Why not me?

Jess GuthLeave a comment
Me at the end of 9 miles

I watched a bit of the Olympics and it is easy to just dismiss these super humans as irrelevant to our lives. I have watched runners like Noah Lyles and Josh Kerr declare to the world that they will win and one doing just that on one race and not the other and one not. I have watched amazing performances across a whole variety of sports and I have seen some of the interviews and pieces to camera that hint at the hard work done behind the scenes. I watched incredible marathon running and awful social media posts about athletes who ‘lost’. I flicked between being bemused by what an elite set of human bodies can achieve and noting that my body never has and never will be capable of anything spectacular in the sporting arena. I flicked between dismissing it all as irrelevant to me and being inspired. But a theme, as well as actually a quote (Noah Lyles I think, possibly Josh Kerr), that runs through so much of what I have seen is that idea that someone has to win, someone has to get the medals so why not you? It’s that notion that there are things out there to be done, to be accomplished so why shouldn’t it be you doing it. It somehow chimed with me the first time it was said at these Games and I have been thinking about why.

Obviously it is nonsense for me to think there are podium finishes in my future that someone has to win and it might as well be me. That’s not why this chimed. I think it is about something broader for me. It’s about deciding you want to do something, doing the work to get yourself there and then owning it. So, there is a Dopey Challenge open to what you might call recreational runners, I quite like the idea of running it again, people will run it, I might as well be part of it. But that very simple theme also incorporates a perhaps obvious point – if it might as well be you, you have to be in a position to get it done. I have to be fit enough to get round Dopey. Not to win obviously, but I have to do the work now, I have to prepare so come January I can say, with the same confidence I have seen repeatedly over the last week and a bit: ‘People will run and complete the Dopey, why wouldn’t I be one of them’. The ‘why not you’ has popped up before. I have often thought about the fact that someone has to comes last, why not me? Things happen – good and bad – why shouldn’t they happen to you? Isn’t that just the serendipity of life? Of course you can do things that might reduce the chances of bad stuff happening to you. And for some things the ‘might as well be me’ is hugely dependent on you doing stuff.

So it chimed because it is such a simple phrase and idea: Why not you? But it is also so complex, part serendipity and luck, part hard work, part within your control and partly not at all. I then listened to the High Performance Podcast episode with Michael Johnson where the theme popped up again. Both in the sense of someone has to win so why not you but then also in another sense – Michael Johnson talking about the stroke he suffered not in terms of how unfair it was or feeling sorry for himself but acknowledging the ‘well why not me’ question. Noting that if someone has to have a stroke then it might as well be him as much as the next guy and acknowledging that he was fortunate because he was in great shape and able to get back to full health. The why not me theme is so simple and so complex at the same time.

When I started this blog post the Olympics weren’t over yet. I had had a pretty good week of training. I felt good and I was going to write all about what I was doing to put myself into a position where ‘why not me’ is a reasonable thing to ask about finishing Dopey. The last week though hasn’t gone to plan and I have done absolutely nothing to get myself into that position.

But let’s re-wind. My good week. I cycled, I stretched every day, I did my runs and I was proud of finishing what was essentially a 10 miler even though that didn’t go as planned. We’d gone out for a curry on the Thursday and while the food was great as always, I felt sluggish for days after. I knew I wasn’t really ready for my long run, my tummy wasn’t settled but I also knew I just needed to get it done. I was ok-ish to 5 miles. At 5 miles I was beginning to be quite uncomfortable, by 6 miles I was in bother and by 6.5 miles running was basically impossible. I stopped and had a brief little tantrum and switched my watch to walk. I decided that I would try and walk the remainder of my 9 mile run/walk. As walking was sort of ok and dramatically reduced the danger of puking or worse, I decided I would see if I could walk the 2.5 miles remaining within the allowed Disney Pace of 16 minute miles. Unfortunately though the data on the screen of my watch is so small when using the walk setting that I couldn’t actually see the pace so I just had to march as fast as I could given the circumstances. I wanted to stop more than once but didn’t. I made it, and then very slowly walked the rest of the loop home – clocking in at something like 9.98 miles total for the day. And the 9 miles were at an average of 15 minute miles so all Disney Legal.

