Before the last Dopey Simulation which we finished yesterday, we had a lovely little trot out at Bolton Abbey last Sunday. We gently plodded our way round the Barden Bridge loop with just a couple of walks up the hills. We were planning on going round the Abbey but neither of us really wanted to so we agreed to call it a day after that loop and bank a really lovely positive run.
We had our usual coffee and bacon sarnie and then got a second coffee to take away and walked towards the strid to look at the lights lining the way to Santa’s Grotto from the Elf Hut and to be near the river and see if Goddess Verbia had anything to say. She seemed a bit shouty and busy – not in an unsettling or stressful sort of way though. It was quite nice watching the Wharfe go about her business.
We walked the bottom path past the sulphur well and as we walked back up to the main path we saw an unexpected duck off to the side (sorry the photo’s a bit crap). He seemed quite jolly, if a little lonely. There was a female duck on the main path who seemed happily going about her business. Eventually she toddled off in the other duck’s direction so maybe his loneliness was short lived.
It was a lovely calm morning and not even hordes of children with obnoxious parentals and grandparents who get in the way could spoil that. As we walked back towards the car we met a group being led towards Santa’s Grotto by an Elf trying his best to keep the little creatures from running ahead by telling them that if they stayed behind him he’d tell Santa how good they’d been. Both Kath and I admired his efforts but couldn’t help laughing because his facial expression rather suggested he had the naughty list all planned out.
I don’t know about you but I have, for at least the second year running, not really managed a Christmas wind down. The first semester has once again been brutal, I finished work on Friday with a mountain of stuff still left on the to-do list and I feel like I have dragged myself to the end of the term just sort of hanging on. Running has been lovely for headspace and to give me some time to not think and let my brain do its thing and it has been good to work physically somewhere near as hard as I’ve been working mentally. But I can’t say I’ve managed to unwind yet. The second Dopey Challenge Simulation which we finished yesterday shows, I think, just how wiped out I am. I went to bed just after 9pm last night and slept until 8am and then had another 2 hour kip at lunch time. I could go back to bed now (it’s not even 6pm).
But slowly I am beginning to feel Christmass-y. The silly music is on, I’ve had a mince pie or two, the fridge is full of Christmas (and birthday) food, the tree looks lovely and I’ve just lit some candles. Dad is here, arrangements are made for Christmas Day and I have a plan for my birthday (read – do nothing). I’m starting to feel calmer and a little more settled and a little more like I might be able to ignore the work list. I realise that I am one of the lucky ones though. Overall the Christmas break is a good time, a time I like and a time for reflection, cuddles, being together and a good measure of silliness. It’s a time to help my mental health re-balance.
I am pleased to see more recognition on social media that Christmas can be really tough for people for all sorts of reasons so this post has two purposes (yes I know I’ve taken while to get to this point):
To remind you that it is absolutely ok not to be ok. You don’t have to be jolly and loud and extrovert and festive. You do whatever you need and remember that there are people you can reach out to. Mind has some links/numbers for us on their website.
To let you know that Kath and I will be running the London Marathon for Mind and to ask for your support. We’ve had some really lovely and generous sponsorship already and we really appreciate it.
I’ve been lucky I guess. I’ve never needed Mind’s services as such. I’ve had one amazing doctor and a therapist who is incredible and ‘gets me’. I’m making progress and have far more good days than bad days. Sometimes I can even laugh at the bad days. I’m mostly in a good place and certainly feel like I understand my mental health and ill-health more now. Mind helps with this journey for so many people directly through support services and indirectly by providing information and education. I really want them to be able to keep doing what they do because one day that phone number, that online community or that information leaflet might be a lifeline for any of us. So when Kath was offered a place to run the London Marathon for Mind, I jumped at the chance to link my ballot place and also officially run for them.
Running will be my life-line over the next couple of weeks. I get irritated with the Christmas thing and people and the forced, fake cheerfulness all around and don’t even get me started on New Year and resolutions and the huge damage the fitness and diet industry will inflict in January. Running will be my me-time and headspace. It will make Christmas positive and fun because this is how I roll (sometimes literally) and as I run I often think back to the days when getting out of bed was impossible – running is a win, a huge one. So the Dopey Challenge which starts on 10th January and the London Marathon in April are for those of you who are currently facing your own impossible. If any of you can support mine and Kath’s efforts and sponsor us, you can do so here. I know it sounds cliched but it really does mean a lot to be able to do this!
That’s that then. Dopey Simulation 2 is done. The plan was 45 minutes, 5 mile walk, 12 mile walk and 20 miles. We started Wednesday rather than Thursday so we could have tomorrow with Dad, who is staying with us for Christmas, rather than being out for ages both weekend days. Wednesday was fine. I had a PhD meeting over lunch but close to home so once I’d walked home from that I got changed and headed out. I was still too full really but it didn’t matter too much. I plodded along gently and that was that.
