Category: Reviews

New Year, Same You – Review

Jess Guth2 Comments

A couple of days ago I finished reading New Year, Same You by Julie Creffield and I thought it was worth reviewing/ sharing my thoughts here! Now, I don’t do self-help type books really. Years ago I picked up the ‘You are What you Eat’ crap and that just made me feel miserable and then – as some of you will remember I picked up ‘Run Fat Bitch Run’ a while back and that didn’t go too well. Actually I am still angry about the existence of that book. So why did I pick up this one? Well I joined the Too Fat to Run Countdown to Christmas challenge – essentially a Facebook Group with daily challenges that are health and fitness related and fun. I thought it would be me something productive to do with my time while off work and give me a bit of something positive to focus on. It’s been great. Julie runs it and mentioned her new book. I read the blurb and thought that just maybe this is something a bit different, something more positive, something that I can identify with a bit more – and I was right.

Right from the intro I ‘got’ this book. I ‘get’ Julie’s story and I identify with lots of it. I found myself chuckling at her stories about keeping a journal and the benefits of writing or blogging to aid self-reflection. I was nodding enthusiastically at the idea that New Year’s resolutions don’t work. Of course they don’t. It is obvious if you think about it for a second. I liked the way Julie very clearly (and for some perhaps brutally) points out that if we keep giving ourselves permission to put things off, we will keep putting them off. Now I am the queen of ‘I’ll do it tomorrow’, ‘I’ll start again Monday’ and ‘Next term will be better’ and it hasn’t done me any favours at all, the change in thinking that Julie suggests is positive and powerful – but of course anything but easy – but maybe not as hard as I think – or maybe much much harder. We’ll see.

There was one section where Julie talks about yo-yo dieting where I was thinking – nah, I’m nothing like you. I’ve never been on a diet in my life – I just don’t do diets. I can’t do them. I know I don’t stick to them. If you tell me I can’t have something I want it, simple. But thinking about it, I am of course exactly like Julie and all the other millions of us who have complicated relationships with food. I agree that simply saying ‘move more and eat less’ isn’t the answer to most of our weight issues and not being told what to eat or not to eat was refreshing. There’s a section about food in the book but it’s not a section about what to eat. It’s far more honest than any diet book I’ve ever flicked through. Anyway, the book isn’t about losing weight so I don’t want to go on about the food stuff… I liked the fact that Julie acknowledges that our relationship with food is complicated and that a relatively simple thing, like starting to think of yourself as an athlete can change how we think about what we put in our bodies. I struggle with thinking of myself as an athlete. I’m a now size 16 (yay me!), nearly 37 year old woman who – as the blog title suggests – isn’t really a runner. BUT as someone who (doesn’t really) run(s) I have noticed changes in what I crave and what I want to eat. There is still and always will be a lot of chocolate and sausages and yorkshire puddings but I am now much more aware and eating a bar of chocolate or entire packet of biscuits without really noticing hasn’t happened in a very long time.

There’s a section early in the book which made me smile – I have always told my students to follow their dreams as long as they were big dreams; to hang on to those dreams and to work towards them every single day. I haven’t always followed my own advice there but that’s another story. Anyway, Julie doesn’t believe in SMART goals which is a relief because I always thought that was management speak bollocks too. Julie believes in STUPID goals. How brilliant is that. Everyone needs a really really stupid goal in life. It has to be Silly, Talked about on Facebook etc, Unrealistic, Posted late at night/after a glass of wine or two, Idiotic and an ‘in my Dreams’ kind of a thing. Well I did that with the marathon coming up – I’m now pondering my next STUPID goal. What could possibly be more idiotic and unrealistic and therefore more exciting than me running a marathon… We’ll see.

