Tag: marathon

Why not me?

Jess GuthLeave a comment
Me at the end of 9 miles

I watched a bit of the Olympics and it is easy to just dismiss these super humans as irrelevant to our lives. I have watched runners like Noah Lyles and Josh Kerr declare to the world that they will win and one doing just that on one race and not the other and one not. I have watched amazing performances across a whole variety of sports and I have seen some of the interviews and pieces to camera that hint at the hard work done behind the scenes. I watched incredible marathon running and awful social media posts about athletes who ‘lost’. I flicked between being bemused by what an elite set of human bodies can achieve and noting that my body never has and never will be capable of anything spectacular in the sporting arena. I flicked between dismissing it all as irrelevant to me and being inspired. But a theme, as well as actually a quote (Noah Lyles I think, possibly Josh Kerr), that runs through so much of what I have seen is that idea that someone has to win, someone has to get the medals so why not you? It’s that notion that there are things out there to be done, to be accomplished so why shouldn’t it be you doing it. It somehow chimed with me the first time it was said at these Games and I have been thinking about why.

Obviously it is nonsense for me to think there are podium finishes in my future that someone has to win and it might as well be me. That’s not why this chimed. I think it is about something broader for me. It’s about deciding you want to do something, doing the work to get yourself there and then owning it. So, there is a Dopey Challenge open to what you might call recreational runners, I quite like the idea of running it again, people will run it, I might as well be part of it. But that very simple theme also incorporates a perhaps obvious point – if it might as well be you, you have to be in a position to get it done. I have to be fit enough to get round Dopey. Not to win obviously, but I have to do the work now, I have to prepare so come January I can say, with the same confidence I have seen repeatedly over the last week and a bit: ‘People will run and complete the Dopey, why wouldn’t I be one of them’. The ‘why not you’ has popped up before. I have often thought about the fact that someone has to comes last, why not me? Things happen – good and bad – why shouldn’t they happen to you? Isn’t that just the serendipity of life? Of course you can do things that might reduce the chances of bad stuff happening to you. And for some things the ‘might as well be me’ is hugely dependent on you doing stuff.

So it chimed because it is such a simple phrase and idea: Why not you? But it is also so complex, part serendipity and luck, part hard work, part within your control and partly not at all. I then listened to the High Performance Podcast episode with Michael Johnson where the theme popped up again. Both in the sense of someone has to win so why not you but then also in another sense – Michael Johnson talking about the stroke he suffered not in terms of how unfair it was or feeling sorry for himself but acknowledging the ‘well why not me’ question. Noting that if someone has to have a stroke then it might as well be him as much as the next guy and acknowledging that he was fortunate because he was in great shape and able to get back to full health. The why not me theme is so simple and so complex at the same time.

When I started this blog post the Olympics weren’t over yet. I had had a pretty good week of training. I felt good and I was going to write all about what I was doing to put myself into a position where ‘why not me’ is a reasonable thing to ask about finishing Dopey. The last week though hasn’t gone to plan and I have done absolutely nothing to get myself into that position.

But let’s re-wind. My good week. I cycled, I stretched every day, I did my runs and I was proud of finishing what was essentially a 10 miler even though that didn’t go as planned. We’d gone out for a curry on the Thursday and while the food was great as always, I felt sluggish for days after. I knew I wasn’t really ready for my long run, my tummy wasn’t settled but I also knew I just needed to get it done. I was ok-ish to 5 miles. At 5 miles I was beginning to be quite uncomfortable, by 6 miles I was in bother and by 6.5 miles running was basically impossible. I stopped and had a brief little tantrum and switched my watch to walk. I decided that I would try and walk the remainder of my 9 mile run/walk. As walking was sort of ok and dramatically reduced the danger of puking or worse, I decided I would see if I could walk the 2.5 miles remaining within the allowed Disney Pace of 16 minute miles. Unfortunately though the data on the screen of my watch is so small when using the walk setting that I couldn’t actually see the pace so I just had to march as fast as I could given the circumstances. I wanted to stop more than once but didn’t. I made it, and then very slowly walked the rest of the loop home – clocking in at something like 9.98 miles total for the day. And the 9 miles were at an average of 15 minute miles so all Disney Legal.

This week though I have done very little. I have done some random stretches most days but nothing more than a few minutes at a time and nothing from any of the apps. I haven’t run and I haven’t been on the bike. I have lots of excuses but they are just that. I easily could have got out there. I just didn’t make myself make the time.

