I hope you’re all having a lovely Christmas day. Mine’s been quiet and nice. Most of it spent preparing Christmas dinner and eating it and then we watched the first Fantastic Beasts film which I like. I’d like a niffler – they’re a good mix of cuddly and mischievous.
Anyway we started our Christmas with a short run at Bolton Abbey when Kath finished work yesterday. Just a mile out and a mile back weaving round people on the out and choosing the top path to avoid them on the way back. I could definitely feel the weekend’s 11 + 17 miles in my legs but nothing was hurting or even achey – just a bit tired and heavy. It was the perfect stretch of legs on a perfect, lovely day.
Christmas Day began with a short run. It was still pretty much dark when we set off. Just at the end of our road we bumped into a lovely little dog called Rosie and her human and stopped to say Merry Christmas. Then we plodded on towards the canal towpath and along the silvery magic of the early morning canal. No people, just moonlight, a few ducks and some geese.
We walked up the former golf course and stopped for a Christmas morning kiss half way up the first slope. As we were about to carry on we heard deer off to one side – we saw a hint of movement but nothing more. We walked on up and then through the wood and stopped briefly when our favourite tree came into view.
Then we jogged down the other side until we got to about 2.25 miles and a formerly icy puddle which marked my 800 year to date miles spot.
800 miles. I feel a bit overwhelmed by that. I’ve done it without chasing the miles or pushing and I still have a few days left even! So maybe 1000 miles in on for 2019 and I am very much looking forward to having fun trying and taking the pledge again.
Anyway, Christmas morning started with a really lovely run and I went because I wanted to not because it justified my Christmas dinner or something silly like that. I went because being out on a foggy, dark morning like today makes you believe that there is just a touch of magic in the world. And who doesn’t need that!
In the busy-ness of the end of term and pre-Christmas and then the excitement of becoming a Run1000Miles Ambassador and then finding out that both Kath and I can run the London Marathon for Mind, the excitement of finding out the Dopey bib numbers and all that goes with that sort of got lost.
5km Course Map
The Dopey information was released last week. It seems people fixate on this. People spend a disproportionate amount of time worrying about which starting corral they will be in. I remember being very worried about this too when we did Dopey 2016. I was less concerned this time and actually would have been ok starting at the back. I’m more confident that I can do the marathon in the allowed time and I’m no longer concerned about coming last. The proof of time rules were not entirely clear – for anticipated finish times of 5 1/2 hours or less you had to submit a proof of time and it seemed that if your proof of time didn’t match that sort of time you’d be placed at the back.
Marathon Course Map
That’s a longwinded way of saying I was expecting to be at the back because our proof of time was just a few minutes outside what they asked for. I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about it. I was then pleasantly surprised to find out that we were in corral F with G and H still behind us. Corrals are massive with mini waves in each so there are likely still be thousands of people behind us and we’ll have a good time buffer. I’m hope I don’t need it, if things go to plan I won’t need it but it’s still nice to know it’s there.
I enjoyed scrolling through the information for the race days and looking at the course maps. I’m getting more excited about it and the expected emotions of anxiety, being scared, self-doubt aren’t… really there. Every now and again they pop up to say hi but they don’t linger – my favourite sort of Christmas guests. And here’s a reminder of my favourite dwarf expressing one of my favourite sentiments.
Before the last Dopey Simulation which we finished yesterday, we had a lovely little trot out at Bolton Abbey last Sunday. We gently plodded our way round the Barden Bridge loop with just a couple of walks up the hills. We were planning on going round the Abbey but neither of us really wanted to so we agreed to call it a day after that loop and bank a really lovely positive run.
We had our usual coffee and bacon sarnie and then got a second coffee to take away and walked towards the strid to look at the lights lining the way to Santa’s Grotto from the Elf Hut and to be near the river and see if Goddess Verbia had anything to say. She seemed a bit shouty and busy – not in an unsettling or stressful sort of way though. It was quite nice watching the Wharfe go about her business.