This week though I have done very little. I have done some random stretches most days but nothing more than a few minutes at a time and nothing from any of the apps. I haven’t run and I haven’t been on the bike. I have lots of excuses but they are just that. I easily could have got out there. I just didn’t make myself make the time.

Today was supposed to be long run day. I wanted to have another go at the route I did last weekend to see if I could make it without tummy issues. But my period started this morning and it’s a bad one. Tummy cramps, back pain, nausea and everything makes me cry. So mostly I have just been feeling sorry for myself. The usual painkillers had little effect and mostly I just didn’t know what to do with myself. I know it will be a bit easier tomorrow and then fine the day after but I have not been a happy Jess today. This afternoon I got so fed up with myself that I tried a Joe Wicks strength in menopause workout. I should have done one I already knew but I tried a new full body 30 minute one and I didn’t much like it and sort of just grumped my way through it a bit half heartedly. But I supposed it is still better than nothing. I’ll try that one again when I am not feeling as crappy.

So the week ahead. Somehow it feels busy. It’s not really in the grand scheme of things. Tomorrow the car is going in for its service and Storm cat is having her vaccination in the evening. Tuesday Kilian goes to the vet for his teeth extractions (the poor little bugger has a nasty infection and the icky gums and teeth the vet warned us about when he was a kitten have finally got the better of him), Wednesday I am going into the office on the train… it might be a week of excuses or it might be a week of managing to juggle successfully all the life stuff we all juggle. We’ll see.

I guess some people just have bad periods – why wouldn’t that be me? Some people are really good at excuses – that’s definitely me and some people can also laugh at their excuses and then get on with it – why not me?

Building Consistency

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I did not want to run today. I turned the alarm off at 6am, turned over and dozed for a bit. I felt creaky and didn’t really want to get up. I did still get up before 7am but it was a ‘sip coffee on the patio’ sort of morning. I had vague ideas about running at lunch time after some work calls in the morning but then I got busy and hungry. No excuses this evening. I just didn’t want to. I got as far as wandering into the bathroom to put a bath on before pausing. I want to get round the Great North Run and I want to do Dopey without being completely miserable. The time to put in the work for that is now. Not tomorrow, not next week or month, now. So I got changed. Still didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to go any of the routes from home, I definitely didn’t want to drive anywhere to run. I didn’t want to leave the house and be out for 45 minutes, I didn’t want to get sweaty. I just didn’t want to.

Kath was on the bike so I couldn’t make an excuse and cycle instead. Although the Dopey plan has two 45 minute runs during the week, I decided to sod it and just go a short loop and at least just get out (still didn’t want to). I pulled my shoes on and went outside. At least it wasn’t as hot as it has been. As I set off I suddenly wondered if I could run a mile without walking. I almost never run continuously and have mostly been running 30 seconds run and 30 second walk intervals. I upped the running interval on my 45 minute run on Wednesday but I can’t remember when I last ran continuously for several minutes, never mind a mile. Well, I thought, I could just try and run a mile and then come home. That seemed like a good thing to do. Given my mind was playing tricks and being annoying, giving it something to actually battle would be good training for one things actually get physically hard. So off I went. I ran a mile. There wasn’t really a mental battle. I just ran. A lot of it is downhill. It was all fine. Then there is a slight slope. It’s not much but really but it’s noticeable when you are running and I have struggled with it. It was hard and I was huffing and puffing and briefly thought about sneaking in a walk break but then it was over and I was back on the flat and then downhill. So now we know I can run a mile.

I walked back trying to keep a reasonable pace walking but not marching flat out. I was out a total of 30 minutes – just over 12 of them running. I am happy with that. In fact, I am happy with the week. I did nothing much on Monday. It was mum’s birthday and we went out for food in the evening. Tuesday I re-did my FTP test on the bike. Now that I found ridiculously hard. I am not a cyclist. I can’t get myself into the same mental place on a bike as I can running – I can’t do hard on the bike. I give up much more quickly mentally. Maybe it’s just what I am used to and it will come. I do think the new FTP is a better reflection of reality and the workout I did yesterday suggests the level is now more accurate. So I have done 2 runs and 2 rides this week so far. I have also now done 11 consecutive days of daily stretches with today’s still to come. I am not overly tired and nothing hurts. In fact I probably have slightly more energy and am sleeping better. Exercise, whether run or bike, is also becoming more just what I do rather than something that I have to force myself to do every single time. I know I didn’t want to go today – but I did. Just a couple of weeks ago I would have run that bath and then watched Olympics in bed.