Today was supposed to be long run day. I wanted to have another go at the route I did last weekend to see if I could make it without tummy issues. But my period started this morning and it’s a bad one. Tummy cramps, back pain, nausea and everything makes me cry. So mostly I have just been feeling sorry for myself. The usual painkillers had little effect and mostly I just didn’t know what to do with myself. I know it will be a bit easier tomorrow and then fine the day after but I have not been a happy Jess today. This afternoon I got so fed up with myself that I tried a Joe Wicks strength in menopause workout. I should have done one I already knew but I tried a new full body 30 minute one and I didn’t much like it and sort of just grumped my way through it a bit half heartedly. But I supposed it is still better than nothing. I’ll try that one again when I am not feeling as crappy.

So the week ahead. Somehow it feels busy. It’s not really in the grand scheme of things. Tomorrow the car is going in for its service and Storm cat is having her vaccination in the evening. Tuesday Kilian goes to the vet for his teeth extractions (the poor little bugger has a nasty infection and the icky gums and teeth the vet warned us about when he was a kitten have finally got the better of him), Wednesday I am going into the office on the train… it might be a week of excuses or it might be a week of managing to juggle successfully all the life stuff we all juggle. We’ll see.

I guess some people just have bad periods – why wouldn’t that be me? Some people are really good at excuses – that’s definitely me and some people can also laugh at their excuses and then get on with it – why not me?

Building Consistency

Jess GuthLeave a comment

I did not want to run today. I turned the alarm off at 6am, turned over and dozed for a bit. I felt creaky and didn’t really want to get up. I did still get up before 7am but it was a ‘sip coffee on the patio’ sort of morning. I had vague ideas about running at lunch time after some work calls in the morning but then I got busy and hungry. No excuses this evening. I just didn’t want to. I got as far as wandering into the bathroom to put a bath on before pausing. I want to get round the Great North Run and I want to do Dopey without being completely miserable. The time to put in the work for that is now. Not tomorrow, not next week or month, now. So I got changed. Still didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to go any of the routes from home, I definitely didn’t want to drive anywhere to run. I didn’t want to leave the house and be out for 45 minutes, I didn’t want to get sweaty. I just didn’t want to.

Kath was on the bike so I couldn’t make an excuse and cycle instead. Although the Dopey plan has two 45 minute runs during the week, I decided to sod it and just go a short loop and at least just get out (still didn’t want to). I pulled my shoes on and went outside. At least it wasn’t as hot as it has been. As I set off I suddenly wondered if I could run a mile without walking. I almost never run continuously and have mostly been running 30 seconds run and 30 second walk intervals. I upped the running interval on my 45 minute run on Wednesday but I can’t remember when I last ran continuously for several minutes, never mind a mile. Well, I thought, I could just try and run a mile and then come home. That seemed like a good thing to do. Given my mind was playing tricks and being annoying, giving it something to actually battle would be good training for one things actually get physically hard. So off I went. I ran a mile. There wasn’t really a mental battle. I just ran. A lot of it is downhill. It was all fine. Then there is a slight slope. It’s not much but really but it’s noticeable when you are running and I have struggled with it. It was hard and I was huffing and puffing and briefly thought about sneaking in a walk break but then it was over and I was back on the flat and then downhill. So now we know I can run a mile.

I walked back trying to keep a reasonable pace walking but not marching flat out. I was out a total of 30 minutes – just over 12 of them running. I am happy with that. In fact, I am happy with the week. I did nothing much on Monday. It was mum’s birthday and we went out for food in the evening. Tuesday I re-did my FTP test on the bike. Now that I found ridiculously hard. I am not a cyclist. I can’t get myself into the same mental place on a bike as I can running – I can’t do hard on the bike. I give up much more quickly mentally. Maybe it’s just what I am used to and it will come. I do think the new FTP is a better reflection of reality and the workout I did yesterday suggests the level is now more accurate. So I have done 2 runs and 2 rides this week so far. I have also now done 11 consecutive days of daily stretches with today’s still to come. I am not overly tired and nothing hurts. In fact I probably have slightly more energy and am sleeping better. Exercise, whether run or bike, is also becoming more just what I do rather than something that I have to force myself to do every single time. I know I didn’t want to go today – but I did. Just a couple of weeks ago I would have run that bath and then watched Olympics in bed.

