Tag: writing

Pumpkin Trails

Jess GuthLeave a comment

Darling Mortals, come with me, if you dare, as I take you on the Halloween adventure that is the Bolton Abbey Pumpkin trail. Once through these gates, there’s no turning back, you are bound to complete the harrowing mile by my side, see the frightening sights and hear the horrible sounds. And should you make it to the end, well then you get to do it all again – but in reverse and worse because I’ll be a mile more tired, a mile more sweaty and a mile more huffy and puffy. So. Enter. If you are brave enough.

Selfie of my head and shoulders in front to ominous looking Halloween themed gates leading up a woodland path

Our journey begins up a frightful slope. It’s victims rest, in peace or otherwise, at the bottom. Or maybe it was the toadstools that finished them off or possibly the potions further up. I beckon Bramble to come join me on my run. Afterall, every witch needs her sidekick and there is not black cat to be seen. Bramble however doesn’t seem keen to leave her grave and as my pathetic untrained human lungs struggle to do their job up the slope, I begin to see why. The potions cabinet, while well placed for foolish mortals exerting themselves, offers nothing of use. No oxygen, nothing that suggests a sugary gel. If it’s something to slow down a rival you’re looking for though, it might be worth a longer stop. I have only just started so lingering is out of the question, though much desired . Maybe when I return, I can sit with Bramble for a while.

Onwards my travellers, we must fly. Well, actually that would be cheating. So we park the broomstick here. The downhill was fun while it lasted, it felt a bit like flying, just slower and more, well, grounded. I wondered where I’d put my hat. I am that age now where finding things in weird places is normal. But its too big and cumbersome for running and it might fall over my eyes. I shall leave it there and summon it later. And Alas, this trail teases with modes of transport. But no wings for me today. I vowed to make it through under my own steam. Yes, hm, steam. Is that what is burning in my lungs? And are we sure flying would be cheating? Seems unnecessary for my legs to have to work this hard when we could just… no. Onwards.

We must leave temptation behind and make our way deep deep into the forest. There is no chance now of anything lurking not hearing me coming. I haven’t run for weeks and before that only sporadically. I sound like a steam train with a bad cough and I am less efficient. Loud and slow in these woods? Not safe, not safe at all. And before you know it, out comes Henry (this year, as far as I can tell, all spiders are called Henry. There’s one on our kitchen ceiling, he’s Henry, too). Henry, with his unreasonable number of legs and menacing look. Is that a scream I hear? Oh, yes, ok, that was me. And I run a little faster. Perhaps a little too much faster because the next stops presents an attractive looking resting place and I contemplate a nap. A long long long long nap.

Or maybe what we need is lunch, looks frightfully delicious. Doesn’t smell so good though. Or is that me again. No time to work it out because I run past a some parrots pretending to be pirates or maybe there are some pirates somewhere that own the parrots and they are nearby somewhere left to our imagination – but anyway, that display may be the scariest of them all because it’s weird so I run past without stopping or taking a photo. I also skip past the dancing skeletons because I do not want to dance with a skeleton. Or dance at all really, I have enough of a job on remembering how to put one foot in front of the other. But then I have run too far and my lungs, if indeed I still have any, are protesting. I stop at the bone jokes, they’re so terrible they humerus. (Sorry).

And when I can breathe again we move on to a squished scarecrow and crows and a Halloween looking archway. Did our trail designers run out of scary things? We have made it mortal friends. We got to the end of the mile. Just over a mile in fact, though barely. The scariest thing about the mile was undoubtedly the pace. It was frightfully slow, held back and distracted as I was by the trail’s demons and spirits. Oh hang on, that was just the voices in my head reminding me not to get too carried away and that a mile stop-start running while looking at displays and making up stories in your head doesn’t make you a runner.

It’s time to head back but now I am in my head. It is time to head somewhere anyway. Back? I am in my head so that turns to backwards and negative and no point and I need something else. Just because I am now doing the trail in reverse doesn’t mean I am going backwards. It doesn’t mean retreat or going back to where I started. Because that was then and when I get back it will be now. Or then. Or something. I can’t do time, it confuses me. But this wasn’t about time, it was about being in my head about not being a runner.

As I look at my options for a destination on the last display, I realise that maybe stop-start running while looking at displays and making up stories is exactly what makes me a runner. I mean if you’re not a runner it is a pretty stupid thing to do. So here’s my story of a little witch who, one Saturday morning decided enough was enough and it was time to get her sizable arse out for a run. She went somewhere where she thought she might blend in and had a good chuckle at what the humans entertained themselves and their young ones with for Halloween. The broom and the wings were impressive, she had to admit. She lingered at the broom. So big, probably fast, perhaps a little clunky in the air and not really sparkly enough.