So the book is about being happier and healthier and an important chapter in the books is about how we often feel about ourselves. Whether we really actually love ourselves and how we perpetuate the over critical examination of women’s bodies all the time. I liked this. I find the ‘OMG have you seen how much weight she’s put on…’ and the ‘we’ll she’s let herself go…’ as irritating and unhelpful as the constant ‘oh look you’re fat and therefore must be stupid, lazy, undisciplined…’ or the ‘no wonder she can’t find a boyfriend’ or ‘well if she wasn’t so fat she wouldn’t be a lesbian would she, cos she’d get a bloke’ kind of rhetoric that is everywhere. I don’t look in the mirror often. I learned long ago that my looks are not a particularly useful asset to me. My brain is. However there have been times when I have looked at photos and cringed. Just recently my perception of what I see when I look in the mirror is changing and I think it is that change that Julie is getting at. I saw my reflection in a window the other day. I was super conscious of my backside after a longish run and about 100 squats the day before and before my brain could stop itself I’d thought ‘ now that’s a fabulous arse’. Then I laughed. The book helps to focus our minds on the things we really liked about ourselves and to accept the things we don’t like.

Essentially the book is about finding balance – balance between Food/Fitness/Fun and Recovery/Rest/Relaxation – so basically balance in life. Now that sounds easy but it isn’t because what we need in all of these areas changes all the time and means that we have to keep re-evaluating and reflecting on this – which brings me back to where I started – the keeping of a journal or blogging or whatever tool it is you use to help you make sense of life and just reflect on what you need for you. Task one of about 50 in the book is to buy a notebook to use as a journal – I did and I started scribbling immediately and maybe I am a step closer to my next STUPID goal. I might not do all the tasks but I will do some.

The book won’t take you long to read but it could make a difference to the rest of your life – sounds dramatic, sounds fanciful but for this book it might just be true. Even if you are, right at this moment, the happiest you have ever ever ever been, I bet there are still changes in your life you’d like to make to ensure that happiness is something permanent in your life. Well just do it. Get away from the ‘on diet – off diet’ or ‘on exercise regime – off exercise regime’ sort of thinking and focus on you, focus on now. Think about who you want to be and then decide to be that person NOW, not tomorrow, not on the 1st January, NOW. Set your STUPID goal and then do something every day to take you closer to it. Most importantly though – make friends with yourself. You’re the only you you’ve got and you’re awesome. Read the book, it’s helping me think more positively and it just might help you too.

Run Fat Bitch Run … or not

Jess Guth3 Comments

I have now finished Run Fat Bitch Run by Ruth Field. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. I wish I’d never started it. The basic idea of most of us perhaps needing to be a little more honest with ourselves and stop deluding ourselves about our healthy eating and exercise habits is perhaps a good one. The idea of locating and becoming aware of your inner bitch is perhaps also a useful exercise. Getting more people out there and taking responsibility for their own health and wellbeing is also a good thing and getting people to walk then run a little and a little more and a little more works for me. So why do I dislike the book? Well, let’s see if I can articulate this

