Tag: training

Re-setting the mind

Jess GuthLeave a comment

Why did I start running? Well I suppose the handful of attempts at various Couch to 5km programmes in my late teens and twenties were about getting fitter but my heart was never really in it. Then there was the 2013 half marathon in memory of Rachel, well my heart wasn’t really in the running bit then either.  Then I started again because it was a way to try and shift some weight and then there was Dopey and London and and and… At some point though my reason for running became running. I run to get out, to enjoy being outside, to explore, to see places, to notice nature, to be healthier. But recently that’s not where my focus has been. It’s been on performance. It’s been on distance, on pace and on measuring ‘better’ by how far I could go and how fast. Sometimes that’s fine I suppose because sometimes running regularly means I am able to go faster and further but mostly it’s not helpful for me to measure ‘better’ by distance and pace. Measuring better or even good in that way just makes me miserable.

I was thinking about all this as I was plodding my way through 4.4 miles using run/walk intervals this early lunchtime. After a few weeks of feeling the pressure of running and of trying to distance myself from the idiocy of about 80% of what I, along with most academics, do at work, I could feel myself slipping towards that place where the sofa becomes the safe space and leaving it gets harder and harder. I was beginning to feel like I wasn’t good at anything and that everything I was doing wasn’t good enough. But of course that’s not true and when I stop to think rather than just feel, I know this. So after a morning of feeling like I couldn’t really get out of bed, postponing our planned adventure to Haworth for a run and eventually going out for breakfast instead I somehow made it out the door for a run. I agreed to running intervals and taking the pressure off.  I didn’t actually want to go at all but I’d run out or energy to argue. 2 minutes running, 30 seconds walking – that seemed doable.

There were bits of the run where I managed to just enjoy being out and being able to move, to feel the wind in my face and be aware of the sweat tingling down the middle of my back. There were moments when seeing the geese grumbling irritably at the swans and their young made me smile and when I remembered to look out for the kingfisher (no luck today). There were stretches where I was completely aware of my body doing what it can to move as effectively as it can, I was aware of my breathing, of my feet striking the towpath lightly and moving off again, my arms moving in harmony with my legs that even at 3.5 miles weren’t feeling the slightest bit tired yet. Running can be the easiest and the hardest thing to do all at the same time. I couldn’t quite get my head out of better being distance and pace because I was pleased to have gone further than the last run and a little annoyed that it was quite slow but also happy it was under 13 minute mile pace. But if we take a healthier, happier definitions of what a good run might be then this was on the right track. It was a good run because I wasn’t miserable, because I enjoyed being out, because I looked around and saw the autumn colours and the ducks and the dogs going about their business.

So I am trying to re-set my mind – to stop thinking about ‘good’ and ‘better’ using traditional or usual measures of progress. And I don’t mean just for running. It’s all about trying to work out what’s important and hanging on to that. How fast I can go is really irrelevant. How far I can go is a little more relevant but actually not much – I can always walk and if how fast doesn’t matter then the how far question is far far less important. So today’s run was the start of refocusing on the things that matter.

 

 

Reboot 5k

Jess GuthLeave a comment

I don’t really like running at the moment. I like that I am running at all – I’d hate to not be running. I am sure I am both physically and mentally much healthier for running but I don’t like it much. I also liked having run this morning and I had a really productive day overall which is probably due in large part to having got out this morning.

I’ve not run consistently really. I need to. I will like it more, or at least hate it less when I do. This morning’s 5k was fairly horrible. Far harder than it should be, far slower than I’d like it to be but it was a run and I will have another run tomorrow and we’ve planned a weekend route which I am really looking forward to actually.

So there – yet another reboot and I hate running but not as much as I’d hate not running

We have to talk about pace – again.

Jess GuthLeave a comment

I have been quietly seething about 2 running related things. Sometimes it takes me a while to realise just how pissed off I am with something but today I realised that I have been seething for a little while.

