Author: Jess Guth

Dr Jess Guth is a Legal Academic. She blogs at jessguth.com She also doesn't really run - reallynotarunner.com

A mile and a bit

Jess Guth1 Comment

I went for a little run today. To be fair it was about time. The ‘I’ve just run a marathon’ excuse was really only good for one week. Then I managed all sorts of excuses – Monday I decided I’d still stick with the marathon excuse, Tuesday Kath was back quite late and we convinced ourselves we were way too  hungry to run and then eat and then it would be too late to run, Wednesday we went to Leeds, went shopping (I may or may not have ordered a MacBook and bought some new trainers) and out for tea and of course couldn’t possibly run when we got back and as for running in the morning, well no, just no.

In fact we were meant to run this morning but I couldn’t be bothered to get up, so didn’t until just gone 7am and then it was too late…bla bla. We could’ve gone. I vaguely entertained the idea of running at lunch time but then walked to the polling station and voted instead (I could have run there!). So this afternoon, I’d actually finally had enough of excuses and was happy to pull my trainers on and run. I got changed and we put a 10 minute yoga for runners on during which Kath informed me I had a hole in my pants – right on my hip, looks like a moth got at them or maybe I caught them when I zipped up my bag or something. Annoying because I’ve ony worn them once before and I don’t think it’ll stitch – anyway…

We walked to feed our sheep (we were carrying a bottle for the lamb we’re still feeding and you can’t run without it squirting everywhere) and then set off from the sheep field just to finish out little loop. We ran maybe a mile and a half, a little less maybe. We had two little walk breaks along the canal – I don’t think we really needed them but we wanted them and they coincided with looking at ducklings and lambs. As it turned out it was quite a fast pace for us (11.5 ish minutes per mile) and it felt really nice to be out and stretching my legs. My right hip is a little niggly now but nothing major. Bizzarely my feet were quite sore running, never had that before and they are fine again now.

I think I’d fallen out with running a bit before the marathon – since Dopey it has all felt a bit pressured and it’s been another thing I had to do and fit it. It didn’t feel like I was doing it for me anymore and it didn’t feel like me time. Because of that I think I’ve not really had the clarity that running can bring and I don’t think I really realised that until I got back today. Today I had it. Even though it was just a very short little run I came back feeling positive and energised and my brain worked almost in the way that I know it can when I am fully functioning. I’m not going to push it, I’m turning off shortly and having a bath before reading a little and getting an early night.

I think I’m relieved, yes I think that’s it. I think I’ve been worrying that I wouldn’t be able to put the pixie dust back into running, that it had all got a little bit serious and that it would end up being just a thing I have to do to keep vaguely healthy. Don’t get me wrong, I still mostly hate running – the actually doing it – but today I just disliked the actual running and not everything around it. I loved being out, I loved seeing wildlife and nature, I loved the sense of ‘oh my legs do actually still move’ and I sort of enjoyed pushing to the top of the hill and not stopping and I certianly enjoyed having done it. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns but I think there may be a little pixie dust.

The week after the marathon

Jess Guth3 Comments

The ballot for the London Marathon 2017 opened today. Oh that excitement of will I or won’t I get in, it was almost tempting and then I remembered: I don’t want to get in. A week and a day after the marathon and I have absolutely no desire to run that distance ever again. It hasn’t been a ‘never again…oooh look a marathon’ sort of scenario. I’ve done it twice – that’s twice more than I ever thought I would! That’ll do!

It’s been a funny week. I perfected a sort of penguin shuffle over the first few days until the stiffness eased and I could walk normally again. I learned that touching your toes is a privilege and not a right (I could barely reach past my knees) and I felt totally lost for a couple of days and tired for the entire week. I craved salty stuff for a day or two – crisps mainly and anything with carbs and then my sweet tooth kicked in and I just wanted chocolate and cake and biscuits. I didn’t want big meals, I just wanted to eat constantly. I was looking forward to a glass or two of wine but when it came to it wasn’t really bothered. I’m still not fussed really.