Consistency is everything in running (and it seems in cycling too) so I am very happy with this week. I am having another go at a long run tomorrow and will see how I got with the 45 second running intervals over the longer distance (they were fine on the shorter run on Wednesday).

Happy running!

I ran….

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…it was pretty horrible. But I ran. So that’s good. It means that I have managed 2 back to back days of actually doing something. I have an extra day off today. The University gives us a number of what they call grace and favour days that follow a bank holiday. Today is one of them. That means that there were really no excuses about time or when a run might fit in or anything else my brain might come up with. I had a couple of things to do this morning, as did Kath and then she had a couple of things to post so we walked to the parcel drop off and then the post office and then did an out and back run/walk along the canal.

Walking down my feet hurt. I was wearing my new(ish) Brooks Cascadias – I am not sure about them really. They feel hard and unforgiving compared to any of my other Brooks. So maybe I am not going to move over to all Brooks. I like the road shoes but maybe they’re not right for me for trail shoes. We’ll see. So after some adjustment of the laces at the post office we set off along the canal. 30 second run/walk intervals. I started reading a run Disney book last night so I was trying to think about the advice in there. One was to slow down. Most beginner runners go too fast. Well I might not be a beginner runner and it feels like if I slow down any more I’ll be going backwards but the author is right, going at a slower pace means it’s marginally less vile. The other bit I read was about thinking like a runner…. Hm. What they mean here is focusing on the positive self talk, the mental tricks we can play, the distractions and the way we use what our body is telling us to adjust or react. So instead of ‘oh I am out of breath, this is so hard, I can’t do it’ you think ‘My breathing is a bit laboured, can I slow down a little to be more comfortable, can I relax anywhere to reduce some tension, oh look I’ve already done one mile’. So a little while into the run I remembered what I had read and tried the self-talk – here’s how that went for me:

‘Hey you, look at you, you’re out running. Well done’

‘Really? We’re doing this are we? We’re trying the self talk. Weirdo’

‘No seriously, well done. You’ve got this. It’s just 45 minutes’

‘Ok, we’re doing this. By the way, your calf hurts’

‘No it’s ok, just a bit tight it’ll ease’

‘Hahaha, you’re funny. Out of breath much?’

‘It’s ok, everything is fine, can I slow down a bit maybe’

‘Yep, we can do slow’

‘Where can I relax? Where am I tense?’

‘EVERYWHERE’

‘Oh come on, that’s not true’

At that point Kath said something and made me jump because I’d sort of forgotten she was there. I never really went back to my inner dialogue (monologue?) but I sort of imagine it as a conversation between Joy from the Pixar Film Inside Out and another emotion (character) – I am not quite sure what she is but I imagine her dressed all in black with stunning black eyeliner and a sort of perpetually bored ‘Whatever’ kind of demeanour. She’s not unkind, sometimes a little too sarcastic and calls it as she sees it. Optimism and enthusiasm aren’t really her thing. If you know Lily from DuoLingo – maybe a bit like her. Anyway, the conversation had got me to a mile or so.

With about 10 minutes to go I started finding it really hard and I was annoyed at that because running for 45 minutes, never mind run/walk for 45 minutes didn’t used to be hard. I tried to remind myself that I’ve just got to take me as I am now and also that 10 minutes in to the run I didn’t think I was going to be able to keep going much longer and yet here I was 25 minutes later still going. I counted down the run segments and it began to feel possible. Kath helped encouraging me along and I thought that actually running in the rain was quite nice. Before I knew it there were only 2 run segments left and it suddenly felt doable. Ah yes, the impossible – this is fun part of impossible. I am trying to take the win. I got out, I ticked off 45 minutes and while it wasn’t exactly fun (it was horrible), there wasn’t really any drama either. I am trying not to think about pace. It feels like I am working really really hard just to be at least 2 minutes a mile slower than my comfortable long run pace used to be and I have to adjust to that new normal. I know that with consistency, a stronger pace will probably come. So it’s about patience – and we all know I have an abundance of patience (ahem).

Anyway, the ‘exercise lifts your mood and gives you energy’ tribe will be pleased. I feel much more positive and I have sprung into action making bread and granola and sorting out some writing stuff. So it seems the way to being Little Dr Positive Pants is to put on running pants and then use them for their intended purpose rather than curl up under a blanket on the sofa.

