Author: Jess Guth

Dr Jess Guth is a Legal Academic. She blogs at jessguth.com She also doesn't really run - reallynotarunner.com

Can’t be bothered

Jess Guth6 Comments

Am I falling out of love with running? Actually, if I’m honest I was never really in love with running. I am struggling to find the motivation. I have only been out once this week and actually that was a great run – we went uphill and it was hard, proper hard, but I got further up the hill before stopping than I ever have before and I ran back down faster than I ever have before. I had that slightly smug achey feeling for a couple of days after and the run completely cleared my head.

But yesterday I couldn’t be bothered and today I can’t be bothered. It’s all odd because I am looking forward to the long run at the weekend. It’s the runs during the week that I just can’t motivate myself to do. It’s the routine ones I am struggling with.

I just read my first post on this blog – it talked about honesty and telling it like it is. So here it is: I can’t be bothered. Today I am not excited about running the London Marathon. Not because I don’t think I can do it or whatever, just because I can’t be bothered. I know that if I went out and ran I’d feel better, but I can’t be bothered. Today, right now, I couldn’t care less about running or about how it makes me feel better or what an achievement it is, how far I’ve come or any of that. I just can’t be bothered, with any of it.

Sorry.

Some Marathon Advice/Thoughts

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Alright alright, I know. Who the heck am I to give any kind of advice about running a marathon. Well that’s exactly what I thought but in the online running Club I joined (The Clubhouse – it will re-open for new members in April with a new look and programme including expert input, challenges etc – looking forward to it) there are a few of us training for marathons and a few people doing their first marathon. One lovely lady was having a marathon sized and shaped panic this morning and it made me reflect on how I feel about London looming. In 10 weeks it will all be over so how do I feel?

I am mostly calm. I am worried about the patchy training. I am a little concerned about the next training run which is a ‘get the train to Leeds and run home’ kind of a deal but I realised that I am totally calm about the event itself. So here’s what I know and what is keeping my calm

  1. Trust in the training. You have to train for a marathon unless you are some insanely fit freak who has a natural running ability. You have to train but no training plan ever really goes completely to plan. I met so many people doing the Dopey Challenge who missed runs, who were injured at some stage or who just didn’t get their butts out as much as they’d wanted to but they all finished. It’s about getting out there, doing the long runs as best you can and then trusting in that on the day.
  2. Clothes are more important than you realise. You don’t want to have to think about clothes at all while running. They shouldn’t be a thing so everything has to fit and be comfy. It has to be perfect. I ran the Dopey 5km in 3/4 pants I hadn’t worn for running before because I wanted to wear them round the parks after and not have to get changed. BIG mistake. They chafed massively on my tummy where the cord sat to tie them – and this was only a 5k! For London I will wear my trusted marathon pants and either the T-shirt I have worn for a half marathon and the Dopey marathon or possibly a charity top if I train in it on a long run before then.
  3. Knickers – Some of my comfiest knickers are horrendous for running in. Don’t know why but they chafe. Work our which are good running knickers and which are not
  4. Socks – I am so lucky to have really resilient feet. My little toes were mangled after Dopey but everything else was fine. But like everything else, you have to know that your socks and also your socks and trainers combination works.
  5. Running belts etc. I don’t even notice my running belt is there but make sure that you train with roughly the same stuff in it as you will have in it on the day – it feels different when it is full than when it is empty. Just remember that different isn’t a good thing on marathon day
  6. The Wall – is it worth worrying about? Not sure it is. Chances are we will hit it at some point. I was really concerned about the WALL before Dopey. Now I couldn’t care less. I hit the wall so so early during the Dopey marathon  – at around mile 5 – and I finished. Try and see the wall as this thing that will be there for a little bit of the course, it’s part of the marathon. That’s that. It has no bearing on whether you finish or not.
  7. Mantras: I have them, I use them when it gets tough. They’re useful but also remember to allow in new thoughts and new mantras as you run. I started with a ‘there are no hills at Disney’ mantra and ended up with ‘not a real hill – this is Disney’ when I was faced with a slope or two!
  8. Target times: However much people say they just want to finish, I can’t quite believe that. Everyone will have a time in mind. That’s not to say that they won’t genuinely be proud (and rightly so) if they ‘just finish’ but I bet everyone has a ‘I’d like to do it in…’. I did. I wanted, really really wanted, 6 hours for Dopey. That wasn’t to be. That’s fine. I’m a little disappointed but mostly I am bloody proud. So, London. I just want to finish but I’d really like to finish in less than 6 hours. Really like to. I will use that target time to keep an eye on my pace, make sure I go slow at the beginning and maybe to help me speed up a little towards the end but it’s a marathon. It’s not about doing it fast, it’s just about doing it.
  9. Fuelling: Because I now know what works for me in the run up to a marathon, right before it and during it I am not panicking. You’ll need to work out what works for you but eating plenty of good carbs like pasta and veggies like broccoli etc  the days leading up to the run works, porridge about 90 minutes before running works (this is tricky given the long wait to cross the start line etc but basically means eating a porridge pot on the way to the start line) and then having a banana shortly before setting off works and my porridge bars work for during the run.
  10. Water stations etc – I am happy to take water at fairly random intervals – I haven’t trained for specific points and I am happy to take them as they come. That worked before, it works in training, it will work for London
  11. Maybe the key thing is that I have gone the distance before – maybe that gives me a huge advantage but I am not sure. I don’t really believe I can do this any more than I did last time – except that I sort of do. It’s hard to explain. I do not believe I am the sort of person who can run a marathon but I absolutely believe I will complete London. I am stressing about all sorts of things like reaching the fundraising target (you can help with that here), doing the course justice and being able to enjoy it, doing better than last time, not getting injured in the next few weeks, people laughing at me… but I am not stressing about getting it done. If I can get my arse out and train for these next few weeks then I’ll do the 26.2 miles on the day.
  12. Don’t underestimate the power of support – whether that’s from the crowd on the day, people tracking you and sending you messages of support, people who have sponsored you. I thought a lot about that support during the Dopey. It helps more than you can imagine
  13. Look around, soak it up and love every second. This is actually my biggest aim for London. I did this on the Dopey Half Marathon and I have such warm fuzzy memories of that run – even the really tough bits. I forgot to do that for much of the marathon. I had to be reminded every now and again but by then my head just wasn’t in it anymore. Look around and smile. You’re running a marathon, you’re fucking awesome.