The rest was a little gimmicky, though the eyeball soup looked yummy. She nearly stopped for some but it was positioned too close to the spiders, who seemed nice but spiders are so needy, always talking and scuttling about. Henry this and Henry that.

The running was hard going. It had been too long – what a good 300 years maybe? Bones were creaky, joints all seized up and the little witch was not at all convinced that a witch should ever feel her lungs like that. But she got to the end of the trail having captured each stop (but one, pirates and parrots for Halloween?!?) and was pleased with herself. She took in the view, not a bad place for a little rest, and then she made her way back. One foot in front of the other, running for at least a minute each time, some runs were much longer, some just felt like it but all of the running was strong and felt capable and the little witch smiled, because this, she thought, is what it feels like, when your body is on its way to being able to do things. It can do hard things and then those hard things get easier. So the little witch ran all the way back to the car park, got changed and went home happy. Maybe she drove, but maybe she flew. And maybe I am a runner or maybe I cheated and flew.

A few little jogs and all is well

Jess Guth1 Comment

I love my random additional days off! There are a couple of bank holidays where we also get the Tuesday off from work and there is always something really nice about that additional day. It feels a bit indulgent in a way annual leave doesn’t. The plan for today was just to try out the calf a bit. Nothing silly but after yesterday’s gym session all is still well and it seems like the obvious next step is to see how it fairs out in the wild. So we went to Bolton Abbey. Kath went off on her 5 mile loop and my plan was to walk a mile which would take me almost to the Strid and then on the way back I would throw in a few little jogs to see how everything feels. The loop went like this:

  • Ooh it’s lovely and cool under these trees
  • Squirrel!
  • Bye Kath as I waved her off on her run
  • Hm, high path or low path? High path
  • Wild garlic smells lush
  • What’s that? Oh just a pigeon
  • Everything feels ok, good
  • Oh person, ‘hello’. No hello? Rude
  • Oh I am at the Strid already. Lovely. That was nice. Should I run now?
  • Little jog, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee downhill
  • Ok nothing hurts, did my knee just niggle? Nah, that was a brain niggle not a knee niggle
  • Ok, back we go. Little jog, body scan, all good
  • Slope, walk. But I could try and run. Stop it, be sensible!
  • Weeeeeeeee down the slope and on a bit. Ok all good
  • It’s kinda hot
  • My eyebrows are sweaty
  • Little run, all good. Keep going to that tree. No not that one, the other one. Which one? You know. Do I? Oh slope, walk
  • And run down the hill and keep going, keep going, yes it’s hot, keep going. Fuck that’s a big dog. Walk
  • ‘ Hi dog’ (and human). Aw friendly. That’s nice. Walk the hill though
  • And last little run down the slope to the Cavendish Pavilion. Ooh is that tightness? Niggle? Brain niggle or real niggle?
  • Doesn’t matter. I am out of the wood, too hot to run in full sun. Walk to car
  • Grab go bag with change of clothes, gym towel and deodorant and head for toilets
  • Thank goodness I am getting changed because these lycra pants are not coming back up after having a pee. Also, I think I have an actual puddle in my bra.
  • Good outing that. Happy

So that’s another 3.7km added to the Berlin Wall virtual challenge. Well, I continued along the road I was on and then turned right where I will have walked along a stretch planted with 45 cherry trees as a memorial. I continued along the Wall route past more remnants, a tower and then I hit the river Spree. The river also acted as a physical border with underwater barriers. There is a lot online about this if you are interested and on the Mauerspuren website you can see the various locations. After crossing the river I will have come to the East Side Gallery. We have been to that Gallery – the longest Open Air gallery in the world and the longest continuous stretch of Wall remaining. The 1.3km of that stretch will have taken a third of my run/walk today and I am sure that if I was doing it for real, I would have lingered. We probably have photos but what you can see online is probably better. After that I went onwards along the route, past more bits of wall. I’ll soon head left over the river again but that’s for next time.