Hm, road shoes
Thursday I was tired and feeling very end-of-term-y. We’d also had dinner with a friend and had gone to bed much later than we normally would. My heart wasn’t in it but I got the 5 miles done. I ran the first three and then walked a mile to see if I could do it within Disney pace. I could. I ran walked mile 5 with a lot of walking and then walked the last bit home. Miles done, not really feeling it though. General underlying wanting to curl up and do nothing sort of tiredness.
River Aire at Beckfoot
Friday. 12 miles. I was definitely not keen on doing this one. We got up, did our Christmas food shop and then I got sorted to head out. I went along the road to Bingley. It was soooooo busy with cars that I was making far better progress towards Bingley than they were but couldn’t get my head around going beyond Bingley. That just seemed too far. Instead I dropped down into Myrtle Park and was going to loop round that. As I was plodding down the hill in the park I remembered the route we did a while back when the 15 miler nearly broke me. I liked the idea of picking up that route for a while. so crossed the bridge over the angry looking River Aire and plodded on. I was wearing road shoes which perhaps wasn’t ideal for the first stretch of this but it was worth it. It was lovely to get off the road for even just a short stretch. I marched up Beckfoot Lane and then jogged back down into Bingley and headed back along the road. The traffic was still not really moving. I had in my head that I needed to buy some soup stuff for Ernie-cat and I remembered that we hadn’t bought any Guinness for Kath but that she might like some so I was going to run to the shop and then walk back. I did that but I miscalculated distances and as a result only did 11 miles, not 12. I decided that was enough though and overall felt pretty happy with the outing.
Ernie-cat post run cuddles
Today – 20 miles planned. We are both tired. Not so much physically or from the previous runs but just generally and particularly mentally. Our hearts really weren’t in this one. We couldn’t settle at all. We’d got up at 5am to have porridge and then left just after 6am. We made our way along the road towards Saltaire where we looped onto the canal and headed back towards home. It was uneventful, we put in early additional walks and tried to pretend we weren’t both feeling really crap. The noise of lorries and busses coming past was making us both wince so I started shouting out random Disney characters at the top of my voice every time one came past. It made us laugh a bit and while it obviously didn’t drown out the noise it did somehow help. We ran/walked to mile 8 where we saw a Kingfisher just at the bottom of Dowley Gap Locks. Then we walked (within Disney pace) til mile 11 and then ran/walked again to about 12.5. At that point Kath left me to head home. She’d had enough physically and mentally.
Where the meltdown wasn’t
I needed to go on a little just for my own peace of mind and to know that I’ve done enough for Dopey. I kept walking within pace and pushed to 14 miles. I often have a complete meltdown when I go further than half marathon distance and that meltdown often comes between 14 and 15 miles so I felt like I needed to go further. I planned to push to 16 miles, then turn and head back and go back the long way round which should take me to 20. However at just over 14 miles I really started feeling the cold and the rain was now soaking through my jacket. I turned and walked back. At 15 miles I briefly stopped to mark the point at which this time I did not have a meltdown and to record a quick Happy Birthday video for my friend Jo. I liked the idea of doing something positive at that point. I walked on. At nearly 16 miles I bumped into Kath’s mum, chatted a few minutes and then walked on. I’d seized up a bit so didn’t get going properly again and my last mile ended up just over 16 minute mile (it was mostly uphill). So just over 17 miles will have to do. Just getting out was a win today so 17 miles is more than I could have hoped for really.
The rest of the training plan has only single figure numbers on it. The taper starts here. Proper rest day tomorrow and maybe Christmas eve too and then come the last few runs and the taper crazies. I think the longest run left is 7 miles. That feels doable now. Dopey feels doable. It hasn’t all gone to plan but I think it’s been enough. What we need now is rest. We’re ready. I trust the training.
So my running successes and celebrations are a bit like buses! Nothing for some time and then everything happens at once. There was the longest run of the year last weekend and since then it just keeps on coming. Yesterday I shared the news about being a #Run1000Miles ambassador – the excitement of that is not wearing off.
What I didn’t tell you yesterday is that I was supposed to run 45 minutes but just couldn’t be bothered. I was tired and my feet were still really sore from the 20 miles. Not blisters sort of sore but impact, pounding too much road sort of sore. So I went out today instead. I wasn’t massively looking forward to going out, it was soooo cold (not really it just felt like it). I got changed and set off. I had my phone in my back pocket and it seemed to be pulling my pants down so I faffed with that and moved it to me jacket pocket. My pants were still falling down though so I spent more time faffing with trying to tie them tighter – I kept running though.