I think I probably realised because I was quite happy with my pace today. We went for a run at Bolton Abbey. My watch didn’t play. It wouldn’t lock onto satellites and wouldn’t let me start the timer. So the stats from the run are from Kath’s watch – but we ran the same course, started at the same time and finished at the same time which means I ran 4.5 miles in 59.38 on a hilly course. That’s elapsed time not some funny strava hocus pocus which measures the moving time. The previous best elapsed time on that route is 1.03.33 (and spookily a moving time of 59.38). So yeah, I was pleased that the watch confirmed that the route had taken just under an hour. Very pleased indeed. The average pace was 13.20 minutes per mile. Most people would call that slow. I have called that slow, but for this route, on this day, I was bloody happy with that.

This afternoon our new wall planner for training plans and races came so we were putting on the runs we’ve booked in pen and ones we’re thinking about in pencil. A couple of weeks or so ago we had looked at the Haspa Hamburg Half Marathon which would be at the end of April 2018. It’s a nice route, we could stay at my Dad’s and combine the run with a family visit. It’s been ages since we’ve been to Hamburg. It would be fun. Well I thought it would be fun until I saw that the time limit is two and a half hours. TWO AND A HALF HOURS. Two and a half hours from gun time, too – not from when you cross the start line. That’s 11.27 minute miles – not just once but for 13.1 miles consistently and if you can sustain that you’ll still come last(ish). So to make sure of finishing within the time I’d basically have to run 2 minutes per mile faster than I did today. Maybe this shouldn’t piss me off. Maybe that’s fine. Half marathons are for people who can, you know, actually run. But it does piss me off. Half marathons shouldn’t be so bloody elitist. There is no reason to have that cut off time as far as I can see. The marathon runners use some of the same route so it needs to stay open anyway. The marathon starts later so the finish etc all needs to still be open – and if it’s a different finish, well then maybe the route needs to be different so that it is the same finish. Would it really be such a big deal to stay open for longer? I mean really? And how much longer? Well, until the last person has finished might be an idea. Or at the very least let people complete the course on the pavement – here the info actually says you will be asked to move off the course and remove your running number and can’t complete. Gee thanks.

Anyway, that made me think of something I saw the other day on my run. The one where I ran to Bingley 5 Rise Locks and Kath went a bit further – actually I don’t think I blogged about it in any detail. While I was waiting for her to come back a group of school kids arrived on the canal. I paid no attention for some time, trying to block out the constant noise from the little voices. However, it went quiet which made me look up and they’d all disappeared for a little run down the canal. Fine. Then they obviously came back because the volume went up again. I was getting a little cold so I was pacing up and down. One of the teachers said, ‘right, last interval’ and then looked at the last 3 or 4 kids who had only just made it back and said ‘Well you just run as far as you can and we’ll collect you on the way back’. It was so dismissive. He then set off with the front runners, another teacher went with a middle lot and the teacher who was obviously meant to be the back marker couldn’t even be bothered to run with the slow kids. He just sent them on their way and then played on his phone. They didn’t go far before the first of the fast kids were coming back at them and the teacher turned them around and said something – no idea what but the body language of the slow kids changed as they plodded their way back to us and were overtaken by the kids who had run further than them. They hated it. I could see how much they hated it. I felt like giving the teachers a mouthful. I really did. Everything they said and did must just have been so demotivating for those slow kids. They were ignored and  dismissed, nobody said ‘well done’ when they got back to the group, nobody asked how far they’d got, nobody acknowledged their effort (and they had put in some considerable effort judging by their colour and huffing and puffing). The teachers were all engaging with the faster runners and as I decided not to wait any longer but let Kath catch up with me and therefore started my little jog past the group, two of the teachers gave me the same look they’d given the slow kids. I smiled at them, because of course, I am a slow kid and in my own small way I wanted them to know that slow kids have just as much of a right to be doing their thing. Over the last few days though I keep coming back to that dismissive tone of ‘just run as far as you can and we’ll collect you on our way back’. Kath was collecting me on the way back but our conversation had been entirely different in tone. It made me feel good about running my distance and allowing her to run hers. It acknowledged that we could both push ourselves a little that way and as soon as she caught up with me we had a conversation about our respective runs.

The teachers and the other kids just didn’t seem to think that those 3 or 4 slower kids were worth their time or acknowledgement. How dare they be so dismissive.

How dare they.

