Hmph

I’ve had several titles for this blog post going through my head for most of today. Amongst them ‘9 Mile Meltdown’, ‘No 9 miles’, ‘Can’t do 9 miles’… As you may guess, today didn’t go well. Of course it didn’t. I have been doing far too well generally, feeling pretty good about running, looking after myself, sleeping better and eating yummy healthy stuff for most of the time. So just to avoid any sort of complacency  and to remind me that I have some way to go to regain my mental health fully, my mind decided it wasn’t going to play nice today.

I woke up fine, Kath even brought me porridge in bed and then I got sorted. I felt more nervous about the distance than I expected and my tummy was a little unsettled but we were going and that was fine. We left the car at my Mum’s because she lives at the bottom of the hill and we thought at the end of 9 miles we might not want to have to drag ourselves up the hill. Then we were going to catch the bus to the station and the train to Skipton and then run back. Well the bus didn’t come when it was due and the live departure board suggested it was still 12 minutes out. We waited a bit longer and there was no sign of the bus which meant that we would now miss the train and would soon be in danger of missing the next one too. So we gave up on the Skipton idea and decided to just run along the canal towards Bingley and then back. I felt relatively settled and ok with that idea.

With that we set the watch to 3 minute running and 1 minute walking and set off. We’d run less than a minute when I burst into tears. Not really sure why but I was just overwhelmed with the feeling of not being able to do it. Not just a few little doubts and tears, you understand, oh no, full blown sobbing, snotty, blotchy face kind of a mess. We gave up, went to the co-op for cheesy rolls and bacon, went home, made sarnies and coffee and sulked. Well I sulked.

Actually the rest of the day hasn’t been too bad. We got our shopping done and have deep cleaned a lot of the house in a, probably futile, attempt to get our cats’ fleas under control. I’ve spent a lot of time dusting, vacuuming, and combing cats with a flea comb and drowning fleas in a glass of water. Doesn’t sound like much – BUT  I have spent maybe 10% of my day on the sofa and when I have been on the sofa, like now, I’ve spent it watching the dressage phase of the Olympic 3 day eventing. This is good. This is progress. So although my mind had a bit of a hissy fit this morning, I don’t feel too bad now. The 9 miles will still be there another day. We may try tomorrow but Kath has a sore knee, so we may not. We’ll see. I’m a little grumpy about the run and I think the title of this post sums it up nicely. Hmph!

 

Reflections and 9 mile musings

Well I have now had a bit of time to reflect on my earlier run and also to think about the next one on the training plan – 9 miles. So, reflections first.

I am still very happy that I managed to do the backwards sheep loop as planned. I think I just needed to get that one out of the way. At just over 5k it really shouldn’t be a big deal but it was. I set off a little slower this time and then got slower but I didn’t walk. The first mile down the hill and along the canal was quite comfortable really. I again started struggling a little just before we crossed the canal bridge and up the hill to the golf course car park. Then I walked up the hill, quietly and determinedly. I hardly felt like I had my breath back when we set of again but then I had to concentrate on where I was putting my feet as I made my way down the path trying to follow Kath who seemed so much more sure footed than me.

The hardest bit was coming up the road after leaving the track past our sheep field and I really wasn’t sure I’d make it to the top and the downhill. Kath was encouraging all the way and I don’t think I would have made it up the slope without her constant talking. I got my breath back a little going downhill and then I took a deep breath and started up Ilkley Road. One foot in front of the other. At just over half way up Kath asked if I wanted to walk and my legs screamed’YES’ but I kept going and I got there and then I sat on the back steps for about 10 minutes before my legs could be trusted to carry my weight again. For my efforts I have awarded myself the Red Shorts medal from the Virtual Shorts series.