We walked the bottom path past the sulphur well and as we walked back up to the main path we saw an unexpected duck off to the side (sorry the photo’s a bit crap). He seemed quite jolly, if a little lonely. There was a female duck on the main path who seemed happily going about her business. Eventually she toddled off in the other duck’s direction so maybe his loneliness was short lived.
It was a lovely calm morning and not even hordes of children with obnoxious parentals and grandparents who get in the way could spoil that. As we walked back towards the car we met a group being led towards Santa’s Grotto by an Elf trying his best to keep the little creatures from running ahead by telling them that if they stayed behind him he’d tell Santa how good they’d been. Both Kath and I admired his efforts but couldn’t help laughing because his facial expression rather suggested he had the naughty list all planned out.
I don’t know about you but I have, for at least the second year running, not really managed a Christmas wind down. The first semester has once again been brutal, I finished work on Friday with a mountain of stuff still left on the to-do list and I feel like I have dragged myself to the end of the term just sort of hanging on. Running has been lovely for headspace and to give me some time to not think and let my brain do its thing and it has been good to work physically somewhere near as hard as I’ve been working mentally. But I can’t say I’ve managed to unwind yet. The second Dopey Challenge Simulation which we finished yesterday shows, I think, just how wiped out I am. I went to bed just after 9pm last night and slept until 8am and then had another 2 hour kip at lunch time. I could go back to bed now (it’s not even 6pm).
But slowly I am beginning to feel Christmass-y. The silly music is on, I’ve had a mince pie or two, the fridge is full of Christmas (and birthday) food, the tree looks lovely and I’ve just lit some candles. Dad is here, arrangements are made for Christmas Day and I have a plan for my birthday (read – do nothing). I’m starting to feel calmer and a little more settled and a little more like I might be able to ignore the work list. I realise that I am one of the lucky ones though. Overall the Christmas break is a good time, a time I like and a time for reflection, cuddles, being together and a good measure of silliness. It’s a time to help my mental health re-balance.
I am pleased to see more recognition on social media that Christmas can be really tough for people for all sorts of reasons so this post has two purposes (yes I know I’ve taken while to get to this point):
To remind you that it is absolutely ok not to be ok. You don’t have to be jolly and loud and extrovert and festive. You do whatever you need and remember that there are people you can reach out to. Mind has some links/numbers for us on their website.
To let you know that Kath and I will be running the London Marathon for Mind and to ask for your support. We’ve had some really lovely and generous sponsorship already and we really appreciate it.
I’ve been lucky I guess. I’ve never needed Mind’s services as such. I’ve had one amazing doctor and a therapist who is incredible and ‘gets me’. I’m making progress and have far more good days than bad days. Sometimes I can even laugh at the bad days. I’m mostly in a good place and certainly feel like I understand my mental health and ill-health more now. Mind helps with this journey for so many people directly through support services and indirectly by providing information and education. I really want them to be able to keep doing what they do because one day that phone number, that online community or that information leaflet might be a lifeline for any of us. So when Kath was offered a place to run the London Marathon for Mind, I jumped at the chance to link my ballot place and also officially run for them.
Running will be my life-line over the next couple of weeks. I get irritated with the Christmas thing and people and the forced, fake cheerfulness all around and don’t even get me started on New Year and resolutions and the huge damage the fitness and diet industry will inflict in January. Running will be my me-time and headspace. It will make Christmas positive and fun because this is how I roll (sometimes literally) and as I run I often think back to the days when getting out of bed was impossible – running is a win, a huge one. So the Dopey Challenge which starts on 10th January and the London Marathon in April are for those of you who are currently facing your own impossible. If any of you can support mine and Kath’s efforts and sponsor us, you can do so here. I know it sounds cliched but it really does mean a lot to be able to do this!
That’s that then. Dopey Simulation 2 is done. The plan was 45 minutes, 5 mile walk, 12 mile walk and 20 miles. We started Wednesday rather than Thursday so we could have tomorrow with Dad, who is staying with us for Christmas, rather than being out for ages both weekend days. Wednesday was fine. I had a PhD meeting over lunch but close to home so once I’d walked home from that I got changed and headed out. I was still too full really but it didn’t matter too much. I plodded along gently and that was that.