  1. I am not stupid – the book presumes I am. It is patronising to the extreme
  2. Fat does not equal stupid, lazy, incapable of self-discipline – the book presumes it does
  3. Standing naked in front of a mirror telling yourself how fat you are – who does that? I mean WTF. I just can’t see anyone who has ever been actually fat doing that. I have one full length mirror in the house and it is placed so that it is virtually impossible for me to accidentally see myself. Ruth does acknowledge that you need to have a sense of humour about this – well I’m sorry but the only way you can have a sense of humour about calling yourself a fat bitch if actually you are not fat and never have been – otherwise it just isn’t funny!
  4. I am not running – and neither should you –  because it will make you look hot and be cool on a date. Women, you are not doing any of this for anyone other than you. If you want to run – go for it. If you think your man or men in general will like you better if you run – just fuck right off. It has got absolutely nothing to do with them.
  5. The presumption of heterosexuality really pissed me off in this book. It is of course everwhere but somehow it hit me with this one. Through much of the book gender neutral terms like ‘partner’ and ‘they’ are used but not everywhere. Ruth has a particular view of women and that view strikes me as seeing women as heterosexual, needing to conform to traditional beauty standards and gender roles. I may of course be wrong. I know nothing about Ruth …
  6. …I don’t think Ruth and I would get along. She says she was a sporty kid. So that’s that then, we won’t get along. I am very suspicious of sporty kids. I wasn’t one – they always picked me last. I should be careful here. My girlfriend was a very sporty kid – she would have picked me last too but luckily most of life isn’t like PE lessons.
  7. If Ruth was a sporty kid she can’t know what coming from nothing is really like. If you have never been sporty, if you always managed to get out of sportsday, if you never ever ever had a positive experience related to physical exercise – ever you have nothing to draw on. You simply just don’t understand that moving your butt off the sofa can be linked to a positive experience. I don’t think she gets that – in fact I am not sure I get that. I wasn’t sporty but I did have one or two things I was good at. I could swim pretty well before most people my age left flotation aids behind and I started horseriding when I was about 6. I do have a vague memory bank of sweat and physical exertion not being all bad. It’s not much but sometimes it keeps me going for an additional 30 seconds or so.
  8. The inner bitch – ok , my initial reaction was to laugh – alot. How bloody juvenile but actually now, inner bitch works for me what doesn’t is calling her the Grit Doctor. That’s just weird. Ruth’s inner bitch surely is just Ruth…
  9. Turning your inner bitch against you is not a good idea – ever. I can’t speak for anyone else but let me try and explain how me and my inner bitch get along: She is my harshest critic, she sees all the negatives and she is very quick to point out any shortcomings. She doesn’t motivate me to do things, she tells me I can’t do them. She doesn’t leave room for the possibility that I can do things. BUT SHE IS LYING because ultimately my inner bitch is just a symbol of all my insecurities in the same way that the black labrador puppy is a symbol of my depression. She needs confronting and she needs to stop spouting all this stuff without giving evidence. If my inner bitch were a student I would be saying she needs to cite all her sources and build up an argument based on credible and well researched evidence – but she can’t because all the evidence points to the fact that I CAN DO THIS. My inner bitch looks remarkably like Liv Tyler in the Lord of the Rings films – go figure.
  10. The book did not motivate me. It did not make me want to run. It made me want to curl up on my sofa with a cup of coffee and a packet – yes a packet – of chocolate digestives and maybe a packet of crisps –  a big sharing size packet of crisps – and of course the staple of all fat people a bar of dairy milk and stick two fingers up at Ruth and her Grit Doctor. ‘If running means being more like you’, I said in my mind, ‘I’d much much rather stay on the couch’
  11. There are other things I don’t like in the book – like the ‘don’t stretch because you probably won’t know how to do them right anyway’ thing which is just stupid. If you want to run then learn what other things you can and should do to minimise injury risk. Different people do different stretches at different times and you need to work out what works for you but not stretching because you don’t know how and can’t be bothered to find out is just idiotic.

OK, that’s enough of an assasination of the book. I am very aware that I am probably not being fair. I hope that  the approach described in the book is genuine and really does work for Ruth and that it isn’t just a bit of fat shaming and making sporty types feel superior and better about themselves. I hope that people who have read it have found it helpful and have gone on to figure out the running or not running thing for themselves. As for me, I am glad I didn’t read this book when I was at my 16 stone plus heaviest. I would have read it and cried, read it and unleashed my inner bitch who would have crushed me. She wouldn’t have said anything, she would have just smirked and with that smirk my running dreams would have been over. I am glad that I read the book after having run a half marathon because my inner bitch is no longer so sure of herself, because I have a chance of drowning her out and because I am learning not to take her too seriously

Run Jess Run and somedays I will be faster than my inner bitch and she’ll just have to suck it up.

Wet weather running

Jess Guth4 Comments

Well it hasn’t really got cold yet  – cooler yes but nothing that swaping short sleeves for long sleeves doesn’t sort. It’s the wet I am struggling to get my head round. Wet means a number of things:

  1. Wet means clothes get properly wet rather than just damp from sweat and wet means clingy and clingy means t-shirts don’t hide my wobbly bits which means I feel stupidly self conscious. Yes I know that when I am running there is actually no hiding anything but I can’t see myself running – I can feel clingy clothes
  2. Wet also means getting cold far more easily. This isn’t a problem while running but it is a problem immediately after as we rarely start and finish at our front door. There is usually some walking back or some walking and then driving home involved so wet is not good.
  3. Wet means slippery surfaces and I am already pertrified of slipping and falling. I am not at all sure-footed when running. Rain soaked paths and tracks make this worse
  4. Wet means mud which I actually don’t mind apart from mud meaning an unpredictable kind of slippery – see above.
  5. Wet means that the temptation to stay in and dry is so much stronger.
  6. Wet means grey, wet means low visibility, wet means muted colours and less to see. Wet means the wildlife is hiding and trying to stay dry…

I could probably go on. Actually the last point may be a bit unfair – there isn’t less to see. What there is to see is just different! I’m sure as I get used to running in the grey and wet I will see more things that I don’t yet see and which are not there or look very different in the sunshine. The things to see argument isn’t really a valid one.