Looking back at marathon day is also a funny old business. I am remembering things I didn’t immediately after when I wrote the race review and my perception of the day is shifting a little now the pain has worn off. The memories that are sticking are the good ones. I remember the rhinos – oh the rhinos. They were fabulous. I think we were probably overtaken by all of them in the end but we spent a lot of time close to rhinos. I don’t know how the guys managed to run in those ‘costumes’ – more like contraptions really (sorry if you have no idea what I am talking about).  I remember the crowds through Greenwich and I remember the first person to call my name – a little boy maybe aged 10 shouting ‘go Jessica!’. I remember all the high 5s offered by the kids and my inability to be grumpy about being in pain and then making the effort to run over to the kids even when I felt like I couldn’t move another step.

I remember the cutty sark and looping round it, smiling to myself and I remember really wanting the Too Fat to Run cheering station to come because I needed a boost. I remember the feeling of being supported and cheered on. I don’t remember the  disappointment at not being able to run across Tower Bridge, I remember going across Tower Bridge, taking it in and looking at it as if I’d never seen it before and I remember going past mile 15 thinking ‘ ok well, not going to plan but I’m doing this!’ I remember at mile 16 setting my heart on finishing and I remember remembering  – probably at around mile 18 – a t-shirt I’d seen during my first half marathon which said ‘Pain is temporary, knees are replaceable but glory is eternal’.

I remember my blister popping at about mile 21 as I decided to use the roar of the crowds to just try another little run and I remember emerging from the tunnel, I remember the Thames and how gorgeous London looked on the day. I remember how lovely it was to see Sarah and Mark out on the course – friendly faces also on this journey. I don’t really remember Buckingham Palace, I just remember the crowd and the noise and then seeing the finish line and Kath turning to me and saying ‘Starwars theme tune?’ and I think I laughed and maybe it did play in my head as I crossed the line. (See my Dopey half marathon post for an explanation of this. Edited: Actually it’s not there – we crossed the finish line to the star wars theme tune and it’s the best ever! Was it the marathon? Hm!). I remember the bloke giving me my medal – actually putting it round my neck. I remember saying thank you over and over again and him laughing at me telling me well done.

As the days have gone on, the time it took or the fact that it didn’t all go to plan have become far less important. I look back on the day with fondness and the overwhelming emotion looking back is happiness. I wouldn’t swap that experience for anything – doesn’t mean I want to do it again though! So if you’re sitting there wondering if maybe you should enter the ballot, do it. There isn’t really a good reason not to. Well actually there are 1000s of good reasons not to but none of them matter. I’m happy, really happy I’ve done it and even happier I don’t have to do it again!

6.23.58

Jess Guth4 Comments

That number will forever be my marathon PB. I am done with that distance but I am also an official London Marathon finisher. I have to say, writing that feels pretty good. So here is how it went.

Today seems to have started in another life time. After a pretty bad night’s sleep we got sorted, did some yoga and set off. The tube and DLR ride took about 30 mins, the walk to the assembly area another 15 or so. We went to the loos, sat for a bit and then handed in our bags, then we sat a bit more. We entered the starting pens about 9.45 and soon we were moving forwards and then we were off, just like that we were running the London Marathon.

The first 5 miles were fabulous, we kept going with the flow for a while and then stopped at the loos just before mile 1. The early loo stop strategy had really worked for us during Dopey so we adopted it here. Then we went on. I got to just before mile 6 and suddenly felt really poorly. I couldn’t really explain but it felt like I was going to pass out. It wasn’t poor fuelling or hydration, I know from training runs that feels different. I actually thought I was going to have to stop there and then. I took an extra walk break and then we were at the Cutty Sark and the crowds lifted me a bit and I could keep going. I did have to put in extra walks though. Again the thought I might not make it crossed my mind.

Just before mile ten was the Too Fat to Run cheering station and I needed that. I got a big hug and lots of high fives and then we were gone. I was ok for a mile or so and then the funny feeling came back. Not quite dizzy, not quite nausea, not quite anything  but most definitly not quite right. Kath said she thought I should stop. I didn’t want to. We pushed on. We walked most of Tower Bridge, I’d wanted to run it but I just couldn’t. Half way came. There were other runners going the opposite way on the other side of the road, they were at 22 ish miles and I longed to be there and wondered if I would be, didn’t seem likely.

