As I write this there are gorgeous smells coming from the kitchen where Kath is making healthy blueberry bran muffins as well as our late lunch/early tea of quorn chilli; we’ve had a lovely morning (after a very long sleep for me) at Bolton Abbey where we went for a roughly 3 mile walk and we have spent most of the time talking about training, the runs we’d like to do from home as well as from starting locations locally. I am in a much better place mentally today. A number of things have contributed to that.
2. It is Sunday which means weigh-in day and I have lost another pound. If I can shift another 2.2 pound I will drop into the next stone and it is exciting to see that first number go down rather than be an irritating and slightly depressing constant. I will be close to being the lightest I have been in over 3 years and not far off being the lightest I have been in over 18 years.
3. Our next run will be the first run of our marathon training programme. Now yesterday this freaked me out. Today I am excited about this. I am even more excited because Kath has bought me some smiley star stickers so I can mark of each run (yes, I know I probably need to get out more – but smiley star shaped stickers!). Here is the first page, blank. I’ll post again when it is full of happy little stars
4. Our first ‘race’ is two weeks today. That was just stupid yesterday but today I see it differently. Today I see it as part of my learning curve. It won’t be fast, in fact it will be very slow but it has been a very long time since I’ve run in a crowd, the timings for when to eat, when to pee, when to warm up…. are all different so it will be a great, if difficult experience. I know I can do the distance. I’ve done it twice now in the last 4 weeks and once I did it when I really really wasn’t in a happy running place.
So, yesterday running made me miserable, and it really did. Today I feel better. Today I am pleased that the 6.5 miles yesterday haven’t resulted in any niggles or even stiffness. My legs were a little tight but the walk sorted that. Today I am proud of how far I’ve come and (while still totally unfit) how much fitter I am than I was. I am back in that tiny little zone in my head that knows that I can do most things I really put my mind to. It’s a little zone, a tiny one, one that I don’t manage to get myself into very often, one that shuts the door on my depressive black Labrador and on all the doubts, questions and negativity. It’s the zone that knows that this girl can and it is the zone that is learning to shout and be heard over all that other crap. So, Leeds: here’s my number. Look out for me. I won’t be running fast but I will be running because I have decided I am doing this so whether I can or not is actually irrelevant, I am doing it.