I’m trying to combat the other issues. I usually run in trail running shoes round here. I can’t remember if I have blogged about my trainers before. You may have realised that I am not particularly fashion conscious about anything and that includes running shoes. I buy what is comfortable and does the job. I’ve been lucky so far – I have always been able to find really good shoes in the sale. Currently I have a pair of Salomon trail running shoes (XT Hornet if anyone cares – can’t find them on their website now – probably because they’re not current season but there are others there which are very similar!) which I really like. They are perhaps a little heavy – and noticeably heavier than my New Balance road running shoes – but they make me feel as sure-footed as I probably ever will and nicely support my feet. They have a pretty good grip and running on the wet canal path as well as the grass and mud track in the sections where there is no track has been ok so far. I am always a nervous wreck going downhill in the wet but I don’t think I can blame these trainers for that. I bought another pair of Salomon trainers (X-Scream City Trail) in the sale. I haven’t tried them yet but I am thinking they might work really well for the marathon because they feel like they might give me the same stability as the others but they are slightly lighter. I’ll be starting to use them on a couple of shorter runs if and when it is dry and we’re staying on canal path or road. So the wet = slippery issues I’m just going to have to deal with. Any help or advice?

We had a lovely trip to Saltaire a few weeks ago and were just walking round Salts Mills looking at books and other stuff and also popped into the Trek and Trail shop they have in there. I have got so used to being too large for their largest size that I rarely even bother looking properly. However, that’s no longer the case. On their sale rack they had a Ronhill very light waterproof jacket. It was reduced from £150 – reduced significantly – more than 50%. It was a size smaller than I would have normally even looked at but Kath reckoned it might fit. I tried it on and it fits perfectly. I can zip it up and it’s not tight anywhere. I bought it. Well this week was the first time I used it. I had it on during our Sunday run and it is great. I hate getting too hot when running and jackets often make me too hot and sweaty but not this one. It really is breatheable – yes I was hot and sweaty at the end but no more so than if I hadn’t worn the jacket. You can see it on the website if you’re interested. I’m really happy with it – I think it’ll get me through a wet and even a cold winter and it is so light and packs so small that taking it with me on longer runs in case I need it isn’t going to be an issue! I love the fact that it doesn’t cling and it doesn’t ride up. It’s purple – a bit close to pink for me but other than that, perfect really.

So what are your must haves to get through wet weather running?

A brave new world: Hydration systems and backpacks

Jess Guth2 Comments

No running today as we recover from our 11 miles. I’m not sore as such but my left knee is definitely not happy. I’ve had ice on it and it’s got better through the day so I really don’t think it is anything to worry about. I started typing a review of our backpacks a while back so I thought I’d finish that. Here you are:

How do you keep hydrated on a long run? We’ve been worrying about this. Hand held bottle just won’t work. Carrying something irritates the hell out of me and throws my running rhythm out totally. Our water bottle belt experiment with the Camelbak stuff was a disaster and we haven’t seen any belts which look or feel any better. We had been thinking about a little backpack anyway because as the weather gets wetter and colder we’ll need a jacket etc. We’ve been looking at reviews and specifications etc online and in magazines for a while but we’d been our usual indecisive selves. Whenever we saw hydration backpacks in the shops our standard excuse was: ‘we should do some more research’. We could go on saying that forever.

We were in Leeds a while back – beginning of August I think – and popped into the Jack Wolfskin shop there. Kath had seen some hydration system compatible backpacks online and they had some in. Well, after a long chat with the sales guy and a lot of trying backpacks on we eventually settled on two. I got the Velocity 12 litre and Kath got the Moab Jam 18 women.