To Run Every Day – or Not

Jess GuthLeave a comment

Thought I’d posted this on Sunday – obviously not!

Today marks the start of the Ronhill #RunEveryDay October Challenge. We’d talked about this a while ago and thought it might be fun to see how we get on with it. We’ve never really done a run streak and there are of course some pretty good reasons for that – mostly that rest days are pretty important for recovery and for getting stronger and staying injury free. I also don’t think I have the motivation or discipline. While the initial attraction wore off and I’d forgotten all about it, the temptation has sneaked back in now that October is here.

However, the wheels have come off a little in our house. Work has been busy. I know how this works – the terms starts and insanity kicks in for a couple of weeks and everything seems chaotic and too busy and a bit silly. This year is no different but it always gets me. So I’ve been tired and working long hours and Kath, who had been making great progress, has been floored by nothing in particular. So between us making time and finding the headspace and motivation to run has been difficult. I didn’t run all week and I think that is having an impact on my mental health. I need to get out there, it helps me cope.

Last Sunday we went for a run at Bolton Abbey after the 9 mile up and down of the day before, doing one 4 mile loop slowly and with a fair bit of walking was quite enough and I felt quite sore after. On Monday I made it to the gym and stretched loads. That was it for the week. We were thinking about going yesterday but spent most of the day asleep.

This morning we watched the Aussie Rugby League Grand Final and then we went for our run. We were going to go the sheep loop and the first mile was ok but then my feet started hurting, it didn’t really ease with walking either. I’ve tried the Mizuno trail shoes several times now and I keep thinking they’ll be ok but I think I just need to accept that they are too tight for my feet. So 2.2 miles in I gave up and we walked back. Goodness it was nice to take the shoes off and massage my feet!

We had lunch and watched something on telly – can’t even remember what – and then we went out again. We had to nip to the shop to get something for tea and for in the morning because we haven’t been shopping, we weren’t going to be at home this weekend, and thought we might as well run. It was a good 3 mile run at a decent pace. Mile 1 and 3 are pretty even at just under 12 minute mile pace and mile 2 was a bit slower  – probably because it included the downhill where I go a bit bambi-ish. It felt good to go out again and finish on a positive.

We grabbed some crusty bread, smoked salmon and hummus and walked back up the hill. So we covered a total of 8.05 miles today. I actually have some time to run tomorrow and probably on Tuesday, too so I may have a mini run streak. I don’t think I’ll run every day though, I need rest and I need to not be injured. Maybe my October can be #RunMoreDaysThanOtherMonthsButDon’tGoSilly. Catchy that.

Sunday Weigh in News: Last week I’d lost 3 pounds. This week, well if you take my weight this morning it was up by a pound but I couldn’t resist sneaking back on after the second run and if you take that I am the same as last week.

 

Mixed Running with Grumpy Grouse

Jess GuthLeave a comment

I haven’t run all week. I was the queen of excuses. The last run was Sunday and it was miserable. In fact it was barely a run but I guess just getting the first post-holiday run out of the way is a good thing. Then I made excuses all week, partly based on just being a bit busy with a fair amount of travel and long days in the week and just feeling a bit broken. I was going to go to the gym on Tuesday but I felt tired and achey and like any muscle in my body might just snap if I ask anything at all of it. That’s also the reason I didn’t run. I actually took my gym kit to work on Thursday but I never made it across. Friday was, well Friday at the end of a long and busy week and once I got home I didn’t really move off the sofa again.

I get that sometimes you need rest and that a week really isn’t that dramatic even if it comes after 2 weeks holiday but when I don’t run regularly the tiny little bit of confidence I have with this disappears and I start at square 1. So in a week I have managed to convince myself that I cannot run, that a mile is too far, that I should start again with a complete beginners programme or just pack it in completely and that it would probably be a good idea to pull out of the Lakeland Trails challenges coming up in a few weeks. I’m persuasive like that.

I have also been mulling over the numbers on our training plan for this weekend with a mixture of bemusement and terror. 8 miles Saturday, 8 miles Sunday. Perfectly reasonable when you are training for back to back 15/14km runs but not perfectly reasonable when you have convinced yourself that you can’t run to the postbox at the end of your road. I knew I’d either have to do it or make excuses today. So I decided that Kath and I hadn’t really seen each other all week and a slow morning with coffee and breakfast in bed was just what we needed. There we are. Making decisions about running that utterly impossible distance put off!

