chicks because one was bigger and the other 3 were a chunk smaller but close to fully grown but that seems early for chicks to be that big? I saw happy dogs and friendly humans and as huffy and puffy as it might have been, it was still glorious. I stopped on the aqueduct to soak up the vitamin D and breathe a minute. Then I continued. Not long after that, as I was crawling up hill, I saw Kath bouncing towards me. We said a quick hello and continued on our respective loops. I was feeling it now. Just over 2 miles, hay fever hitting hard, knee being a bit bitchy… so of course negative thoughts about pace, and this isn’t really running, is it and it’s pointless started creeping in. Just as I had decided that 2 miles ish might be my limit and I would just not bother with trying to run more, a deer stepped out onto the path, looked at me, crossed and disappeared. It took me a little while to realise I had stopped moving and was holding my breath. I walked up to where it had crossed but I couldn’t see it. I told a couple walking in the opposite direction what I had seen and we exchanged pleasantries before moving on. Then I saw the deer again. Just ahead of me – back on the other side of the path. I followed slowly and eventually came along side it. I stood and watched for a minute and then carried on my way. I’d forgotten I was giving up on running and happily jogged down the hill.

Bolton Abbey’s Easter Trail was still on so I ran/walked my way from Bunny to Bunny for the last mile. My favourite one if probably witch bunny, closely followed by the mountain rescue bunny. I loved being out today. I am not a big fan of how hard it feels but overall, I do think I am still a fan of getting my butt out there.

Oh and yeah, the virtual challenge. Well today I was very happy to just be running where I am. As far as the challenge goes, I am still in Camaguey so I will pick up those particular memories next time.

Continuing the challenge, run/walk, stupid adverts and Cuba memories

April 18, 2026April 19, 2026 Jess GuthLeave a comment

For the first time this year I have managed to string 3 runs together in a week. Say it quietly so we don’t jinx it! The running itself is outrageously hard but it feels good. For the first time this year I ran in short sleeves and in spite of my hay fever settling in for the spring and summer now, the many shades of green and the blossom were gorgeous. I am very ploddy and I am trying not to be grumpy about it. I ran/walked 2 miles using 30/30 intervals. Then I walked another mile and a bit back home. And in spite of the recent Nike advert I am recording the entire 3.15 mile as a run on my spreadsheet – tolerate away Nike – you do you, I’ll do me. In case you didn’t see it, Nike used the phrase ‘Runners Welcome, Walkers Tolerated’ in their Boston Marathon ad. They have since withdrawn it following backlash. I am not really mad at the advert. I think it is idiotic to alienate a huge set of your potential customers but I don’t actually think that’s what will actually happen here. I am bemused that people are surprised that a company like Nike, or any other sports brand for that matter, would use that sort of advertising. I think calling them out is good, sure, but the internet outrage will have no impact. The only thing that would is if we stopped buying Nike gear and most of us won’t. I am pretty sure the ad did its job, we’re all talking about Nike, the backlash was undoubtedly anticipated, as was the withdrawal and apology. I mean think about this, marketing of sports clothing and shoes seems to me to all be about how that brand will make you fitter, faster, stronger, leaner (or, since the 90s seem to be back, skinnier). It’s about performance. It is not about comfortably being able to move your body in any way that feels right for you. It made me think about how difficult it is in my experience to find comfortable exercise clothes that fit well in my size. I’m a UK size 18ish – large yes but hardly whale size and certainly not unusual. There are a lot of sports brands that do not even make running tights or tops in my size. Others do but my choices are basically black tights or black tights. Anyway, I don’t want to rant. Let’s just say that if your brand doesn’t make anything bigger than a size 16, which comes up small and then call that XXXL, then you’re the problem. I did not fit into those items when I was very much marathon fit. So I get the outrage when sports brand imply that they are really for fit, fast, strong, skinny people but I don’t get the surprise. The whole industry has a problem with gatekeeping exercise and movement. Let’s just ignore that bullshit and get on with our lives. I ‘boycott’ most sports brands, not by choice, but because they don’t make anything in my size. Shoes are different of course but you’re not likely to find me trying on shoes from brands where I don’t fit in the clothes because I’d never go into a store and when I buy online, I stick to what I know.

Anyway, rant over. I am quite enjoying being part of the virtual challenge. I joined the Facebook Group. I am not sure why because we all know by now that most groups will just annoy me. I had a quick scan through and muted it. There seemed to be a lot of nonsense and some spectacularly stunning stupid and too much weight talk for my liking and people doing things that don’t make sense to me like signing up for multiple challenges at the same time and using the same runs/walks for them all. I am trying to be very ‘you do you’ about this and leave people to their thing but no. You cannot run (or walk or whatever) in one place physically and then transmit that to more than one virtual location. That’s cheating surely? But ok, you do you. I just don’t want to know about it. Anyway, here are a couple of screenshots from the App to give you a sense:

The first is the virtual bib you get when you register for the challenge. I like the colours on this one. The second is a shot from the map. The JG is where I am currently. The red marker is where I should be based on the time I set and distance of the challenge and the other markers note points at which I unlock a tree being planted (5 trees are planted for me completing this challenge – Conquerer Virtual Challenge partner with Veritree) or (not visible on this map) or local interests or local spots. At the bottom of that screenshot you can also see the percentage distance and time already covered. If you expand that you get details of those metrics. Below that is the main menu. The last picture is of my rewards page showing what I have ‘unlocked’ so far and how far it is to the next thing.

Those of you who read my last post and have a sense of Cuban geography might have noticed that I have jumped. I was intrigued to see how this would work because obviously 70 miles is not going to take me from Santiago de Cuba to Havana. I am too lazy to Google it but it must be 500 ish miles. So following my last run I was bang in the middle of Santiago on the Cuba map. It could have been on a tree like this – take in January 2011 and no idea what it looks like now.

At some point on today’s adventure I entered the portal and transported myself to the edge of Camaguey. Hm. Ok. That’s not what happened when we were actually in Cuba of course. In 2011we were coming the other way and before Santiago we were deep in the Sierra Maestra and hiked to Comandancia de La Plata. Stunning views and a sense of tangible history is what I remember from that day. I also remember wondering why some of the people on the trip had come to Cuba and on this particular trip as there seemed little or no interest in history and zero background knowledge. It’s not that I knew (or know) lots but I remember being taken aback by the ignorance of some and lack of curiosity in others. I probably had lots of questions but as usual, none would form fully until much later when the chance to ask them had passed. Sometimes that’s just how my brain works, it takes time to process and take it all in.

So for the purposes of my virtual journey, we have jumped a few 100km but it was a great excuse to defamiliarise myself with a map of Cuba and look through the photos from the trip to try and work out where we were when and what that means for the timeline and route of our trip. I might be wrong of course, I have a very unreliable memory but it doesn’t really matter. It’s nice to have those memories and to let them lead me to questions that might occupy my brain on my next run. Questions about revolutions, questions about change, questions about power, questions about what the world could and should look and feel like for all of us. You know, just the little things.

really (not) a runner

rambling about my running journey

Tag: virtual challenge