We also bought the 2 litre hydration system. Again, check the details on the web if you’re interested. Looking at others, they were probably a bit expensive but I do like the idea that they open at the top fully rather than having an opening in the side. They only come in 2 litres but the bladder fits nicely into the backpack and of course doesn’t have to be completely full.

So how was running with the backpack? A bit odd I have to say but actually quite comfortable for me. I put just under a litre of water in the bladder the first time I went out and nothing else in  the bag so it wasn’t heavy at all. Initially I had the chest strap too low so felt like I couldn’t breathe properly but I just moved it up a little bit and then it was fine.

The straps on my shoulders moved a little bit but not too much and I suspect that even with just a phone or jacket or something in the bag it would sit even better because of the little bit of weight. I’m not sure I’m ready for having 2 litres in the bladder though. We’ll see.

I initially thought that the noise of the water sloshing about would drive me mad but I really quickly got used to it and almost tuned it out. No that’s not quite it, it formed a sort of rhythmic background which I found oddly calming  and quite helpful. Kath said the same about the water but her experience was slightly less positive. The backpack on her was riding up a bit and bouncing on the shoulders a bit more. It may be that the straps need adjusting a bit more or that a bit of weight in the bag would help but it might also be that she would do better with my slightly smaller backpack. She tried my backpack on another run but that was the same really. Kath managed the 11 miles with the pack and seems to be getting used to it.

As for drinking. Well the first time we tried this was on a 45 minute maintenance run and it didn’t occur to me to have a drink as we completed our circuit. I did have a drink when we were finished. It works well. You just gently bite down on the valve and suck on the tube and you get a nice even flow without any effort. I suspect I might even be able to do that while running although there will always be the walk breaks! Sharing a backpack is a bit awkward with drinking because it’s a bit tricky to walk side by side and take a sip so we actually just stopped.

The verdict – I like the backpacks, I like the hydration system and I would quite happily walk miles and miles with mine. Running is a different matter. I’m such a rubbish runner that running with a backpack for longer distances seems like a big deal. I might just keep practicing on the short runs for now – the issue isn’t the backpack, it’s me. Yes they weren’t cheap but they weren’t as expensive as some and I suspect they’ll get a lot of use over the next 4 months and hopefully beyond.

Reading about running, watching running and the day after 9 miles

Jess Guth3 Comments

When I logged on this morning this was actually the blog I intended to write but then I got side-tracked with the award and doing the last post so I never did. So now you get two posts in one day.

It’s Sunday – that means weigh-in. Last week I forgot and was grumpy. I never did go back to check my weight then but I suspect it was up. This week I did remember and I have lost just about 2 pounds (from where I was 2 weeks ago) so happily going in the right direction. We are now making more of an effort on the food front and have pretty much cut out the booze so that helps. Food plans for the week include a risotto, a quorn chilli, pasta parcels, a home made curry and a meal out on Wednesday. We’ve got fruit and salad stuff and I will make a banana loaf later on to satisfy our sweet tooth.running free

This morning I finished reading Running Free by Richard Askwith (published in 2014). Kath read it and suggested I might like it. Hm, it’s bizarre enough that I am actually running but reading about running? Step too far? Well actually I really enjoyed the book. For a start it is well written and in some parts laugh out loud funny. My favourite line in it actually isn’t about running but about getting lost (it’s funny because it happened to me too):

“…but I have been lost indoors – not just temporarily disoriented, but properly sit-down-and-cry-and-wait-to-die lost – on a disastrous visit to the Birmingham branch of Ikea”