6 Times 1 Mile – and lots of swearing

Jess Guth1 Comment

I haven’t blogged for a while. I’ve been grumpy about running, then about not running and then about running again. I’m just not feeling it. I had a horrendous cold and after not running at all for a while finally managed to get myself out for 45 minutes at the start of this week. It was slow and it was awful and I skillfully managed to avoid going again on Thursday and again on Friday morning. Yep, the queen of excuses is back. Today I ran out of excuses. I knew I had to go. I need to get my running sparkle back. I have a marathon in 10 weeks for fucks sake – just get your fat arse out there and run.

So, we got back from feeding our sheep and moving our ram to another field and Kath just said we should go immediately, no sitting down, having half a bagle, sitting a bit to digest that and then go (or think of an excuse) – no, just go. I couldn’t think of a plausible reason to say no. So we went. We did 6 x 1 mile with 5 minute walking inbetween. So the idea is that you run the mile a bit faster than your normal long run pace (or run/walk) so for me that means that I try and run the full mile without walking. No run/walk intervals today, just me and one fucking long mile six fucking times. Here’s how it went

Mile 1: Fuck off, just fuck off

Mile 2: Downhill, I hate running downhill, I hate running actually

Mile 3:This is not fucking funny

Beginning of Mile 4: Ok, ok breathe, you’re ok

End of Mile 4: Seriously now, fuck off

Beginning of Mile 5: I HATE running

Middle of Mile 5: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

End of Mile 5: I’m miserable, I am actually really fucking miserable

Start of Mile 6: Last one, come on, last one, yay, last one – fuck a mile’s a long way

3/4 of a mile left: FUCK

1/2 mile left: This mile is fucking endless

1/4 mile left: I’m gonna puke

Finish: I seriously might puke

2 minutes after finish: Haven’t puked – have to walk up hill

Top of hill: Can I cry now?

Home: I am not ever doing that again, it’s just fucking stupid

After hot bath and food: That wasn’t too bad, when are we running tomorrow?

So I am sort of glad that I went. My lungs are still full of crap and I am caughing it all up as a type (nice!). Now it is just about getting my head right and getting back in the routine of two 45 minute weekly runs and the long weekend runs. Let’s just not think about the really long one coming up next weekend. Let’s just pretend that’s weeks away!

 

Colds, post Dopey and pre London thoughts

Jess Guth5 Comments

I cannot shake off the stupid cold and it is doing my head in. I actually want to be out there running. I also cannot decide whether or not this is life post Dopey or whether this is life pre London. Yep that’s right, London.

Some of you will know that as part of the Countdown to Christmas challenge run by The Fat Girls’ Guide to Running I ‘won’ a place for the London Marathon. As I understand it the fabulouse Julie had teamed up with the Ron Pickering Memorial Fund and had 5 places available for London. Well one of them came to me and as Kath was also still looking for a place, Julie agreed that another could go to her. We looked at the required fundraising etc and decided that in spite of having just done a challenge and asked for people’s support we could manage the fundraising. We paid our fees and got very excited, then tried to park any thoughts about London until after Dopey.

I am still in post Dopey blues I think. I keep checking the RunDisney site, the facebook group I joined and blogs I bookmarked. I pick up and hold my medal every now and again and I keep meaning to go through our photos but end up just flicking through them not really quite knowing what to do with myself. We drew up a training plan for the London marathon to start when we came back from Florida but we haven’t really got going with that yet because I have this silly cold. We’ve done a couple of runs but nothing major.

