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Inadvertent speed session

Jess GuthLeave a comment

I haven’t felt like blogging about running because, well just because. I’ve been plodding along doing my 45 minute maintenance runs and just getting on with it but it feels like a huge effort. I just want to go and do the bloody marathon now. Someone put me at the start line and I promise I won’t stop moving forward until someone hands me a medal, a beer and food – not necessarily in that order. Cheer me up by sponsoring me?

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This morning was a bit of a fail. I got up and fell into my running gear. I read a silly mantra somewhere about running first thing before your body knows what’s happening – well that was me this morning. The plan was to run to the sheep, feed them etc and then continue and do 45 minutes. We got to the sheep and then I had a little panic attack over nothing at all. We walked home and I sulked, had pan au chocolat for breakfast and sulked some more. Then I thought about the run. We had got to the sheep in under 10 minutes per mile pace. That is insanely fast for us. It didn’t feel that fast though. So I decided to be positive and put this morning’s run down to an inadvertent speed session.

But it played on my mind. I can’t mentally cope with any run fails this close to the marathon. I need to keep positive and I need to keep convincing myself that I can do it. I knew I needed to go out again to take some stuff to mum’s…an idea formed and after a bit more sulking and reading loads of posts in a Facebook Group I joined I snapped out of it. I hadn’t got changed from the morning so I grabbed the backpack, filled it with empty tupperware boxes, a christmas card, some cash, my bus pass and some stuff I’d printed for mum and set off. It was hard. Really hard. I felt puffed from the start. I looked at the Garmin and saw that I was running at a silly pace ‘Slow down you maniac!’. The conversation in my head went something like this over the next 16 minutes:

‘You need to slow down, you can’t run 5 miles at this pace’

‘Haha -you can’t run 5 miles’

‘Yes I can’

‘But NOT AT THIS PACE’

‘Slow down you idiot’

‘What bit of slow down is too complicated for you, just go slower’

‘SLOW DOWN’

‘Oh shit I’m dying here’

‘I told you to slow down’

I hit 18 minutes and walked for a minute, then ran the next 2, then walked 1, then ran 3, then walked 1 and was then going to run 4 but a minute into that run just decided to keep going until the 3 miles beep came. Every time I set off running again I told myself to go slow. I walked for a minute when I hit three miles and then set off again ‘Go SLOW you stupid cow’. I walked for 90 seconds when I hit 4miles and set off again ‘Go Slow, just go… oh F-it just go at whatever idiotic pace you want’. I got to 5 miles. I had done it in just over 58 minutes – a faster pace than the pace I did all running the other day.

I was absolutely shattered, even more of a sweaty mess than usual and it took much longer for my heartrate to come down again. The walks had been slower than normal and the runs faster. But I just couldn’t make myself run slower. I walked the half mile to mum’s and had just about recovered enough to speak when I got there.

Now if only I was preparing for a 10km run – I reckon I could have done another 1.2 miles at the pace I was at and that would mean a new personal best by more than a minute. As for a marathon, having speedy legs really isn’t going to help.

Forgetting Friday

Jess Guth6 Comments

After the giddy excitement of the last two days I suppose the come down was inevitable. Today I can barely make it off the sofa. I didn’t sleep well and this morning had a telephone appointment with the mental health service for a therapy assessment – turned out not to be a big deal and I am now on a waiting list for a stress management /anxiety course in the new year.

After that I was going to go for a run but the weather turned nasty so I didn’t. It’s gone down hill from there. I’ve felt rubbish about not being at work and all the stuff I’m not doing; I’ve been worrying about our sheep, I’ve been worrying about the travel for the trip, weather, delays… I have felt totally incompetent in pretty much everything.

Then I started worrying about the running, then about weight. I started the day quite healthily with muesli but then we had pizza and salad for lunch and then I was still hungry or bored or whatever and had a piece of quiche that was left, then I was still hungry and had a porridge bar… Then I worried about all of that and decided that the marathon was an utterly stupid idea anyway.

I picked up the last issue of Runner’s World to try and snap out of it but it is full of ‘proper runners’ and a marathon plan which just made me cry because it is so different from the one we’ve been following and it doesn’t look like anything I could do (neither does ours though, so…). I thought maybe looking at the Disney stuff would snap me out of it. I grabbed our folder (yeah, I know, we have a folder, how very me) and retreated to the sofa. It didn’t do the trick. I just started worrying about the dining reservations and wether we’d made the right call for pre and post race food, I started panicking about currency and wether we’ve ordered the right amount and when it will come; about what I’ve forgotten and what on earth I am going to take on our trip. Oh and actually, forget the trip because I shouldn’t be going, I should be, oh I don’t know but I shouldn’t be running a marathon.

So let’s just forget about today. Let’s just accept it for what it is. I’m obviously just worrying today – so let’s make today a worrying sort of day, watch crap TV, eat whatever and just start again tomorrow.

The Official Race stuff

Jess Guth

First a quick sponsorship update – we are over half way on our JustGiving site and have a couple of pledges offline. Thank you! You can donate by clicking here.

