Possibly entering panic mode

I didn’t sleep well – so be warned.

During the night I managed to convince myself that things went all wrong yesterday. We didn’t run the 23 miles, we only got out for a short loop. I huffed and puffed my way round that and it wasn’t even that fast. 26.2 miles – what was I thinking.

I had chocolate cake mid morning and a take-away curry in the evening with a bottle of beer. I am behind on the training, not losing weight and struggling even with the little bit of running I’m doing… I am very much in ‘I can’t do this’ mode. In fact every little bit of me is screaming at me to just go hide under the duvet until the 11th January when it will all be over.

Add to that the running anxiety dreams that started a little while ago. I have 3 that repeat and I had all three last night in my fits and starts of sleep. The first is me running our home loop and as I get to the slope that goes from the little wood to the golf course I slip, fall and break my leg. I’m going to have to refuse to go that way.

The second is that I get my days muddled and turn up at the startline a day late. The third is the worst. I start and within the first mile everyone – even those starting way back, have overtaken me. I keep going and all the way along spectators are telling me I should have stayed at home and not bothered etc. Then I can see the finish line and with just about 5 steps to go I get pulled and told they’d waited far too long already and had to close the course and when I ask if I can just finish and get the medal I’m told that for such a pathetic attempt there are no medals.

Feeling rubbish – hope you have a better Monday