Christmas Day Running

Jess Guth2 Comments

I used to think people who run on Christmas day are weird. You know, like there’s seriously something wrong with them. Why would you want to go out in what is probably going to be miserable weather when instead you could sit in your PJs opening presents and eating mince pies while you hang on for it to be acceptable to open the prosecco. But then I also used to think people who run – full stop – are weird.

This year I was looking forward to my Christmas Day run. I managed an almost pain free IMG_8216Christmas Eve run on a run walk as I blogged yesterday. So running again today would be a good little test. We weren’t going far anyway, the plan was just for 30 minutes or so easy to finish at Kath’s Mum’s for our traditional Christmas morning bacon sarnie and present swap at her house. We’d dropped everything off at her house yesterday including some extra clothes to walk back to our house in after the run.

IMG_8213We woke about 6am but took our time coming round and getting out of bed, had a cup of tea and a mince pie while opening our presents from each other and then got dressed. We headed out about 7.15 and everything was still so quiet. Most houses still seemed in darkness and just every now and again there was a light on in one room or the Christmas trees lights were twinkling. It was coming light slowly. We ran/walked about a two 2 mile loop and my feet were achey but not really painful at the end.  It was great to be out and have fun.

The rest of the day has just been a quiet and nice Christmas dominated by cooking our Christmas meal and then eating it. Now our mothers have left, we’re settling down in the living room, in front of the fire with our cats and I’m thinking about whether there is anything I really need or want to do while I am still 38 but I think, other than listening to the cats purr, everything – including breaking the 480 miles for the year will have to wait until I’m 39.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

December running

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Right well December running hasn’t quite go to plan.  So after the speed work session I last blogged about, I next made it out 4 days later for a rather pitiful 2 miles on the work gym treadmill (urgh). I wasn’t really motivated and I was busy at work and tired and just didn’t kick my butt out the door. It also got icy. I am terrified when it gets icy.  On the 16th we managed a run out to post/deliver our Christmas cards  – just short of 4.5 miles, During that run my feet and calves really started hurting but I just put that down to me being stupidly tense and bambi-esque because of it being slippery.  On the 19th it was finally warmer and we headed to Bolton Abbey for a 7 ish mile loop – of which I managed 1 and a bit before having to hobble back to the cafe in agony. I sat having coffee, waiting for Kath to finish the loop and feeling miserable until a gorgeous little robin joined me. Then I remembered that just being able to get out and enjoy being outside is so much more than many have.

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I tried two more runs of 5km ish but on each I had to walk pretty much everything after the first mile because of pain in my feet/calves/ankles or a combination. My calf muscles just seem to go incredibly tight and then every step feels like it might make them pop, my feet feel bruised on top and achey and like they’re on fire everywhere else and my ankles just feel like they are not strong enough to hold it all together. It eases a little if I walk very slowly but as soon as I start running again it comes back immediately. From past experience I suspect that the actual problem is really tight hamstrings coupled with weak calf muscles so I’m working on both those things

IMG_8159I did throw in some hill sprints on one of the almost abandoned runs just to not be too disappointed. That worked because I’d run about a mile, then walked a bit, then run another mile and then walked most of the last mile before the hills. At least I had a decent workout. Yesterday we were going to do two loops to add up to a total of 8 miles but I didn’t make it round the first so instead I stretched, foam rolled, stretched, hydrated, stretched…

This morning I went out again. I borrowed Kath’s watch so I could set run/walk intervals. I went for 30 seconds run followed by 30 seconds walk. I set off on pretty much the most direct runnable route to the canal and was so relieved when I passed the 1 mile beep without any pain. My feet were achey but not painful and everything else felt normal. Just after two miles my calves started feeling tight so at the stone bridge where I was going to turn round, I stopped a few minutes and stretched everything out (apologies to the sheep who had to watch that). Then  I set off back. Felt ok. On the way back I tried to run the 30 second runs hard. I got a little more than a niggle in my left foot just before 4 miles but I was at the big hill anyway so walked up and then ran/walked the rest home. It was so good to get out and actually be able to cover the distance. I’m continuing to stretch and am working on strengthening my calf muscles again. For now I think I’ll be back to run/walk at least until I can do that without any niggles. Happy to have covered 4.5 miles today though and the morning light along the canal bank was stunning.

For most of my run it was just me and the ducks. I saw a couple of swans who seemed to be deep in conversation as they floated down the canal, heads close together leaning in to each other. Further along I saw a guy fishing and we exchanged good mornings both of us slightly irritated that our solitude had been interrupted. Towards the end of my run, as I left the calm and quiet company of the ducks and made my way up through the housing estate, I saw a child in a Rudolph onesie playing on swings in a garden and a bloke trying to untangle his headphones from his dog’s lead. That’s it. There was something of the magic of Christmas eve out there and I was happy to be part of it.