At 14 miles I was ready to quit. I just didn’t feel right. I don’t know why I didn’t stop, too stubborn maybe. I just kept walking and crying, I did a lot of crying around mile 14.   We agreed we’d keep walking for a bit and see if I could continue. So we did, we walked, we walked fast, as fast as we could and every now and again I managed a little jog, just to the next traffic lights, just to the km or mile marker, just to the bus stop. Every bit of me was screaming to stop but that’s how we ticked off the miles, one after the other, 15, 16,17 and then we saw 18 and I’d decided I wanted to finish. I felt better in myself, no longer not quite right but just fatigued and my hips, lower back and thighs had had enough, but 19 miles came and so did 20 and then it began to seem possible.

I walked most of the Dopey marathon and that was miserable. This wasn’t really miserable, we had a few giggles along the way and I tried to take it all in. The crowds were fantastic and hearing people call out your name helps massively. So no, not miserable but also not quite what I’d had in mind. I didn’t want to be in this much pain and this knackered at 20 miles. But then maybe I should have got my arse of the sofa and trained more…

21 came, then 22, 23 seemed to take forever but it did come as did 24. Just over two miles left running along slowly but running quite often now, the Thames on my left, the familiar views, the embankment, 25 miles. As well as my lower back, hips and thighs my right ankle has now had enough and my left calf is seriously unhappy and still, somehow I jog more in the last mile than I have the previous 12. Somehow, I make it, somehow I run across the finish line. And cry, and then giggle and then do both at the same time.

All the time Kath has been by my side, talking to me. I know she’s in pain, she must be if my back is this bad but she keeps pushing me on, keeps reminding me that we are Dopey and that together we can do anything. She’ll never get the credit I do for running the marathon because she won’t shout about it as much but really she ran it for us both today. She broke through her pain barrier and mine and kept us putting one foot in front of the other.

Could I have done better today? I could have trained better but as things stood going into the marathon, no I couldn’t have. I had nothing left, I didn’t hold anything back. I left everything I had out there on the streets of London and I am bloody proud that we finished, finished running across the line.

We were meant to go to an after party for the Ron Pickering Memorial Fund but neither of us felt very well and it took us ages just to walk to get our bags. We wanted to come back to the hotel, stretch, have a bath, eat etc. So we did. I’d love to tell you I’m out celebrating but I’ve had a little bottle of peroni, gallons of water and I’m ready for bed!

So not the greatest marathon ever but if you think slogging it out and not giving up counts for something, you can still support me here: My page: http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/jessguth

thank you.

The night before

Jess Guth3 Comments

Tomorrow I run a marathon. It’s my second marathon. It’s probably my last marathon. It doesn’t feel like my second. It feels like it’s the first. But maybe not. It feels like the first because I don’t feel like it is possible that I have run this distance before. But I know I have.

Over the last few days I have been nervous, terrified, grumpy and tearful. Today I feel settled. There isn’t any other way to describe it. Settled. What ever happens, happens.  It’s irrelevant whether I am ready or not. It doesn’t matter that training hasn’t been ideal. This thing is happening and it is happening tomorrow. I’m sure the nerves will come back tomorrow. I am sure I will once again be terrified but for now I’m settled.

We travelled down to London this morning. Everything went smoothly and after dropping our bags at the hotel we headed over to the Expo. Maybe we were just grumpy but the organisation seemed so much more chaotic than the Expo at Disney. In spite of having more space it felt cramped, it felt like we were being herded through, it was difficult to really look at anything and I was underwhelmed by the official marathon merchandise. We got our numbers and timing chips and got out. Maybe it’s just that if you’ve done one Expo you’ve done em all. Maybe my anxiety levels were just up because of the number of people. Others certainly seemed to enjoy it.

Then we had a quick photo for the Clubhouse – the online running club I’m part of – and it was great to briefly meet some of the people I feel like I know but have never met other than on Facebook. I’ll write more about the Clubhouse and the Too Fat to Run community soon but do check out the Fat Girls’ Guide to Running blog – which has just won the best blog award at the running awards.u

Since then we’ve been taking it easy. We had some food and watched something about Lego on tv (I wasn’t really concentrating so can’t tell you anything more about the programme). Our kit bags are sorted with a change of clothes, our kit is laid out and ready, our race numbers are pinned on and timing chips attached. We are well hydrated, we’ve had a bath…

Even writing this I still feel settled. Tomorrow I’m running a marathon. Thank you for all your support!