FFS

Jess GuthLeave a comment

That’s really all I have to say. I felt good about week 2 of the plan. I felt good about having bought the next virtual challenge (Berlin Wall) and was ready to start. I had done run one. It was all looking, well, good. And then on Thursday when I was going to do run 2 in the afternoon, I whacked my right shin and top of my foot on the edge of a raised bed trying to water some just planted mange tout. Yes gardening is dangerous. It really hurt. It sort of derailed my afternoon in the way small things that are not really a big deal at all sometimes can. I didn’t run. I told myself it didn’t matter because I could still get my two runs in easily by running Friday and Sunday. Friday came and we set off to Bolton Abbey. The beauty of a week off is that we can run in places that are often busy at the weekends during the week and avoid crowds. I set off with a 5 minute walk. Everything felt ok, no niggles. I then went into my run/walk intervals. Everything still felt ok. I wasn’t really settling into my breathing so it felt a little more laboured than it really needed to be but nothing at all to cause concern. At about 0.7 miles I felt my left calf go a little tight. It was right at the end of a running interval and it disappeared through the walk break so I didn’t think anything of it. I started the next run interval, ran for about 15 seconds and then swore loudly as my left calf screamed at me. I hopped dramatically on my right leg for a couple of hops, swore some more and then tentatively put my left foot down. I shifted my weight onto it, that seemed fine. But walking – nope. I hobbled back to the car, stopping along the way to take pictures and try not to be too grumpy. So much for running consistently and so much for my virtual Berlin Wall Challenge.

I iced and heated the calf muscle and felt sorry for myself for the rest of Friday. Saturday I worked an Applicant Visit Day and after setting up the classroom and courtroom was in quite a lot of pain in spite of painkillers. In the afternoon, we watched football and then sorted some photos and by the time I went to bed it perhaps didn’t feel quite so sore. I woke up this morning and there was no pain as I sat up and did a little body scan. I got up. I could feel some tightness but no pain. I can walk normally without pain. There is tightness and if I step backwards or at a funny angle there is a bit of pain but nothing like yesterday. I am obviously not going to risk running just yet but I did just sit on the bike and pedal for a minute and there is no pain through that motion – so I will get on the bike this afternoon and just do some sort of flat loop.

I need to think about my challenge though. I wanted to do this all running but I don’t think that will happen now. I could extend the time but I wanted to drop into the virtual Spine Race Sprint after the Berlin Wall so need to finish this month. I think maybe what I will do is upload today’s cycle manually and see how things go next week. If the challenges are about consistency and getting out then this is also sort of working – my default position with an injury is often to just to nothing, this is making me think about what I CAN do instead if I can’t run . So maybe counting a short ride is ok.

Anyway, the Challenge. I have set off from the starting point on the Conqueror App map which seems to be a random spot on the Waltersdorfer Chaussee on the wall route in-between two points of interest noted on the website Mauerspuren (German only – for an English interactive map see here). From there I have made my way 2.43km along the route onto the absolutely awe inspiring (not) A113 which has the most spectacular views (not). If you want to learn more about the Wall, the website of the Berlin Wall Foundation isn’t a bad place to start.

It’s now a nap and a cat cuddle later and I have been on the bike. Just 5km, just to check that there is no pain while riding and that it doesn’t make it worse. It was fine, nothing hurts and it was a positive 12 minutes or so to get the blood pumping a little. I have uploaded it to the challenge. That’s the good news, the bad news is that I am still on the A113 (virtually obviously) – the third picture above is where I am now. I have gone past the first piece of the wall which sits outside the Museum Treptow. Not that you would know that from the challenge because it doesn’t have these things marked on it and it doesn’t come up in the narrative. So below is the screenshot from the Mauerspuren website linked above. I have now received my first challenge ‘postcard’ which just gives a pretty basic history.

So let’s see what tomorrow brings and go from there.

More Cuba memories

Jess GuthLeave a comment

Ok so this may be a running blog but every now and again I also get on our Zwift bike. Mostly when I am too scared to run, its icy or I want to do something that doesn’t feel quite as impossible as running. When I signed up for the virtual challenge and set the time frame I always assumed I would have some bike miles in the mix. Otherwise I’d need much longer to cover the 70 miles. Anyway, this morning I was supposed to get up at 5am and go to the gym. We’d agreed that plan. I’d set the alarm but I didn’t sleep well and was awake at 4.45. Kath was sound asleep, Odin and Storm were curled up alongside her and it felt peaceful and perfect. I snuggled into the back of Kath and dozed until we eventually both woke up around 6.15. Too late for the gym. Ooops. After work I completed Day 1 of the Dynamic Runner April Challenge (more on that next time) and then after tea I got on the bike. So if you are wondering if the challenge is working to get me out – yes it is. I got on the bike because I knew I needed miles for the challenge. So let’s see where we are now. I was in Camaguey before the ride. Now I am in Trinidad. They are actually just over 130 miles apart so we are in virtual challenge portal territory again.