I can identify with that – mine wasn’t Ikea, mine was the old Health Studies department of my university where I went to do some interviews. Anyway, there is much in this book with which I can indentify and much with which I would love to be able to identify and lots that confirms to me that I am not really a runner and much that confirms that I am. Richard Askwith clearly loves running. I wish I did. I always thought I hated running but that might not actually be the case. It’s something I find incredibly hard and sometimes it makes me miserable but often it also makes me happy. Initially just the having done it made me happy. Being able to say I had and doing something I was always fairly sure I couldn’t do made me happy. Now though it is sometimes the running itself that makes me happy. Not on every run and never for very long but every now and again I get a glimpse of some of the things Askwith describes: It’s not so much what he says about how running makes him feel or clears his head – it’s more about his description of his runs which focus on what he sees and hears and the emotions that that creates. That’s what I get a glimpse of, the hightened awareness of the natural surroundings and the response I have to it. I recognise his descriptions not because I know the places but because I am beginning to notice the same kind of things on some of my more positive runs. I recognise these emotions:

‘Happiness spread through my being like warmth. Within minutes, it was as if none of the morning’s difficulties had taken place’

‘And part of the appeal (or scariness) of running in wolder contexts – outside the illusory reasurance of civilisation – is that it forces us to face up to uncertainty’

I also read his take on ‘Big Running’ with interest. It has always struck me that running gear is incredibly expensive and that this whole industry has turned something that should be free into huge business. I too can be sucked in by gadgets, marketing promises and shiny new stuff. I could spend a fortune – except that until very recently most of the mainstream shiny new stuff wouldn’t have been available in my size, or only just. I am a bit bemused by it all and at the same time part of me has bought into (or sold out to) Big Running. I am running with the one ultimate goal at the minute – the Disney World Marathon. What could be more corporate or more big running than that? And I am doing it because I want to be able to say that I have done it. Reading the book made me wonder whether that is the only reason. If it is, I’ll likely achieve my goal and then not run again. That, I am beginning to realise, would be a shame. Askwith runs without a watch, he doesn’t time his runs and he runs in the countryside and not in the gym or along roads. All of that appeals. I am not sure about tackling fields etc round here and I don’t really know why I am not sure (and slightly irritated by not being sure – I want to be the kind of person who happily runs through muddy fields)  but I’ll take the canal bank or the trails at Bolton Abbey over a running track, road or treadmill any day. I am not really interested in racing. We have signed up for a few events but for me it isn’t about pitching myself against others. Running is about me and not even about getting better, just about me doing it. Askwith talks about running in an environment which makes you happy and running round here where I live makes me happy and if I am going to run a ‘race’ then I want to do it in places that mean something to me or are somehow special. So the upcoming Nottingham Half Marathon will evoke memories of the year I lived in Nottingham, the Scarborough 10km after that will allow me to enjoy the stunning views across the sea and the Disney World marathon – well that’s just another leve altogether and we’ll be doing that to raise money for an amazing charity. Big Running – yes but also Jess Running. Anyway, read the book. It made me think about my running journey, appreciate it and it somehow made me enjoy my running more even if I am not quite ready to give up the outcomes focused recording of time, distance and pace – and I want my stickers for each completed run. I don’t think Askwith would mind that, I think maybe he’d acknowledge that we are in different phases of running and I think he’d encourage me to just keep getting out there – and by out I mean off road.

I have also been watching a bit of athletics – I often have sport as background noise when working at home. It’s a distraction that keeps me focused (if that makes sense). I watched Mo Farah take the 10km Gold (that’ll be 10km in a faster time than I can run 5km), I watched Usain Bolt win the 100m Gold and I’ve also seen other bits and pieces over the last couple of days.. As I watched those elite runners I suddenly thought how lucky I am. There is no pressure on me to run and when I do there is no pressure on me to go fast. There is no pressure to go for a certain distance or keep going for a certain time. I decide. The elite runners are phenomenal, of course they are but I’d rather be me. I’d rather have the freedom to plod my way along the canal bank and watch the herons flying ahead. As I watched Mo cross the finish line I realised I had tears running down my face. The win obviously meant a lot to him, being good at winning medals obviously means a lot to him and just running, however pathetically slowly, means a lot to me – in a really funny and conflicted way.

I’m still feeling pretty smug about the 9 miles yesterday and my body seems to have recovered very well. The weak point is my knees. That’s perhaps not surprising – I’m heavy, many might say too heavy for running. However, they are not what I would call sore, not injured as such, just a bit weak and creaky. I am planning a  yoga session this evening and that will help recovery further. I am also looking forward to my next run.