Is it fun to do the impossible?

Jess GuthLeave a comment

Ah yes, running. It’s been crap. I am totally inconsistent, I have zero motivation, my lungs don’t feel right (Covid damage? Just totally unfit?), my back and hips are niggly, everything is tight, hay fever is a bitch and my head is not up for doing hard things at the moment. I want easy, comfort zone, not pushing anything anywhere. I am not currently convinced that it might be kind of fun to do the impossible. I’m really not.

BUT, I also really want to be able to do stuff. I miss my fitness, I miss running just being a thing that I do and not an endless drama and mind games to actually get myself out of the door. I want to do the Dopey Challenge in January, I want to do the Great North Run in September and all the milestones and adventures in-between and I want to do them with joy. I want to have fun. I don’t want it all to just be one big long miserable slog. So I need to get fitter. A lot fitter. Which means I have to go do the things that are impossible and hope that somewhere somehow the fun comes back and I re-discover the joy.

So today’s step 1 or the many many step 1s and re-starts and re-boots and whatever over the last few weeks and months: Get out and run. I had put off going for a run all week. One thing I am good at is excuses. I could give you a perfectly reasonable sounding one for each run I didn’t do. None of them are justifiable really. though. So anyway the plan today was for us each to go to our own thing before breakfast and by the time I properly woke up, Kath was already out on her loop and just about back home. We had a coffee together and Einstein cat came into bed so there’s 2 excuses to not go right there – first that we were going to have breakfast together and I had slept a lot later than Kath and she was already back and so she’d be hungry so I should just make breakfast and go later (going later basically never happens). Kath put that excuse to bed by declaring she was happy having granola and we could just do our own thing. Einstein is Kath’s cat through and through so I rarely get cuddles with him so I really didn’t want to disturb him cuddled right into me curled up under my legs. Again Kath pointed out that I could just go when he moved and it really didn’t matter – nowhere to be today.

So, vaguely plausible excuses put to bed, I got out of bed. I’d been thinking about where to go. I really struggle on any sort of up. It’s like the minute my lungs have to actually work they can’t. I get out of breath really quickly and sort of grind to a halt. Obviously therefore I avoid up. That’s not going to help. So I decided that I would start with up this morning and walk towards Keighley Gate. Added bonus here that setting off walking is less scary than setting of running. I couldn’t actually remember whether I am supposed to be on a 3 mile weekend or whether it’s a 5 mile weekend and honestly at this point I don’t care. The plan is gone. I just need to build some sort of consistency somehow. I thought 2 miles up and 2 miles down would be good.

I set off on a good march up the hill. After about 50 metres I was huffing and puffing and after a further 50 metres I thought maybe this was a really bad idea. Lungs were burning and I was huffing and puffing and really wanted to slow down. I slowed a little bit just to breathe but kept walking. I made it to be mile in about 19.5 minutes which actually in my history of walking that stretch really isn’t too bad.I was knackered though. Onwards. At 1.5 miles my back said Hi with a sharp pain across the bottom right. I might have yelped. My hip joined in. At 1.65 miles I thought it was all a bit silly and I should head back down before anything really hurts. I started jogging and it was ok. Pain wasn’t worse really but now I felt hot. I put 30 seconds walk breaks in every minute or 90 seconds. I was making a really conscious effort to make sure the run was positive overall. I was slightly irritated that I was using walk breaks on what is essentially a long downhill but it also felt like the right thing to do.

And then, for just a brief moment the magic returned. As I turned left onto our road, everything felt perfect. There was no pain, no niggle even, my form felt perfect, my glutes properly engaged, my speed picked up but felt almost effortless. For just a short 30 seconds ish at the end of my run everything came together, rhythm, cadence, breathing, form. It felt perfect. It is fun to do the impossible. There is joy in hard after all. Now how do I bottle that? How do I hang on to that when my body and mind are screaming at me that it’s all pointless and I can’t run anyway so why bother trying? I don’t know, but for now I’ll take it.