Consistency is everything in running (and it seems in cycling too) so I am very happy with this week. I am having another go at a long run tomorrow and will see how I got with the 45 second running intervals over the longer distance (they were fine on the shorter run on Wednesday).

Happy running!

A decent 2 weeks

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Since returning from Ambleside a couple of weeks ago, I am finally making progress. I have done the first 2 weeks, that’s 4 rides, of the very basic training programme in Zwift. I have actually enjoyed it but it’s clear that doing the ramp test while still recovering from COVID was a mistake. I need to re-do it as it’s making the sessions that rely on that measure too easy.

I restarted yoga but really only managed the morning floor flow on and off. I have done 6 days of daily stretches from the Dynamic Runner app though and I do really like those. Just around 16-17 minutes a day and targeting all the areas that get tight with running.

Ah yes running – that’s why I’m doing all this, so I can run. It’s only 6 weeks to the Great North Run and we know I’d barely been out before I was poorly. I’d had a go at the first couple of short runs for Dopey week 1, then nothing for what would have been week 2. Week 3 it was Thursday before I made it out and it was a tough one. I felt like giving up after a mile but slogged it out another 1.66 miles to meet Kath at the hairdressers for a lift back up the hill. It was hot though. My pink laces seemed ridiculously bright in the unusually hot West Yorkshire sun.

This week is week 4. Monday I spent all day putting off going out and in the end I just walked. It was such a mental battle to get out though that even that felt like a huge win. Thursday I got out for a 3 mile no drama plod but I was getting worried about distance. It really felt like 3 miles was about as far as my body was prepared to go.

So today was a bit of a test. I needed to do a long run that was actually longer than 3 miles. We have a loop we call the farm loop which is roughly 7. It needs modifying a little at the moment because we have one canal bridge out so can’t loop home across it. I had absolutely no clue how this would go.

Well, it went surprisingly well. Let’s park any discussion about pace. I’m coming to terms with the idea that I just am a couple of minutes a mile slower than I used to be. So I set off using 30/30 run/walk intervals. I tried to go deliberately slow. Absolutely zero effort spent on pace. I really wanted to get past 2 miles without finding it hard. That worked. The 2 mile beep actually made me jump. All was good. Mile 3 was also fine. Just plodding along. I passed a few runners with race numbers on – I presume doing the It’s Grim Up North Sir Titus Trot. Mile 4 was a bit annoying as I dropped off the canal, through the farm that gives the loop its name and along narrow roads where I kept having to stand in to let cars pass. Still, running wise no drama.

Just into mile 5 I added an additional walk interval as I went up the slope back to the canal. I came out behind a couple of runners I’d seen in the distance earlier and they were walking with a few runs thrown in. I was walking slower than them but running faster than they were walking so over the next mile I slowly caught them up. I went past and then they immediately passed me again as they set off on a run. Their running was faster than mine and I stayed a fairly constant distance behind them for the rest of my run. they surged ahead when running, I caught up when they weren’t.

Mile 5 was fine. Mile 6 was fine but I was grateful for the distraction of two herons one of which led me to add a second additional walk interval so I could have a little chat with it. As I approached the final mile I began to try and work out where I would finish and really hoped it would not be too far beyond one of the canal bridges that we call the post office bridge. Running past that seemed like it would be tough because that was the obvious point at which to stop and walk home.

7 miles took me almost exactly to that bridge. 7 miles. No drama. Slow but within Disney pace. On reflection I probably could have done with some fuel for the last couple of miles (I only took water) but otherwise it was a good solid run.

The. I walked home very slowly up the hill. I stopped frequently to sip my water and stretch out the various bits of my body that were now cross with me. After food and a bath I’ve been doing very little- mostly watching random sport at the Olympic Games. I’ve stretched and nothing hurts. Happy.