Aaaaargh Body Image

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Aaaaaargh, body image. I am struggling with that. Of course I have my moments and my insecurities but generally I don’t actually pay much attention to body image. Particularly since Dopey training it’s been about what my body can do not about what it looks like. Before that I didn’t even think about that – my brain was always more important and powerful. But at the minute…. wow.

It’s that time of year maybe – lots of ‘party wear’ in the shops and advertised, the fashion, diet and fitness industries are ramping up their campaigns and even the models used to advertise more realistically sized underwear look remarkably skinny as far as I can see. So there’s that and then there’s some other stuff I won’t bore you with including my sense of just not being able to run at all. So if I can’t run and I’m struggling with some of the yoga sequences I could easily do not so long ago then focusing on what my body can do is actually not very helpful because the answer is: not much. I can’t measure myself by number of miles I run because I’ve hardly run any through November and into December so the dominant measure, the number that suddenly becomes important is the one on the scales. I know it’s not important, I know, I know, I know. But….

I have actually lost weight and I actually fit into some jeans I haven’t worn for ages (and I don’t even have to lie down to fasten them) so it should be all good. But there I go again equating lighter and slimmer with better. Urgh. Actually I want to be fitter and stronger; lighter and slimmer may (or not) be a side effect of that. So why the niggle, why the doubts, why the insecurities? Why can’t I get slim = good and therefore I am not good enough out of my head at the minute?

Enough of that. Let’s try and focus on what I can do. Today was the second run on the half marathon plan. 3 miles ish with some speed work – 4 sets of 30 second strides in this case (basically accelerating to flat out sprint over the duration). I didn’t exactly feel energetic and bouncy when we set out. I also felt ridiculously self conscious in running gear – running gear I have worn hundreds of times without giving it a second thought. We had a warm up jog down the road and then did the first 30 seconds as we turned slightly uphill on our usual route. 30 seconds is a fucking long time when you’re trying to accelerate to full sprint – uphill. It was ok though and after a short recovery walk we continued on at a slow pace. It was really windy and I was struggling to breathe a little but the second 30 second acceleration was also fine. I tried to keep up with Kath as she pulled ahead but no chance. Next came the slopes which I really struggled on today and then my head went. Why am I so bloody crap at this?!? And given that I am so crap at this why the hell am I still trying? I nearly fell over several times on my way down the former golf course to the canal because I couldn’t really see for tears.

Once on the canal I got my act together and did another 2 lots of 30 seconds acceleration with short recovery walks after each one and then I walked up the hill and slowly ran/walked the last bit home. I didn’t enjoy it, I didn’t really get a buzz from the running or even from having done it but it did help clear my head a little. The afternoon was undoubtedly more productive than it would have been without the run.

Next up is a 6 miler at the weekend. I vaguely remember 6 miles being really quite scary. Now 6 miles is just 6 miles. Progress of sorts.

 

 

 

 

Running might have helped today

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Today has been one of those days that pushes my buttons just enough to have been a really exhausting and crappy day but not enough to actually tip me over the edge or for there to even be anything specific. The alarm went off and instead of getting up I hit snooze several times, had a shower and a cup of tea, then breakfast and eventually left the house – about 15 minutes after I’d planned to be at work. Button number one pushed. By the time I got to Leeds, it was busy. Lovely.  Our book is late. We’re making progress but I’m unfocused and I keep making mistakes and having to re-do bits. That’s another two buttons pushed. This morning we had a staff meeting, I’m not good with staff meetings, they’re full of people for a start and they are mostly so totally pointless. This one also took over two hours out of my book writing time. The research ethics committee this afternoon was similar, though perhaps a little more upbeat. I have an inbox full of a mixture of stupid and reminders about things I haven’t done and then I was supposed to go out for a drink after work but that didn’t happen and I found myself struggling with the change of plans. I wondered whether I should just stay in the office but in the end I came home, had some food and sat down to work on the book.

I wish I’d gone out to run though. I’ve been slightly irritated about something all day but can’t put my finger on it. Running might have helped. Although my hamstrings are a little tight from yesterday. Anyway, it’s not all bad. We’ve started our half marathon training plan. We had a reboot run at Bolton Abbey on Sunday (which followed my London reboot run last week). It was a lovely run really. Bolton Abbey has gone all festive and further along the trail we saw a heron and towards the end of the loop a woodpecker. It was nice to stop and watch.

