As I mentioned I went to the doctor on Monday and I am signed off work. It is odd being off work without being the kind of ill that requires me to stay in bed or whatever. It feels wrong and I am struggling with that and I am feeling guilty about not being at work. At the same time I know I am not ok and not well enough to work. So  I mean building strength in both the physical and the mental sense.

Today we started a 4 day section of our training programme which aims to build strength and stamina. It consists of 4 days of back to back running/walking with mileage increasing. We started with a 45 minute run today and went to Bolton Abbey to do it. I have described the route previously. I enjoyed it today. We started by running for 11 minutes without a break – we decided it was about time we tried that out because the chances of being able to drop straight into our planned intervals for the marathon are slim to none. If we can run the first 10 minutes or so the early congestion will have sorted itself a bit.

For the rest of the loop we stuck to 2 minutes running and 1 minute walking except for the hill past the strid – we walked up that which took longer than a minute and when we got to the steepest hill we finished our run 30 seconds early and walked. I did however also take a walk out on the hilly bit and ran the last 9 minutes without walk break. We did the 45 minutes at a 13.07 minutes per mile pace which is just about the fastest we’ve done that loop. Pace wasn’t important though. I enjoyed the run. I enjoyed the clarity of mind I had during and immediately after the run.

The clarity didn’t last long at all but while I was running I felt like my brain was functioning as it should. I got a tiny little step closer to making sense of some things – just a tiny little step in a very long way but it’s a start. Now it’s about regaining that clarity on every run and trying to hang onto it for longer. It’s about building the mental strength I need not only to complete the marathon but to get myself back to a point where I no longer need my sofa to be my safe space!

Physically building strength is going better than mentally. I could definitly feel the 17 miles in my legs but after 10 minutes or so I settled in and pushed on and I was quite surprised  how well I had recovered from Monday. I am definitly stronger than I was even a few months ago.

So another 45 minute run tomorrow, then a 9 mile walk on Saturday and a 20 mile run/walk on Sunday. One foot in front of the other both physically and mentally