…it was pretty horrible. But I ran. So that’s good. It means that I have managed 2 back to back days of actually doing something. I have an extra day off today. The University gives us a number of what they call grace and favour days that follow a bank holiday. Today is one of them. That means that there were really no excuses about time or when a run might fit in or anything else my brain might come up with. I had a couple of things to do this morning, as did Kath and then she had a couple of things to post so we walked to the parcel drop off and then the post office and then did an out and back run/walk along the canal.

Walking down my feet hurt. I was wearing my new(ish) Brooks Cascadias – I am not sure about them really. They feel hard and unforgiving compared to any of my other Brooks. So maybe I am not going to move over to all Brooks. I like the road shoes but maybe they’re not right for me for trail shoes. We’ll see. So after some adjustment of the laces at the post office we set off along the canal. 30 second run/walk intervals. I started reading a run Disney book last night so I was trying to think about the advice in there. One was to slow down. Most beginner runners go too fast. Well I might not be a beginner runner and it feels like if I slow down any more I’ll be going backwards but the author is right, going at a slower pace means it’s marginally less vile. The other bit I read was about thinking like a runner…. Hm. What they mean here is focusing on the positive self talk, the mental tricks we can play, the distractions and the way we use what our body is telling us to adjust or react. So instead of ‘oh I am out of breath, this is so hard, I can’t do it’ you think ‘My breathing is a bit laboured, can I slow down a little to be more comfortable, can I relax anywhere to reduce some tension, oh look I’ve already done one mile’. So a little while into the run I remembered what I had read and tried the self-talk – here’s how that went for me:

‘Hey you, look at you, you’re out running. Well done’

‘Really? We’re doing this are we? We’re trying the self talk. Weirdo’

‘No seriously, well done. You’ve got this. It’s just 45 minutes’

‘Ok, we’re doing this. By the way, your calf hurts’

‘No it’s ok, just a bit tight it’ll ease’

‘Hahaha, you’re funny. Out of breath much?’

‘It’s ok, everything is fine, can I slow down a bit maybe’

‘Yep, we can do slow’

‘Where can I relax? Where am I tense?’

‘EVERYWHERE’

‘Oh come on, that’s not true’

At that point Kath said something and made me jump because I’d sort of forgotten she was there. I never really went back to my inner dialogue (monologue?) but I sort of imagine it as a conversation between Joy from the Pixar Film Inside Out and another emotion (character) – I am not quite sure what she is but I imagine her dressed all in black with stunning black eyeliner and a sort of perpetually bored ‘Whatever’ kind of demeanour. She’s not unkind, sometimes a little too sarcastic and calls it as she sees it. Optimism and enthusiasm aren’t really her thing. If you know Lily from DuoLingo – maybe a bit like her. Anyway, the conversation had got me to a mile or so.

With about 10 minutes to go I started finding it really hard and I was annoyed at that because running for 45 minutes, never mind run/walk for 45 minutes didn’t used to be hard. I tried to remind myself that I’ve just got to take me as I am now and also that 10 minutes in to the run I didn’t think I was going to be able to keep going much longer and yet here I was 25 minutes later still going. I counted down the run segments and it began to feel possible. Kath helped encouraging me along and I thought that actually running in the rain was quite nice. Before I knew it there were only 2 run segments left and it suddenly felt doable. Ah yes, the impossible – this is fun part of impossible. I am trying to take the win. I got out, I ticked off 45 minutes and while it wasn’t exactly fun (it was horrible), there wasn’t really any drama either. I am trying not to think about pace. It feels like I am working really really hard just to be at least 2 minutes a mile slower than my comfortable long run pace used to be and I have to adjust to that new normal. I know that with consistency, a stronger pace will probably come. So it’s about patience – and we all know I have an abundance of patience (ahem).

Anyway, the ‘exercise lifts your mood and gives you energy’ tribe will be pleased. I feel much more positive and I have sprung into action making bread and granola and sorting out some writing stuff. So it seems the way to being Little Dr Positive Pants is to put on running pants and then use them for their intended purpose rather than curl up under a blanket on the sofa.