Isn’t it always nice when you get a little reminder that actually you can’t run. Just something to bring you back down to earth and stop you being a cocky little shit. Yeah. Useful to keep you focused and on track with training. The thing is, I’d quite like a run that doesn’t include a little reminder like that. Helvellyn was as awesome as it was tricky and yes I did it but there were only about ten people slower and they were all walkers. I’m ok with that really but wouldn’t it be great to actually have run more than I walked on that.

Wednesday I did a Fartlek session and nearly threw in the towel several times. I did ok-ish in the end and I know I don’t have to go faster every time I do it etc etc but running for 3 minutes at a pace that actual runners use to warm up or cool down or go up really steep hills felt impossibly hard and I am grumpy about that (Previous 2 sessions in brackets).

• 10 minute warm up: 12.27 (12.20, 12.43 pace);
• 5 minutes: 10.37 (10.26, 10.27);
• 1minute 30 second rest
• 4 minutes: 10.30 (10.11, 10.18) pace;
• 1minute 30 second rest
• 3 minutes: 11.03 (9.56, 10.18) pace;
• (then 5.5 minute rest);
• 2 minutes: 10.17 (8.56, 9.52);
• 1minute 30 second rest
• 1 minute 30secs: 9.41 (9.09 ,9.47) pace;
• 1minute 30 second rest
• 1 minute: 8.41 (9.28, 9.29) pace;
• 1minute 30 second rest
• 30 seconds: 7.39 (9.17, 8.37)  pace;
• 1 minute rest
• 30 seconds: 7.38 (8.28, 7.39) pace.
• 10 min cool down 14.23 (14.17,15.16) pace

Today I managed a mile. A whole fucking mile. It was a gorgeous gorgeous run. It was stupid o-clock but I wanted to get up and run. We’re in Scarborough, we left the hotel at about 5.45, it’s not really cold, it’s still dark. We set off gently jogging towards the sea and onto the seafront. I didn’t feel great. A bit sort of sluggish and vague. The first little stretch had streetlights but out to sea was pitch black and I love the rhythmic noise of the waves hitting shore which was amplified by the darkness. Running wasn’t feeling great at all but this run was meant to be stunning so onwards. The streetlights ended and we ran side by side in darkness. My ankles felt a bit stiff but they’d settle. I liked running in the dark with the sea to my left and imagined nothingness to my right, the lights of the North Bay behind me and limitless possibilities in front – for a while anyway until we’d round the headland and see the lights of the harbour and all that goes with it. But I am getting ahead of myself. I didn’t get that far. I felt dizzy, sick and had wobbly legs almost bang on mile 1. I also felt really cold all of a sudden. Not fucking happening. I kept going a bit. Just a bit and tried to convince both myself and Kath that I was ok. That didn’t really work so we stopped and I had a little cry and then, when the wave of dizziness was over I wondered if I was just being a wimp and was actually fine and just panicked about running. Maybe I was. Who knows.

We agreed I would walk back and Kath went on. I walked back quite slowly stopping every now and again to persuade my wobbly legs to keep working. I’m fine now that I’m back and sat down (although either too cold or too hot). Kath won’t be long and I can’t wait to hear about the run. I want to try again but I also want to curl up in a ball and cry and hide. I’d like a solid run, just a run where I leave point A, run a loop of whatever distance and arrive back at point A without anything happening, without any drama or event. Just a run.

I think I’ll try for those limitless possibilities of running on the seafront, and maybe even the beach, in the dark again tomorrow morning because, just to be clear, I am not getting flu, I do not have a bug and I can run!