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Next is our 9 miler. We are planning on doing it tomorrow. We’re going to get the train out to Skipton and run back along the canal. I am looking forward to it. 9 miles is a bloody long way but it doesn’t seem too scary. I shall just plod my way along using run/walk intervals and see how we go. I’m hoping we might see a heron or two and general canal life. The last time I did a 9 mile run was last August and that seemed a positive run. I wrote about it here and reflected on the run in the posts which followed that one. Well, let’s see how we go. Anything under 2 hours would be fab.

One Big Fat Run

The last weekend of the month means it’s One Big Fat Run (#OBFR) time. #OBFR is a monthly virtual 5k. You can read more about it via the link above or search for it on Facebook. Anyway, the plan was to do 6 x 800 metres with 3 minute walk breaks in-between as my #OBFR – it would amount to nearly 5k of running and would overall be more in terms of distance – but close enough. Alternatively, if we also managed to get out for a 45  run on Sunday, I’d use that. We set off on Saturday, walked down to the canal and set off for the first 800 metres. All fine. Then we walked for 3 minutes, turned round a little earlier than we really wanted so as not to get tangled up with a group of dog walkers, set off running for the second 800 metres. All fine for the first 500 metres. Then I felt a little niggle along my left shin. Then, with maybe 150 metres to go, a sharp pain across my left shin and simultaneously a twinge just below my butt on the right. It brought me to a halt.

I was so upset and pissed off. Just when the running was actually going quite well I was going to be injured. I had a little panic and strop and walked home grumpily. There was no pain when walking and no pain when I ran my hand across my shin – so maybe it was ok after all. I did a few stretches on Saturday and had a busy day in the garden. I then did almost nothing at all on Sunday other than a walk to the sheep. I felt a bit crappy for not getting my #OBFR done at the weekend but I slept lots so maybe I just needed a rest.

Today we went out at lunchtime to run a 45 minute loop. We did our sheep loop the ‘wrong’ way round. We set off and it was fine, no pain and feeling relatively comfortable. I managed to run downhill slowly without too much of a panic and settled in along the canal. Mile 1 was fine. We had agreed before that we would walk up the golf course from the car park but that still meant I had to get up to the car park! I started struggling from probably about a mile and a half in. I don’t think I was struggling physically, I think it was all in my head and I couldn’t make my legs go faster or even keep at the pace I was at. I was still breathing fine and my legs were a little heavy but ok but my brain wouldn’t work. As we crossed the canal bridge and started the shortish sharpish hill to the car park I thought I’d never make it but gave myself a bit of a talking to, gritted my teeth and pushed. I got to the top and then we walked.

At this point everything sort of hurt but not really. I didn’t really want to walk up the golf course, I most certainly didn’t want to have to start running again when I got to the top. But to the top I did eventually get and run I did. Slowly. I knew I was physically fine. I wasn’t finding it physically hard – I knew this because I was breathing fine and my legs felt ok and yet my brain was telling me that it was far too hard and I couldn’t do it and I needed to walk. I didn’t walk, not yet. We made it past the sheep and up the little slope when Kath called a walk break. I’d just surrendered here and did as I was told. I didn’t want to think or make decisions. I was quite happy to run when told and walk when told. Kath took us towards home with 1minute/1minute run/walk intervals. As we hit the bottom of Ilkley Road something clicked in my brain and I decided I wanted to run home from there – up the slope, all the way, just because I can. At times for those last few minutes it felt like I was going backwards. Any slower and I would have been rooted to the spot. I was screaming at myself (in my head, not out loud, I don’t think) to just stop and walk and then screaming back that I didn’t bloody well want to walk.

So with head down and terrible running form I pushed up the last little bit of the hill and turned the corner into our road. I looked up, straightened my back and kept putting one foot in front of the other and just as the watch beeped for 45 minutes I stepped onto our drive. 3.23miles, one of my slowest 45 minutes ever but done.