So I need to snap out of Dopey mode and into London mode. So here’s the revised plan which is based on me basically not being able to do anything much for this coming week as well as some weekend plans we’ve already made. Every week we will do two runs of 45 minutes and then the longer training runs at the weekend as follows

Week 1: 5 miles

Week 2: 6 x 1 mile (as fast as possible with 5 mins walking inbetween)

Week 3: 17 miles

Week 4: 6 miles

Week 5: Keighley 10km

Week 6: 20 miles

Week 7: 6 miles

Week 8: 20 miles

Week 9: 7 miles

week 10: 6 x 1 mile as above

week 11: 7 miles

week 12: MARATHON

More on the plans for London, the Ron Pickering Memorial Fund – charity we’ll be running for and some of our fundraising efforts soon but for now I need to find some more tissues.

Oh and it is Sunday – weigh in day. I am exactly the same as last week.

 

The Fat Girls’ Guide to Running Runner of the Month

Jess Guth9 Comments

Hm, so I’m The Fat Girls’ Guide to Running‘s Runner of the Month. I am absolutely chuffed to bits that someone in the Clubhouse nominated me and that everyone seemed to agree that I should be it. Chuffed to bits but bemused… so let me explain. Oh and just a warning – I have got a hideous cold, I haven’t been out running, I should have been going to a party to celebrate one of the most loveliest and most supportive people I know and I’m not because of this cold and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and emotional and have been thinking too much.

I mentioned that before Christmas I decided to sign up for the Countdown to Christmas challenge run by Julie Creffield – the woman behind the too fat to run brand who runs the Fat Girls’ Guide to Running community and its virtual running club called the Clubhouse. I thought a challenge that had me doing something health and fitness related every day in December would give me something positive to focus on while I was off work sick and trying to get my head screwed on right. Well I loved the Countdown to Christmas – and I was surprised that I did. I am not a hugely sociable person. I roll my eyes at online clubs and communities and I wasn’t expecting to really like the people. I was there for the challenges… Anyway, the people on that countdown were just lovely and many already belonged to the Clubhouse – so I signed up.

What I got from the Clubhouse was immediate and unconditional support. Support from women who know what it is like to put your running gear on and then sit on the sofa and cry because you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror; women who have the same fears, anxieties and questions. I instantly felt that I could share that we were not only attempting the marathon but the Dopey Challenge – not something I had wanted to share with anyone else. I had been a member for less than a month – just a couple of weeks in fact when we did Dopey and the Clubhouse community made it less scary. I posted updates and comments about how I was feeling before and after every race and I drew a huge amount of energy from the supportive messages that came back. Not something I would have thought was possible before I joined. The group even tracked me on marathon day posting updates to keep the group informed. It’s hard to explain what that means to me – you know the me that was always always picked last at sports because nobody really wanted the crap fat kid on the team – suddenly there is a whole group of people who are right behind you, believe you can do it and desperately want you to succeed.

So the Clubhouse is currently the best £10 per month I spend on my health and wellbeing but I am totally bemused by the Runner of the Month thing. The intro calls me incredible and speaks of determination and grit, amazing and awesome are other words used. Words I struggle to link to me or me running Dopey. Yes I ran Dopey, I really did, and I go look at the medal every now and again to check I didn’t dream it – but I just did what I did. I’m not special, I don’t warrant all this… when I think about this my brain just refuses to acknowledge that Dopey is a big deal. But it is. 48.6 miles in 4 days a year after not being able to run at all is a massive deal and I would be so so proud of anyone who did that. In fact I am so proud of Kath who took every single step with me, so proud of each and every one of my fellow 2016 Dopeys, so proud of the lovely Jacqui who ran the last third of the half marathon with us and yet I am somehow not really proud of myself. You see I’m just me and I’m not an awesome, amazing incredible woman with grit and determination, I’m just me. And maybe that’s the point that’s important here.

You see, if  little (ok large) average me can complete the Dopey Challenge then you can too – whoever you are and whatever you think you can and can’t do right now. So I’m trying to welcome the limelight and attention from being Runner of the Month but I’d like to think of it like this: What I did was awesome, what I did was amazing and incredible, what all of us Dopeys did over those 4 days three weeks ago was a fucking huge deal BUT and you better be paying attention to this – BUT I am no different to you. I have the same self-doubt, the same anxieties, the same ‘I can’t do this’ days and the same ‘fuck it I’ll have a glass of wine and another chocolate’ attitude. You see, if you see me as some sort of superwoman you are giving yourself permission to not try, to keep sitting on the sofa, to not change – if you recognise me for what I really am, just another overweight woman giving it a go, then we can go on this rollercoaster of a running journey together just putting one foot in front of the other as fast or slow as we want for as long as we want and that is fucking awesome.