And, if I told you that Disney pace requirement is 16 minute mile, you will understand from the screen short below why today’s effort had an added bonus level of excitement:

Screenshot of Strava activity showing pace at 15.59

Marathoniversary

Jess Guth1 Comment
Dopey 2016 finisher photo

5 years ago we finished our first marathon and our first Dopey Challenge. There’s a string of blog posts about that experience starting with this one. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about the marathoniversary this year. Partly because I am not really running and partly because we were supposed to be there now and should have run the marathon in Florida today. But the universe had other ideas and as things stand I am grateful that we are not there and that I did not have pull out of or cancel the marathon because given the health issues and lack of running I wouldn’t have been able to get ready anyway.

So, all in all it has been a positive day full of happy or at least positive memories and thoughts. Every now and again I have got a bit grumpy or sad. I have felt annoyed at myself for losing fitness and not building on the Dopey and marathon experience but then I reminded myself that I have built on it, that I have learned a lot and that I didn’t lose it all. I completed another 3 marathons after that including another Dopey in 2019. So most of the time I was thinking about the sense of achievement. I still have a sense of wonder at the idea that we ran 48.6 miles over 4 days only about 12 months after not being able to run 100 metres and being so unfit that walking any sort of distance wasn’t really fun. My memories from Dopey 2 are more fun in a way. It was less overwhelming, I was fitter, I knew what was coming, the conditions were better (less hot) and I kept my sense of humour through ESPN Wild World of sport, the sense of achievement from Dopey 1 is something special.

Before Dopey 1 and that marathon I had absolutely no clue whether I could do that distance. In fact the safest assumption based on a year of running, was that I probably couldn’t. When stepping up the distance during that training cycle I had so many fails at the new distance the first time round but on marathon day there was no second chance, no having another go tomorrow. I also never really believed. I didn’t believe I was going to finish, never mind finish within the allowed time for the challenge until I actually did. And on that first attempt I had nothing to draw on. I generally don’t really believe I have done 4 marathons, if you asked me run 5km tomorrow I am not sure I would believe I could do it. Running still very much is something other people do. I am not quite sure what it is I think I do. I just struggle to see myself as a runner, as a marathon finisher, as a Double Dopey. I have to actively remind myself that I did that and that it is a big deal. I have to force myself to remember that I worked for it, that it took lots and lots of little steps that eventually, collectively took me to the finish line. Now, though I have that memory bank. I can force myself to remember what it took to finish the marathon. I can remember that one foot in front of the other really does get you there. I didn’t have that on the first one. It was just step after step into the unknown.

Reflecting on that first marathon today made me realise how often I go back to it, how often I draw on it. Sometimes it isn’t the memory as such but the emotion linked to the achievement. There is something so powerful about knowing that you did something impossible. There is an unshakable calm that comes with knowing that nobody can take that achievement away, that you made a point that wipes out decades of negativity about what your body looks like and can do from others and from yourself. There is something special in knowing that you can just keep going, that it’s ok for things to get tough, for things to hurt and for things to seem impossible. It doesn’t matter. Sometimes it is fun to do the impossible.

And running has felt impossible lately. I really wanted to get going after our run on the 1st January but then it got really icy and I just don’t do ice. I think Covid-19 added another layer of anxiety about the possibility of slipping and hurting myself and putting pressure on medical services. I also didn’t really have any long pants that fit well. So that was another excuse not to go out in the cold. I ordered a bigger pair of Alpkit Koulin Trail tights and they arrived the other day so no excuse there anymore. I’ve been doing my Body Coach App workouts so I wasn’t as worried about not running as I might have been but still, I wanted to be able to go out and enjoy running again. So today, with the ice mostly gone and the roads definitely clear I decided I wanted to try my 2 mile run in spite of not having done any of my runs during the week. Kath came with me. The first mile is all downhill so I decided I would see if I could run it all. I did give myself permission to change my mind though. But I didn’t need to. The first mile felt lovely. I didn’t feel like I was taking it easy as such but I also didn’t feel like I was pushing the pace. I was just running. It was almost exactly a 12 minute mile. It’s been a long time since I have run that mile in that time.

After the first mile I was just going to turn round and run/walk back up the hill but the road was quite busy so we kept going to run a loop instead and dropped into run/walk intervals of 30 seconds each. I managed the intervals to the bottom of the proper hill and walked up that while Kath ran up and had a rest at the top and then we ran home on the intervals. The last bit was quite tough but I just kept thinking about that marathon and the fact that I only had another couple of minutes, not another hour or more to go. If I could get myself through ESPN Wide World of Sport and finish from there, I can do another couple of 30 second intervals. It worked and I am very happy to have run today.