Yesterday was a rest day on the training plan. No running, no clarity, no headspace… Yesterday was a funny day and in many ways a day of two halves. I felt ok-ish in the morning. Worrying a lot about not being at work and all the stuff that therefore will never get done but I felt relatively calm. Then I went out for lunch with a friend I hadn’t seen for ages and it was good to have a catch up even though neither of us was firing on all cylinders. It was lovely to be out and lovely to see my friend. Then I got home and was exhausted, totally exhausted and drained and tearful and crappy. I retreated to the sofa for the rest of the day – literally.

Today my body feels rested and ready to run – no effects from the long walk left at all. My calf muscle is normal and any little aches I had Sunday are now definitly gone. Kath’s knee is still creaky so if I am going to do the 45 minute run today it will have to be by myself. Hm. I’ve only just had breakfast so I will have to wait a while before going anyway. Here’s what’s going on in my brain:

1. I need to do a 45 minute run today – the plan says
2. I want to run today – it will be good for my head
3. I am already panicked about the marathon, missing a run will make that worse
4. I should be panicked about the marathon, I can’t do a marathon
5. I don’t think I can even run 45 minutes
6. So I best not go because then I’d find out that I can’t run 45 minutes and then the marathon really is out of the question
7. So if I just stay on the sofa we can all pretend that I might be able to do the marathon
8. But then I definitly won’t make it round the course in January and then everyone will think ‘I knew she couldn’t do it’
9. I’ll say ‘I knew I couldn’t do it’
10. But I want to say ‘I didn’t think I could do it BUT I DID’
11. So run your 45 minute run then you stupid woman
12. Yes
13. BUT
14. No but – the plan says 45 minutes
15. It’ll be good for my head
16. Missing a run will make me worry more about the marathon
17. I should be worrying about the marathon
18. ..

This may take a while to resolve. I’ll let you know if I make it out the door.