Yesterday we picked up the plan with a 3 ish mile run with a couple of hill repeats. It was fine. It was hard but it was fine. I felt flat afterwards though. The post-run buzz never happened. And I don’t really remember much of the run. I suppose non-eventful is good. I’m also getting a little better at doing yoga again, not great but at least I’ve done some. I’ve lost a couple of pounds and I’m fitting in my smaller pants comfortably so it’s all good really… and yet there’s something niggling.

Anyway, the next run is tomorrow – 3 miles with some speed work thrown in. Yay!

Anxiety is a Bitch

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I went to a workshop in Birmingham today. More on that in another post if I can find the time to write that. For now I am writing because I need to. Because it focuses my thoughts on doing something. I left the workshop feeling a bit tired and struggling a little with this silly cold that started on Friday. Otherwise I felt fine. I walked across campus in the dark and drizzle. Fine. I got to the station and made my way down onto the platform. A little anxious. So many people. I squeezed onto the train and went right to the end of the carriage. I needed to breathe but the end of the carriage meant being boxed in. Rock and hard place.

The journey from the University to New Street Station is 7 minutes. 7 agonising minutes during which I could feel the panic building. I tried to control my breathing, I tried closing my eyes, I tried my mantras, I tried all the things I’d perfected but haven’t really had to use for such a long time. (I did have a little attack the other week but nothing compared to this). It didn’t work. I got off the train and got swallowed up by a sea of people. I must have had tears streaming because a little while later I noticed that my face was wet.

I had my phone in my hand. I wanted to call but what would I say? And I couldn’t actually lift my hand to dial or anything anyway. I just walked with the mass of people slowly up the steps, too slowly. I wanted to scream. At the top of the steps I ducked right when everyone else seemed to be going left. A tiny little space to breathe just a little.  I asked Facebook for suggestions for a quiet place in Birmingham New Street to sit and breathe knowing that such a place probably doesn’t exist. I couldn’t stay where I was, the crowds were relentless.

Walking helps, walking always helps. Taking deliberate steps and breaths I walked but it didn’t help, it was too slow, too many people. I focused on the ticket barrier, went through, thought ‘out’ would be a really good idea but ‘out’ was so busy, so many people just rushing and just so many people. I froze, turned round and went back. Up, up the escalator was the current path of least resistance. I went up and saw Foyles. A bookshop. Bookshops are quiet. I dived in and walked to the back. I wondered round. My chest was so incredibly tight, breathing hurt. I found myself standing and staring at ‘teen fiction’ for a while. Slowly, slowly everything slowed. I felt less dizzy, less urgent. I looked at my phone – no suggestions.

I walked towards the front of the shop. I still had nearly an hour before my train. Everything was busy and I could feel the world speed up again as I got closer to the door. Then I realised that the middle of the floor I was on had several restaurants sort of open plan popped together. They weren’t busy. It felt a bit like the eye of a storm where it’s calm with all the craziness whirling around the outside. If I could get there I might be able to just sit there, have something better than a sarnie for my tea and breathe. I’m not sure how long I stared at the path between me and the entrance to ‘Giraffe’ but eventually I went.

I don’t remember getting there. I sat in a little booth flanked by the kitchen on one side and empty tables on the other. I ordered a salad and a smoothy, nourishing and yummy stuff although I wasn’t at all sure I could eat. Kath phoned to reassure. I was starting to feel better. But breathing hurt. My smoothie came. I closed my eyes and took a long drag on the straw which induced a coughing fit rather than the calm I was aiming for. I tried again. Now my bubble was starting to build around me. The techniques I learned in the Bradford days when panic attacks were daily occurrences were working. My salad came, I realised I was actually hungry. I sat and looked around. From here things didn’t look too scary. My world had stopped spinning.

Eventually I got the bill. I took some deep breaths and took the shortest possible route, which of course I’d worked out as soon as I sat down, to the escalators. Once at the bottom I was briefly disoriented then saw the barriers and my platform and went for it. I got down to the platform and tried to focus. I tried to shut out the world but it wasn’t working. It was too busy and the panic started again. The train took so long to arrive and just as pacing up and down didn’t seem like it was going to be enough a couple of messages came through on twitter and on messenger. The tightness started to ease just a little, just enough for me to function, get on the train, find my seat and focus on typing this. Sharing it with you.

I’m breathing ok now. I think the tightness is now mostly from my cold/cough, I don’t feel dizzy anymore. I just feel tired. Really tired. Anxiety is a bitch and today she got me. She got me without warning. I wasn’t expecting her, I wasn’t ready for her. Why should I be. She’s been AWOL for over a year or at least she’s been in the background. Now that I know she’s back she won’t get me as easily again, not with that force. Time to step up the yoga, the breathing and the running miles. The bitch might be back but I learned a thing or two last time. Bring it.