I am trying to untangle my Cuba memories. Things blur and I don’t have much other than the photos to go by. I journaled a little while we were there but not consistently. I remember the art places we visited and the fact that the symbol of the city is the tinajón – or clay pot. We bought a little one as a souvenir. I am not sure I remember all that much else about the place to be honest. The well filed photos from the trip suggest these three photos were from there.

Camaguey
Camaguey
Camaguey

Trinidad I do remember. It was hot on the day we were there. Most of the people on the tour with us stuck together and did the organised stuff. No idea what that was on the afternoon Kath and I went into Trinidad itself. We stayed on the outskirts I think and maybe we all went into town together but we didn’t go back with everyone, or maybe we went off on our own. We wandered the cobbled streets, sat and watched the world go by, got some food in a cafe where we met another couple from our trip. They were horrified we were eating the salad – concerned we might get upset tummies if the salad had been washed with tap water (they didn’t seem concerned about the ice cubes in their drinks though). I liked Trinidad. I am not sure why. Maybe just the feel of the place. Here are a few pics (most of the others have people in so these are what you get).

Trinidad
Trinidad
Trinidad

Today I don’t want to think deep and meaningful. I don’t want to think about what is happening in that part of the world or that I can do nothing to help. I can’t today. My own demons are too close to the surface. Today I just want to remember the feeling of the warm Cuban sun on my skin, the sound of cuban Spanish being spoken all around me, the clip clop of hooves on the cobbles as horse and cart made their way through town, the colours of the roof tiles and the slowness of the pace. Maybe what I remember most about that hot afternoon in Trinidad is the absence of any sort of rush, no need to be anywhere or do anything. A pace so unfamiliar to our modern lives and yet so familiar and necessary at some sort of fundamental level. I remember being present in the moment a lot when we were in Cuba. I remember not really thinking about what had been and what was to come. That was probably helped hugely by the lack of phone access. We had phones and I will have had Facebook back then but our phones didn’t work in Cuba and neither of us was at all bothered about that! It was easier to just be, to not worry about creating perfect social media posts and memories but to actually focus on being there. And I think the difference is that I might not remember all the details of what exactly the buildings are or why I took a particular photo and I might get muddled about what was where but I remember really clearly how it felt. I wonder if I can say the same about more recent trips where it’s social media posts or even these blogs that tell the story. Anyway, that’s a thought for another day and maybe one that isn’t for the running blog.

I wonder where I am going next and how big a leap it will be. I am looking forward to looking through the photos of wherever that turns out to be. Let’s see how my legs feel about some more miles tomorrow

How do you build consistency?

Jess GuthLeave a comment
Blossom in our Garden

Consistency. The mythical thing that will make everything fall into place and become joyful and easy… . Apparently. I spend enough time scrolling on social media to have read several idiotic takes on consistency and on how habit not motivation will build consistency. And I get it. I remember (vaguely) a short period of time where running was just something we did. We didn’t really think about doing it, we just did. It wasn’t a decision to make. But that time was brief and also, it might be fictional. Perhaps it was never like that. Perhaps getting out the door has always been the hardest part of running. My brain is good at making shit up and maybe remembering a time, whether it actually existed or not, where getting out to run was easy, isn’t a bad thing.

Anyway, there I was scrolling like we all know we shouldn’t and the claims about how to get your shit together were just getting more and more outrageous. Advice that seemed to boil down do ‘you just need to be disciplined and get up at 4am and exercise and drink your electrolyte infused water and eat the right macros, take the most expensive supplements on the market and here’s some guidance on what to say so you’re not seen as weak at work and then here’s your evening relaxation and skin care routine and and … I am exhausted and bemused just seeing the posts, never mind reading or engaging with any of it. It does however bring me back to a question – how do normal people get their shit together? Like not 4am runs every morning and mapped out to the second daily routines (It is now 19.02, time to relax for precisely 19 minutes) but normal. Normal as in, my job can be a bit random, sometimes the cat pukes on the bed at 3am throwing everything into chaos, or I was so busy that I am both completely dehydrated because I didn’t drink anything and desperate for a pee because I haven’t had time for a toilet stop or I am not going to the gym for love nor money today because – ew people or the world feels wrong and I need to hide under a blanket and cry. That sort of normal. Which reading it back might not in fact be normal. What I mean is, how, in all the chaos that is normal life and without the desire or will power to be really regimented, how do you build consistency? How do you get to habit, to where the brain just assumes you’re going to the gym or for a run so you don’t have to do battle with yourself each time? How do you get motivated enough to get past the need for motivation?