At lunch time our decorator (he’s awesome, if you ever need one locally, give us a shout) was coming round to have a look at some work we need and once he left I didn’t have any credible excuses left. Now all we needed was a route. I don’t think either of us fancied the canal towpath with the potential for lots of people walking. Instead we decided to go up to Ilkley Moor. Now this might have added to the terror usually but actually, cynically, I just thought it was ok because it meant I could legitimately walk more! I think looking at the profile you can see my justification for walking!

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We walked up the hill with a couple of little jogs. Goodness that was hard. I felt fairly miserable and inadequate just walking up! But it’s hard to be too grumpy surrounded by the slightly moody beginnings of Ilkley Moor. There were birds around, all sorts of birds and a fair amount of very suspicious sheep. I couldn’t see any grouse but I could hear their grumbles in the distance and it made me laugh. Once on the path on the moor we set off running. The path is made up of big stone flags through the bog. I loved running that stretch. I had to concentrate on where I was putting my feet but it felt sort of methodical and purposeful and not too hard (I was running at a pace that was easy for me physically because I had to concentrate on placing my feet). Right up on the moor the grouse grumbles were louder and more plentiful and I couldn’t help but giggle to myself and try and look for the owners of those voices. I couldn’t take my eyes off the path for long though so I only saw one or two coming in to land. I really enjoyed miles 3 and 4 and the first bit of mile 5. Then we started going downhill. At just before 4 miles Kath had asked me whether we should do the loop or turn back and retrace our steps to do an out and back 8 miles. I should have said turn back!

The first bit of downhill was ok and I found my rhythm and kept moving. Then it got steep, very steep and there were steps of sorts but as regular readers will know, I am terrified of downhill. I had a couple of moments where I nearly froze and felt like I couldn’t move but move I did and eventually, somehow, we reached the bottom. I didn’t hear any grouse but maybe that’s because I was whimpering more loudly than they were grumbling. I’d tensed everything up and could feel niggles setting in everywhere: knees, ankles, feet, shoulders, hips… we walked a bit more and then tried a few little runs but I was struggling  – more mentally than physically. We picked up the road back up from Ilkley for a very short stretch and then we could have kept going on that or take the footpath straight up the hill which is shorter but steeper. I suggested the footpath because I wanted to keep practising and keep being positive and pushing myself. About half way up I wished I hadn’t. I felt a bit sick and my hips were screaming at me to stop. The top came eventually after a few stops to admire the view and fight back the tears. There were grouse, I could hear them again.

We walked the rest of the track/road, came through the gate marking the start (or rather end, for us) of Ilkley Moor proper as two women were trying to retrieve their dog from somewhere it shouldn’t have been in the first place with very limited success. We started jogging down towards home grumbling about people not keeping their dogs under control. I was pleasantly surprised I could still run (although whether it was actually recognisable as ‘running’, I have no idea). Just as I thought I might have to ask for a walk in spite of actually being on a downhill section, we saw them: 2 grouse on the wall – male and female I think and they were more interested in each other than us so Kath managed to get a picture. They gave me a little boost to run a bit more.

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We had a little walk just over half way down to have a sip of water and then again to walk up the little hill. I was struggling to get going again. I didn’t want to run but I wanted to be home so I just kept counting to 8 over and over again and tried not to think at all, just count, just focus on the repetitive footfall and numbers. I got home. 9.2 miles of mixed emotions, of loving and hating running, of thinking I can do anything to allowing some self doubt back in.

I have had some food and a bath and I’ve stretched a little (more later) and on reflection, it was a good run.  I can feel it, I worked hard, I may ache tomorrow but I am not as broken as I felt when we first got home. Lots to learn from, lots of positives and stunning views and most of all I remember the sound of the grouse who cheered us on in their grumbly sort of way all the way round. They sort of sound like they are enjoying grumpily and grudgingly telling a story to someone who is a bit short of time. I love that noise and I love that I can enjoy it minutes from our home.