Ambleside Not Running

Jess Guth1 Comment

What do you do in the Lake District when one of you has a broken toe and the other is recovering from Covid? We had booked the Ambleside Salutation Hotel and Spa for a Lakeland Trails running weekend. Given how running has been going we had already dropped distances to 23k and 14k respectively and then Kath broke her toe on the Fell Pony Adventures a couple of weeks ago and last week I got Covid. It feels like I was basically asleep from last Sunday to Thursday. Anyway, running was out of the question for either of us but the hotel was booked.

I associate Ambleside with walking, being outside all day, moving… so it seemed odd to be there without really doing anything. We went to the cinema and had a lovely meal on Friday. On Saturday we drove up to Hill Top, Beatrix Potter’s house because we’d never been and with out National Trust Membership got in free (wouldn’t want to have paid 16 pounds each for that experience!). The house is interesting for a fairly quick walk through but very quickly got too busy to really look at anything. The garden was nice to have a look at and then we sat and had a coffee on a bench by a fruit tree. The National Trust attracts a certain type of volunteer I think and we spent some time giggling about the fact that although they were clearly ready they did not open the ticket hut until bang on 10am, that the volunteer at the gate gave you the welcome speech whether you wanted it or not and also summoned you back to her spot by the gate to do it if somehow you did manage to get past her initially.

We also had lots of giggles about the token that you have to collect from the ticket hut at the car park (they don’t tell you this so I left Kath at the house a couple of minutes up the road to go back down to get our tickets scanned). You then carry the toke that they didn’t tell you you needed, past the insistent welcome woman up to the house where you give it to the next volunteer – there seems no reason for the tokens. It kept us amused for a little while anyway.

We slept a lot, we watched tennis while reading, we lounged around in our room which was huge due to a lovely upgrade. We also had a sauna in the room which was nice but didn’t get all that hot and a huge jacuzzi bath. I actually think all the rooms are probably really nice but somehow the upgrade felt like the universe just nudging us to look after ourselves, to take advantage of the huge bed, the bathroom the size of an average London hotel room and the really good coffee. The staff were lovely when I randomly asked for ice so Kath could ice her toe and ankle and overall we felt well looked after.

We had more lovely food, had a look in the shops and bought some cards and notebooks and some new walking shoes, then more food, more sleep… This morning we finished our weekend with a hot stone massage. So if you’re in Ambleside and can’t run, it seems you eat and sleep lots and intersperse that with a few shops. It’s what we needed but it was also frustrating to see the runners of the various distances set off on their races, smiling and full of energy at that point. It was also upsetting because of our interaction with Lakeland Trails this time. I’ll see if it is resolved before writing any more about it. It was particularly frustrating because before I got ill, and after the Fell Pony trek, I had put together a really positive week of running and stretching and it felt like things were slowly beginning to come together.

On Friday I walked just under 10000 steps, so really not much and I was sooo tired, Saturday was a little better and today I feel better again. So much so that I made myself go on our new fancy bike (more on that soon) and do the FTP ramp test in Zwift. I have no real idea of how it works but let’s think of it as a fitness sort of test and I thought I might as well set a benchmark. It was ridiculous and I know from previous cycles that I can normally do better – or at least I think so because the previous set-up was far from accurate. Anyway, I know nothing about cycling or Zwift really so I’ll come back to all that.

All I can do at this point is dust myself off and start again and keep trying. That’s all any of us can do.

Fell Pony Adventures Mosedale Trek – Day 3

Jess Guth1 Comment

After Day 2 of the trek I was expecting to maybe be a little achey but overall everything felt fine. I slept relatively well, waking up just a few times. It was still raining and grey and seemed set in but as we had breakfast (charcoal stove toasted croissants again – so nice) and started to pack up there were also glimmers of blue sky. Tom had moved the ponies onto some better grass so they were all happily munching away. We got packed and on our way fairly quickly and day 1 started much how day 2 ended but it was less windy and while there was the odd little bit of rain we seemed to be mostly walking in the dry. The ground was wet though and there were some really boggy bits to navigate round.