I know, if I could really figure that out and bottle it, I could stop with the academic nonsense and retire ungracefully. I don’t think there is just one answer though. I read a post that suggested you set an alarm with a motivational quote to get you up and out of bed – yeah that will elicit a sleepy string of expletives and not much else while I turn off the alarm, turn over and go straight back to sleep. Another post suggested sleeping in your gear. Yeah – the only time I will sleep in a sports bra is if I am too exhausted after a run to attempt getting out of it. Other suggestions included telling yourself you can come back if you still really don’t want to be out after ten minutes. That also doesn’t work because that is a given for me. If I am miserable I won’t force myself to push through. I am too old for that shit. Hard – sure. Miserable, nope. More suggestions – same time each day for exercise of some description – hello chaotic schedule. That might work if I went really early in the morning but anyone who has met me will know that that will go wrong very very quickly. If I don’t get 8 hours sleep a night for a period of time, armageddon will ensue. I am being negative. Sorry. Of course I will eventually (and into the summer it’s easier) get up early more consistently and run after work more consistently and just the line between doing hard and being miserable will move so I will do more. I know this. I just find all the social media stuff annoying and unhelpful because none of it strikes me as realistic but I also can’t quite shake myself free of the expectations that my ducks should be more in a row and I should be able to be more disciplined. (I know! I’m paying for therapy, I am working on the people pleasing good girl thing)

Anyway, given that I am too old to take the influencers seriously and too intelligent to believe the nonsense around fitness and health and wellbeing and getting your shit together that fills my feeds, I had to come up with something else to try and keep up motivation while re-developing habits. And what does work, always has worked for me, is a challenge, a medal and some sort of game. Ideally all three. The challenges we had set haven’t kept me going. I haven’t been able to work towards them and they haven’t provided the kick up the arse required. So just entering another race or setting a park run target or whatever isn’t going to work – its not immediate enough. So I decided I would try a virtual challenge, something that tracks as you go along rather than something that is just an end goal; something that provides interest over time and an incentive to reach the next thing and something that allows me to go at my pace. And of course I need a medal at the end. A quick google and I landed on the Conqueror Virtual Challenges. I signed up for a challenge (I’ll tell you more about which one and why that one etc next time) to see if it might just work and keep me motivated through the really hard bit of starting again.

Well, it did its first job which was to get me out today when I really just wanted to curl up and stare into space and work out how I managed to work all day without having anything to show for it. I went out only because I wanted to see if the app worked, if my strava would sync to it and what the look and feel of the app and challenge would be. So yeah – gamification works. For me anyway. I did 2 miles again. Run/Walk at 30/30 intervals. This time for the full two miles. I went the same mile out as previously but ran past a guy I know who was out chatting and we had a friendly exchange but I really didn’t want a second interaction on the way back so I turned off and went down hill. So I did run a slightly easier route in terms of slopes but I kept the run/walk going until the 2 mile beep on my watch. Then I walked the .70 of a mile home up the hill. Happy with that. Oh and me not wanting another interaction had nothing to do with the guy, I was a proper no people zone after work today.

Einstein receiving instructions from the Dino gang
Odin – not too sure about being watched while having his tea

Anyway, I will tell you more about the challenge and the app as I get into it but for now there is one thing I want to mention because it pissed me off as I was completing the registration on the app. It’s a distance challenge, right. You can count all sorts of exercise to contribute, all good. I like that because it makes it really inclusive. But then the app asked for me height and weight. Annoying in itself. It doesn’t need that to track distance travelled. It’s irrelevant to the thing the app is designed for. And then, as if asking for weight wasn’t bad enough, it asked for ideal weight. So there it is. Just like that we have again made the assumption that exercise and signing up to a challenge must be about weight loss. Had they asked these questions before I signed up for the challenge I wouldn’t have signed up. It annoys the hell out of me. There is no reason for the app to need the information. The challenges are based on distance traveled, that doesn’t change based on how much someone weighs. I am not doing a challenge to lose weight. I am not running to lose weight, I am not going to the gym to lose weight. I am not doing anything to lose weight. I am doing the things I am doing to be fitter and stronger and so I can keep having adventures. My weight bobbing about a bit is a side effect of that, not a driving force. Anyway, I had already bought the challenge, so I completed the app registration, gave them my current weight as both the current and ideal weight which might fry their algorithm a bit at least and got over myself.

Next time I will tell you where in the virtual world I am and why I chose it and any other musings. For now, I have some more marking to do – you know, academic and that time of year!