I mentioned in my last post that the race guide has been released and the corral info is now also available so I was a little bit (ok, a lot) excited. It felt like the first day in weeks that  was not somehow dulled by the fog of depression. I ended up having a pretty good day with a 6 mile run and doing some useful stuff like sorting out expenses claims that have been lying around for ages. I was going to do more but I ran out of ‘brave’ pretty quickly – still, progress.

Anyway, the race guide etc:

When I ran the half marathon all I really wanted to do was make sure I didn’t have to start right at the back for this marathon. And look at this, I am in corral J based on the the half marathon time I set at the end of September. So so pleased with this

Corrals

The event guide is 36 A 4 pages… I keep picking it up every now and again and sometimes I giggle with excitement and sometimes I just wimper.

Mickey event guide
Snapshot from the cover of the event guide

The guide contains all the info we’ll need, like start times, recommended arrival time, transport options… It’s all there. Here are some of my highlights, scary things and ‘oh my goodness’ moments

  1. The Marathon starts at 5.30am, transport starts at 3am
  2. The Cool Down Party starts at 2pm – I will just about have finished the marathon!
  3. We have to pick up race packets at the expo and the floor plan for that looks insane. Kath will have to get one of those toddler leads for me so I don’t accidentally wander off!
  4. The Pasta in the Park Party we’re going to on the Thursday before includes a viewing of the Illuminations: Reflections of Earth at Epcot from a reserved viewing area. I probably knew that when we booked but had forgotten
  5. They say there will be clocks at every mile marker – nothing like keeping the pressure on!
  6. 19 water stations, 5 food stops (bananas, Clif products and candy at 22.5 miles), sponges at mile 17.1.
  7. The Course. Oh the course. Of course there are long stretches along the road etc but basically we go from the Epcot parking lot to and through the Magic Kingdom, to and through the Animal Kingdom, to the ESPN Wide World of Sports Complex and on to Hollywood Studios and finally to the finish in Epcot. If I can do a marathon then it will be here. Course map below.
  8. Disney bans selfie-sticks. That makes me very happy
  9. There will be photographers everywhere on course – so there will be evidence of this total and utter madness.Course map.jpg

So reading all this has given me a bit of a final boost. Body and mind have been pushed quite hard over the last few weeks and now there is only one long run left before we do this for real. I am more excited than petrified – but it’s a fine line!

 

Possibly entering panic mode

Jess Guth6 Comments

I didn’t sleep well – so be warned.

During the night I managed to convince myself that things went all wrong yesterday. We didn’t run the 23 miles, we only got out for a short loop. I huffed and puffed my way round that and it wasn’t even that fast. 26.2 miles – what was I thinking.

I had chocolate cake mid morning and a take-away curry in the evening with a bottle of beer. I am behind on the training, not losing weight and struggling even with the little bit of running I’m doing… I am very much in ‘I can’t do this’ mode. In fact every little bit of me is screaming at me to just go hide under the duvet until the 11th January when it will all be over.

Add to that the running anxiety dreams that started a little while ago. I have 3 that repeat and I had all three last night in my fits and starts of sleep. The first is me running our home loop and as I get to the slope that goes from the little wood to the golf course I slip, fall and break my leg. I’m going to have to refuse to go that way.

The second is that I get my days muddled and turn up at the startline a day late. The third is the worst. I start and within the first mile everyone – even those starting way back, have overtaken me. I keep going and all the way along spectators are telling me I should have stayed at home and not bothered etc. Then I can see the finish line and with just about 5 steps to go I get pulled and told they’d waited far too long already and had to close the course and when I ask if I can just finish and get the medal I’m told that for such a pathetic attempt there are no medals.

Feeling rubbish – hope you have a better Monday

I did and now I don’t

Jess Guth3 Comments

I managed to get out and do my 45 minute run. I did it step by step, getting dressed in running gear, telling myself I could just go as far as the sheep and that I could walk lots if I wanted to… I set off. I said in the blog post early today that my body felt rested and ready to run – hm. I think someone came along and stole my legs and replaced them with lead. I felt so heavy and sluggish but I just kept plodding. I ran the loop I showed you the other day. I had turn round a bit before the usual point at the bridge because there was a sheepdog without a human and I’m scared of dogs. Other than that it was non-eventful. I took a walk break about half way to take my jacket off and then took the next one as well because I just couldn’t get going again. Other than that I ran the entire 45 minutes and ended up doing 3.85 miles with a pace of 11.42 minutes per mile. Then I crawled up the hill. Did I enjoy it? Nope, but I am glad I got it done.

Not long after I got back we had back to back deliveries. The first was for Kath and she disappeared upstairs with it. While she was doing whatever she was doing another parcel came. A lovely hamper  (from Keelham Farm) sent to me by my work colleagues with a note telling me to ‘sit down, have a brew and relax’. They sent flowers yesterday, too – feeling completely overwhelmed. It’s just as well I got the run in before the parcels arrived because Kath appeared with a gift wrapped book – the Illustrated Herdwick Shepherd – so that’s me – I will be on the sofa stuffing my face and reading for the foreseeable future!