Kath and Pansy

After a little while of walking and crossing a beck that Prince didn’t seem too keen on (we took the boxes off him to make it easier) and Pansy navigated in a rather undignified manner sliding down the bank on her bottom, Teddy took a good long look at before deciding it was ok and Fay and Trouble navigated really well, we soon arrived at Gatescarth Pass. We stopped for a few minutes to reduce layers of clothing, have a drink of water and I had a good look at the up that was coming. I was partly anxious and partly just trying to remember that the views would be worth it and that I would just get to the top when I got to the top.

We set off and very quickly Prince started picking his own way zig zagging along behind me and then past me. He was going faster than I could manage and I didn’t want to make it harder for him to carry his load up so chucked the rope over his pack saddle and let him get on with it. He made some interesting choices about his route and sometimes he trotted along like an idiot and I was worried he’d hurt himself – but of course he knew what he was doing – he’s a fell pony, he’s made for that terrain. So I huffed and puffed my way up. Sue chatted with me at the back and we got there eventually. It’s a stoney path which going up was fine but we were going up and over and that meant down the other side.

I started the downhill with Prince and for a while that worked well. He pinged from one side of the track to the other often walking on the grass bank. A couple of times he went further off piste than I had rope for so I let him go. Once he pulled me over into quite a high banking which I sort of belly flopped against and which made me giggle. The downhill was not my favourite part. The lack of core strength meant I felt ill equipped to deal with any slips and trips and rolling pebbles and sliding scree and I got in my head a bit. I caught up to Prince and on a less steep section took the rope again and hung out with him. I quickly focused less on me and my silly anxiety brain and more on where he was going and if I could go with him and how and did a bit better.

We stopped for lunch at a beautiful sport overlooking Haweswater. We tethered the ponies and set up the shelter so we could stay out of the rain which started again just as we stopped. Tom made a pasta and pesto lunch and we had a cup of tea and a biscuit. Then out of nowhere several mountain bikers came racing down the pass. They didn’t slow down for the horses and spooked them a bit. The last rider to come down obviously scared Trouble who managed to pull the tethering pin out of the ground as she bolted towards the others. Thankfully she settled down quickly as we all swore at the cyclists more or less under our breath.

After lunch we did the final little bit down the pass and then a little stretch along the road before another climb. This time we went over the Old Corpse Road. It’s steep but not as long as the previous up and because it was pretty narrow – certainly at the start – I just let Prince go ahead. I walked at the back with Sue and we kept Prince going vaguely in the right direction with the help of her dog Jess who seemed very pleased to finally have a job. The Corpse Road up was hard. I was probably getting tired and the up is very definitely up! Once at the top we stayed at quite a high level and started to make our way back towards Naddle Farm. Tom had already said that a lot of the final bit of the route was off piste but that he had discussed a potential route in with someone from Naddle Farm and was aiming to try that.

Well, we didn’t get that route quite right and had good chunk off piste with pretty boggy bits. I was definitely tired at this point and was just leaving Prince to it and just making my own way at the back. After a little bit of navigational backwards and forwards we committed to a route and eventually found the gate that Tom had been told about and from there took a good track through a gorgeous valley all the way back to the farm. Somewhere along this track Kath had taken Prince – I think she retrieved him from a random wander off and I took Pansy off Sue so I could enjoy the last stretch walking with a pony again. Pansy was lovely too. Less zig-zaggy than Prince and very responsive to voice and being talked to. I enjoyed the last stretch very much and was once again lost in my own thoughts occasionally talking to Pansy and trying to drink in as much of the scenery and bottle the calm.

We arrived back, wet, tired and very happy. Once we unleaded the ponies, retrieved our belongings from the packs, we got changed into dry clothes (dry socks are bliss!) and said our good byes. We stopped at Tebay services and got a sausage roll and chips to eat in the car before driving home, unpacking the worst of the wet gear and collapsing into a hot bath and then bed.

Saturday I woke up and wowsers, haven’t been that achey in a while. Hamstrings, quads, hip flexers and hips and lower back in particular were all there to say ‘Hi’. I stretched a little but I couldn’t even reach my toes. It eased slightly during the day and today it is noticeably easier again with just my back still being a bit unhappy. I miss the ponies and I miss the almost meditative walking along with them. I am so glad we decided to go and do another Fell Pony Adventures trek and I am proud I made it up and over those hills. Was it hard – yep, was it worth doing – absolutely. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat!