Ugh I am struggling with the running thing at the moment. I did go on Tuesday – it was hilly and not pretty but I went. I also went today – supposedly for some speed work. We haven’t done any for ages so thought we’d try 4 x 400 metres with 2 minute rest in-between. We jogged down to the canal as a warm up and that was actually quite nice apart from the steep downhill bit where I suddenly panicked about falling and decided to walk.
As we set off for the first 400 metre ‘sprint’ (hahahahaha) I got a really sharp pain in my tummy that spread from bottom right and had me doubled over for a few seconds. It eased. I wanted to go home, no that’s not quite right. I wanted to be home. Instead though we re-set the watch and tried again. We went off slower this time but still pushing the pace but with only about 100 metres to go my resolve and will power crumbled and I just gave up and stopped. I cried, I swore and then we finished that interval. I finished the 4 x 400 metres but not as speed work – just putting one foot in front of the other without having a total meltdown was hard enough. We changed the route so it was actually quite hilly and we could feed our sheep on the way round.
So it all feels like the running is unravelling. I am getting slower and the distance I can do seems to be getting shorter but I’m just trying really hard to keep the faith, keep trusting the training and grinding out these horrible runs. The next planned run is Saturday – a longer run on a hilly but stunning route. Bizarrely I am looking forward to it. Or maybe I’m looking forward to having done it, to having a positive story to tell at last, to stop being a disappointment. I’m going to try 2 minute/ 1 minute intervals because they seem safe, they’re my Dopey intervals. FFS I did Dopey, I can run 400 metres. I can. Except when I can’t.