This run was not about being physically able to run a certain time or distance – I am perfectly capable of running 45 minutes or 5km. This run was all about the mental. Running is mostly about learning to take your mind with a pinch of salt and not believing everything it tells you. I am far more likely to be convinced by the negative messages about not being able to do it than I am by the positives. When I am not in a good frame of mind and when I have self-doubt I need to really focus on doing the opposite of mind over matter because it’s my mind that needs pushing on and/or ignoring. I proved to myself that I can do that today by running up Ilkley Road when before that, really, I’d given up. I’m proud of that because not so long ago I would have given up on the golf course and just walked home. Now I just need to find a way to get to that point sooner. I need to think about what changed mentally when I turned into Ilkley Road. What made me decide that I wanted to and decide that I can? What made me lose it on the golf course? Up to that point I’d struggled but managed to keep pushing. What could I have done there to make the walk a positive (it was planned in anyway) and then keep running after without having to drop into intervals? Why can’t it just be simple – you know like run a certain distance regularly = distance becomes easy…

Still #OBFR is a fabulous thing. Without it I may have come up with all sorts of excuses to not run at all today and it gives me a monthly 5k marker which gives me the opportunity to reflect on all things running and most of all it reminds me that there are lots of others at various stages of their own running journeys and we’re not in this on our own.

7 uneventful miles

Uneventful is good. When it comes to running, uneventful is definitely good. But the 7 mile run wasn’t good. It was a bit urgh. I decided we should up the running segments of our intervals to 3 minutes. We set off when Kath finished work at 3pm and walked to the sheep, fed them and then set off – that meant that our little killer slope up to the wood before the golf course was right at the start of the run. It was fine though.

We tootled along going fine for a bit and eventually passed what I think was about 2.5 miles. It was all fine, if a bit warm. Not long after my right foot rolled awkwardly off a stone and my right hip/lower back twinged. It was niggly from there and really painful on the last run. But I got there. We ran an average pace on 13.07 so it took us just over an hour and a half. It then took me a rather long time to walk back up the hill.

We’ve stretched and my hip/back feel much better. That was not a run to remember but it’s 7 miles done!

More Not Stopping

Right, still going with the plan, still managing to get out and run. This is, I think, the most consistent running streak since London (and maybe even since before London).  We were going to go this morning after doing our food shop but it was hot. Or rather neither of us really felt like going and it was hot enough to use it as an excuse.

We sat and had coffee and a dark chocolate and courgette bun instead – have I told you about these buns? I must check and if I haven’t already, I will share the recipe. They are one of the most delicious treats on the planet and the recipe came out of a Runners’ World so they must be good for you (hm!?!). Anyway, I was perfectly happy not running and pottering about in the garden (mostly chatting to our neighbours rather than actually doing anything useful) and about 12.30pm I suggested lunch and Kath suggested a run. It had clouded over and was cooler than it had been in the morning and there was a pleasant little breeze. It made sense. Still, I liked my suggestion better.

I agreed to go though because otherwise I’d spend the rest of the day wondering about how I might get out of running today – best to just get it done. We set off  – sheep loop again  -and today I wanted to run for 45 minutes non-stop. I figured if I could run 5k without stopping in just over 40 minutes 2 days ago, I could do 45 minutes. And I can. I settled in quickly and it felt nice to be out and though warm, the breeze was enough to make it pleasant. Mile 1 went fine and even the slope up to the wood just before the golf course wasn’t too bad. I also managed to not slow down to ‘walking a small dog with tiny legs pace’ going down hill and then we hit the towpath. Someone had stolen all the air. It wasn’t much warmer but the breeze had gone and it felt really humid. Hm. Had I known I would never have gone. I hate humidity.

Not a lot I could do though so I kept going. Half way came and then 2 miles and a little while later we turned round. I still felt ok actually and was breathing pretty evenly. the 3 mile beep came and we went through 5k in 39.15 which is 1.5 minutes quicker than 2 days ago and then just kept plodding along until the 45 minutes were up. I even managed to speed up a bit over the last 2 minutes with another push in the last 30 seconds. Average pace of 12.33 minutes per mile. Happy with that.