Forgetting Friday

After the giddy excitement of the last two days I suppose the come down was inevitable. Today I can barely make it off the sofa. I didn’t sleep well and this morning had a telephone appointment with the mental health service for a therapy assessment – turned out not to be a big deal and I am now on a waiting list for a stress management /anxiety course in the new year.

After that I was going to go for a run but the weather turned nasty so I didn’t. It’s gone down hill from there. I’ve felt rubbish about not being at work and all the stuff I’m not doing; I’ve been worrying about our sheep, I’ve been worrying about the travel for the trip, weather, delays… I have felt totally incompetent in pretty much everything.

Then I started worrying about the running, then about weight. I started the day quite healthily with muesli but then we had pizza and salad for lunch and then I was still hungry or bored or whatever and had a piece of quiche that was left, then I was still hungry and had a porridge bar… Then I worried about all of that and decided that the marathon was an utterly stupid idea anyway.

I picked up the last issue of Runner’s World to try and snap out of it but it is full of ‘proper runners’ and a marathon plan which just made me cry because it is so different from the one we’ve been following and it doesn’t look like anything I could do (neither does ours though, so…). I thought maybe looking at the Disney stuff would snap me out of it. I grabbed our folder (yeah, I know, we have a folder, how very me) and retreated to the sofa. It didn’t do the trick. I just started worrying about the dining reservations and wether we’d made the right call for pre and post race food, I started panicking about currency and wether we’ve ordered the right amount and when it will come; about what I’ve forgotten and what on earth I am going to take on our trip. Oh and actually, forget the trip because I shouldn’t be going, I should be, oh I don’t know but I shouldn’t be running a marathon.

So let’s just forget about today. Let’s just accept it for what it is. I’m obviously just worrying today – so let’s make today a worrying sort of day, watch crap TV, eat whatever and just start again tomorrow.

6 thoughts on “Forgetting Friday

  1. oh 😦 yes I empathise with the worry worry worry. You did the right thing in drawing a line and moving on. You will be fine. You will do it. And at one point, you’ll start work, and it’ll feel like you’ve never been away! So until then, accept that you’re not that. Accept that you need to be away for a while. Worrying about it won’t change that (easy to say….). And hope today has been better 🙂

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    • (I obviously meant “accept you’re not THERE” (not “not that”!). Just to add that I’ve felt that guit about work every time I’ve gone on maternity leave. Sometimes you just can’t work. For whatever reason… Give yourself a break and get back there when you’re ready…)

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      • Thank you Niki. Yeserday was much better and today is going ok too so far. Heading out for a run in a bit. It’s the last sort of serious running week (although already tapered) and after that it is all just 45 mins or 5 milers (It tickles me that I now think of 5 miles as ‘just’ or ‘only’). Thank you for taking the time to comment – it helps x

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  2. Thank you Amy and sorry G suffers from depression. Hope he’s doing ok. And no, writing isn’t being brave, it’s just me trying to make sense of it all. Doing it in a public forum just means that I get the benefit of comments and support And because I know others might read it, it forces me to think through what I am writing which somehow helps the process. I’m really pleased to hear it helps you, that’s great.

    As for Disney, yes, passports are fine and ESTA done. (Which I knew but I still went and checked) xx

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  3. Can I just say, I think you are very brave to write about all this stuff. Gideon suffers from a lot of the same problems (stress/anxiety/depression – he is currently also off work for a period because of a bad spell of depression) I don’t feel I can write about it (probably because it’s him – not me – going through it) but I really appreciate your writing, because it helps me to understand the daily ups’ and down’s associated with depression, and the fact that it is a ‘one day at a time’ situation. Thank you for helping me understand that, because it helps me be more compassionate in the way I react to him – it helps me understand I guess (as he’s perhaps not as articulate in his struggles as you are).

    So yeah… it’s a sucky day – but at-least you recognise that – and you recognise that not every day will be like this, and that’s definitely a healthy way of seeing things I feel!

    The only thing with regards to Disney worries I would say is check your passports are in date and don’t forget your ESTA’s. Anything else if forgotten can easily be got out there if needed!

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