Hm, road shoes
Thursday I was tired and feeling very end-of-term-y. We’d also had dinner with a friend and had gone to bed much later than we normally would. My heart wasn’t in it but I got the 5 miles done. I ran the first three and then walked a mile to see if I could do it within Disney pace. I could. I ran walked mile 5 with a lot of walking and then walked the last bit home. Miles done, not really feeling it though. General underlying wanting to curl up and do nothing sort of tiredness.
River Aire at Beckfoot
Friday. 12 miles. I was definitely not keen on doing this one. We got up, did our Christmas food shop and then I got sorted to head out. I went along the road to Bingley. It was soooooo busy with cars that I was making far better progress towards Bingley than they were but couldn’t get my head around going beyond Bingley. That just seemed too far. Instead I dropped down into Myrtle Park and was going to loop round that. As I was plodding down the hill in the park I remembered the route we did a while back when the 15 miler nearly broke me. I liked the idea of picking up that route for a while. so crossed the bridge over the angry looking River Aire and plodded on. I was wearing road shoes which perhaps wasn’t ideal for the first stretch of this but it was worth it. It was lovely to get off the road for even just a short stretch. I marched up Beckfoot Lane and then jogged back down into Bingley and headed back along the road. The traffic was still not really moving. I had in my head that I needed to buy some soup stuff for Ernie-cat and I remembered that we hadn’t bought any Guinness for Kath but that she might like some so I was going to run to the shop and then walk back. I did that but I miscalculated distances and as a result only did 11 miles, not 12. I decided that was enough though and overall felt pretty happy with the outing.
Ernie-cat post run cuddles
Today – 20 miles planned. We are both tired. Not so much physically or from the previous runs but just generally and particularly mentally. Our hearts really weren’t in this one. We couldn’t settle at all. We’d got up at 5am to have porridge and then left just after 6am. We made our way along the road towards Saltaire where we looped onto the canal and headed back towards home. It was uneventful, we put in early additional walks and tried to pretend we weren’t both feeling really crap. The noise of lorries and busses coming past was making us both wince so I started shouting out random Disney characters at the top of my voice every time one came past. It made us laugh a bit and while it obviously didn’t drown out the noise it did somehow help. We ran/walked to mile 8 where we saw a Kingfisher just at the bottom of Dowley Gap Locks. Then we walked (within Disney pace) til mile 11 and then ran/walked again to about 12.5. At that point Kath left me to head home. She’d had enough physically and mentally.
Where the meltdown wasn’t
I needed to go on a little just for my own peace of mind and to know that I’ve done enough for Dopey. I kept walking within pace and pushed to 14 miles. I often have a complete meltdown when I go further than half marathon distance and that meltdown often comes between 14 and 15 miles so I felt like I needed to go further. I planned to push to 16 miles, then turn and head back and go back the long way round which should take me to 20. However at just over 14 miles I really started feeling the cold and the rain was now soaking through my jacket. I turned and walked back. At 15 miles I briefly stopped to mark the point at which this time I did not have a meltdown and to record a quick Happy Birthday video for my friend Jo. I liked the idea of doing something positive at that point. I walked on. At nearly 16 miles I bumped into Kath’s mum, chatted a few minutes and then walked on. I’d seized up a bit so didn’t get going properly again and my last mile ended up just over 16 minute mile (it was mostly uphill). So just over 17 miles will have to do. Just getting out was a win today so 17 miles is more than I could have hoped for really.
The rest of the training plan has only single figure numbers on it. The taper starts here. Proper rest day tomorrow and maybe Christmas eve too and then come the last few runs and the taper crazies. I think the longest run left is 7 miles. That feels doable now. Dopey feels doable. It hasn’t all gone to plan but I think it’s been enough. What we need now is rest. We’re ready. I trust the training.
really (not) a runner 