I got the first mile beep and took a sneaky peek at the time – under 12 minute mile pace which surprised me a little because I didn’t feel like I was going fast. I just kept running , dropped down onto the canal towpath and got lost in just running. I don’t remember thinking about anything. Then my watch suddenly beeped for mile 2 and I glanced. ‘Oh good’ I thought and then ‘what’ and then I looked again. ‘oh’. Mile 2 was 10.38 pace. I was confused. I kept running thinking that maybe I should just slow down a little. By about 2.5 miles it was actually beginning to feel quite hard. But somehow I couldn’t slow down and just kept running. I hit 5k just before I was turning off to go back up the hill so it was sort of perfect. Mile 3 was 10.33 minute/mile pace. I walked up the hill. I covered 3.65 miles. I was confused. I had just run 5k faster, 2 minutes faster, than my previous fastest.
I got home and popped the mileage into my spreadsheet. I have cracked 750 miles. So in one day I ran fast and cracked the target I set for 2018. I have had a celebratory cup of tea and piece of chocolate.
Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness… so I can’t quite put into words just how excited I am about this. I’m jumping up and down squealing kind of excited and a little choked up and overwhelmed. But let’s go back a bit. In November Trail Running Magazine asked for expressions of interest for becoming an ambassador for the 2019 iteration of their Run1000Miles challenge. I paid no attention. Kath commented on the post saying she nominated me, I still paid no attention because, come on, it’s me. I’m no running ambassador. But there were lots of positive comments and ‘likes’ and encouragement so I thought what the hell and sent the email.
I didn’t expect to get picked. I am not the obvious choice when you think ‘running’ so not an obvious choice for promoting a running challenge or for encouraging others. I’m not your typical running role model or poster girl for physical activity. I thought that maybe I could be a good ambassador precisely because I’m not what you might expect in that role and it seems that some agreed. So let me tell you a bit about the challenge, a bit about me and the challenge and a bit about why being an ambassador for it means the world and confirms everything I love about the challenge and the group.
The challenge is simple. Sign up, join the facebook group, run, track your miles, post about your runs, share pictures, encourage others, be encouraged, see where you get to, done. Some will reach 1000 miles before Easter, others won’t get to 500 in the year. It doesn’t matter, it’s about the journey (sounds nauseatingly cliched, I know but it’s true). It’s about having a great running year however you define ‘great’. It’s about getting outside, enjoying being out, about encouraging and being encouraged, about learning and sharing and most of all about enjoying running.
I first joined Run1000Miles in 2017. Kath had joined and she kept saying how lovely the group was and that I should join. I just thought it wasn’t for me – it’s a 1000 mile challenge by Trail Running Magazine – not for me. 1000 miles was so far beyond my imagination and trails were and often still are scary things that cause me to fall over and/or freak out. But then curiosity got the better of me and I joined and lurked in the Facebook group for a bit and I realised that the group of people were my kind of people. I’d found my running tribe. They welcomed me, slow, ploddy, fat, scared of trails me into the group and they were (and still are!) prepared to share my little successes and wins, help me through my tricky patches when it seemed me and running were going our separate ways and share their experience and knowledge to make me a better runner. With their help and encouragement and, frankly, their belief in me I pushed myself through a tough 7 miler on News Years Eve 2017 to finish the year on exactly 500 miles.
I was excited to sign up for 2018. I really wanted to try and run more miles. I won’t make 1000 but I’m going to get closer than I ever thought possible. 1000 miles was my wildest dreams goal, my ambitious but possibly realistic goal A was 750 miles (I had B and C goals to but they don’t matter now!). I’m less than 5 miles away from achieving the 750 now. I love the group on Facebook. There is a notable absence of arrogant, patronising, rude or all of the above twats. There is a genuine understanding and acceptance that we are all at different levels and that my lightening fast run pace might well be someone else’s slow recovery jog; that a mile can be a huge challenge and covering it a big win; that miles and pace and hours are just numbers. I am in awe of some of the runners in the group – some because they’re fast, some because they can go so far, some because they can go so high (and come back down in one piece), some because they deal with mud like it’s nothing, some because they get up every morning and despite (and sometimes because of) the demons we all have pull their trainers on and run. Most of all though I have valued the the stories, the encouragement, the support and the inspiration and I have loved being able to be a part of that.
Having me as a 2019 ambassador confirms that I was right about the trail running community and particularly the community we have built in the Run1000Miles Facebook group – it really is for all of us. It doesn’t matter where in our running journeys we are. It doesn’t matter how fast or slow we go, how much we walk, where we run, whether we can run far or not, whether we can run vertically up and back down, whether we splash through puddles or slide through mud, get stuck in boggy moors or stumble our way through woodland tree roots. What matters is that we all run and get outside and that is somehow important to us in and that we understand that and that we support each other and celebrate each other’s successes. I don’t have any sort of sporting memories that go anywhere near that so I’m making new ones and maybe as ambassador I can help others re-write their relationship with exercise and running in particular.
Join me – sign up here and then join the Facebook Group and see for yourself – try it, you might just surprise yourself by running a whole lot more than you thought you could.
really (not) a runner 